1000 Miles In 10 Seconds
by Ladya C. Maxine
Summary: Sequel to 'Our First Noel'. Ray survived the Christmas holiday from hell in Japan. Now living with Kai in Russia, he must face the consequences. Chaos is just the beginning... KaixRay, BryanxTala yaoi. COMPLETED
1. Welcome Back To My Life

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: Sequel to 'Our First Noel'. Ray survived the Christmas holiday from hell in Japan. Now living with Kai in Russia, can he survive everyday life in a country he knows nothing of...? One thing's certain. Fate is not done with him yet. A Kai/Ray yaoi fic with Bryan/Tala on the side.

Warnings: yaoi, language

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used period. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: What? You seriously expected me to just leave it at that? Obviously, a lot of you didn't, but I felt like taunting you all so I didn't mention anything at the end of Our First Noel. So this is the follow-up. It won't be as long as Our First Noel, though I have said that in the past with surprising results. Like the title? I had another one but this one just popped up out of nowhere and refused to leave me so I was forced to change it.

Off we go!

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**1000 Miles In 10 Seconds**

by Ladya C. Maxine

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"This country is too confusing."

"…"

"This language is too confusing."

"…"

"I'm confused!"

"…"

"It isn't funny, Kai."

"Hn," he begs to differ, still smirking.

Frowning, I burry my nose in my book once more, trying to find some sort of similarities between Russian letters and English letters that will facilitate me in learning this confusing language that is spoken predominantly in this confusing country. I bought this supposedly handy-dandy learners' guide to the Russian language off the internet. Was it worth it? Let's just say that I now know even less than I did before.

"So, the Russian 'Y' is a 'U' in English and the funny looking N-like thing is a 'P'."

This would be a lot easier if _someone_ would help me out but Kai is having too much of a laugh at my expense as he watches on, sitting back with one leg crossed over the other as he drinks his coffee.

"The normal looking 'B' is actually a 'V', and the wonky 'B' is actually a…oh, that's also a 'B'. Stop laughing."

"I'm not."

"Well then, stop smirking."

That only makes him smirk more as he raises a brow.

"Come on, Kai. Some expertise would be much appreciated."

"You can't learn an entire new language, its phonetics and grammar, from a seventy-two page book. If you're that dead-set on learning Russian then go to the university."

University? One of those dreary places where you have to sit in large lecture halls with boring professors and actually study? I think not. By neko-jin standards I finished my education last year during the tag-team championships. I'm done studying. I may not be as intellectually advance as those who attended what people in the modern world call high schools, but I can easily live a normal life without knowing advance algebra. In other words: screw university.

Putting down the book with a resigned sigh, I pick up my hot chocolate and proceed to simply look down from our vantage point up here on the second floor on the street below. It's nice and warm in here, but outside is teeming with heavy coats, gloves, shawls, scarves and ear muffs. The television promised a lot of snow for the weekend and the skies are thick with clouds. It has been raining on and off all morning.

It was one of those showers that drove us off the streets and into this conveniently situated café. Do know that there aren't any Starbucks cafés in Russia, but this one, whose I cannot repeat though Kai has read it out for me a few times, is popular amongst city goers, and the service is good. I have yet to develop a liking for coffee so I ordered hot cocoa with whip cream and caramel. Actually, Kai chose it for me since it took me ten minutes just to decipher the first word on the front of the menu. I was so sure that it read 'caffeinated', but Kai says that it's the café's address.

While waiting for our orders I decided to try my luck and practice my Russian on Kai. For me it was a learning experience; for him it was dinner and a movie, figuratively speaking since it's only something past 12.

And that's where you came in. It's been a while, hasn't it? It doesn't feel like it, though. Why, it feels like only a few days have passed since Kai and I got into that cab that drove us away from Tyson's home back in Japan. Believe it or not, almost six weeks have gone by since then. Today's Thursday, February the 1st. Just another day in my new life with my former captain-now-turned-boyfriend, Kai.

Ignore him laughing at my honest attempt to learn his native language; he's a great guy. An awesome guy. A totally-out-of-this world perfect guy. Hell, he's the god of all that is sexy, starting with physical faultlessness and ending with cool collectiveness, with a lot of studliness in the middle.

He's most likely right about me needing to attend a university to learn basic Russian; he knows pretty much everything that I don't, which, as I've discovered, is a lot. He's had home-schooling and Russia's top tutors at his calling, and still does, and he is going to study in two years once he's done his secondary education, which he is passing with flying colours.

As we all know, he's one of the best bladers in the world. Arguably _the_ best. Personally, though I do acknowledge that Tyson is a stronger competitor than myself, and though he has beaten him on a couple of occasions, Tyson isn't better than Kai in the beydish. His first victory three years ago was by pure luck and his second may have been brought on by honest effort, but when one compares the general beyblade knowledge, experience and skills between the two of them Kai is clearly superior. He doesn't need Kenny explaining everything to and planning all his attacks for him.

So, all in all, I've got myself one damn fine man.

And, as you may also recall, that has lost me my entire family as well as my friends and hometown. Disappointed? Kinda, even though I expected as much. Luckily, being with Kai does make up for my loss. I've lost more than a hundred old friends/family, but the one person I can now attach myself to understands me better than all of them combined. No hiding of feelings or being too afraid to disclose anything. I can always talk to Kai when I need to and he listens.

I've even told him what I consider to be my most shameful fault: I suffer from_ major_ arachnophobia. Not a good thing when one lived in a village where glass windows have yet to be discovered and nature is literally creeping through the walls. In return for this honour, Kai willingly told me his biggest secret (after I begged and pleaded for several hours); he hates clowns. I'm sure he means that he's afraid of them, but Kai Hiwatari doesn't admit to being afraid of anything so he insists that he hates them so much that he can't even be around them.

"What time do we have to be there?" I ask, putting down my cup.

"One," he answers, still staring outside.

When he continues to do so I lightly run my foot up the inside of his lower leg. He kicks me gently, but I persist, smiling teasingly. He finally gives in.

"What is it?"

"Have you considered _it_?"

He sighs and meets my eyes calculatingly.

"I still have two weeks."

"Just curious," I mumble, taking another sip. "I just don't understand why not…"

"I can't understand why your so eager. Well, I can, but you were the one who said that sex wasn't important to you."

"A sex-only relationship," I correct. Resting my chin in my palm, I stare despondently outside. "But we're together now and we have been living together for more than a month and we even share the same bed and still…You were all for a one-night stand back in Japan and now you're hesitant. I just don't get it."

"Exactly. If it had been just some fling then I could have put it behind me once it was over. Now, however, it means something. It's supposed to mean something."

"It will," I assure, looking into his dark red eyes. "I'll admit that when we first met I just wanted to make out with you for lust's sake. But over the years…It has changed into really wanting to share something special with you and now I finally have the chance…"

"Two weeks," he repeats. "I'll have an answer by then."

You guessed it: end of discussion.

Yes, it will be February the 14th in two weeks and, being the devoted romantic that I am, I want to mark my first Valentine's Day with my first crush and boyfriend with the consummation, if you may, of our relationship. To my fellow simpletons: I want Kai to make red hot monkey sex to me on the most romantic day of the year. We've done some brow raising foreplay in bed, but I want to go all the way. Strangely, Kai's not that willing to meet me halfway on this one. He isn't as hormone horny as myself, but judging from the way he's reacted to my advances I know that he isn't about to go all saintly on me and abstain from having a healthy sex life. I am glad that he has fully embraced the fact that he indeed wants me as a boyfriend instead of simply a friend, but now he's caught up on my proposal. But since I am the one who set this sort of deadline I am obligated to give him more time to mull it over.

Still, despite the lack of sex, I have nothing to complain about. For now I can (easily) settle for heavy petting and his toe-curling kisses. Besides, he has given me so much more to live for outside of the bedroom. I've gone from a little hutch in the middle of No (gay)Man's land all the way to a multi-roomed mansion in the capitol of Russia. From fire and kindling to electricity and cell phones. From watching the wise men of the village chase after a leave in order to determine that it is indeed a windy day to professional weather people who are just one click of the remote control away. From hiding my sexual orientation to having tong-wrestling matches with Kai. From having to do my own laundry down by the river to having servants who will do my every bidding.

Yes, let's talk about our home.

Technically, it's Kai's house, which his grandfather bought for him, but as far as I'm concerned everything in it is also mine, including Kai. In that sense, I'm even wealthier than him. Not only do I share/own his property; I got him as well, whereas he's stuck with plain old me. What a life. I feel like Cinderella without the lame fairy godmother and talking mice. Damn Disney.

Anyways, from rags to riches. When I say that everything in it is also mine it's because Kai shares practically everything with me. He even has stuff that he has never used before that I have claimed as my own. Through this method I have acquired loads of things, including stereos, televisions, computers, beyblade equipment, clothing, a washing machine, a lot of books, four cell phones, a dirt bike, membership to a couple dozen clubs all over the world, a piece of land on some island in the Caribbean and my very own yacht! I can't sail it, but now it's _mine_. Everything, except the strip of land and the yacht, is stashed up in the huge attic since, like Kai, I don't need any of it; he buys me everything I need. I'd be a considered a gold digger if I didn't love this guy with every fibre in my body.

As you've noticed, all this wealth is overwhelming. My jaw had almost cracked the pavement when I saw the black limo that was waiting for us at the airport upon our arrival. I was but a millimetre away from needing extensive jaw surgery when we pulled up to what was to be my new home. Seven weeks down the road and I still haven't explored all the rooms. And how good is the staff there? They're like leprechauns: you know that they're there since meals are always ready on time and the place is kept spick and span, but you don't see them walking about.

"We have to get going," Kai announces, hailing the waiter with a nod of his head.

"Is it already time?" I bemoan, checking my shiny Swiss watch. A quarter to one. It will take us about ten minutes to reach our arranged checkpoint. "Oh goody."

"You're enthusiasm is contagious," he teases and pushes his chair back.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Only because you can't order a soda without me."

"Is _someone_ would help me out with the language I wouldn't have to depend on him all the time."

"We're going somewhere where you'll be able to communicate with the natives soon," he promises.

Family-business calls for him to make frequent trips to Japan, Europe and/or America and the next one is planned for mid-March in Florida and he has asked me to come with him. I responded by glomping him, which made my answer pretty clear.

"Besides," he continues, "I have arranged for a private professor, who will begin your Russian lessons at home once we're back from the U.S."

"…" I stare at him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I love you."

"Really now?"

"Uh-huh."

He snorts and holds up my coat for me. I accordingly turn and slip my arms into the sleeves and he pulls it shut. Leaning over my shoulder, he kisses the corner of my mouth. His arms tighten as he pulls me back against him.

"Love you too," he whispers in a solemn voice.

Purring softly, something I can now do in the open, and which drives him crazy in the bedroom, I lean back against him, feeling the exquisite sensation of being the only two persons on Earth.

The beautiful moment, though, is broken when someone says something. Opening my eyes, I find four older men, around late thirties, sitting further away at a table watching us with disapproving scowls. Since Kai and I have been speaking English the entire time they have mistaken us as foreigners. I cannot help feeling self-conscious and I step away from Kai, who has also heard them. He, however, can understand every word and from his steely glare I know that he does not like what he's hearing. The men are stunned when he retorts in brusque Russian. He doesn't say much, as is his typical way of dealing with strangers, but he gets the message across and the four turn away humbled, their shoulders hunched and their eyes fixed squarely on their drinks.

"Come."

I obediently follow him down the narrow stairs as he goes to the cashier for his credit card. I want to hug him for some measure of comfort, but down here it's a lot more crowded than upstairs and I don't want to draw any more attention so I patiently wait at an appropriate distance from Kai. As he puts his card away he turns and, finding me further than expected, he sighs. Kai doesn't care what others think of him, simply because he doesn't think much of others to begin with. Stuffing his wallet into his coat pocket, he takes me by my hand without reservations and we leave under the scrutiny of many eyes.

"Why accept your preference if you're too ashamed to face the consequences?" he asks, turning left once we are out in the street.

The sudden onslaught of cold air makes me instinctively move close his side. The reaction out here isn't as outraged as back inside the café since a lot of people are keeping close on the streets to preserve warmth.

"I'm not ashamed of being with you...I just don't know how things work here. I once heard years ago that a man was beaten to death in a nearby village when the others found out that he was gay. I used to be terrified that someone would find out about me and that I'd be killed too. It's something that's stuck with me since, I guess."

"Nothing will happen to you," Kai assures plainly. "Not as long as I have something to say and do about it."

"I'll hold you to that," I sigh. "Make sure to put that in my Valentine's card."

Our journey continues in silence.

We're in the heart of Moscow and the closely situated shops provide a continuous string of hearts and little cupids. Russia isn't as big a celebrator of Valentine's as other countries, but it's catching on. Roses are already being arranged and chocolates are in almost every display window. The most regular shoppers are school girls but the jewellery stores are making a lot of profit as husbands and boyfriends buy their lovers precious diamonds and gold and silver pieces.

Of course, with all this shopping there are a lot of people on the streets and, being one of Russia's hero bladers, Kai is often approached by people who want pictures or autographs. Some even remember me as the foreigner who defeated Bryan. You'd think that they'd hate me for that, but a lot of them show great admiration. Even better is that in Russia the fans are a lot more manageable and reserved than in other parts of the world. Kai says that it has to do with the manner in which kids are raised here; discipline and manners are taken very serious here. Screaming and carrying on is frowned upon. Most of those who approach us are usually too awestruck to take notice and wonder why we are together. I am surprised that the news hasn't already gotten wind of our liaison.

"There it is," Kai points out, tilting his head to the monument ahead of us where the street spills out into a large plain of red bricks and fountains. Shoppers use it as a landmark to know where they are. We use it as our standard meeting spot. "Looks like we're not early after all."

Enter the proverbial pebble in one's shoes. In this case it's a jagged rock lodged painfully in my shoes, cutting deeply through flesh and bones.

I managed to get rid of a lot of burdens back in Japan by moving in with Kai here in Russia. Alas, there's one thing I have foolishly underestimated. Two things, actually, who we are now approaching. I instinctively hug Kai closer, as is also part of our pre-arrangement. We usually spend an hour the night before these gatherings planning out our every move. My every move, really, since Kai doesn't have anything to worry about. Feeling me move in, he accordingly loops an arm around my waist. People are staring but it's worth it considering what will happen to me if I neglect the standard safety issue. Being caught out in the open alone, even if but a couple of feet from Kai, by these two is a dubious fate.

Yes, I am talking about the diabolical duo who go by the mortal names of Tala and Bryan.

You're all probably dying to know how things are going for them. If I recall correctly you last saw them back in Japan leaving/sneaking out of the dojo during the Christmas feast after almost sucking each other's face off in what had to be the most heat-driven make-out session that dojo has ever experienced. Be prepared to be scared/fascinated/surprised by the mysterious love(?)lives of my boyfriend's best friends.

First of all, their blow out during the Christmas holiday was just one of the twenty or so they have every month. There are different levels to look out for, as Kai has taught me. Those two quarrel on a daily basis over the most mundane things: Who hogged who's side of the bed? Who spends too much time in the bathroom? Who used/lost/broke something that belonged to the other? Who started it first? Etc. In this stage, Level 1,they will snap and shout at one another and may come to heavy shoving.

Taking this up a notch, we get Level 2, in which they snap more frequently at one another and shout even louder. Fists sometimes come into play, but more often than not Tala will throw random objects at anything that moves, though he mainly aims for Bryan, and I must say he has one wicked pitch. This is Tala's special level, really. Generally, it's Level 1 that has gone on too long without intervention on Kai's behalf, and in which Tala, when faced with the prospect of losing the argument, refuses to let Bryan anywhere near him as a form of cruel punishment.

This leads to the level I fear the most: Level 3. It goes without saying that this is Bryan's terrain. Level 3 arguments are brought on by the aforementioned Level 2, only now Bryan's actively involved in the shouting/hitting matches because he hates being deprived of the one thing he wants the most, namely Tala. Sometimes Tala calms down soon enough to prevent bringing on the horror that is Level 3, but so far I've witnessed 5 different occasions in which he denied Bryan any form of bodily contact. I get a bit cranky when I haven't kissed or touched Kai for more than an hour; Bryan becomes a threat to humanity when he is denied booty.

If a total stranger had walked up to me two weeks ago and told me that Bryan Kuznetsov sulks when he doesn't get some I'd have laughed in their face and then forcibly have them institutionalized.

First of all, Bryan doesn't sulk. Sulking is a passive, _non-destructive_ reaction to not getting what one wants, in which one will resort to glum silence with a stern pout.

Second, Bryan has never shown much interest in something normal like sexual urges...right? Wrong. Dead wrong. Bryan gets pissed when he cannot lay so much as a finger on the redhead. Bryan gets _destructive_ when he cannot lay so much as a finger on the redhead. **_Very_** destructive. And he doesn't care if the property he damages isn't even his.

Take for example their routine when they come over to our house. I have yet to see either of them enter quietly. Tala usually storms in, followed by Bryan, the both of them condemning the other to very unpleasant places. Bryan tries to get to Tala, Tala chucks something (uncannily always picking up the most expensive thing within arm's reach) and when Bryan dodges it he uses the distraction to stomp upstairs and lock himself in one of the many rooms where he remains for a day or so. Bryan hangs around like some vulture, grumbling and cursing and striking out at our furniture and other artefacts. He took a few swings at me the first time they pulled this off in my presence, but Kai almost dislocated his lower arm in warning. My guardian.

But that's not even the weirdest aspect of their relationship. They fight, verbally and physically, and hardly ever agree on anything. Sane people would see this as a sign that things are just not meant to be. Key word there is _sane_. Whether it takes hours, days or weeks (as has been the case in the past), Tala always returns to Bryan and Bryan always waits on him. They come together, they leave together. Considering how scarily protective Bryan is I was under the impression that they were engaged in some twisted case of master/slave.

That thought was shot down during my sixth or seventh day here when it quickly became clear to me that Tala is the one in control of the proverbial reins. I have stumbled across them during their rare bouts of peace and from what I've seen it's obvious that when it comes to the physicality of their relationship, Bryan is the dominant one. However, the one who decides when fun time can commence and when it ends is Tala. Meaning that, statistically, Tala holds power over Bryan. And judging from my brief near seven weeks here I can positively say that Tala is one mean dictator.

Living in a high rise apartment flat not too far from our home, a well-kept and respectful establishment, means that they can drop by at any moment, but it also means that we can go over to them as well. I prefer to avoid the building all together by walking several blocks around it on my way home, but neither had been home on one particular occasion and Kai needed something he had left there since before Christmas. Having a copy of the keys to the apartment, he can enter it at any time. I tagged along since I was curious at the state of their place, considering the damage they inflict upon ours.

Despite their destructive visits, their apartment is kept in good condition with only the basics when it comes to furniture. I had expected a lot less, to be honest. Like some secluded cave on the outskirts of the forest, or a big cage in an alley.

I'm guessing that the reason why they keep their home clutter free is because: (a) neither are into Martha Stewart's interior home decorating, (b) things that are light enough to be lifted and thrown don't last long around Tala so they don't even bother buying any, or (c) Bryan has forbidden it. That last one probably led to a Level 3 outburst and Tala probably ran next door to grab something to hit him with, but I can only speculate. It's one vicious cycle, both literally and abstractedly.

Of course, there's another side to those two. When they aren't making Jerry Springer blush with their language and fights they can be very sweet together. I don't have front-row seats to this since they are a lot more secretive about it, but as mentioned above, I have encountered them during intervals. Some times I fled the scene blushing like a tomato, but 2 out of the 5 times I am left wondering if there's some strange force at work here. Like the time I came across them peacefully asleep on the couch in (one of) our living room(s). They had been caught up in a heated argument an hour earlier, but having made up they had settled down for a well-earned, and much needed, nap. Bryan had been asleep on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes to block out the afternoon sun. Tala had been sleeping on his stomach between Bryan's legs, his cheek resting on the falcon's chest.

I would have aw-ed, but if they had woken up and caught me staring I wouldn't be alive right now to tell you of this precious moment. On the most rarest of days they will show affection to each other when in our presence. No eternal vows or cootchie-wootchie snuggles; they'll simply stand closer than usual or Bryan will keep an arm around Tala and the redhead will allow him to keep his arm intact. It's the small things that counts.

However, while I prefer them when they aren't fighting, their temporary peace accord isn't always spent on some quality together time. When they aren't fighting or making out or actually behaving like a normal couple, they like to participate in the one thing they _both_ like other than fighting and sex: Giving me good enough reasons to not stray too far from Kai. They're _really_ good at that.

It took them around a week to figure out that, as Kai's love interest, I am no longer theirs to vent out their seemingly endless anger on. Kai has made it clear that I am not to be touched by either under any circumstance for two simple reasons: because I am his and because he doesn't like sharing me. Alright, so he didn't say that out loud, but the general message was that seeing as we are together they have to behave, at least out of respect for him.

However, Kai, despite me idolization, isn't a miracle worker. He may order them to not harm me personally, but even he can't get them to like me. They have resorted to lots of rather creative measures. In the beginning, Tala preferred to act like I wasn't even there when we were together, or he purposefully refused to speak English, though we all know he's fluent in it. Bryan, not really one for mind games, simply intimidated me whenever he could. Kai interfered sometimes when they got too carried away, but I told him that I don't want him defending me against his friends, mainly because I know that this is simply in their nature and nothing anyone can ever say will make them change their ways, and because I don't want to give any of them the impression that I can't stand up for myself.

So I simply weathered it out. And guess what? It worked!

Instead of ignoring or threatening me, they now challenge me. They go jogging with Kai for 10 miles three times a week. I used to stay in bed until he returned since I am not a lover of dawn, or any time before ten a.m.. Tala was the first to issue the challenge to me to join them. He did so knowing full well that they have an advantage because of their strenuous training back in the Abbey. Running 10 miles is a mere warm-up for them, not to mention that all three of them seem to require no more than five hours of sleep every night.

Not to be outdone, despite the odds, I had agreed, much to Kai's surprise and pride. I've got good endurance due to my own (martial arts) training. My main problem was getting out of bed before sunrise. It took Kai many prods and a few kisses, but that morning all four of us took to the off-road trail that runs through a large wooded area within walking distance from the train station. And though I was panting by the time we reached our final checkpoint, whereas they weren't even breathing heavily, I had been able to keep up with them during the entire run, thus proving myself capable of running with the big boys.

The next challenge was that I join them once a week, every week. The trails become more and more trying every week, but I'm still hanging in there. They'll come up with something else soon enough, but let them bring it on. If they think they can scare me off then they obviously do not know of the curse that is the stubbornness of the neko-jins.

Is it that they just don't like me, or because I'm with Kai? Both are most likely, though I'm inclined to lean more towards the first.

Them and Kai are still as close as ever and now that I have…soften Kai up a bit he can offer Tala a more sympathetic shoulder to cry on when those dreaded arguments arise. He's always been there for the redhead, but now he can express more sentiments and support. Not nearly enough to qualify him as a love counsellor, or even an average adviser, but I'm making progress here. His and Bryan's bond hasn't changed other than that previously mentioned incident in which he grabbed the falcon's arm when Bryan had made to inflict some form of pain upon me. That's nothing new, though, since he has had to restrain the pale teen on numerous occasions.

Don't make Tala out to be the victim of domestic abuse, though. He may be slender and he may specialize in air strikes with household objects, but he has given Bryan a couple of black eyes and a busted lip in the brief time I've been here. Now that I think about it, while capable of taking out the entire Russian army while in Level 3, Bryan never hurts Tala as badly as one would expect. Some light bruises, but compared to what the redhead inflicts upon him, and their difference in height and strength, Bryan usually ends up with the most wounds.

Coming back to why they won't leave me alone. I believe that to them it doesn't really matter if I'm with Kai or not. What they don't seem to like is the fact that I'm just _here_. My terribly annoying habit of being alive seems to grate on their nerves.

"I can take you home first," Kai now offers as we draw near to them. The three of them basically hang out in town during these meetings and since Tala and Bryan only speak Russian (on purpose) Kai knows that I'll be blocked out of the majority of the conversation. "We're only going to the Red Square."

I look over at the two.

Tala's standing with his back to us, talking to Bryan, who sees us first and straightens from where he is leaning against the monument. His light grey eyes grace me with The Look. He's wearing a parka unlike the one he brought with him to Japan. This one is thicker and black with grey fur lining the neck and hood, which he never puts on. Another favourite sartorial choice of his in his homeland are his heavy combat boots that can dent walls when he kicks them, which he sometimes does when their lovers' squabbles reach Level 3.

His shift in attention alerts the redhead and Tala looks over his shoulder, his startling blue eyes even more noticeable above the pure white jacket with same colour fur. It's shorter that the one he wore during their Christmas stay, the hem reaching just below his knees. His moccasins are also a Moscow-only wardrobe preference. The most noticeable difference, though, is that Tala sometimes wears his flaming red hair in a short ponytail, leaving the trademark twin strands loose while the rest is gathered back. It changes his appearance drastically, yet it also suits him better.

I don't know why he does it, since he also leaves his hair unbound a lot of the time, but there are a lot of things I don't get about them, though I am slowly learning. For example, the looks they are now giving me as we reach them make it clear that they are already up to something.

"It's fine," I turn down Kai's offer. "It's not like they ever say anything of importance, so I don't mind missing out on the conversation."

Tala kisses his teeth in dismissal. Bryan looks like he wants to test Kai's tolerance by taking a swipe at me. I don't flinch. I'm _this_ close to wetting myself, but my face is determined as I pointedly entwine my fingers with Kai's. He smirks at my reply and I feel smug satisfaction.

What a strange group we are. His friends hate my guts; I want them to lighten up towards me, but I will not beg for their friendship; and Kai's the one who has to mediate between our two camps, keeping me out of harm's way but still being their friend. At least the two of them are on mutual grounds...for now. It won't last long, so we'd better get through this outing now before the tides turn and Tala begins threatening Bryan's primal satisfaction.

Welcome back to my life.

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Tbc…

A/N: You guys wanted the sequel? You got it. No way in hell was I going to leave Ray and Kai's relationship at that. And Tala and Bryan are just too delectable to leave alone. Yeah, Valentine's over, but since when has late updates stopped me? What's the storyline here other than it leading up to the Day of Loooove? You'll see…

Let's get ready to rrrrrumble!

Read & Review, please.


	2. Of Religion And Relatives

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used period. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

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* * *

Ugh, mornings are evil.

Pure, unrestrained, unconquerably evil. How can something so cruel be allowed to take place on a daily basis? Sure, if it weren't for mornings we wouldn't have the distinction between night and day to begin with and one wouldn't be any wiser…but that's a lame excuse. I do like daytime. I mean, as a none-nocturnal creature I am most active during the day, though I've been physically active at night for the past seven weeks, if you know what I mean. Worst of all, mornings are inevitable. Let me correct myself, waking up is inevitable. Be it morning or afternoon. Kai respects the fact that I do not share his waking schedule, but he never lets me sleep in any later than 10 a.m. So I hate mornings, not afternoons.

Based on this ramble, it should be obvious that I am experiencing another hated awakening. I take 'Dawn of the Dead' to another level. I'm telling you, the title doesn't hold a candle to me as far as daybreak horror is concerned; I sometimes scare myself when I look in a mirror after getting out of bed. Kai's godliness is set in stone; not even my morning appearance can faze him. _I_'d run for the hills if I ever woke up next to something like me. Buddha bless him.

Mornings…Hate mornings…

I _so_ don't want to get up. There's only one thing that can get me out of bed, and he's not here. Since today isn't Russian marathon day he must be somewhere downstairs, probably eating breakfast. It's the only meal of the day that we don't always share. Mainly my fault, though Kai could just put his skills to use and coax me out of bed, but seeing as we do pretty much everything else together we don't make too big a deal out of it. My first meal of the day is usually lunch really. I think I've only gotten worse since coming here. Back home in China it was a social duty to break my fast with the entire family. With the Bladebreakers I had to sacrifice my laziness in order to set a good example for Tyson. Obviously, my selflessness had no impact on him. What a waste. Luckily, here in Russia I am free to do what I want!

At least, when inside the house. As Kai put it yesterday, I cannot even say 'hello' in proper Russian. Coming to think of it, I don't even know the translation for 'hello'. I can say 'yes' (da), 'no' (nyet, or something like that) and 'zhopa', and that pretty much sums up my Russian vocabulary. I (inadvertently) learned all three words from Tala, who has a preference for the last two. He hardly agrees with anyone, so he only says 'da' when agreeing to disagree on something, but ninety percent of his dialogue with Bryan consists of 'zhopa' and 'nyet', depending on what level they're in. 'Nyet's are very prominent in Level 3's. Bryan must hate that word with a passion.

Now back to mornings.

Which I hate.

A lot.

Might as well get this over with. The longer I try to delay it, the more painful it becomes.

Slowly opening one eye, I am fascinated by the blurred world. Commence focusing. This is done best by having a focus point. Another ritual of mine. Instinctively, I turn to my left and fix my eyes on Kai's pillow. I don't think I've ever woken up to see him there. Kai considers waking up after seven a.m. as just plain lazy and undisciplined. My tardiness amuses and confuses him to no end. It's not my fault, coming to think of it. One, Kai keeps me up till late at night doing all kinds of things to me after we've retired to the bedroom; I'm the one who instigates it, but Kai always rises to the challenge (no pun intended). Second, this bed is to _die_ for. Seriously, I'd defend it with my life. The body-conforming mattress, the fluffy pillows, the silky sheets, the heavy but cosy blanket; this bed induces wet dreams, not to mention almost coma-like sleep. After all, gods love comfort, no?

Alright, I am beginning to make out the patterns on Kai's pillowcase so my sight is improving, along with my awareness. The bed set is one basic colour (blue) but the edges of the sheets and pillowcases are decorated with white vines.

Tracing the curling leaves, I come across something different. Some more focusing is needed before I can come to the conclusion…that this thing does not belong to, or is part of, the pillowcase.

I told you: mornings aren't good to me.

Let's try again.

Focusing…Thinking…Alright, it's square in shape…no, a rectangle. Looks like it's leaning against the pillow. Kinda shiny…very thin…

This is getting to complicated. Screw it. I'd rather go back to sleep.

Alas, I'm halfway through identifying this thing; might as well get it over with. Having soundly analyzed the form, I check out the design, since its surface is pretty colourful. One thing in particular catches my eye, even if it's half-shut in sleep. Neon green in colour, it is pretty small and is but a fraction of the overall picture. My mind is slowly but surely beginning to turn. I should know what this is…

…2 minutes pass.

Picture? Ah! I'm looking at a photo. Good job. It doesn't have any business being in my bed, but I'm more interested in why its here instead of the fact that it simply is. Did Kai leave it for me to find? Is it a picture of him, meant to make my waking experience more pleasant…?

As if. Kai's not that sappy or perverted.

Besides, the person doesn't look like…Kai…uh…Wait…

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!**"

I hit the floor screaming, the sheets having tangled themselves around my legs. Never have I gotten out of bed so quickly at one go. I must have just broken my own record. And my tail bone. Still, that's nothing compared to the agonizing burn on my retina. No matter how much I rub my eyes I cannot get it, or the image, away. Where's a fork when you need one? Someone get me a medic, preferably an eye surgeon! It hurstsss!

Well fine, so maybe I'm overreacting a bit here.

Pulling myself together, I peek over the edge of the mattress. The photo is still there, slightly tilted to one side since my floor dive jostled it a bit. The image taunts me. Daring me to stare directly at it. That tiny sliver of neon green? It's a swimming trunk. No, worse. _Speedos_. If that isn't bad enough, guess who's modelling it?

"Hiro," I growl.

No, it's not Hiro on the photo, but I just know that he's the one who sent it. It wouldn't have been nowhere near as scary if it had been Hiro proudly posing in this illegal get up. But who else would have, and send me, a photo of Papa G in this bright colour swimwear, wearing nothing else? Is…Is it a G-string? Egads! Old men in tight, revealing garments (or lack thereof) have got to be high on the parental censorship committee's list. I repeat, my eyessss!

"Finally up?"

Kai closes the door behind him. Watching me where I am still on the floor, he raises a brow. I'm not fooled by the nonchalant expression. That photo did not fall out of the sky and land so strategically placed before my eyes. Drinking in the sight of Kai wearing loose pyjama bottoms and a black t-shirt, I can feel the burn lessening. Looking at him is like therapy for the mind and soul, though I am going to be in need of some serious counselling after this incident.

"Did you have to leave _that_ there?" I ask, pointing with a shaky finger at the photo, still perched high and mighty on the bed.

"No."

Just no. No explanations. No apologies. No fair.

"Where did you get it?"

"Came in the mail this morning with a letter from Granger," he answers, pulling me to my feet. "That photo was specially addressed to you."

"How considerate," I grumble, nuzzling his neck and sighing.

He tilts my head back to give me my first morning kiss. It's his way of rewarding me for getting up, depending on how late that is. The later I embrace the start of the day, the briefer my morning kisses. I once, by some freak force of nature, woke up at six. We were both breathless by the time Kai was done rewarding me. So, mornings _do_ have their advantages…

"What are we going to do today?" I ask, not letting him go. I can feel Papa G's cheesy grin mocking the back of my head.

Hiro, be prepared for an onslaught of hate mails.

"Not much. We're having guest for lunch tomorrow, though."

"Guest?" I repeat, leaning back. "Since when do those two qualify as guest? They invite themselves over and they practically live here fifty percent of the time."

"Not Tala and Bryan," he dismisses, unlacing my arms from around his waist. I follow him to one of the doors on his side of the bedroom. They are the gateway to his walk-in closet, which is really another huge room. He stares in with a guarded expression. "My grandfather."

Having wrapped my arms around him once more, my chin resting contently on his shoulder, my wide yawn turns into a series of hacks. Luckily, I'm of a sound enough mind to turn away before I damage his hearing. Thumping my chest, I grab the closest bed post for support. Another reason to hate mornings: bad news is always its worst when it is delivered early in the day, because then it just ruins your_ entire_ day.

"Your grandfather? Voltaire?" I wince at his very name, even though I'm the one who said it. "Is something wrong? Did you two fight? Does it have something to do with Biovolt? Does he want you to use Black Dranzer again? Do you have to go back to the Abbey?"

While I go on to list a number of theories, Kai calmly picks out his attire for the day. From his choice it's obvious that he's going out. Probably to get a few things for the upcoming visit, like a shotgun or arsenic. By the time he emerges from the closet I have somehow convinced myself that Voltaire is planning on kidnapping him using an apache helicopter. Finally looking up from his folded clothes, and noticing my expression, he raises a brow.

"Are you done?"

Not really, but obviously you have something to say that will be a hell of a lot more sensible than my rambling.

I nod.

"It's just mandatory. He always comes once a month but he got caught up last month."

"So, it's just his way of checking up on you or something?"

He makes a 'kinda/kinda not' gesture.

"Mostly business and legal things, as well as planning my future as heir."

This brings up one vital question in my mind.

"Does he know about us?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I haven't spoken with him in three months."

"But you spoke with him today, didn't you? Why didn't you tell him?"

He pauses, in the process of removing his pants. Watching him change is usually one of the highlights of my day, but for once something more important has come up. Whenever Kai pauses in anything he does it's not a good thing.

"He's not an easy person to discuss such matters over the phone with."

"Kai," I argue, "isn't this alternative worse? He's going to show up unprepared and see me here. What's he going to say? What's he going to do?"

"That's my problem," he says, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull off his pants.

"Does he at least know that you're gay?"

"No."

"Cripes…" I sigh, burying my head in my hands.

Kai doesn't seem to share my concern, if that contemptuous, but sexy, smirk is any indication. He gets a real kick out of going against his grandfather's wishes any way he can. He's quite rebellious, my boyfriend. He's the type who'd buy something in a no-refund store and then return it a day later and demand his money back, just to tick them off. He's never _done _anything like that, but he's the type who would. I, on the other hand, am but human and can experience pain and distress so things like this do plague me.

"Will he take it alright in person?"

"Again, my problem to deal with," Kai repeats, pulling up his dark denim jeans. Seeing my worried countenance, he adds, "He is a very difficult man and I'm not expecting him to be in the least bit understandable. Just let me handle him the same way I've always have. Whatever he says, you're here because I want you to be. He has no saying in that."

"Okay," I whisper.

I have to admit that I am a bit scared. I don't know Voltaire. I haven't seen him for more than 2 years now and my first impression of him is not one on which I'd like to base our future relationship, but I have no choice. The man's a…a…meanie. There's no other way to describe him. Sure, he's finally figured out that taking over the world went out about seven decades ago, and that there are many legal ways to beat down and control others through his business empire, but that does not change his nature, which is grumpy, old fashion and tyrannical. I pray every night that Kai will not grow up to be like him. I still don't know anything about his father, but Kai clearly has inherited some of his traits from Voltaire: his determination, cynicism, low-tolerance for foolishness, distrust and 'hatred' towards clowns. Strange heritage, ain't it?

"Breakfast is waiting for you downstairs," Kai says, fully dressed. He kisses me quickly. "I'm going out later."

"I'll come with you," I say automatically.

I always go out with him when he has to run into town for something. Even if it's for boring corporate work or just to pick up something in a store; I spend as much time around him as possible. The only two times we are not always together is during breakfast and when he's with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (a.k.a. Tala and Bryan).

I want to hold him forever, but Kai actually _has_ a life that calls on him. Giving me a final kiss, he leaves, closing the door behind him soundly. Sinking back onto the bed, I stare at my trembling fingers.

I hate meeting new people. Voltaire isn't a new face (just an ugly one) but I know next to nothing about him other than what Kai has told me, and, in turn, Voltaire knows nothing about me. I'm just one of those pesky kids who ruined his take-over-the-world scheme a couple years back. I don't think that he even knows, or cares for, my name. I'm expected to make a good presentation tomorrow, by both myself and Kai. How am I ever going to pull off a presentable appearance if I don't even want to make a _personal_ appearance?

Say he doesn't blow a gasket or shoot us both dead where we stand; what will Voltaire think about our relationship? What will he think about me? Is he going to interrogate me to see if I am worthy of his grandson? Worthy of living off of the Hiwatari fortune and sharing the Hiwatari estate with his only other kin and heir?

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I should be more worried about whether he'll_ accept_ me despite me and Kai sharing the same gender. It wouldn't be so bad if he knew that Kai's gay, but this is going to be a double slap to the face. And while he might shout at Kai and accuse him of being unfaithful to their regal bloodline, I shudder to think what he'll say or do to me. Kai's his heir (as it appears that Kai's father and Voltaire aren't on the best of terms). Voltaire won't risk bringing any harm upon him. Me? I'm a disposable village boy without a village. I'm doomed, aren't I?

No, I can't think like that!

Kai won't let anything happen to me. He keeps Bryan at bay. _Bryan_. A semi-sane elder beyond his glory years can't possibly be more dangerous than a clinically psychotic teen in his prime. Voltaire can rant and rave all he wants, but the only person who is going to be walking out the front doors at the end of the day is him. I have nothing to worry about. It won't be pretty and I'm expecting some harsh words and derogatory names, but it's only one visit, for a couple of hours. I've survived having Tala and Bryan loitering about for days on end; one disgruntled old fart is not going to scare me away.

Considerably cheered, I stand and begin the tedious process that it making myself presentable. Choosing and changing my clothes take less than five minutes, but my hair consumes up to an hour of my time. First I have to untangle it gently with my fingers, then comb it, then brush it, then wrap it. My arms get quite a workout going through the routine, but having been doing this for years it all comes naturally so I prefer to spend the time thinking while my hands do the work. Most of the time, I gripe and grumble about how Kai doesn't have to go through this lengthy procedure. One swipe of his fingers through his hair and he's ready for front-page and magazine cover worthy photos. Per-Fec-Tion.

Kai…

Why is he with me? Not that I'm still angsting over what Voltaire will think, but really,_ why_ has Kai chosen to be with me? What's so attractive about me? He loves me. He's told me that. What I don't know is whether or not he truly understands what love is. He's admitted in the past to being unfamiliar with it and how it feels. He does have feelings for me. I am more than a team mate or a friend, but…but what then? Does he see me as someone he appreciates, or as someone he just likes having around, or as someone who he feels like he has to care for, or as someone who he genuinely loves?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that he's stringing me along. But he's never experienced love in his entire life: his distant relationship with his parents; his strained and spiteful relationship with Voltaire; his dominated ex-relationship with Boris. The Bladebreakers were his team. He treated them (reasonably) well, but there has always been a rift between us and him, until I made the leap over to his side and he allowed me to stay.

Much to my resignation, the only other strong bond Kai has ever had, and still does, is between him and the Lovers Grimm. Mortal combat between Tala and Bryan happens everyday, but they hardly argue with Kai. Tala can be bitchy at times (_cough_) and Bryan does not like it that he cannot do whatever he wants when around Kai, but they never harbour any bad feelings towards him. They just send those hate waves in my direction, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here. Kai's past ties with others haven't been the most reliably healthy ones a guy can have.

A funny thing, I've just noticed, is that though we're an item, I do not consider Kai to be gay. Yeah, I mentioned it earlier, but the term 'gay' is meant for mortals; Kai must have some alien race millions of light years away worshipping statues of him. Tyson once proposed that Kai was asexual and I couldn't really argue with that, though I had gotten down on my knees that night and begged Buddha that it wasn't so. This guy can snap his fingers and he'd have the world's female population on their knees, along with the entire gay community, but he just never seemed interested. He didn't look at girls, he didn't look at guys, he didn't look at anyone. He's not attracted to me because I'm a guy. If we were to break up (Buddha forbid) he wouldn't go bar hopping for another pretty boy. It makes me feel terribly humbled and special. Kai's with me because I'm…me. Because I'm someone who has caught his attention and interest. He doesn't care whether I'm a guy or a girl. At least, that's the impression I get from him.

He looks at me a lot. Just looks, like he's studying my features, trying to learn more about me. I know he's curious. Though he's indifferent most of the time, the truth is that Kai Hiwatari is one inquisitive creature. It takes a while, but once he's onto something he doesn't stop until he knows everything about it. I tease him when I catch him staring and he'll brush it off or smirk and kiss me, but it might be because he himself is wondering what to make of it all: our relationship…me.

_Why_ am I being so introspective so early in the morning?

Kai loves me. I love Kai. We both love each other very, very, very, very much, regardless of what the true definition of love is. Voltaire can drop dead for all I care. Tala and Bryan aren't scheduled for another blow-out for the next couple of hours. Those are the facts and I am just fine with leaving them at that. So maybe I should go back to sleep--

"Mother fu--!"

I forgot about that photo. It's even scarier at second glance.

Picking it up between two fingers gingerly, I toss it over onto the floor on Kai's side of the bed. He brought it in here; he'll be the one to dispose of it. I'm curious as to what Hiro has to say in his letter. This is the second letter we've gotten from him. Kai really couldn't care less if Hiro fell off the face of the earth, though he'd be much pleased if he dragged Brooklyn down with him as he fell, but I like to keep track of everyone's life back (or is it ahead?) in Japan.

I wrote them a general letter once I had settled in here just to apologize to the team for my sudden departure and to assure them that I was alright. Kai gave me permission to send them the manor's number so they called us in response. It felt good hearing their voices again, especially since I had been afraid that they'd be uncomfortable with the idea that they were talking to a guy who could have been scoping them out in the past. I think that my major clash with Lee and Mariah actually helped; having witnessed first hand how I have been shunned by my childhood friends and possibly my home, the guys felt more sympathy for me and want to prove that they are better than that. What really blew them away, though, was that I'm now with Kai. Kai, who Tyson believed was asexual, is with someone? And another guy at that? Tyson admits that he still finds it too weird to fully understand, but things are cool between us all the same.

I'm glad he's okay with it because he's going to get an even bigger surprise when his big brother announces his relationship with Brooklyn. From their letters I can tell that, despite needing to keep things under wraps, they are doing fine. Bruce is once again travelling on archaeological expeditions, but Hiro has decided to stay put for a while and is living with Tyson and Papa G in the dojo. Thank Buddha, I say. With him there those two may still have a chance to learn how to be normal human beings.

Brooklyn's living with Garland, who is stinking rich with a mansion in the country as well as an apartment in the city. Tyson is often out with the others; Papa G spends a lot of time teaching younger kids; Garland is now training to be a professional kick boxer. This gives Hiro and Brooklyn plenty of alone time. I have received pictures of the two of them, along with Her Royal Majesty Isabella Teresa, who Brooklyn has groomed into a massive wad of fluff, over the internet and they are just glowing. I actually want to be there the day they tell the others. I'll even drag Kai along to support them. After all, they supported me during the Christmas heydays.

Something soft tickles my ankle and meows

"There you are," I smile, picking up the little fuzz ball that was my Christmas present from Kai, and is my most cherished possession he has ever given me: Tiger. "Guess you spent the morning with Kai while I slept, huh?"

He has grown a lot in the past seven weeks and can now jump up on pretty high places and climb drapes. I'm sure he gives the servants headaches with the mess he makes of the place, but I haven't gotten any complaints yet. I do feel guilty about the now shattered priceless vase in the library, though. My saving grace is that since Kai's the one who bought him for me, he cannot complain about the damage this tiny thing can inflict. Besides, one of Tala's wayward projectiles accidentally knocked a crystal chandelier clean off the ceiling and onto the antique dinner table below a couple weeks back. Kai had to have the chandelier, table and carpet replaced for a small sum of nearly a thousands of dollars.

And that had been during a Level 2 tantrum. One of the upstairs bedroom has only recently been rebuilt after a massive Level 3 climax ended with a beyblade battle.

Tiger's just a playful creature; Tala and Bryan are just home wreckers, in the literal sense.

I put Tiger on my night table, where he curls up, and finish doing my hair. Finally satisfied, I pick some random, but designer, outfit and change. When I wake up in a good enough mood, which is a very seldom, I take a morning shower first before changing. I had the sleep scared out of me twice by an old goat in tight trunks; not the best way of waking up, so no shower for me. Besides, sharing showers with Kai is something this tiger does best.

I'm not horny; I'm just environmentally conscious. Do you know how much water we save by showering together?...Alright, not much. It takes us less than five minutes to actually shower, but kissing each other into a sweat while we leave the water running can go on for half an hour. So I use less water when I shower alone, but then it isn't nearly as much fun. Pleasure over priority, that's what I believe in. Let other people worry about the environment; I have one hot boyfriend to molest, er, love.

I hate mornings…but the rest of the day spent with Kai always makes up for that.

Time to get some breakfast.

* * *

Seeing as, for once, I'm waiting on Kai so that we can go to town together, I've got time so let me fill you in on something you (thankfully) missed out and then you can decide on whether or not Hiro's being insensitive. By the way, this has reference to the photo he sent of Papa G sporting a G-string, taken four or five years ago at a public pool. He wrote on the back of the photo that the senior was subsequently banned from all pools in the area and two mothers tried to sue him for insensitive exhibitionism. The reason why he sent it, other than for a cheap scare, is as a response to what I wrote him in my last letter concerning my own experience in bathing trunks here in Russia.

Less than a month ago, on January 19th to be exact, I experienced an epiphany. Not 'a sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something', but the real deal: The Epiphany, as in one of the most important Russian holidays. Hiro can laugh all he wants, but I'd love to see him go through it with as much dignity as I did. To be honest, I didn't leave a lasting impression on those who witnessed it. Scratch that, I did leave a lasting impression, but not a good one.

It haunted me for weeks. I was so embarrassed and my pride scuffed beyond repair. It was so bad I had been tempted to hop on the first plane to China and beg my parents to take me back. It was a horrible, horrible, horrible experience…

So it goes without saying that Tala and Bryan are to blame.

Let's go back, back, back to the beginning…Er, of this year anyway.

**_Cue flashback_**

"I'm coming too."

All three of them turn towards me, two already smirking, one doubtful.

"This isn't something you should get involved in," Kai says.

"If the three of you are going then why can't I?" I challenge.

He opens his mouth to tell me why but Tala, in a suspicious moment of sociability, cuts him off.

"This isn't something for outsiders," he says in English. "Just stay in bed and wait for your master like a good little kitten."

_(Interjection: I should have been suspicious of his challenging tone. I should have noticed the sly glance he and Bryan shared. I should have allowed Kai to explain what I was insisting on taking part in, because to be honest I didn't know what it was. But I was growing tired of being left out of their soirees. Somehow, through some cracked sixth sense, I'd managed to figure out that they were planning another excursion and I refused to be left behind. I was dead-set on coming along. I should have known better…) _

"You can't handle it anyway," Bryan add, sitting on the iron rail next to Tala.

"I can," I insist, still not to letting Kai get a word in. "What time?"

The two look at each other triumphantly, in their own sinister way.

" 0700," Tala answers.

"I'll be there."

And thus I seal my fate, selling my soul to the devil's pimps.

"Why did you do that?" Kai asks fifteen minutes later after we've left them making out in the corridor before their apartment door. "You don't even know what it is you've agreed to."

"Whatever it is, I'll do it," I say resolutely. "In fact, don't tell me what it is. I'll do it no matter what."

Kai sighs, mutters something in Russian and takes my hand as we walk home.

The next morning, at 6.30 a.m., which to me is basically midnight, Kai drags me out of bed and tells me to put on my swimming trunks under my clothes. So they had intended on going for a nice swim at the local health club without me, hadn't they? Tala must be hoping to hold me under water but I'm a strong swimmer so I'm not worried. Kai makes one last attempt to talk me out of coming but I simply toss him his coat and tell him to hurry up before we were late.

It is _bloody_ freezing outside. Something like minus 15 degrees Celsius. I had hoped that someone would drive us to our destination but Kai tells me that we aren't going far. Despite the cold the sky is clear and blue and there isn't much wind so I don't have a good enough reason to insist on a chauffeur so we're walking it. I am surprised to find that traffic isn't heavy, despite it being a weekday. The people we come across are unusually jolly. Not that Russians are sombre people, but when _every_ single pedestrian is smiling or laughing on what I perceive as an average day I am detecting that something's up. I think about going against my own resolution and asking Kai what is going on but stupidity wins out in the end.

We meet up with Tala and Bryan at what has to be the meeting point since the health club is nowhere in sight. There are a lot of people here, though. The two have been waiting on us a block away from the Moskva river and, wearing twin grins of sheer immorality, now lead the way towards the water, where there are even more people. It's around this time that I realize that I am in trouble. Deep trouble. Literally deep trouble. Because guess what this is all about?

Again, January the 19th (as I found out only _afterwards_, due to bad communication) is a holy day in Russia when they celebrate the baptism of Jesus Christ. My knowledge of Christianity can fill one line in a notebook, mainly that: Christians believe in God and His Son. Apparently, this is expressed by many prayers and rituals. One of which, which is very popular here in Russia, is hacking holes in the three feet thick ice covering rivers and lakes in the dead of winter, and submerging one's body in ice cold, near freezing water, for up to ten seconds to cleanse oneself in what is called, roughly translated, 'The Blessing of the Water', every January 19. Now, despite having been taught otherwise back home, I respect other religions. I know that many find my own religious upbringing weird, but, on the other hand, we should not judge what we do not fully understand. This isn't purely a Russian thing; Christians all around the world do it. So I understand where those living in, say the tropics are coming from. But Russian rivers in winter are liquid death traps! By tradition one must dip themselves in '_a_ body of water', according to Kai, my only guide to Christianity. Does it say in the Bible that you _have_ to risk your life in winter waters with temperatures that are hypothermia-guaranteed when you can just as well go to one of the indoor hot springs or swimming pool? I was considering converting to Christianity, since by neko-jin standards I am no longer considered a member of our village's religious sector, but I might wait a while longer before doing so.

Why am I even thinking about becoming a Christian? Let's face it, I grew up with a unique, secluded but strict religion that is practiced by only the people in my village. I am no longer a welcomed member there, mainly due to this same religion strongly condemning homosexuality, so why should I continue to follow it? The elders claim that we follow an ancient form of Buddhism, something I've always doubted since Buddhism _is _an ancient religion; but when you compare Buddhism to our religion the only similarity is that they both worship Buddha. The values and norms are completely different. I have been considering becoming a (real) Buddhist for years. Now that I'm with Kai, and because I want to put my past way, way behind me, I did some deep soul searching and felt that it would be the right to convert to Christianity. I'm still mulling over it.

I keep to my stories like a drunk driver keeps to his side of the road; back to my Epiphany experience.

Hundreds of Russians stripping to their underwear and swimming suits, dozens submerged up to their necks in biting cold water, my breath frosting from my already slightly blue lips, Kai giving me his told-you-so stare, Tala and Bryan looking like it's Christmas all over again; nothing good is going to come out of this. Kai is silently urging me not to join them as they move forward and begin to remove their outer layers of clothing. Common sense is telling me to heed his warning…but Tala has that goddamned irritating look of superiority on his pretty face as he and Bryan, both in nothing but their swimming shorts, shoot me taunting smirks and proceed to the edge of the carved opening. Undaunted despite some of their moaning fellow Russians, they slip smoothly into the dark waters. Whereas many people are gasping, shivering and turning ghastly pale, they don't even flinch. Show offs. I bet that they couldn't do it if it weren't for their training back in the abbey. Besides, who is Tala trying to impress? He's a freaking ice blader! Ice and cold is nothing to him; he can generate blizzards as an attack! Subzero air and artic waters go unregistered in his body. And Bryan does not register anything, mentally or physically, be it slowly freezing to death or bringing misery upon others.

They pull themselves out about twenty seconds later and get some blessings from a priest (or minister, or cleric; I am not familiar with the holy men of the Christian churches) before returning to us. They don't even have the decency to shiver once. Instead, they merely dry themselves off with the towels they've brought along and effortlessly get dressed, whereas others have lost all feelings in their fingers and hands or are shaking too badly to even put on their clothes. I am silent the entire time, my pride and my conscious doing fierce battling in my mind.

"Cold feet?" the redhead asks, now comfy cosy next to Bryan.

Kai shakes his head in exasperation but begins to undress along with me. Tala's derogatory tone has pushed me to the desire to prove him wrong and so, already hating myself when I feel the first slap of cold air as I remove my shirt, I join Kai.

"Kai?" I say softly as we walk towards the ominous surface of water. Walking bare footed through inches of snow is not something I've ever done before, nor do I ever want to do it again. Goosebumps spring up all over my exposed skin and my teeth are already chattering.

"Hn?"

"Is it a sin to participate in a religious ceremony when you aren't even a believer?"

"I'd be more worried about contracting gangrene if I were you."

"…"

**_End flashback_**

I'm not going to describe exactly what happened next in detail. In a nutshell: we got in, we stayed there for three seconds, I passed out after four seconds, and Kai had to carry me out. I am _so_ glad I was unconscious through it all. I wouldn't have been able to face Tala and Bryan's mocking smirks and leers, as well as the amused/worried/sympathetic looks from the people around us. The pain, shock and unbearable iciness of the water had made my brain practically shut down and sent my nervous system and muscles in a tizzy, according to the physician who treated me in the hospital afterwards. He used medical jargon to explain it to Kai, but what it all came down to was that I had been an idiot and pushed my body too far too soon into unknown territory. I had to spend the night in a hospital room. To my great relief, Kai stayed by my bedside the entire time and had his chauffeur pick us up the next morning. Once home Kai carried, yes carried (_dopey sigh_), me up to our bedroom, placed me in bed, firmly tucked me in and proceeded to stay put until I got better. The only good thing that came out of that experience was that Kai would lay behind me to keep me warm when the shivers returned.

Makes you want to run over here and steal him, doesn't it? Aww…Touch him and die.

"Let's go."

Speaking of my doting boyfriend, here he comes now. Though we spend all of our time together, besides during breakfast or on the days when I am in no mood to be in the company of his best friends/my worst enemies, Kai always seems to be busy. With what I have no idea. Family and work related, most likely. I once asked him about it. He began to explain it and I was forced to stop him because my head had begun to hurt from all the information, terms and calculations. I told you, I'm a simple neko-jin from a simple village where we use leaves to predict the weather and where the social structure of the Middle Ages still prevails. It took me days to figure out how to operate the DVD player here. It didn't help that the instructions were Russian Only.

"Kai, I'm thinking about switching to Christianity."

"Which denomination?" he asks, wrapping his trademark scarf around his neck.

"Denomination?" I parrot. Already this is sounding complicated.

"Catholicism, Protestantism, Eastern Orthodox…?"

"Um…Catholicism, I guess."

"You shouldn't just take a random guess and pick one."

"That's not the reason. You're catholic."

"Am not."

Say what? Have I been dating a heathen all this time? I might idolize him and treat him as a god, but surely he must believe that there _is_ a being of even greater power than him out there?

"I belong to the Eastern Orthodox, like the majority of Russia," he elaborates, handing me my gloves and pulling on his. "And why do you want to convert?"

"I'm no longer an accepted member in my religion," I remind dully, shrugging on my coat. "People like me should be wiped off the face of the earth, or at exiled to the deepest jungles, according to our belief back in the village. I'm not allowed to follow it anymore, actually. And…I feel strange without having something to believe in. People change religions all the time; it's challenging and scary, but I need some sort of guideline now."

He studies me in another one of his scrutinizing moments. Red eyes bore into mine and I shift, feeling like a toddler who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar or in trouble for saying a bad word. Is it that strange a choice? This isn't the first time I've notice how different we are due to our backgrounds and environment. Right now the only thing that matters to me is being with him, but sooner or later we both know that we will get snagged on complications because of our beliefs and sense of morals. Life is tough enough without being obstructed by a religious conviction that doesn't even acknowledge me because of my sexuality. I'm aware that homosexuality isn't welcomed with open arms in Christianity, but at least here in the western, modern world they don't burn 'sinners' at the stakes in the middle of the community or leave them tied up and helpless in the forest for wild animals to rip them from limb to limb.

"It's your decision to make," Kai finally states, ushering me towards the door. "However…"

"However?"

He smirks and gives me a small nip on my ear, making me jump in his arms as we stand in the open doorway, our car waiting for us right at the bottom of the stairs.

"If you do it you will be expected to participate in everything, including Epiphany, and not pass out."

I've said this before, I'll say it again: This guy is a freakin' psychic.

I pinch him.

"I know," I reply bravely. "But I did pretty well last time for a new coming, none-Christian."

"You didn't die," he acknowledges.

"That has got to count for something."

"Whatever."

Gripping his arm as I wait for him to close and lock the front door behind us, I let the subject drift into the background for now. I'm in no hurry to make the leap into a whole knew religion. Not to denote or disrespect Christianity in any way, but I have bigger, more urgent things to chew over, namely the much feared lunch visit from Voltaire, my unknowing and no doubt unwilling grandfather-in-law. I try to assure myself the same way I did this morning in the bedroom but hours have past since then, meaning that I'm now hours closer to facing him, and I can feel the inevitable bubbling of anxiety beginning to brew.

"So what are we going to do?" I ask in an effort to forget my nervousness.

"Don't know, actually."

"The point being…"

"Tala called me this morning."

"Fight?"

"Yeah."

"Level?"

"2. Will most likely develop into a Level 3 by late this afternoon."

"…You know, I've always wanted to visit the Winter Palace in Saint Petersburg. How about it?"

He scoffs at the suggestion as we near the shiny black Mercedes. Sighing, I resign myself to another afternoon brawl between a wolf, a falcon and many parts of our house. My day just keeps getting better and better…

"…We'll take the jet."

I smirk, unable to stop myself, and push him up against the car for a grateful kiss, which he returns passionately, clutching his scarf to prevent him from pulling away until I'm done. Dear Buddha (or God, should I make up my mind), I love him so much. Am I wrong to love him, just because he's also a male? Nothing and no one can convince me that our relationship is wrong. It cannot be. It's too pure and deep to be abnormal.

So then why do images of a disapproving face scowl at me? Voltaire's face…

I pull away. He gives me a puzzled look.

"I'm scared, Kai," I whisper, catching him off guard, "of what your grandfather will say."

Kai pauses…and does not answer.

And I know that, deep down, he's scared too.

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: You've noticed that this isn't as lighthearted as Our First Noel. This will remain a humor fic, but since I want to explore this incarnation of the KaixRay relationship unavoidable subjects and situation will come into play.

Note, this story is different from the others since this is the first time that I am not treating yaoi as if it's an everyday thing. In my other previous (and on-going) works the relationship between two male characters is readily accepted by the others. I purposefully did a 180 turn in this to give it a grounded reality despite the humour.

Chapter 3: Tala and Bryan reappear, but so will Voltaire…

Read & Review, please.


	3. Not His Cup Of Tea

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be touched. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: A lot of people wondered about the Epiphany in the last chapter. Believe it or not, I did not make up a single thing. It really happens. I first heard of it in January when it was in the news that, even though Russia was experiencing its coldest winter in decades (a bloody 40 Celsius below zero), people all over the country ventured outside to swim in the freezing waters! I totally respect that dedication. Me? HA! You can't even get me to attend church, let alone risk my life for my faith. God put me on earth to live and learn, not turn myself into a human popsicle!

* * *

I know something you don't know. In fact, I know a lot of things you don't know. You'd love to know all the things that I do know that you don't know that you'd love to know. But do you know what? I have _completely_ lost track of what I wanted to say so now we're both wishing that I knew what I know that you know you'd love to know…

"I don't think that coffee is good for me."

Kai, who has been watching my inner turmoil all this time, smirks and purposefully takes a sip of his freshly brewed mug. Remember me once mentioning that Kai drinks coffee like one engages in steamy erotica? Old habits never die. There's the sensuous touch of porcelain against his lips, the flexing of the throat, and sometimes, when the coffee is really good, his eyes close slightly. It takes a very special person to enjoy coffee with as much passion as he does. Me? Special? I'm plainer than plain fat-free, no-taste yogurt. So one does wonder why, in a spur of the random moment, I poured myself a cup of dark caffeine and took a big gulp. I somehow forgot that freshly brewed coffee has the nasty habit of still being piping hot, so I almost scorched my mouth, throat and stomach. The taste, on the other hand…was just as bad.

So, pray tell, Ray, what made you do something so dumb? Funny you should ask.

Today is the day after yesterday and yesterday was the day that Kai told me that his grandfather would be coming to visit the next day, which is now today. Let me dumb it down for you: Voltaire. Coming. Today. And, as you may recall, both Kai and myself are just ecstatic. It's not everyday that my boyfriend's domineering billionaire grandfather comes over to reassert his command over his youngest living kin, not expecting to be brought face to face with a past pest (myself), who happens to be his youngest living kin's boyfriend and lover, when he doesn't even know that his youngest living kin is gay. I'm telling you, this is going to be one lovely, cozy tea party. I should have baked some cookies and walked out onto a fictional field behind our house to milk some cows and then use the milk to churn homemade butter for our toasts.

"Sulking does not suit you."

I answer by sticking out my tongue and pouting even more. I told you, I'm in a strange mood, mostly brought on by my nervousness. In exactly half an hour we're going to have the dictator of the Hiwatari clan walk through our front door and then it will begin…

"You could just go out," Kai opts, studying me from a few feet away, leaning against the counter with one hand crossed and the other holding his mug. "I can have the chauffeur bring you into the city."

I look at him suspiciously.

"Are you trying to get me out of the house?"

He shrugs.

"If it'll make you more comfortable."

"It won't, Kai," I hiss, putting my mug down loudly. "Hiding me from your grandfather is not going to achieve anything. He'll find out sooner or later. You_ are_ going to tell him, aren't you? You are going to tell him about the two of us, and not hide me out of sight and lie to him to save face, are you? Are you ashamed of me?"

A sharp pinch in my side makes me yelp but before I can jump away his arms lock around me and pull me flush against his body, our chests touching, his red eyes staring down at me in a semi-insulted manner.

"Get a grip, Ray," he orders, soft but menacingly, staring down at me through light bangs. "I was only trying to make you feel better. If you want to stay and attend the lunch then do it. I do not plan to hide you or our relationship from my grandfather, got that?"

Making a miserable sound, I drop my head on his shoulder, my arms itching to hug him back but he has them pinned at my side. Kissing the side of his neck tenderly, I sigh.

"I'm just so nervous. What if he reacts like Lee and Mariah did? He's still your grandfather and guardian, Kai. He can still make decisions in your life. He can take you away from here or he can send me packing. Do you have even the slightest idea how he's going to react when you tell him about us?"

He loosens his grip enough to allow me to slide my arms up and around his neck before he embraces my waist. My head resting against his, I stare out of the corner of my eye at him. He's looking straight ahead in thought.

"He'll be disgusted."

Sometimes I wish Kai wasn't as blunt as he is. That is doing nothing to boost my confidence.

"How do you know?"

"Tala and Bryan. He can't even stand the sight of either of them."

"Kai…" I whimper. Well, almost whimper. All in all, it's a scared tone of voice.

"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?"

"…No."

Taking that as the closing statement in this case, he kisses me on the lips and pulls away. Taking his coffee with him, he leaves the kitchen, most likely going to make sure that everything is ready for the lunch. I'm inclined to trail after him like a lost kitten for the rest of the day, but despite his collected appearance Kai is really tense and having me hanging off him like a limpet will only make it harder for the both of us. So I'm on my own. What to do? What to do?

"Zhopa!"

That'll do. This should help me pass the time. Yes, that was Tala, who has just stormed by the doorway, making his way to any damn where he wants. Kai gives him free reign of the house. It's kinda unfair, really. Kai almost always sides with Tala. The redhead can get anyone, including myself if he'd allow it, to comfort him when he and Bryan nuke it out. Hmm, do I have enough time to get into this? Still 25 minutes left before D-gay, so take a seat.

Sure enough, we had returned last night to find the servants working full throttle in the parlor, which, despite their progress, looked like a drunk hurricane had blown through it. Duh, it had been Tala's doing. While I had taken shelter in our bedroom, Kai ventured deeper into the house to locate his wayward friend. He found him pacing upstairs in the attic, where he had also broken several items, including the washing machine and sound system I had stashed up there. I had begun to worry when over an hour had past without a sound, fearing that Tala might have done something to Kai, but my man finally returned, albeit exasperated. He had managed to get Tala out of the attic but up until now the redhead refuses to go home. Another strange factor is the fact that he had barged into our house alone, without Bryan on his heels. I, still too new to this strange dimension to know any better, had wondered if Tala had done something to the falcon back in their apartment before fleeing over here. Kai shot the idea down with The Raised Brow Look, but he did call Bryan, just to assure me that he was indeed still breathing. Not that I'm terribly close to him, but losing Bryan would mean having Tala around all the time and I am not about ready to share Kai and our house with that drama queen.

Speaking of drama, let me fill you in on what actually took place during their Christmas visit. As I've said before, most of their arguments start off as trivial and then steadily pick up pace as the situation degenerates downhill. Bryan simply gets angry or irritated, no matter what the cause. Tala, on the other hand, can swing both ways: he usually becomes destructive and forgets his proper religious upbringing by swearing to hell and back, but, and this is the part that scares me the most, he does cry at times. He's not the type who sits in front of the television with a box of Kleenex, sobbing his heart out and shouting at the soap opera actors on screen to not leave their wives for someone younger, but the guy actually does have a soft spot, namely Bryan. Unfortunately, Bryan is also his hotspot and brings out the worst in him. Tala brushes off the images of natural disaster victims and starving children in third world countries, but all Bryan has to do is forget his birthday and it's a day of national mourning as far as Tala's concerned.

Yes, that's the source of their hectic Christmas. Ironically, Tala's birthday is on the 20th of December. Think back and you'll remember that that was the day I first saw him and Bryan argue, after Hillary had burdened us with the Secret Santa fiasco. That is why Tala had been so peaceful and content that morning, dressed in all white, leaning against the wall and waiting for Bryan to congratulate him. Didn't happen. Bryan isn't one who cares about such things. Keep in mind that I do not personally know exactly what went down; Kai filled me in after I moved here to warn me of how volatile the two can be. Somehow, while everyone had begun choosing teams for the snowball fight, Tala had realized the horrible truth that his lover was unaware how special a day it was and so they had their first international blow out. He zhopa'ed Bryan, Bryan punched him, they parted ways. They made up briefly that night and together they went out the next day to buy the presents, but Tala was not going to let the matter drop and refueled the blaze all over again. By now it had grown into a Level 2 argument. Already teetering on the emotional edge, Tala plummeted into near breakdown when Bryan, as insensitive as ever, told him to stop bitching and expected him to go down on him.

All together now: What the f…!

I may be new to the whole serious-relationship thing, but we can all agree that that is one of the most inconsiderate things anyone can say to their lover.

And yes, he said that in a certain public restroom in a certain shopping centre where a certain neko-jin had been innocently shopping with a certain pink blowfish. Clearly, public decency is not on the falcon's moral duty list, which happens to be very short in its entirety. Tala almost castrated him after that request/demand, leaving him frustrated and officially bumping the quarrel up to Level 3. Bryan got pissed and left. Tala got emotional and stuck around. Kai got burdened with the both of them. And I just got confused. So where did Bryan go for those few precious days while the national guard had been dragging the rivers and using cadaver dogs in the woods? Back to his homeland…in Serbia! Can you believe it? Here I was thinking that this guy is the perfect specimen of the Russian race (excluding his mental issues) and he was born in a country I had never heard of before. Serbia! Not to be confused with Siberia. His parents died when he was around five and he was brought to Russia after Boris found him wandering the streets during a diplomatic trip to the state. Hence, he was raised as a Russian and even given a Russian surname. This does explain why he is prone to lapse into a language that not even Kai and Tala understand. While in Serbia Bryan did some soul searching, or his equivalent thereof, and came to the realization that he really, really, really loves Tala as more than just a daring lover and that he should be more understanding about the redhead's needs, which are more than just sex and arguing. So he came back and Tala made known just how much he appreciated being abandoned. Sometime, during leaving Kai and me in the park and me catching them making outside Kai's bedroom in the dojo, Bryan redeemed himself. They made up, they made out, the world returned to normal.

So you see, Tala can get very emotional about sensitive things, as long as it centers around him. Yeah, he's pretty selfish. This last fight started out as nothing more than a disagreement on whether or not their sex lives is active enough.

Should I…?

Ten more minutes left…

Gather around and listen up!

You've already concluded that Bryan is the dominant one as far as physicality is concerned. Here's a juicy, though also cute, bit of information: Bryan is overly protective of Tala. Not as in the creepy type who forbids his lover to go out on his own or who restricts phone calls, but when we go out with the four of us, and they aren't picking on me, Bryan spends his time scaring off anyone who dares to even look at Tala. I can't really blame him. It's strange, but unless half of Russia is gay, Tala's sexual prowess even affects straight men. And Bryan does not like that. Once, before I came into the picture, Kai had to pay one hundred thousand dollars bail money for Bryan after he had near ripped a guy apart for making a pass on Tala in a store. I'm sure it hadn't been a pretty sight but…Aaaaaaww! Now how adorable is that? Big bad Bryan being all jealous over his boyfriend? Kai thinks I'm crazy, but I just think it's sweet.

Anyway, so Bryan and Tala are almost always together, and have been so for three years, starting just before the championships when their team faced off against ours in the finals. It began as a convenience thing back in the Abbey. Bryan was going through a rough time since Boris was really pushing him to his wits end with all that training and brainwashing. Tala, also feeling the pressure as captain, not to mention being experimented on like a guinea pig, was fairing no better. One thing led to another (somehow) and they woke up one morning in Bryan's bed in each others' arms. Boris would have had their balls if he was to find out so they'd make out in secret as a way to cope with their routine in the abbey. It was supposed to be purely physical relief but it soon developed into an on-again/off-again relationship. It was only when Kai returned to the team that Bryan staked his claim, most likely not wanting to risk Kai stealing Tala away from him…

Aaaaww!

Sorry, I still get all bubbly when I think about it. Ever watched Finding Nemo? I can just picture Bryan grabbing Tala and running away with him and yelling 'Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!'. Seriously, I get such a giddy laugh out of the whole thing!

Damn, I've lost track of what the main topic was…Oh yeah, their sex life.

Bryan's the dominant one. Bryan's the possessive one. And, imaginable but still a bit weird, Bryan's the horny one. Can't blame him since he bagged himself Tala, who can be considered a walking wet dream by some, though I stand firm that Kai is still number one in my book…and bed. And neither are ashamed of it. Be it in their apartment, in our house or in public places, when the need becomes too great then a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do. In this case, Bryan does what he has to do, namely Tala. Not even the four separate charges of indecent public display of sexual behavior can curve their appetite. Who would have thought, huh? I'm hoping that whatever brought on this sexual craving in them has something to do with the air in the abbey and that Kai has also been exposed to it. Maybe his urge is just lying dormant, waiting for me to awaken it…I'll look into that later.

I have no idea how many times they do it on average per day, neither do I really want to know, but apparently it's not enough for Bryan. All I know is that yesterday he made the first move and Tala rejected him and this somehow led to him accusing the redhead of denying him of his rightful property. Cue freak out. First of all, Tala isn't his property, according to the redhead. Second, he was still sore from the night before, which makes me more than a bit envious. Third, Bryan doesn't care about his needs, again, according to Tala. Bryan denied the accusations, Tala called him heartless and flung Falborg out the bedroom window. Keep in mind that they live on the ninth floor. I think Bryan's been looking for his blade all this time. It doesn't help that there's a three foot layer of snow laying outside and fresh snow is falling every couple of hours. Having set Falborg free, Tala had grabbed his coat and boots and marched on over to our place and locked himself up in the attic while Kai and I had been enjoying the sites in St. Petersburg.

…Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Hahaha! I crease myself!

"I didn't know coffee was that entertaining."

"It's not that," I manage around my mirth. "Just thinking."

Kai, having returned, scrutinizes me closely before deciding that I am not losing it or drunk.

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about having Tala around when you're grandfather is due to arrive in five minutes?" I ask in turn, looking over his shoulder at the clock.

"He knows how to behave in such times," he replies, staring out the window, which gives a good view of the main driveway.

"So…is everything ready?"

"Yeah."

"…Are you sure he didn't cancel at the last minute?"

"Wishful thinking."

Moving to stand behind him, I hug his waist as I rest my cheek on his back. A hand grips mine on his stomach and offers me a comforting squeeze. I sigh and move my chin up onto his shoulder and gaze outside with him in silence.

"Kai?"

"Hn?"

"I love you."

"...Love you too. We'll be fine."

The ominous shape of a black limousine turns the corner at the far end of the drive, slowly steering its way up the curving lane, its tinted windows hiding those within. His hand tightens once more before he steps away, breaking the contact.

"We'll be fine," he repeats before he takes my hand and leads my reluctant being out of the kitchen, weaving our way through the sudden abundance of servants, who are frantically scampering about to finish the final touches.

The parlor is in pristine condition, not a trace of Tala's rampage evident. The eating hall where the lunch is scheduled to take place in has been polished to blinding brilliance and the long table is set and ready to receive us. Voltaire will be seated on one end of the table, which seats five people down its length, while Kai will have his usual place on the other, with me sitting on his right. Three of the higher ranking servants in the household maintenance hierarchy are standing alert by the front door. The butler, a man I know only as 'Excuse me, sir', is formally waiting at the door, ready to open it on time. All four bow towards Kai as we near. More out of protocol than will, Kai lets my hand go and takes a few steps forward, as is expected of him when welcoming his grandfather into the house. Now alone, I stuff my hands into my pockets but quickly take them out when one of the maids shoots me a disapproving look. Noticing how nervous I am, she discreetly indicates that I should stand tall with my hands at my side. Nice girl. I should ask her her name someday.

'Excuse me, sir', getting the go ahead from Kai, opens the door and announces the arriving party. It's all in Russian, but I'm not missing anything. I know that Voltaire, his son and Kai are the only remaining descendants of a once very powerful feudal clan whose power survived even the Tsar. So all this hubbub of an introduction is just meant to stress that fact, even though we all already know it. It's all got to do with formality and such crap. I still find it tedious. The only interesting thing I've learned from these introductions is that Hiwatari hasn't always been their family surname. Clearly, Hiwatari isn't Russian. Voltaire just adopted it and passed it on to his son, who in turned christened Kai with it as well. Hiwatari is actually the surname of Voltaire's late wife, who he actually did love. Yes, the old crooner was capable of affection. Sadly, his compassion died along with his beloved of fifty years and he's been a crabby prick ever since. Officially, his, and thus Kai's, hereditary surname is Vasilyevich. I just keep learning more and more as the days go by. I've learned more in my seven weeks than I have in my entire life back in the village. I prefer Hiwatari, though. Vasilyevich sounds a bit…dubious.

And there he is. Voltaire Vasilyevich Hiwatari. Dressed in all black and holding a silver adorned cane, even though he doesn't need it to walk. It's more of a status symbol. His long grey hair is tied back with a black ribbon. Blood red eyes, the same shade as Kai's, look around in an indifferent yet judging manner. Though they should be around the same age, his face is smoother than Papa G's and his built is still terribly imposing. Watching him, I know now that the Hiwatari (or rather, Vasilyevich) men are hereditarily well-built by nature. I haven't seen any photos of Kai's father yet, but when I do I should be able to get a pretty good idea of how Kai will age.

Kai steps forward, getting his grandfather's attention and formally nodding his head, greeting the senior in Russian. Voltaire, removing his thick cloak to reveal an all black business suit, answers curtly…

…And then he spots me. I almost suffocate as his eyes narrow and he turns to Kai with a displeased expression.

"You know I do not approve of you allowing riffraff to stay in this house," he says in English, purposefully clueing me in. Looks like he recognized me off the bat as one of Kai's (ex) team mates. "How many of these do you have here?"

These? Did you hear that, people? _These!_ Do I look like a 'these'? I'd slap him if I wasn't so damn petrified.

"He," Kai emphasizes, "is the only one staying. Grandfather, this is Ray Kon, one of my former team mates. Ray, this is my grandfather, Voltaire."

Yes, well…Hold on. One of your former team mates? Didn't we agree on something more along the line of 'my current lover'?

Kai notices my confusion but his eyes give me no room to argue. I trust him, though. He probably wants to ease the topic in, not toss it in the old man's face two minutes into the visit. Voltaire has picked up on something else, though.

"Former team mates?" He adopts a skeptical look and asks something in Russian.

"I have stepped down as captain," Kai answers, purposefully sticking to English to remind him to do so as well in my presence. "I've left the team for good."

"Looks like one decided to tag along."

"I invited him to stay," Kai insists with a look as dark as Voltaire's. "He is a welcomed member in this household."

The man scoffs.

"Considering your past choice of housemates I have little hope for this one," he sneers, clearly referring to Tala and Bryan. "And what is it you have to seek here in Russia, Kon?"

Uh oh. What to answer? Kai's still evading the matter of our relationship (much to my chagrin) but if anyone is going to break the news to the senior it has to be him. Time for some selective truth telling. It didn't work all that well on Hiro, so I'm hoping that Voltaire isn't as insightful as the older Granger brother.

"I have also left the Bladebreakers," I answer in a reasonably even voice. "I have also left my homeland. I wish to build a new life of my own. Kai offered me a place to stay to sort things out."

I doubt even Hiro could have found a fault in that.

Voltaire harrumphs.

"And how long will you be staying?"

"I cannot tell. Kai hasn't given me an ultimatum, sir."

Brownie points? Doubtful, but at least I sound polite.

Voltaire looks at me, then at Kai, then back at me. His eyes narrow, but he cannot pinpoint his suspicion. He is not pleased with my answers, but seeing as the last thing he's expecting is that Kai and I are a couple he's forced to accept them.

"Tell me more of your decision to finally quit that team," he tells Kai, indicating that it's time we get this lunch underway.

Kai nods and motions for his grandfather to walk with him. Passing me, though, he repeats the gesture. Voltaire looks ready to object, but changes his mind and decides to just ignore me for now and resumes talking to Kai in their native tongue, just to spite me.

Well, so far so good, I guess. Of course, the true challenge was never meeting the man; it's announcing our relationship. And if his contempt towards Tala and Bryan is any indication of how much he tolerates homosexuality I'll say that we are far from home free.

* * *

"You do know that it's over?"

I don't answer.

"That was nothing compared to what he's going to do to you."

Still sitting in my seat, my head resting in my palms, I remain silent despite the rarity of this conversation.

"I told Kai that it would never work."

Staring at my half-eaten salad and the light stain on the fine tablecloth made by my knocked over cup of tea, I bite my lower lip, trying to hold myself together. My companion is not helping.

"Kai will soon be all that remains of their bloodline. You cannot give their lineage a child who can carry on the name. You're not much use at all."

Finally stirring, I sit up, meeting the other straight in his ice blue eyes.

"Kai loves me, okay? And I love him. That's all that matters in a relationship. If Voltaire cannot accept it then that's his problem because we are happy together!"

Tala shrugs with little conviction, sipping his tea.

This scene is not one you expected to witness, is it?

In a way, I had, but it that's of little comfort, like the redhead who wandered in ten minutes ago. Having studied the remains of the elaborate lunch and the shattered porcelain on the ground, he had then calmly taken the seat opposite me. Picking up Kai's unused cup, he had poured himself some tea, which he is now sipping elegantly, watching me over the edge of the cup. Though his words are mainly true, he's only telling me this to rub in what he and Bryan have been saying since the beginning: I don't belong here.

I feel sick to my stomach as I uselessly dab at the stain with a napkin. My hands are shaking and I cannot decide whether I must cry or scream or do both. No, no screaming. This room has suffered through enough raised voices to last it for as long as it stands. The silence is mocking me now. Tala's soft voice barely causes a ripple in this still aftermath.

I don't think that I need to point out that lunch has been a disaster.

Almost twenty minutes into the lunch had passed with formal but easy talk between the two of them. They'd both sometimes lapse into Russian, but silent accord had voted English as the main language so I was able to follow most of it. Mostly business matters as well as Kai's decision to leave the team. And then…Then…

"_I attended a dinner not two weeks ago where I met the Leforts and their daughter, Nikita."_

"_The oil tycoons?"_

"_Indeed. They have shown great interest in going through with marriage plans."_

"_Indeed."_

"_The lady Nikita is a fine young woman. Very respectable breeding from both parents and an excellent education. I have scheduled a rendezvous with the five of us next week. The sooner your future is secure the better."_

"_You may choose them, but I am the one who decides."_

"_You will not encounter a more suitable fiancée, Kai. Unless, of course, women are not on your résumé…"_

He had known. He had known from the moment he had entered. One look at me and he had had the both of us figured out. Kai's inability, and refusal, to deny his claim was the breaking point.

Voltaire's wine glass had shattered on the table before the two of us, splattering our clothes with the dark liquid. I had jumped in my seat, knocking my teacup over. Kai, however, had calmly gotten to his feet, one arm held out before me as if to shield me from his grandfather, whose face had turned almost purple with rage, his red eyes bulging and his thin lips forming an ugly sneer on his darkened face.

And then the shouting commenced.

Voltaire initiated it and Kai answered in a steady but angered tone, until the man made a snide comment concerning me, referring to me as a 'trashy inbred Asian'. Kai snapped and the verbal battle escalated to unprecedented heights. I have never seen Kai that angry or vocal, cursing in English, Russian and a few other languages as Voltaire returned the favor. When Voltaire had hurled yet another dishware, this time aiming more towards me, Kai had gotten to his feet and snarled something. The man had dropped his knife, which he had been threatening to throw too, retorted and stormed out the room. Without a word of assurance, Kai had followed him, slamming the door behind him as he exited. I heard them continue their argument as they moved away. I don't even know if they are still in the house or not.

Shaken and confused, I had fallen back in my seat, only to be joined a few minutes later by Tala, who had been drawn here by the shouting. To him, this little conversation with me is both a way to take his mind off of Bryan and to live up to his reputation of not liking me. Now adding two lumps of sugar to his drink, he stirs it with a small spoon.

"You're deluding yourself," he states. "It doesn't matter if you love him or not. He has his duties that he has to fulfill. We know it. He knows it. For a Hiwatari, the family name comes before all else."

"He won't let anything come between us."

Tala gives me a pitiless look.

"He doesn't have a choice in the matter. He hates it, but he can only accept it. Face reality, Kon. Voltaire will not stand for this. He will do everything in his power to uphold the family honor. And when he does, Kai is going to be the one to suffer. All because of you."

I stare at him in disbelief. I know he's actually enjoying this, but he's also stating the truth. He knows better than me how things operate in Kai's life. He's seen and heard things Kai refuses to tell me. How could we have underestimated the graveness of the situation? How…?

Tala's indifferent countenance slips when footsteps approach. The door slams open once more, admitting Voltaire into the room. His disgust only deepens when he sees Tala sitting there. I am the one he had planned to address, but now with Tala present the malice shifts from me to him. The redhead gets to his feet as the man stalks over but we are both taken off guard when he is dealt a solid backhand, the force making him stumble a step back.

"You!" Voltaire sneers, grabbing a handful of red hair. "I hold you responsible for this! You whore!"

Worried, I stand, unsure what to do. Voltaire takes the choice away from me as he pins his outrage on me now, still holding Tala, who is emotionless but uncomfortable as his head is being roughly forced to one side.

"Your kind is destined to burn in the pits of hell. Until the time comes, I am going to make your lives a living hell."

Turning back to Tala, he growls something in Russian and I see the ivory skin pale drastically.

"Get out."

Kai has appeared, standing tall in the open doorway but his shirt is ruffled.

The man sneers and with a forceful shove he throws Tala down onto the floor where the teen remains, still dazed from whatever had been said to him.

"I will do what I want, Kai. You are tied to my bidding and there is little you can do to change that."

Something moves behind Kai, surprising even him, and steps into the room. For the first time ever I am nearly overjoyed to see this particular individual.

Bryan emotionlessly overlooks all three of us to focus on Tala, who has raised himself onto his elbows, his eyes downcast in lost thoughts. A shadows darkens the falcon's face and he turns cold eyes on the person standing over the redhead. I am so glad that I am on the other side of the table, and Voltaire is probably wishing that he was too. Bryan then notices Kai's less than presentable appearance and once again he targets an appropriately accusing glare at the old man, who, to my surprise, has backed away from Tala. At first I am confused as to why he isn't gifting Bryan with his anti-gay scowl. I then remember that this is _Bryan_, who, aside from being gay, is treacherously unhinged. Voltaire funded the Demolition Boys training; he knows what Bryan is capable of doing.

Sniffing, Voltaire straightens his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles in forced indifference.

"This matter is not over, Kai. You will be hearing from me soon," he says in businesslike voice.

Braving the wrath of the falcon, he passes Bryan and Kai, trying to glare down the latter but the phoenix defiantly returns the feelings. Again, I have been ignored for the most part. Honestly, I don't mind, for once.

None of us move or speak until we hear the front doors bang shut. When it does Bryan and Kai move simultaneously.

Kai walks over to me and I meet him halfway, shivering as I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest with a sigh. We both turn as Bryan pulls Tala to his feet. The redhead doesn't say a word as he allows himself to be checked for any injuries other than the light bruise marring his cheek. When Bryan is satisfied that no further physical harm has been inflicted he turns wordlessly to Kai, who reads his mind, their preferred way of communication, and nods. Gathering the listless wolf in his arms, Bryan carries him out of the room, heading for the stairs. Looks like they're going to be spending the night here. Watching him go, I cannot help but remember the Finding Nemo moment. It doesn't have as much humorous connotation after what has just happened, but it still brings a smile to my lips. They are a couple of lunatics…and somehow that just makes their affections for one another even more admirable.

"Welcome to the family," Kai sighs, letting me go to take a seat.

Sitting down on the chair next to him, the two of us facing each other, I worry my hands.

"We both knew that he wasn't going to take it well," I remind him, trying to lessen the tension. Leaning over to pat him on the shoulder, I jump when he flinches.

"Kai?"

"It's nothing."

Like I haven't heard that one before.

He stands but I'm faster. Reaching behind him, I lift the hem of his ruffled shirt, which has clearly been put back on in a hurry. Two dark marks form a morbid cross on his back and being well acquainted with his body I know that they weren't there earlier. The one I've unknowingly aggravated actually runs over his shoulder, indicating that it was made by a flexible object, like a belt…

"That son of a bitch!" I curse, biting my tongue in anger.

"That's the way he is. Deal with it," Kai brushes my outrage off, shrugging his shirt back down.

I shudder when I recall Tala's words earlier.

"He's really going to do everything he can to make you regret this, isn't he?"

"You'll be fine."

I freeze.

"We'll be fine," I correct but he doesn't acknowledge my words.

"This hasn't been the first time he's done this. I can handle it. You have to trust me."

"I trust you, Kai, but I love you even more!"

He looks away, staring down at the ruined lunch. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I cross my arms and catch sight of the servants nervously waiting at the door for us to leave so that they may commence cleaning up the mess. Kai's hand grabs mine when he also notices the crowd. I follow him out on of the other doors, knowing that he's bringing me back to the safety of our bedroom.

"What did he do to Tala?" Kai asks as we begin to climb the stairs.

"He blamed him for us and hit him. Then he said something, but I don't know what. It could have been a threat or something because it rattled Tala pretty bad."

His eyes narrow and I have an inkling that he knows what the mysterious message could be but he doesn't fill me in. The rest of the trip is made in silence until we're outside our bedroom door.

"I going to lie down," he concedes.

"I could use a break myself," I groan, suddenly feeling pretty worn down despite it being only something after midday.

Silently confirming out intentions, he's about to open the door when the _most_ retarded sound echoes through the hall.

"Change that ring tone," Kai sighs, watching as I pull my blinking cell phone from my pocket.

Sticking out my tongue in rebellion, I frown when I do not identify the number. However, the name underneath it is one I haven't seen in weeks.

"It's Mr. Dickenson," I tell him.

Kai mirrors my curiosity as I answer.

"Hello?"

"_Ah, Ray. It is good to hear your voice after such a long time. How is everything?"_

His words may sound cheerful, but something in his voice is off.

"Everything's…reasonable," I cringe around the lie. "Yeah, we haven't heard from you since we got here. The team called us but they said that you left on a business trip soon after Christmas."

"_Indeed, I am currently on a plane coming to Russia, actually…"_

"Mr. D? Are you alright?"

"_Oh, I'm fine. I suppose you're wondering why I've called. I…um…It's best if I let you hear for yourself."_

There's a scuffle on the other side of the line.

"What's this all about?" Kai asks when I fall silent in waiting.

"It must be something big if Mr. D's the one who has to deliver it," I assume. "I hope it's not bad news."

"What can top my grandfather?"

"When you put it that way…"

"_It's not going to bite you…Yes, you have to talk into it…No, it won't suck out your soul…"_

…Okay, what the hell? That's Mr. D's voice, but I don't think he's talking to me.

"Mr. D? Is there something wrong with the line?"

More scuffle…Some more muffled talking…Someone finally comes on and--

"_Ray Kon! You are in big trouble! Just wait until we get there! Did you think that you could just walk away? Do you know how much trouble we had to go through to find you? Just you wait! I am going to give you a piece of my mind! I MEAN IT, YOUNG MAN!"_

The voice is so loud that even Kai can hear every word. He's staring at the cell in my hand in bemusement, wondering who this mad woman is. I, however, know this voice, and the person it belongs to, all too well. My own voice comes out sounding badly strained despite my best efforts to not panic.

"Hi, mom."

Kai curses and drops his head back against the door.

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: Kai's 'real' Russian surname in this story is Vasilyevich and Ray's opinion on it being a bit dubious is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the (in)famous Vasilyevich family of Russia, whose most prominent member was the tsar Ivan the Terrible. The guy wasn't really evil, but he was a conqueror and was thus feared by many. So…does that make Kai a descendant of him? Not necessarily. I just like the name : P

About Bryan's nationality: general fact is that he is Russian, but I know a guy from school who is Serbian and the resemblance between him and Bryan is uncanny, except he has dark hair. Besides, Bryan has always stood out in my mind as kind of different from the rest of the group.

_**evil cackle**_

Chapter 4: Mr. and Mrs. Kon invade Russia! How much more can poor Ray take? A little bit of angst, a little bit more of humor, a dash of romance, stir in the yaoi elements, sprinkle in some homophobic relatives: and you've got the perfect recipe for chaos!

Read & Review, please.


	4. Mother Knows Best

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be touched. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

* * *

"Please, Kai?" 

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"…Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"More than anything else in the world?"

"Yes."

"So much so that you'll do anything for me?"

"Yes."

"Then please do it?"

"No."

"Kai!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…If you_ really_ loved me then you'd do it."

"And shooting you in the head will prove this because…?"

"If you really love me you'll do anything to ease my suffering."

"Aren't we over exaggerating a bit here?"

"No, we are not! Fine, let's compromise; if you don't want to do it personally then tell Bryan that I think that he's the biggest sore loser in the universe and he'll do the dirty work."

"Why don't you just hang yourself? That way no one has to go to court."

Laying on our bed with one arm slung over my eyes, I flip him the bird. The room falls silent for a while as I listen to the sound of pen scraping paper next to me.

I groan.

No response.

I groan louder.

Still nothing.

I groan pitifully louder.

"The bathroom's over there."

Growling, I sit up in bed and cross my arms, pouting fiercely. He's unmoved and continues writing whatever it is that is apparently far more important than me. It's early in the morning so he's still wearing his sleepwear, which consists of only a pajama bottom. I am wearing the upper half and my boxers. So, between the two of us, we're wearing one set of nightwear. We are very cost-effective; this way, we save on laundry detergent, which compensates for the high water bill due to us sharing showers. Some nights, we don't even wear _any_ sleep wear. It's a small sacrifice to make for the good of nature; Greenpeace should give us a medal for our contribution to preserving nature. Besides, when sporadic urges surface during the night we can get to the fun part of sharing one bed a lot faster when we're already undressed.

And yes: It is _early in the morning_ and _I_ am awake, and it isn't even Russian marathon day. It's something much, much worse. It's Meet My Parents day. And so far, despite my pleading, Kai is not willing to relocate the mansion to Botswana. I give him my undying love, and my always eager body, and this is how he treats me in return? I swear!

Seeing as my continuous sulking may permanently disfigure me, Kai gives in and puts down his highly top secret documents and pen and offers me his full attention. Finally. Now we can get somewhere…

"Please shoot me?"

"Tell me why this visit from your parents is so bad," Kai opts instead, going for the more productive approach.

"They're extremely religious."

"You've denounced that religion."

"And they're extremely homophobic."

"And my grandfather was merely trying to pass you the sugar when he threw the pot at you."

Wise ass. _Fine_ ass, but I don't like it when he gets the best of me.

"Kai, they would not board the plane to Russia with Mr. Dickenson until they had coated the entire exterior with holy water and smoked up the interior with blessed essences after performing a ritualistic dance to chase off all bad luck. And they spent the entire trip here praying for good winds."

"…"

"It's not funny!"

Laying back against his pillows, staring up at the canopy with watering eyes, Kai manages to maintain a straight face.

"So they're a bit old fashioned," he coughs around a chuckle. "I still don't see how they can be any worse than Voltaire."

"He was here for less than an hour; they're planning on staying here for…Argh! I don't even know how long they're going to be staying! Why did you give Mr. D permission to bring them here instead of finding them a hotel?"

"Because if they're anything like you, as far as understanding the native language is concerned, they'd starve here in Russia before they can even find a supermarket."

"You're just curious," I accuse.

"As a matter of fact, yes."

Thought as much. Kai doesn't care for a lot of things, but my family background, which I have been desperately trying to keep under wraps all this time, piques his interest and once Kai's onto something you need to beat him with a stick to make him let go. No stick is heavy enough to make him stay away from this subject, though. He's pretty sure that he can handle my parents since he has managed to stay one step ahead of his grandfather for all these years, but my folks are so confusing it's impossible to figure out where to even place that next step.

"Where are you going?" he asks when I swing my legs over the mattress.

"To find Bryan."

A sigh before my world goes topsy-turvy. Pulled back down onto the bed, I yelp and try to wriggle out of his hold but he straddles my waist, pinning me down. Under any other circumstance I would be extremely aroused by this position but right now…Wait, I _am _aroused. Hopefully this will lead to the real thing come Valentine Day… Snap out of it, Ray!

"Kaiiii," I whine, afraid to squirm at the risk of throwing myself even more off track. This is not the time to be thinking of…of…how perfect Kai's abs are, from just below his strong chest all the way down past his bellybutton and dipping under the waistband of his half of the pajama…"Stop distracting me!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose and muttering a few choice words, Kai then lowers himself onto his elbows until our noses are almost touching. There goes any arguments I might have had, out the window. His bangs are tickling my brow as he stares me straight in the eyes.

"I will do it."

"You really have a gun?"

"No," he sighs. "The _other_ thing."

"Other thing…?" I ask, gripping the sheets.

"You face and host your parents during their stay here, and I will give you what you want the most for Valentine's Day."

Does he mean…

"Red hot monkey sex?"

I happen to find that a very suitable name for it; Kai, who has no appreciation for creative titling, rolls his eyes.

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

He nods.

"All the way? All night? Truly, madly, deeply do?"

Stopping me before I end up quoting the entire song, he covers my mouth with a hand and lowers himself fully onto my prone body. I groan as our skin meet. Remind me: _why_ aren't we making out right now?

"Do I make myself clear?" he asks, cocking one brow with a serious face.

Crystal clear. Now put that mouth to more pleasurable use!

"When did Mr. Dickenson say that they'll be arriving?"

Guess the whole mind-reading thing only works between him and Thing 2.

"Three p.m.," I answer around a gasp when he removes his hand. "He said he'd keep them busy long enough for us to prepare ourselves."

"Hm," he considers and begins to lift himself off me.

As if!

"Where do you think you're going?" I challenge, wrapping my legs around him.

"Do you want your parents to show up with the grand stairs still missing half a banister?"

"At least Tala's feeling better."

"It still isn't a pretty sight."

"Twenty minutes?" I blink cutely. "You can't leave me like this, can you?"

"Ray," he argues, mind still on those damn stairs.

I bite my lower lip and look up through my lashes.

"Ray…" he repeats, with less certainty.

I lightly drag my finger down his chest, tickling his abs. The skin beneath my finger quivers as I trace lower and lower and lower and…

"…Ray…"

I purr.

Long and loud.

Our pajama hits the floor ten seconds later.

* * *

I cannot wait for Valentines. I have to make sure to stock up on several necessities for the big night, like chocolate syrup and whipped cream; Kai's tongue is as gifted as the rest of him. He has expressively forbidden any kinky toys, but I will try to smuggle some handcuffs under my pillow when he isn't looking. I'm sure I can get him to change his mind when the time comes. If this morning was any indication of what's awaiting me in a few days then I am sorry to say that Christmas has lost it's place as my favorite holiday to Valentines. I'm getting all excited again just thinking about it! 

"Car approaches, sir."

Words that killed the moment.

"Thank you," I sigh, looking up at our butler, 'Excuse me, sir'.

His English could do with some brushing up, but it's a whole lot better than my Russian, which, I'll have you know, has grown to a grand total of_ four _words: Da, nyet (or niet, can't quite figure it out yet), zhopa and, the latest, 'do svi danya'. How about that? I can finally say 'goodbye' in Russian…I think. It still a bit awkward because I don't know what 'hello' is, and it's hard to end a conversation when I can't even start one, but I'm getting there. Slowly but surely…A whole lot of slowly, and whole lot less surely…I'm just creeping…creeeeeping…c-r-e-e-p-i-n-g…crawling…slithering…taking my time…

"Stop stalling."

"Don't rush me," I argue, sitting up all the same so that Kai can straighten too, seeing as I've been using him as a pillow where we're laying on the couch.

"Blah blah blah bla-bla-bla-bla-blah."

Fine, that's not what Tala literally says, but that's what it sounds like to me anyway as he raises his head from where he has been resting it on Bryan's thigh on the couch to our right. The older teen also stirs from the his light nap when his boyfriend pulls away. An arm immediately loops around the redhead's waist until the falcon can fully regain his bearing, just to make sure that the notorious one-eyed-one-horn-flying-Tala-snatchers don't try to swoop off with Tala while he's disoriented.

Clearly, they have patched up their argument, and Tala seems to have gotten over whatever had started him so badly during his confrontation with Voltaire. He had been so impressed, and moved, by how Bryan had looked out for him yesterday that he allowed the falcon to use him to 'warm himself up', since the poor guy really _did _spend five hours digging through mounds of snow in search of Falborg. A mild spat occurred after dinner based on a totally unrelated matter, which left the grand stairwell to the first floor missing its carved railing, which Kai has had professionally replaced this morning, but they seem to have buried this hatchet.

That's all fine and dandy, but why are they still _here_?

Seeing as the two were at peace at the time, and had hung around like a pair of oversized leeches, they joined Kai and myself for dinner last night. Kai casually mentioned to them that we are getting other guests today, as means to drop the hint that it was about time they returned to their cage, I mean apartment. They didn't have any objections, since at home they can get away with a lot more naughtier things than here. I then went and blew it for myself when I kinda let the following slip:

"_Good. Dealing with my parents is tough enough, let alone having you two around to screw things up."_

Naturally, _that_ made them want to stay, which they did.

Not even Kai can get them out the house now, though he hasn't put that much effort into it. I think that he figures that since I've landed myself in this situation, I'm the one who has to dig myself out. Well, I've been digging since last night but Tala and Bryan must have a bulldozer at their disposal because they just keep piling it on. They're burying me alive!

Tala stands, stretching in a cute yet sensuous manner. On any other day, this display would have been more than enough to make Bryan grab him and haul him off somewhere to vandalize him, but he manages to restrain himself. He really wants to see me shot down in flames. Climbing to his feet, he nips Tala on the neck in retribution for the teasing. The redhead glares but decides to deal with that later. As one, they turn to me, adopting twin looks of mocking anticipation. I glare at them, with little success. I turn to Kai, who in turn glares at them, and they behave. If at first you don't succeed…let your boyfriend deal with it.

Regrettably, I cannot dump all my responsibilities on Kai so with a resigned sigh I stand up and bravely lead the way to the front of the mansion. Kai's at my side, silently reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing, as well as reminding me that I will be handsomely rewarded on the 14th for my good deeds. Tala and Bryan follow behind us, no doubt grinning like a pair of happy demons with a whole new batch of souls to torture. I swear, they must get off by watching people suffering on E.R.

"Kai?" I say softly, wanting to address one issue before we come face-to-face with my folks.

"Hn?"

"About my parents…They are a bit weird and old fashion…and they may be on a mission to break us up…but they aren't evil like your grandfather. I was kinda overreacting, but they _did_ raise me with a lot of love and care and they believe that they are doing this because it's for my own good…so…so…"

"You don't want me to sic Bryan on them?"

"Exactly."

Behind us a certain falcon grumbles disappointedly. Had he actually been looking forward to that…? On second though, I don't even want to know.

Once more, the head of staff have gathered at the front doors, though they are looking more curious than formal as they try to catch a glimpse outside where a limo is indeed parked. 'Excuse me, sir' is as impeccable as ever and I won't be surprised if he's come up with some sort of introduction for a pair of people he has never seen before. Kai told him and the rest of the household what to expect, but they are so unprepared for the truth. So is Kai, but if he is going to be all-knowing about this then I think I'm going to let him find out what we're up against the hard way.

"Arriving," 'Excuse me, sir' says formally, having recited this speech from beforehand no doubt, "BBA chairman Stanley Dickenson."

Oh, so he has decided to escort them all the way? How thoughtful…

"Ray, you're a looking very well," Mr. D commends upon entry, which is a lie since I am pale and a bit sweaty. "We didn't get much time to talk over the phone yesterday but I am glad that we have come to this agreement."

You dumping them on us was not supposed to be negotiable. I should have wrestled the phone away from Kai when I had the chance.

"Ah, you've even gathered a little welcoming party!"

Tala and Bryan actually look behind their backs, searching for said welcoming party. My parents haven't even shown up yet and already they're becoming too much for me to handle.

"Well then, let's not wait any longer," Mr. D says, trying to sound cheerful though he's looking pretty apologetic. "They've been traveling for five weeks now but here they are!"

Does anyone else have the urge to start humming the theme from The Price Is Right? Must be just me.

"Arriving, sir and lady Kon, of China."

Short but formal, which is what I'm hoping this visit will be.

Kai pokes me discreetly. Flinching, I poke him back. He sighs and then gives me a meaningful look.

Huh?

He hardens the look.

Again: Huh?

…Oh. He wants me to move forward to receive my parents.

'Red hot monkey sex…Red hot monkey sex…Red hot monkey sex…' I chant as I step forward after a harder jab to my ribs gets me going. 'I'm doing this so that I can finally get my red hot monkey sex…'

My parents appears in the doorway and the first thing that comes to my mind is:

'Why me?'

Followed by a more elaborate:

'Kai, if you do not let me use those handcuffs come Valentine blood _will_ be spilt, and it won't be mine. You so owe me for letting you talk me into this!'

They're here. They're actually here. Having braved miles of traveling and modern technologies, like flushing toilets and traffic lights, my parents, Ling and Gou Kon, step foot into my world. The first impression is the most important…Uh oh.

Garbed in their finest village wear, they look like the unsung heroes of the untold Asian version of Hansel and Gretel, dated 1200BFP (Before Fashion Police) My mother is wearing her long hair in two massive buns on either side of her head, pulling off a pretty good Mickey Mouse imitation, though she doesn't even know who that is. She's torn between looking formidable and fearing this strange new environment. My dad is somewhat more at ease, but really, who wouldn't feel protected carrying a sword and wearing traditional village armor?

"As you can see," Mr. D says to them, drawing their wide-eyed stares back to him, "Ray has a very good life here and is very happy. Well, I must be off. The BBA does not run itself you know. Call me when you have sorted it all out. It was lovely seeing you all again."

"Leaving, BBA Chairman Stanley Dickenson," 'Excuse me, sire' announces, not really knowing what else to do.

Tipping his bowler hat at us, the elderly man hightails it out. The always guaranteed Ditch 'n Run. Thank you so bloody much, Mr. D. Always a pleasure doing business with you.

My mother, who has been staring curiously at herself in the mirror hanging over an ornate table, snaps out of it and zeros in on me with enough speed to break the sound barrier. A silence falls upon the group…It's the calm before the storm…The deep breath before the plunge…No, literally. Her upper body inflates noticeably and I wince. Please, don't say it…

"Ray Xeong Wung Chi Ling Zhu Zeong Yu Tai Kim Ying Chui Tam Ming Kon, the 4th!"

To all you Chinese language and name experts: do not try to comprehend that line up; our village works in mysterious ways. I was named after my late grandfather…and his father…and his father's father …and his father's father's father…all the way down to my most distant grandfather Ming, who apparently did something very great eons ago, only no one can remember what.

Her brightly colored dress/robes/muumuu flaring like a ship's sail in a typhoon, my mother crosses the space between us, her steps short and brisk, her rabbit skin boots making no sound on the floor. Have I grown that much since I last saw her a year ago? She seems a bit shorter…

"HOW DARE YOU?"

But she's just as loud as always.

"You leave saying that you'd be back in time for your aunt's wedding, then do not show up, and don't even send us a message to explain yourselves and then run off, leaving poor Mariah heartbroken and our family shamed? I have a good mind to twist your ears!"

"I--"

"Do not interrupt me when I am talking, young man! That poor girl has been crying her heart out because of you! She's been eating nonstop and her parents are outraged! You've brought bad luck upon her family! A messenger delivered a box for her from a distant and dangerous land with a head of a sow in it! Clearly, that was a curse from the gods!"

A pig's head…via mail…from a 'distant and dangerous' land…Not something the gods will waste their time on, but looks like she's finally gotten her Secret Santa present. I'm glad my animal gift was alive and not decomposing.

"What are you smiling at? Do you think it's funny? We had to have the entire hutch blessed and it took us many nights to complete the ceremonial prayers to try and appease the gods! And that was before Lee told us where you had gone off to, and who with…"

Foreboding silence; theatrical but very effective.

"Alright, where is your leader?" she demands, calming herself down and putting her hands on her shawl-wrapped hips. "I demand to speak to the person who allows such disgraceful behavior in this village of stone."

Allow me to take this opportunity to say that Kai, Bryan and Tala have been unable to do anything but stare at the most important woman in my life with mixed looks that agree on one thing: Mad bat at twelve o'clock!

"Mother," I say respectfully, my cheeks burning, "This isn't a village and there is no chief. This is our house."

"A house?" she doubts stubbornly, staring down the endless corridors and rooms that surround us from every side. "Is that what they call it in this country? Those who lavish in possessions are poor in character."

If that was to be applied to certain former friends of mine (_cough_LEE_coughcough_MARIAH) then they would be the riches people in the universe. Crying and stuffing her face…That's not a sign of mourning; that's Mariah on a daily basis.

"You there!"

Oh no, she's discovered Kai. Correction, she's noticed Kai; if she had 'discovered' him then he would have been hiding under a rock or something.

Now is not the time to worry about your vocabulary, Ray. You're mother is currently pushing you aside and is sizing Kai up, even though he's taller than her. She's a small lady, hence why she feels the need to shout a lot to make her presence known.

"Is this him?" she asks, turning back to me. "He fits their description."

"Mother…," deep breath, "This is Kai Hiwatari, my boyfriend."

Hey, what was that? Oh, my father. I thought he had rusted in his armor. Coming forward and looking down his nose at Kai, since _he_ is a tall man, he scrutinizes my lover for a long while before he finally includes himself in the discussion.

"Tell me, man of stone village,--"

This is not a freaking village!

"--what do your elders think of this…union?"

Kai opens his mouth to answer.

"There is no union!" mother reminds him. "We are here to make sure that such a thing never occurs. Honestly, Ray, how could you allow yourself to be deceived into such a sinful alliance? Why couldn't you and Mariah be a normal, happy couple, like those two?"

Tala and Bryan…_Normal_? Ha! Those two psychos wouldn't know normality if it walked up and stuck them in the...

Hold on…

She thinks Tala's a girl!

Whereas Kai, Bryan and I simultaneously cough to muffle our laugher, the redhead is far less amused. His eyes, locked on her, have gone from superior pitying to searing paralyzing in 2.3 seconds.

"Mother, father," I decide to finally introduce them to the rest before blood begins to splatter, "This is Kai, and these are our…Kai's friends. That's Bryan, and that's Tala, his _boy_friend."

Tala is contradicting my words with one_ bitchy_ look, his arms crossed and hips slanted as he glares at Bryan. Can we say 'Un-Im-Pressed'? If Bryan doesn't stop snickering we'll soon have a Level 3 at hand, without having even gone through Levels 1 and 2. The wolf looks like he wants to get down to the good part and hit Bryan. Not that I blame him; Bryan should be a bit more understanding...While he's at it, he could also denounce violence in society, become my best friend and join a convent.

"Boy…friend…? Boy…?" mother is trying to see the relation between the word and Tala, with little success. To most neko-jin, especially those who have never seen an outsider, the diversity in appearance and behavior in rest of the world often tends to be confusing, and Tala's (in)famous delicate features have rendered him female in her eyes, despite her best efforts to view him otherwise. "…Oh, Ray!"

My face is suddenly plunged headfirst into my mother's clothed bosom as she hugs me as if she's trying to absorb me back into her! Now what?

"It's all so clear to me now. So, so clear. I knew it wasn't your fault! I knew you couldn't be to blame!"

"Mom?"

"You've been bewitched, my child!"

Ah, that explains everything.

"This place, these…people," she waves towards the other three, "they have ensnared you into their dark webs with dark magic! How could we have been so blind?"

"We will save you, my son."

Thanks for contributing another line to the conversation, pops. He's the strong, silent type, in case you haven't figured it out yet.

"Mom," I argue, detangling myself from her arms and stepping back, "I'm not under a spell. These are just three other…normal…guys who I know; they aren't demonic or posses any dark magic."

Oh wait, Kai was once the master of a powerful demon named Black Dranzer, and Bryan has most definitely participated in, if not performed, a ritualistic sacrifice at one point in his life. And Tala can make Bryan sit and roll over if he wants to; enough said. Evil only answers to one thing: Greater evil.

"Hush, my son," she coos, pulling me back in when I try to take a step towards Kai, who is not making any inclinations to want to move in just yet. "I understand that you are afraid. We will free you from their spell and then we will return to the village where you can finally be with your true love, Mariah."

HELL NO! KAI!

"Ma'am," he _finally_ steps in after seeing the full-fledged horror on my face, "I believe that--"

"It threatens to curse us!"

Dad jumps forward, drawing his sword with flourish.

Oh. My. God. Can they be any more embarrassing?

"His power is too great!" father shouts, for no apparent reason, "I cannot hold him back!"

Kai, who is really doing absolutely nothing more than looking perfectly harmless with his hands in his pockets, blinks and looks over to Bryan and Tala for some sort of friendly encouragement. Tala is still leering at his boyfriend and Bryan is looking scarily interested in the nice shiny sword my dad is handling. Great, I forgot that Bryan and sharp blades should never be in the same house at the same time. With no one to back him up, Kai turns to me and I am mortified to see him looking…lost? What have I brought upon him? I had expected them to humiliate me, but traumatizing Kai is going too far!

"Enough!" I shout, pulling away from mom's interlocked arms. "You two, get a grip!"

"Ula bula mula!" a third voice shouts out of nowhere.

Ice cold water splashes me in the face and I jump back, sputtering.

"He's cured!"

"Ray, are you alright? She had no choice; you were beginning to lose your inhibitions to the beasts!" mother exclaims, once more pulling me away from Kai, who had stepped forward to see if I was alright. "We're safe. I knew that something like this was happening so I brought along someone who can help us free you. If there is any evil force at work here, she'll find it."

"Huaaaaaaaaaaaah…HIYA! Mula-mula, wa-ha-ha-haaaa!"

Waving prayer beads in one wrinkled hand, a now half-emptied gourd of holy (and cold) water in the other, bedecked with layers of clothing and beads, with a turban-like wrapping on her head, is an old lady under four feet tall, who is performing strictly come yoga in the middle of our entrance hall.

"Nana?" I choke. "You brought _Nana_?"

"I will rid you of this curse, grandson," my maternal (which includes the word 'mental') granny says, scanning the room with her beady eyes. She releases a cry and points with a bony finger. "What ho! What is that demonry!"

All eyes turn to, surprise-surprise, Bryan.

"His soul is darker than his skin," she whispers, going all mystically mysterious on us.

"That's because he's standing in the shadows, Nana," I sigh, trying to detangle myself from mom's embrace one more time.

Nana is not convinced.

"Evil…Eeeeeviiiiiil…"

Alright, so while she's freaking the guys out, let me tell you a bit about Nana.

Like mother said, Nana holds a high position in the village. When she was a young woman, which was sometime between the dinosaurs dying out and man creating fire, she used to travel abroad a lot and in doing so she learned about other cultures besides our own. She traveled well until past her prime (midway the Middle Ages) all over Asia and studied the different cultures and religions. Finally, after having traveled more miles than your average car, she returned home to the village to share all her knowledge with us. It would have opened up a whole new world for our people, the rest of whom have never gone farther than a stone's throw from the edge of our territory. Nana had been our only link to the outside world.

Unfortunately, Nana had neglected to wear sunshade during all of her travels and all that heat finally caught up to her after she had returned home. It kinda made her…How do I put this nicely…? _Deranged_. She still has all that experience and knowledge somewhere beneath all those wrinkles, but they've melted together into on chaotic mass that she now claims is what life beyond our village is like. And, being the simpletons they are, everyone back home believes her, hence our village's fear for the 'other world', a.k.a. the sane portion of humanity.

Observe an average day with this woman:

She wakes up in the morning and prays to Allah; come lunchtime she's reading a tattered copy of the Bible; she puts a red dot in the middle of her brow to teach Buddhism in the afternoon; and then she retires soon after dinner, shouting at us 'mindless followers', since she believes herself to be an atheist. I've been told that she wanted to go off to fight in the Second World War to teach Nazi Germany not to mess with her Jewish brothers and sisters. Next to changing religion more often than she changes her clothes, she tried to circumcise me on six different occasions…during my last visit! I had risked my manhood every time I took a bath. And let's not forget the time she thought that I was the reincarnation of Christ and kept screaming at night that the Romans were trying to get me.

Now do you understand my less than pleased response to seeing her here? And where was she all this time? I hope she didn't do anything to the exterior of the house…

I'm not sure what she sees in Bryan, but she isn't letting him out of her sight, slightly crouched as she tries to stare him down. He's not intimidated, to say the least, looking down at her from his almost three foot height advantage. She's making jabbing motions towards him with those beads. I bite my lip, afraid that she'll push her luck too far and goad him to embrace his inner maniac. The cold grey eyes are following her every move and his body is tense as he slowly but surely is shifting from mildly curious to just plain annoyed.

Tala, on the other hand, has gotten bored. His gender no longer the center of attention, he simply turns and departs. Though dad is still wielding his sword, and Nana is sounding familiarly satanic, Bryan catches the redhead's slightly swaying hips out of the corner of his eyes and he's gone, following Tala into the depths of the house. Hopefully, if Bryan doesn't do or say anything that sets Tala off, they will both make themselves scarce for rest of the day. Even less reassuring is that they've retired to one of their many rooms in _our_ house, instead of leaving for good to return to_ theirs_. They aren't going to let me off that easy. As long as my family is here to embarrass me, they will be here to harass me.

"Ah! The demon has retreated!" Nana says, looking proud of her 'abilities'. "Alas, it has captured an innocent soul as well."

Kai doesn't know about Nana's history, but he must already be thinking that she's the village nutcase, a title he had previously reserved for Tao, the White Tiger's old sensei. I mean, come on! Tala? Innocent?

"Thank you, mother," my mother says, "I knew that you'd be able to help us."

"This cavern is large," Nana states, eyeing all the modern wonders with a critical eye, "and filled with black magic the likes of which I have never encountered before, in all my long years. It will take all my wisdom--"

If that's what you want to call it…

"--and many nights to fully cleanse it of all darkness. I fear that we will be here for a week or two."

B-Bu…But…No way! I won't be able to enjoy my red hot monkey sex with these three lurking about the house! Red alert! If push comes to shove, I'm going to have to resort to extreme measures once more…Where did I leave Hiro's phone number again?

"And what of…" Mother waves at Kai, who looks like he's considering sending Voltaire a bouquet of roses and an 'I Love You, Gramps' greeting card.

"Hmmmm," Nana rubs her wrinkled chin, taking one step of a time towards him, looking him from head to toe and back. "Hmmmmmm…"

At last, I manage to unhook the final finger gripping my shirt and step away from my mother, who's too engrossed in watching Nana inspect Kai. Though I'd rather grab him and make a run for it, I await her judgment as well. She hasn't cried foul yet, so I'm hoping that she'll classify him as decent, or at least not a dark magician; if she does then maybe, just maybe, my parents will ease up a bit and maybe, but highly unlikely, we'll be able to have a mature talk about our relationship with them.

"Hummmmm," our psychic drones, waving a hand over Kai. More acurately, his stomach, since she can't reach any higher. "Hummmmmmmmmmm"

I silently beg Kai to have a bit more patience when he looks over at me with a waning expression of said attribute. He isn't the most lenient person on this side of the cosmos and has even less tolerance for people who do not behave in the manner which he considers appropriate: silent, distant and commonsensical. Nana, but an inch away from him, chanting medieval chants and rattling those infernal beads of hers, fails his every criteria. The only thing stopping him from having this entire bunch banned from the premises, under pain of Bryan, is me. So much pressure on my young shoulders…

"AH!" she shouts, startling all of us, including Kai, though in his case it's because her exclamation has momentarily deafened him. "Unfortunately, this one cannot be saved…until I banish the source of the evil!"

What are the odds that she's _not_ talking about Bryan?

"See?" I turn to my parents, determined to get _somewhere _with them, "Nana likes Kai."

"She does?" Kai doubts, keeping an eye on her since she's reaching for the gourd of holy water once more.

"Mother, father," I address them seriously, "I'm sure that all this traveling has been very hard on you. If you allow them, the servants will show you to your rooms where you can rest."

"How can we rest at a time like this?"

"Mother…Please?"

She starts to object, then hesitates, then makes another attempt, but pauses. Those dark circles under her eyes are not makeup or war paint; she's tired, even if she will not willingly rest until they have completed exorcising of the entire house and hurling Bryan back into the swirling pits of hell. I'm all for the latter, though. Dad, who's only role so far has been to bring back some good old nostalgic memories of _why_ I left the village in the first place, places a hand on her shoulder, showing signs of weariness himself.

"We have the situation under control. Now that we have found our son we should renew our energy for the struggle ahead."

This is a visit, dad, not a civil war.

"And how do we know that we will be safe in this…'house'?"

She just won't give in!

"Mom, my relationship with Kai aside, do I look any worse for the wear?"

She doesn't seem to think highly of my un-traditional attire, but I've been eating healthy. And working out, thanks to the missing demon and its captive, and that makes a big difference from the last time she saw me, when I had humbly returned home, back in my wishing-for-Kai's-attention days. I had been on the thin side and jumpy, though that could be attributed to Nana stalking me with a sharp knife, waiting for the chance to mutilate my most cherished body part in the name of circumcision. I am now a prime example of perfect health. Once me and Kai finalize the last step in our sex life I'll be immortal! But let's keep that part between you and me.

"You do look so healthy and handsome, Ray," she relents, "All the more reason why I bemoan the fact that you are wasting your being in this land with an unsuitable…choice. However, I trust that you would not endanger your father and me by asking us to stay if you thought that we'd be at risk…"

It's not much, but it's a break. The moment I can get them settled we can all catch our breaths and sort out our minds. I know Kai will be very grateful for the respite. No more than half an hour has passed since their arrival and he already looks like he has a headache. Not helping is that Nana is now inspecting the servants, frowning disapprovingly at the women's knee-length uniform skirts and loudly praying to the gods to change their ways. Back home, an adult woman showing so much as her ankle is considered vulgar; this group is bordering on pornographic for her.

"I just don't want you to exhaust yourselves," I say, giving the woman before me my most charming smile. Mothers all over are suckers for those. "Rest up a bit and we'll discuss whatever you want to talk about a bit later."

"…Very well."

Kai, wanting to speed this thing up as much as I do, signals those in waiting and they cautiously move forward.

"They'll carry your bags for you," I explain when dad reaches for his sword once more.

I'm about to let the servants manage them on their own but neither party trusts the other so, due to my blasted consciousness and moral duty to support my family, even though a majority of them have condemned me to heck, I shoot Kai a long-suffering look.

"I'm going to help them settle in first."

I can see him bite his inner lip to prevent himself from sighing in relief. Nodding indifferently, he stares them both in the eyes and with slow movements as not to startled them, he bows his head to announce his departure. Whether or not he's planning on ever seeing them again only time will tell.

Watching him walk away, no doubt to find some pain-numbing medication, I hold in a sigh of my own before turning a bright smile to my kin, who have finally conceded and are handing their bags over to the servants. Dad is refusing to relinquish his sword, despite 'Excuse me, sir's insistence that it's only for safety measures. If safety is an issue here they'd better lock Nana up as well. I catch her just before she manages to sneak off into the parlor. Taking her by her shoulders despite her mumbled protests, I redirect her to where their reserved rooms are situated. I hadn't counted on them bringing her along, but luckily there is a spare room next to theirs where we can keep her.

"You are so strong, my child," mother says, taking me by the arm as we follow the servants, "To be able to resist such powers for the sake of your family…I promise you: We will not leave without you. Together we will be able to overcome this horrendous curse."

"This strange land holds many dangers," father muses, ready to slay the vacuum cleaner that is being used in the library as we pass it, "We are at a disadvantage here. I should have gathered a greater number of warriors to accompany us."

And, to round off everything, Nana has this to say:

"...Eeeeeeeevviiiiill…"

I should have taken Kai's advice and hung myself when I had the chance.

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: Don't you just love family? 

Chapter five: Adjusting to life with three outdated neko-jins, and Ray seeks advice from an old friend. And have we seen the last of Voltaire…?

Read & Review, please.


	5. Rub A Dub Dub

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used by others under no circumstance. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: Well howdy-doo! An update!

A few things I like to explain before I continue with this story:

A couple of reviewers seem to be under the impression that I've modelled Ray's family after "stereotypical" Chinese people. Heck no! Well, duh, they are from China, but, and I had hoped that I had emphasized this fact enough, I am purely playing off the fact that they come from a remote village populated by only neko-jin, who are totally alienated from the rest of not only China, but the rest of the world as well. They act this way because they are _old fashioned neko-jin_, not because they are Chinese.

Concerning Tala: I'm actually glad that someone pointed this out. Yeah, I tend to play around with the fact that he has somewhat soft features (only in Season 1 though). However, I have always made sure not to totally make him OOC by making him girly. In "Untold Truths" and its sequel/side-stories, he is indeed unlike his character in the series, but his is also a completely different personage in those fics. As for his character in this fic, though I once again (being the somewhat dopey fan girl that I am) emphasize his "effeminate" physical features, I make sure that his attitude is as closely related to the canon, given the nature of the fic. His relationship with Bryan (both romantic and destructive) aside, Tala is still pretty mean and heartless. Note that Ray's mother is the only person who has mistaken him for a girl, being the somewhat naïve woman that she is.

Hope that cleared things up for you guys.

And, as always, I've made a small change. In chapter one Ray mentions that (at that time) Valentine was only 5 days away. Since this story (like all the others) has taken on a life of its own, I realized that I'm going to need more time to torture Ray…er, tell the story, so from the first chapter it's now 2 weeks until Valentines Day. Generous, ain't I?

This chapter is somewhat stingy on the humour, but I'm just a bit rusty, I suppose. Hopefully I'll find my funny bone again soon : P

Moving on!

* * *

"_Well, it could be worse."_

"Wanna bet?"

"_At least they're not acting like Lee and Mariah did."_

Rolling onto my stomach, I stare blankly at the floor, hugging a pillow to my chest.

"No. They're worse!"

"_So how is Kai dealing with them?"_

"Kai…" I glance over to where said teen is lying on his back, using his fingers to massage his temple, trying to speed up the effects of the handful of aspirins he's taken. "Kai's taking it in stride."

Lucky for me, his migraine has effectively shelved his beloved glares, so he can only give me a weak yet disapproving look. Smiling sweetly, I give his thigh a squeeze, then roll out of the way. He can't move around much, you see, thanks to the aforementioned migraine. I've been testing my limits for the past hour. So far I've pinched him; kissed him; called him a few names; groped him and rummaged through the top drawer of his night table, which is usually off limits to me. Do you know that Kai actually keeps a journal? Under lock and key, but I like a challenge. All the while he could only look on helplessly, unable to punish me for my boorish behaviour. Naughty, naughty me.

"But we could do with some advice," I say, proving that I am, in the end, on Kai's side.

"_Don't give them reason to think that they have to be there,"_ Hiro says after some deliberation.

"Yeah, only the reason why they're here is because I'm here, and I don't intend to leave. Ever," I add, giving Kai a meaningful look. His eyes are close as he continues to rub his sore head.

"_My point is that you have to bring that across to them. Make it clear that you are happy there and that nothing they say or do will make you change your mind. Even if they don't approve of the situation, they are, as you say, only concerned with your wellbeing. Once it, finally, gets through to them that you are happy and that this is what you want then they won't force you to leave it all behind. Right now they think that you're disillusioned; prove them that it's all real and that it's your choice."_

I tug at a loose strand of hair. Hiro makes it sound so easy. Of course, he's absolutely right and I feel a bit stupid for not having thought of that sooner, but thinking up a plan and successfully pulling it off are two wholly different matters.

"_What have they been up to, your family?"_

"So far? Let's see…Dad took out half the electricity in the house last night when he took on the circuit box with his sword; don't worry, he's alright. And he defeated a couple suits of armour this morning; we're still looking for a few pieces and the maids had to wade out into the pond to find a helmet. Mom smoked out the fourth and fifth floors, and the attic, with candles and essences and managed to get her hair caught in the dumbwaiter. Now she's downstairs, trying to, and I quote: "Save the poor little people trapped in the box" a.k.a. the television. Twenty or so of the servants are repainting the front of the house, trying to cover the red "holy paint" that Nana smeared all over the façade. Nana is off prowling somewhere. So far she's soaked every tapestry and carpet in the place with holy water, and no, we don't know where she keeps getting all that water from; and we're now three—"

Kai holds up four fingers.

"—_Four_ servants short; they're on psychiatric leave."

"_And the others?"_

"Who? The Demonic Duo?"

"_Yeah. Are they still there?"_

"I don't know," I say honestly. "Haven't seen them since my folks arrived yesterday. Kai?"

He wordlessly points down.

"Kai says that they're in their bedroom downstairs. Figures, my misery turns them on."

Hiro laughs. I wish I could laugh with him.

"_You've been through worse,"_ Brooklyn's voice suddenly encourages over the phone. _"Like Hiro said; just stand your ground."_

I look over at my ailing boyfriend.

"Well, Kai isn't capable of much movement right now, so we're on the right track, I guess. How's It?"

"_She's doing fine. We're thinking about getting her a mate, though. She gets lonely at times."_

"What, with you doting her every minute of every day? I doubt it."

"_I do my best, but I have other obligations to tend to also."_

"In example: Hiro."

"_Exactly."_

"You do know that rabbits multiply quickly?"

"_We have more than enough room. Garland won't mind putting a few hutches in the yard. If you'd like, we'll give you one of the kits from the first litter."_

"Sure. We'll love a little It of our own."

At last, Kai manages a weak glare, though he can't hold it for very long. Hmm, maybe I'm being a little too inconsiderate. Not that I'm going to stop pestering him, but I'm beginning to feel a bit bad for being an even bigger pain that his headache.

"I'm afraid that I have to go. Kai needs some TLC."

"I need a lobotomy," he manages.

"Hey, you can talk!" I say encouragingly. "Is the headache getting any better?"

He flips me off. Kai always knows how to say the right things.

"_I though you said that he was doing fine,"_ Hiro, having repossessed the phone, says.

"He is, now that he's overdosed himself on painkillers."

"_My sympathies. Call whenever you need someone to talk to."_

"I will."

Rounding off the overseas therapy session, I hang up and turn to the bluenette lying so vulnerable and crabby in the middle of the bed, wearing only his boxer shorts. For the record, I love Kai's underwear. I love them even more when they're not on him, but they're really silky and soft and feel so good against my skin when I lay next to, or on top of, him. He hardly ever walks around in his underwear, and when he does it's only in the bedroom, so this is a real treat for me.

I crawl over and perch myself on his legs. He opens his eyes, waiting for me to continue my childish prodding. Instead, I smile sympathetically and pull away his hands from his temple and begin massaging the skin myself. He sighs gratefully. Using my scant medical knowledge, I focus on the pressure points. My efforts are rewarded when the crease between his eyebrows slowly disappears. As does the grimace. When a hand cups the back of my head I allow him to pull me in for a thank-you kiss.

"Feeling better?" I ask.

"Yeah…." A ghost of a smirk tugs at his lips. "The aspirins are finally kicking in."

"I'd slap you upside your head right now if I didn't love you so much," I growl, pushing myself off him but he doesn't let go. Resigned, I lean back into his arms. "Listen, about my folks…"

"You did warn me," he acknowledges, stroking my loose hair.

"But even I didn't know that they'd do so much damage. They're aren't usually this destructive. All this modern stuff is getting to their head."

"Hn."

"…Mom is warming up to you."

"Get real."

"I'm serious. I mean, spending two hours with her over breakfast did give you this headache, but before I came here I talked to her and she said that you're surprisingly intelligent and apparently well-educated and perhaps even civil."

In truth, I kinda forced Kai to break his fast with my mom, hoping that it'd clear up some of tension. Nana, of course, was nowhere to be found and dad had been occupied with his valiant battle against the suits of armour on the third floor. I was glad that they weren't around to cause any distractions, since my mom is the core of our dilemma. If we can get her to drop her "noble" crusade to un-gay-ify me then they'll leave. Sadly, this means that sacrifices have to be made; Kai learned that the hard way. I'm not sure how she managed to bring on his migraine, but she managed it real good, even if she didn't mean it.

"Surprisingly intelligent and perhaps even civil? Am I supposed to be honoured?"

"Unfortunately…now she's convinced that you deserve someone more…eloquent than me."

"Do I detect a hint of spitefulness?"

I pinch the hand beneath my shirt.

"A good woman of equal standing," I repeat her. "She thinks that you should find a wife in order to carry on your genes. In a way, neither of us are good enough for each other, according to her. I'm too simple for you. You're too untraditional for me. And we're both guys."

"A minor detail," he says sarcastically. "What was Granger's half-baked analysis?"

"Don't let them break us up, basically. He says that I have to prove to them that we're happy and that taking me away will be the cruellest thing any parent could do to their child." I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. "…This isn't how I wanted it."

"Hn?" His headache must be acting up again.

"The days leading up to our first valentine," I say softly. "You with a splitting headache; my parents and grandmother vandalizing our home; Tala and Bryan still hanging about—"

"At least they're behaving themselves."

"Nothing's sure around those two. Not that it'll matter," I sulk, crossing my arms. "Everything's ruined. Maybe we _should_ just wait before… It's not going to…With all this crap going on, it won't be as special as I had hoped."

Despite his aching head, Kai sits up straighter and forces me to turn around and face him. Taking my face in his hands, he uses a formidable amount of self-control to focus on me, despite how painful it must be.

"Listen good because I am only going to say this once," he says sternly. "I don't care about the situation or even your family. I promised you that we'd do it, and we will, and it will be special; as long as I have you, it will be special. You are all I need to make valentines worth celebrating."

"…I think the aspirins are making you disorientated."

"I think so too," he agrees, rubbing his eyes. "But you get the idea."

"Crystal clear. I'm going to make the rounds; make sure my folks haven't done anything overly drastic. Get some rest."

He doesn't object and even allows me to fuss over him until I am positive that he's comfortable. Reaching the door, I pause, hand on the handle.

"And if I run into Tala and/or Bryan…?"

"Run," is his all encompassing recommendation. "Or make as little movement as possible and slowly back away, and then run."

Laugh all you want, but truer words have never been spoken. Kai was considerate enough to hide the fact that he has a headache when he bumped into his friends earlier; if they knew that he's down and recovering, and if I or my family do something to piss them off, then we all know that I'd be defenceless. I hate being weak. Especially when, in reality, I'm not weak at all. But really, not even Crusher could stand a chance against Bryan, maybe not even Tala; without Kai around to save my accident-prone ass, I'm a moving target. How about that? I'm a prey in my own home. Why doesn't Kai have any normal acquaintances?

"Get down!"

Meanwhile, I find myself eating carpet. Groaning at the weight on top of me, I glare over a shoulder. Oh well, at least now I don't have to search my father out; it's kinda hard to miss him when his pinning me to the floor.

"Dad, what are you do—"

"Shhh!"

Propping my chin in my palm, I wait, albeit very annoyed, as he scans the treacherous terrain that is the landing on the top of the stairs, sword in hand, as well as a few throwing stars, the origins of which I would like to know. Exactly how many weapons did he bring with him? And exactly how did he manage to get through customs with those weapons? Then again, perhaps the rules here in Russia are a bit lax; they let _Nana_ in, for Buddha's sake!

"It's gone."

Wish I could say the same about a certain parent…

"What is?"

"The fell beast."

Uh-oh.

"Were you stalking Bryan?"

"Nay," he says, slowly getting off me, though still wary. "I will put aside my warrior's pride and admit that not even I have the heart to hunt such a being. Instead, another creature of the dark has been setting off my senses all morning."

"…Such as?" I implore when he doesn't continue.

"I believe the slaves—"

"Servants, dad."

"—referred to it as an…intercom. I hear its calls, but I cannot find it."

…I was not raised by these people. No way. Now how. Uh-uh.

"Dad," I begin slowly, feeling a throbbing above my left eye; so this is how mom managed to bring down Kai. "An intercom isn't a fell beast. It isn't even alive. It's a piece of technology we use to communicate to one another when in the house, since it's so big and shouting would be too hectic. The "calls" you hear are just servants talking through the system."

"Communicate of distance…? Like smoke signals?"

"Er…more like telephones. Remember the telephone Mr Dickenson used to call me? Something like that, only more extensive."

"Hmm," he ponders as he sheaths his sword and puts away the throwing stars. "Very well, if you insist."

"I really do. You guys have done enough damage." Thinking this a good opportunity to talk to him, I cross my legs and adopt a serious expression. "So, what do you think?"

"Of?"

"Everything. The mansion…my new life…Kai…"

He folds his arms.

"I still maintain that I should have brought the warriors with me. This…home of yours is most mysterious. As for your…friend…Mariah is sorry, you know."

"What?" I ask suspiciously.

"She said so herself. She is sorry for her outburst and gave us her blessing before we left. At first she wasn't certain, but she agrees that what you desperately need right now is guidance. In fact," he has the audacity to beam here, "she said that, once you have seen the errors of your ways, she'll be more than happy to help you back onto the right path. She is such a decent young woman…Ray?"

Meanwhile, I am halfway down the stairs, gnashing my teeth and slitting my pupils and all.

That pink cow! What's she playing at? First she antagonizes me my entire life with wedding vows and sloppy kisses and inappropriate touches, then she and her brother, my former best friend, chews me out in front of everybody on Christmas day, and then has the nerves to put on a brave face for the villagers by promising to help heal me from my "disease"?

She…They…I…Argh!

_**SMASH**_

Now I know why Tala breaks things when he's angry. That felt _so_ good.

"Sir, are you alright?" a pretty maid asks, peeking around the corner, staring at the shattered vase with wide eyes.

I feel sorry for the staff. Dealing with Tala and Bryan is bad enough; having my folks running rampant must be a living nightmare for the clean-up crew; and now here I am, the master's boyfriend, throwing things about. They must think that the whole household has gone insane.

"I feel much better now," I pant, belatedly realizing that the vase I have just wrecked once belonged to Kai's grandmother, whom he appreciated a lot more than his grandfather or either of his parents. Oops. Oh well, I'll just blame it on my dad; he probably would have broken it _anyway_ in the long run. Revenge is bitter sweet. "Have you seen my mother?"

She points timidly in the right direction.

"Thanks. And…sorry for the mess."

"It's nothing." We both know she wants to add "compared to what your people have done", but she's nice enough to keep it to herself.

I find my mother sitting before the television, eyes closed and hands clasped and candles flickering, her hair now loose and spread out on the floor around her.

"I can almost reach them," she says, somehow picking up my presence. "Just a few more barriers, and I can save them…"

On screen, a couple is making good use of a public bathroom in a music video and neither look like they'd appreciate being saved any time soon. Grabbing the remote, I switch it off. Mom opens her eyes, stares at the now dark screen, and says,

"They're free!"

Personally, I'm surprised that Kai only has a headache, as opposed to, say, stabbing himself between the eyes. I'm used to my mom and even I need to be careful when around her; prolonged exposure to her can be fatal, especially when she's in a surrounding she knows nothing about. Not that she'd ever admit to being totally ignorant; she'll just formulate her own set of rules and morals and woe befall those who dare to tell her that she's wrong.

"Mom."

"Yes, dear?"

"I love Kai."

She gives me one of those aww-you-poor-thing smiles.

"I'm sure, dear. It'll be over real soon."

I take a seat before her, avoiding her hands which try to pull me into a hug. Cripes, I forgot how clingy she can be!

"I mean it. I love him, mom. More than anything. He makes me feel really special and in him I have a person who I can trust; a person who offers me protection and friendship and affection and courage. From the moment I saw him in Japan I could think of nothing else than to be with him. Every time we were apart, I felt so lonely it hurt. It hurt even more so than when grandpa passed away. All I could think of was him. When I was with him, I felt secure, like nothing could ever hurt me. He even saved my life, literally. And after…After everyone found out on Christmas day…I…I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I was confused. I was hurting. If Kai hadn't been there for me…I don't know what I would have done. Don't you see, mom? Kai has given me a reason to live. Kai has given me a place in the world where I can be happy. Kai has…" I pause, gathering myself, "Kai has…given me another, a better, chance at life. And life would mean absolutely nothing to me if Kai isn't in it."

Her eyes are watering, her small fist pressed against her chest.

"Oh…Ray…I…" She looks down, ashamed. "I didn't know…"

"Then you do understand, don't you? You know what I mean?"

She motions me over, sobbing. I comply, my own eyes wet as I hug her.

"I didn't know…"

"It's okay."

"…I didn't know…"

"Thank you for understanding."

"I didn't know…that you were so attached to your grandfather!" she bawls.

"…What?"

"I knew I should have allowed you to visit him more often, even when he became ill! Father was so fond of you."

I try to pry her off me but she's as easy to get rid of as flypaper.

"Mom, you've completely missed the point. This isn't about grandfather—"

"It's alright, dear; I too find it difficult to talk about his passing. Father was such a wise man. He would have been so proud, seeing you married and with kids."

"I'm not getting marr--"

"It must be such a pressure on you, to want to fulfil his dying wishes; that you continue the family line. Everything is going to be alright, my sweet darling. When we go home you will be able to face his grave with your head held high; he will know how strong you were, to be able to overcome your current ailment!"

"Haven't you heard a single thing I said? I am _not _suffering!"

"Of course not! Not when you have the knowledge that soon you will be free to return to those who love you."

"Kai loves me."

Again, the aww-you-poor-thing smile, though now brightened with the aww-you-brave-thing radiance.

"I am so proud of you, darling."

Vindictively, I turn the television back on.

"They're still trapped," I point out childishly.

At once, she goes back to her meditation, not paying my stomping feet any mind. I exit the room, almost grinding my teeth to powder and slitting my pupils so much that I can barely see where I'm going. Women! Why do I prefer guys? One word: women!

Throwing myself onto the bottom step of the staircase, I run my hands through my hair several times, fighting the urge to break something else. I swear, I will never criticize Tala's anger management techniques again; I am feeling the inexplicable urge to stack the entire house full of explosive and light the fuse. I'm feeling _that _destructive. Honestly, how does Tala manage to survive these bouts of wrath? If he weren't such an ass, I'd ask him for some advise. But he is. Which only makes me angrier, for some reason. Everything is starting to piss me off. It would be healthy, for my sake and that of furniture, to retreat to my bedroom and curl up against Kai and wish that the rest of the world would just disappear.

I slowly stand, swaying on my feet, mentally exhausted. I'm going to have to call Hiro again. No, maybe I should talk to Brooklyn; he so freakin' calming…Great, now I'm angry at Brooklyn. I just need some quiet time to think. Scratch that, I don't want to think. I just want Kai.

Climbing the stairs, I shuffle lifelessly down the corridor, having only the vaguest of idea which route I'm taking. It isn't until I pass the gym that I realize, with a terrifying start, that I have wandered into dangerous territory. Territory that, unless I am accompanied by Kai, must never be threaded. I am currently standing in the mansion's southern wing, on the second floor, better known to all who value there lives as the Danger Zone: Tala and Bryan's rooms.

I freeze, carefully looking around, fearing that I might have already been spotted, but the hall is empty. Why the heck did I take this route? Yeah, it leads to the third floor and I have walked through here many times before, but hardly ever without Kai and _never_ when the Diabolical Duo was around. Even worse, if their lengthy absence is any indication, they will not tolerate being disturbed, especially not by me.

Up ahead I can see the stairs. My only escape; I've ventured too deep to turn back now. If I can make the next twenty meters I will be home free.

Taking a shuddering breath, I slowly begin walking. I can't hear anything but the slightest changes in the air make me halt, eyes wide like a deer caught in a car's headlights. Nothing happens; the doors remain closed. Problem is that I'm not really sure which of those doors leads to their bedroom, so every door I pass is very much the gateway to hell for me.

Almost there, Ray…Almost there…Think happy thoughts…

Happy thoughts derailed. Just five doors from the stairs, a door stands open. Not fully, but wide enough for me to see inside, and for those inside to see me out here. Feeling the sweat trickling down my face, I await certain death. The silence is bearing down on me. My throat goes dry when, cautiously peeping around the door, I spy a messy king sized bed. Of all the rooms, why the bedroom? But there's no sign of life. Were they downstairs? Yeah, that could be it. Hey, maybe they even went home.

Only one depressing problem. Known fact: Kai, Tala and Bryan never leave doors open. Why? Beats me. Must have something to do with growing up in the Abbey. All I know is that, by habit, they never leave the doors to their rooms open…unless they are inside.

'Just keep walking, Kon. Keep walking. Remember what Kai said; keep away.'

I am about to do just that; I even step past the door and am about to continue my meek creeping, when a familiar scent invades my senses. I inhale as deeply yet as softly as I dare several times, hoping that it'll change, but it's unmistakable. It's the smell of dried cat's paw grass; a scent I know well from home. And it has no reason to be coming from inside the room, but it is.

'…Oh no…Please no…'

No joke, I have to bite my lips to prevent myself from whimpering as I slowly push the door further open. My legs feel like jell-o as I take a wobbly step into the room. It's a very nice room, and surprisingly intact too. It is also empty. No Tala or Bryan in sight. However, it's the herbal scent that's worrying me. Tell me it isn't so…

There are several doors, all closed, leading to other rooms, but one is open and, judging by the tiled walls that must be the bathroom. That is also where the scent is the strongest. Already I can feel the effects of the burning herb: cat's paw grass is used as a calming agent back in the village. Some people use it to help them sleep better, and the healers use it to ease patients who needed surgery.

Only one person I know here has their own stock of this grass. What was the old bag doing in here anyway? Setting a trap for Bryan? Relieved that the Russians are absent, I prepare myself for the struggle that was stopping Nana.

"I can't believe I'm risking my life for you," I mutter under my breath, stalking towards the open door. "You and your crackpot ideas…Eeeeek—!"

I clamped a hand over my own mouth to desperately hold in a scream. Sweat begins to pour down my face and I surrender to a mild spasm of hyperventilation.

Yes, this is bathroom.

Yes, Nana is in here.

Yes, she is using cat's paw grass.

Only, there's one thing I hadn't counted on. About ready to faint, I grip the doorframe with my free hand, eyes bulging out of their sockets. My heart is hammering and my knees are shaking. Prying my hand away from my mouth, I swallow back breakfast.

"Nana," I whisper frantically. "Get back here!"

The scene: Nana is currently perched on the other side of the wide edge of the deep marble bathtub, scalpel in one hand and a burning bunch of cat's paw in the other, which she is waving over the bathtub, which just so happens to contain a lot of water and one Bryan Kuznetsov, whose eyes are closed and face calm in deep sleep; the effects of very potent cat's paw.

"Nana!" I plea in a tiny voice. "What are you doing?"

"Ensuring that this demon does not create future spawns," she replies all-knowingly. "I managed to catch it unaware as it rested in this pool. No dark force can resist the power of the holy herb. Do not fear, grandson; it won't feel a thing."

She raises the scalpel.

"Are you insane?" I hissed softly, daringly entering. "Nana, get over here! You aren't supposed to be in here."

"This demon is the one who has no right to be here. I need only to remove the essential organs and its line will end."

"Touch the "essential organs" and _my life_ will end!"

She doesn't reply and returns to inspecting the unknowing Russian, trying to decide the best course of action. My best course of action would be to turn tails and run, but, somehow, I know that I will be held accountable, so I have no choice but to put an end to it before my grandmother puts an end to Bryan and Tala's sex lives, which, in turn, as aforementioned, would put an end to my life.

Tiptoeing closer, I decide that I am going to have to be very quick; one swift grab and I should be able to haul the old nutter out of here. I'm going to have to make sure to not get stabbed by the scalpel. Not that Nana would do so on purpose, but she gets very cranky when someone interferes with her "duties". Reaching the edge of the bathtub, I nervously glance at Bryan, fearing that he'll wake up any second now. His head is resting on the ledge but the rest of him is submerged.

If I survive this, I'm so not telling Kai about it. If I do then I'm sure I'll let something slip and say that Bryan has a great body, which he does. Having admitted that, I want to grab the cat's paw from Nana and thrust the burning end into my eyes. Appreciating the naked body of my boyfriend's close friend, not to mention Tala's boyfriend and my very own walking Doom, is not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Nor am I supposed to be marvelling at his nipple piercing or his…

"Nana," I choke, blushing vividly, "come here."

"It is time," she says, putting down the cat's paw.

"It is time to leave."

"It is time to free my beloved grandson, Let this demon's reign end!"

She swoops in!

Panicking, I lunge over the bathtub and with blessed balance manage to grab her without falling in. Quickly covering her mouth to stop her from objecting, I haul her back onto solid ground and fall into a crouch, waiting for the dreaded sound of water swishing as the Russian comes to.

Silence. He's still sleeping. Did Nana overdo it with the cat's paw grass? The last thing we need is a dead Russian in this house. No matter what Kai promises, there's no way valentines will be as magical with that incident in our memories.

Dragging Nana out of the bathroom, my face still burning bright red, I kneel before her and fix her with a stern stare.

"Don't you ever do that again!" I warn softly, gripping her shoulders. "Do you hear me?"

"I am only doing this for your own good," she argues back.

"Then don't mess with him! If something happens to him then I can guarantee you that something will happen to me. Do you want me to get hurt?"

"Never!"

"Then…" I sigh, tired. "Then don't ever put me through that again. Look, do what you want to do, but just stay away from Bryan and Tala, alright. Do some long distance exorcism or something."

She scratches her wrinkled chin.

"Hmmm, I could dissolves his aura with some meditation…"

"Perfect. Alright, you do that," I say eagerly, ushering her out the bedroom. "That's what I want to hear. I'm sure mother will love to help you."

"Yes, yes. It would work…a bit of spices…some ancient words…Hmmm…and some more cat's paw…"

Off she goes, talking to herself as she fingers the scalpel with her free hand. Good riddance.

After such a brave stunt, I turn, ready to take on the world, when a light goes off in my head. Nana is leaving…fingering her scalpel with her free hand…her free hand…something's supposed to be in that hand…

I slap my forehead. Hard.

The cat's paw! She left it in the bathroom!

I could just make a run for it, but again, all evidence will somehow point accusing fingers at me. Bryan and Tala are smart; they'd find someway to blame me, giving themselves perfectly good reasons to come after me. And with Kai sleeping off a migraine upstairs…

'Buddha, my lord,' I pray as I make my way back to the bathroom, 'look after me in this time of peril…'

Bryan's still asleep. I'm assured that he's alive because his chest rises and falls evenly just below the surface. The cat's paw is still simmering on the ledge. I creep over.

'…Have mercy on this soul, for I never meant any wrong doing…'

My fingers trembling, I stretch over the width of the bath. Damn, why did she have to leave it so close to the wall?

'…I ask you now to shield me from all evil…'

I am forced to lift one foot off the ground, still stretching for the bundle. Why is this bath so freakin' wide?

'…and to let me succeed in this task…'

The dried grass rustles as my fingers brush against it. Placing one hand on the slick side for support, I try to reach around the burning end.

'…and to allow me to return to the one I love in one piece…'

My fingers close around the stems. I send a grateful look to the heavens.

"Thank you, Buddha."

The hand supporting me suddenly slips on the wet marble and before I can regain my balance I tumble forward! Water splashes everywhere and something beneath me jumps, almost knocking me out of the tub. Resurfacing, I spit and gasp, trying to blink the soapy water out of my eyes as I brush my hair out of my face.

"What the fuck!"

Finding my sight once again, I find staring at a very much awake Bryan Kuznetsov. I find myself seated on a very much awake, very much naked Bryan Kuznetsov.

'…Oh…Shit…'

He's staring at me, still disoriented from the cat's paw, unsure if this is a dream or not, his light eyes still foggy. It can't be very often that he was awoken in bath to find a neko-jin sitting in his lap, can it? I'm staring at him, too petrified to move. We can only stare at each other, neither of us sure if this is really happening.

"I…I…" I sputter.

My mind is too muddled to even think straight. Amongst the things going through my mind are: _I'm going to die…Where did he get that piercing?...Nice abs…He's going to kill me…Nana is so going to pay for this…Why isn't he saying anything?...Did I leave the stove on this morning?...This really shouldn't be feeling so good…I'm as good as dead…_

Bryan's still too confused to even speak, blinking repeatedly as he stares at me. Perhaps this is Buddha's way of saving my sorry skin? If I make a run for it, maybe Bryan _will _believe that it was all a dream. Maybe I can get away with this.

My hopes are shattered when a third voice breaks the silence as someone steps into the bathroom.

"Oi, have you…seen…Kai's…keys…"

Slowly, we both turn to find one stunned Tala Ivanov standing in the open doorway, his blue eyes wider than ours, the plate of leftovers in his hand falling from numb fingers, shattering on the tiles and sending food everywhere. The redhead stares at me, then at his naked boyfriend, who I am draped over, then back at me, then back at Bryan, then…

The blue eyes narrow.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" he growls. And I mean, _growls_.

"What the hell is wrong…now…?" a fourth voice includes itself to the scene.

Guess who enters, stepping around the seething redhead to get an eyeful of Bryan and moi all close and cosy in the half-emptied bath?

Why, Kai, of course.

On the plus side, his headache must be gone, because his glare is the steeliest it's ever been as he glowers down on us. Tala's has dropped below zero. And Bryan finally snaps out of it and realizes the compromising aspect of our position. I feel his body tense beneath me.

Um, Buddha...?

Tbc…

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A/N: hee-hee-hee. That's all I have to say.

Read & Review, please.


	6. Love Them Or Kill Them

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be touched. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: "Sorry for the delay, yadda, yadda, yadda. University taking up a lot of my time, blah, blah, blah." I will update the rest of my Beyblade fics (and a couple of Inuyasha ones) this weekend. Again, your patience astounds me!

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_

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To Whom It May Concern_

I, Ray Kon, born July 4, 1988, in Gay-Bash Ville (a.k.a. White Tiger Tribe, China) in good health (considering) and of sound state of mind (questionable), do hereby state in this, my will, my final wishes:

_I would like my funeral to be attended by all **with the exceptions of** my relatives, traitorous ex-best friends, and oversexed pink cows. _

_To my parents, Lin and Gou Kon, I leave my worldly possessions (even though they don't know how to operate half of it ). _

_To my lover, Kai Hiwatari, I leave Duke Tigres II, better know as Tiger. _

_To my friends Tyson, Max, Kenny and Hillary, I leave my beyblade and fond memories._

_To Hiro Granger and Brooklyn Mason, I leave my blessings and best wishes. _

_And finally, to the police, I leave condemning evidence: My murderer is/will be Bryan Nikolaivich Kuznetsov._

_Signed,_

_Ray Kon._

Putting down the pen, I look morosely over at Kai, who is laying on the blanket on his stomach right next to me, waiting for his assessment. He's been staring at the far wall all this time but his eyes shift down to slowly read the shaky writing.

I'm _hoping_ for him to tell me to stop being so melodramatic. I _want_ him to say that I'm blowing things out of proportions. I _need _him to point out that I will live to see tomorrow.

"You misspelled Nikolayevich: a-y-e."

Grumbling, I correct the stupid mistake, then wait for him to tell me to stop worrying.

"It will do, I suppose."

Angrily, I toss down the pen.

"Kai! That's not what I want to hear right now!"

He glares me into submission, effectively reminding me that I should be really grateful that_ he_ hasn't killed me yet. With a pained sound, I bury my face in my pillow. A brief pause before I feel arms wrap themselves around me and pull me back against him. At once I turn to face and tuck my head beneath his chin, biting my lips.

Will this be our final hug? Our final cuddle? Am I really going to die a virgin?

"My family?"

"They've been moved into the bomb shelter beneath the basement, where they should be safe as long as he doesn't go looking for them."

"And Tiger?"

"Still locked in the reinforced cellar with two armed guardsmen at the door."

"Promise me that you'll visit my grave everyday?"

Kai hugs me closer.

"If it comes to that…yes."

This is very vague to you, isn't it? So, in order for me to have some alone time, with what little time remains of my being, with Kai, a flashback is in order. Let's go back in time and…

**_---Begin flashback---_**

"Mama, I want a cookie."

"Now, now, Ray. You'll spoil your appetite."

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!"

**_---Cut flashback---_**

Okay, that's _way_ _too_ far back. Let's try this again. And…

**_--- Begin good flashback---_**

Kai's glaring.

Tala's glaring.

Bryan's glaring, with a blush. Never knew the guy could blush. The interesting things in life always appear when one's nearing the end of their existence, don't they?

"Um…" I eloquently explain, not knowing which leer to avoid the most. "This is…kinda awkward, isn't it?"

Porcelain cracks beneath Tala's feet as he takes a very threatening step forward.

"What…?" he demands to know, not continuing, daring either of us to foolishly ask for an elaboration.

Kai's still glaring, arms crossed and face so serious he makes Robert look like a comedian.

"It's not what you think!" I defend myself with the lamest defence in the history of lame defences. I shift, a bad idea as I am still in Bryan's lap. His blush deepens.

"Get out of there. Now," Tala orders. His disquietingly calm voice sends a shiver down my spine.

Slowly, I grip the edges of the bath for support and finding my footing I haul myself up onto shaky legs. I never take my eyes off Tala, studying him for any sudden moves as I rise, soaking wet, and step onto the tiled floor. I shoot quick glances at Kai, silently begging him to save me, but he's not cooperating.

"What are you playing at, pussycat?" Tala demands.

No longer burdened with my weight and proximity, Bryan pulls himself out of the bath, in all his glory. I quickly look away, feeling my face heat up. Oh Buddha, please don't let any of them thing that I had enjoyed any of that!...Though I kinda did—Ack! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! I can't even look Bryan in the eyes! Mainly because his body is so hot…Buddha!

"N-Nothing," I choke.

Seriously, a chill invades the room. My breath begins to fog before me and my shivering intensifies. A strong hand grabs my shoulder and I am forced to meet the piercing blue eyes. Behind Tala, Bryan has wrapped a towel around his waist, mercifully…or not…

"Don't. Lie. To. Me."

Tala's vocabulary is rather disjointed today.

"It was an accident! I was just trying to get…"

Should I include Nana into this? Does she deserve this? She deserves a lot of things, what with all the things she's done in her ancient life, but _this_; Tala's rage? She deserves it more than me, that's for sure, but can I allow anything to happen to her…? After all, she had honestly thought that castrating Bryan would save me. She's achieved the exact opposite, though has mercifully failed in the ending-of-the-demon-gene-pool plot…

Damn it! Why do I keep sticking up for that old dingbat?

Tala, in the meantime, does not like how I've trailed off on the last sentence.

"Trying to get _what_, Kon?"

His fingers are leaving very dark bruises, I just know it. And why aren't Kai or Bryan doing anything! Well, I don't want Bryan doing anything, since if he does something it will be painful to me. Kai, on the other hand…

"Finish that sentence, Ray," Kai finally says evenly, looking between me and Bryan, who is being all tall and silent and half-naked and sexy in the corner.

What the _hell_ is wrong with me? Am I in heat, or am I just insatiably horny?

"B-B-But it's Bryan!" I point out with a shaky hand. "You don't honestly think that I'd make a move on _Bryan_, do you?"

"What's wrong with him?" Tala lashes out, offended.

…Huh? Oh, well.

"Only a psycho like you would want to be with him willingly!" I counter, knocking his hand off my shoulder.

"Watch yourself, Kon," Bryan snarls, coming to his lover's defence.

"It was a mistake," Kai at last says, making me want to run over to him and kiss him into the next millennium. "We all know that Ray—"

"There is nothing wrong with my taste!" Tala cuts him off.

"Suuuure, if fancying unhinged people is the norm!" I shoot back.

"Obviously, you do!"

"What part of 'accident' don't you understand!"

"The only 'accident' is that you got caught in the act!"

"I don't need your mental boyfriend; I've got a better one!"

"Who you're cheating on!"

"I wouldn't touch Bryan if he was the last man on earth and I had just swallowed five ton of Viagra!"

"You need more than five ton!"

"What is _that_ supposed to mean!"

"Exactly what it sounds like!"

"Enough!"

Kai comes between us, giving us both a rough shove in the chest to separate us from where we're toe-to-toe, yelling in each other's face. Man, Tala is a few more insults short of foaming at the mouth.

"Ray, I believe you," Kai says, "only because I know you'd rather sleep with Mariah than be alone in the same room with Bryan. But why were you in here in the first place?"

Tala releases a string of Russian curses, or very angry sounding Russian words, at least, before returning to the comprehensive world.

"I don't care why he's here. I want to know why he was on Bryan in the bathtub!"

"That's the same thing, you idiot!" I shoot back, now a heck of a lot braver with Kai standing between us.

"So what happened?" Kai turns to Bryan, seeing as he isn't getting anywhere with Tala.

"I'm not sure," he answers slowly, thinking back. He says something in Russian, then, "I fell asleep…", then back to Russian, then, "…just felt something fall on me…", once more, Russian, then, "…and he was in the tub."

What the heck was that about? Must still be under the influence of the herbs.

"You snuck up on him," Tala concluded.

Maaaaaaaannnnn…

"Look," I snap, daring to leave Kai's shadow. Walking over to the tub, I fish out the soggy remains of the cat's tail and threw it at Tala's feet, making an even bigger mess of the bathroom floor. "That's what I was trying to get, alright? It was on the other side of the tub and I was trying to get it without waking Bryan and my hand slipped and I fell in."

"That's the worst lie I've ever heard!"

"What was it doing there; how did you know it was there; and how could you have gotten so close to Bryan without waking him?" Kai asks, being more sensible but too analytical.

Has Nana ever done anything for me in my life, other than leave me alone, that makes me protect her so? Must be some ingrown family-loving hormone thing.

"Can't we just leave it at that? It was just an accident and it meant nothing."

A thin layer of ice now covers the water in the tub and ice patches on the floor will make for a dangerous journey to the door, but Tala seems to be calming down. Sticking close to Kai, for shielding and body heat, I await his decision.

"Fine then," Tala says, suddenly collected. I don't like it when he switches moods so quickly. "If you insist that that is the case, then I cannot prove otherwise."

"Nor can you punish Ray for anything," Kai reminds.

The redhead waves it off.

"Yeah, yeah."

Bryan and Kai share, to my horror, worried looks. They know that the wolf doesn't let such matters go lithely. Bryan, probably testing the waters, reaches out to touch his lover. My worst fears are confirmed when Tala coldly bats the hand away.

"All the same, I refuse to be touched by one who has touched _that_."

Guess who the _that_ is?

"…What?" Bryan asks, actually shaking his head to clear his ears from any excessive water, thinking he has misheard.

Kai subtly tugs my arm and with a small tilt of his head, motions for me to begin making my way to the door. Only, I'm too afraid to leave his side.

Tala crosses his arms. The mirror on the walls suddenly bursts, unable to withstand the cold any longer.

"I am going home. You are staying here."

Kai actually gives me a push in the back. On shaky legs, I begin to creep towards the door, watching the standoff between my tormentors. Kai is bravely staying behind, should too much blood be lost.

"What did _I _do?" Bryan demands to know.

"Nothing," Tala responds after a moment's thought. "But if I can't blame the pussycat then that leaves you."

Tala would make a terrible judge.

"Stop being such a pain," Bryan says, grabbing Tala by the elbow, not taking the wolf's words seriously. You'd think someone who's been with the redhead for so long would know when to head for the hills.

In what could aptly be title "The Slap Heard Around The World", Tala's palm connects with Bryan's cheek so hard that _my _cheek burns.

"Hope you liked your little moment together," Tala says sarcastically to his stunned lover. "Because right now he's the only lover you have left! Zhopa!"

I press myself into the doorframe as Tala walks out.

"Have fun, pussycat," he says softly for only me to hear as he passes, eyes gleaming with vindictive glee. He doesn't even collect any of his belongings; the door slams behind him, loud enough to send a row of paintings crashing to the floor.

…That bastard. He's only doing this to get back at me! Though, exactly how he thinks that denying Bryan pleasure will hurt me is…Oh.

Rephrase that: Uh-oh.

"Ray," Kai says, very tense, eyes never leaving Bryan, who has yet to blink out of it.

"Yeah?"

Bryan's fingers twitch.

"You know the room I once told you about?"

"The secret room that only we know of?"

Bryan's eyes are growing dark.

"Yes, that one."

"What about it?"

Bryan slowly turns to look at me.

"Run for it."

"…Okay."

"**KON!!!!**"

Bryan's yell follows me as I sprint out of the room. I can hear the sound of bodies hitting the floor as Kai tackles him to give me a head start. Slipping on ice, I never look back, running as if my life depended on it, which, quite frankly, it did.

**_---End good flashback---_**

That was yesterday, by the way. An entire day has passed and I'm not letting Kai out of my sight. Right now he's more defeated than dedicated; he's a strong guy but trying to walk with my deadweight clutching his leg is not an easy feat. He tried, and gave me a couple of good rug burns in the process, but for now he's figured that he should at least wait around until I suffer a fatal heart attack before going to the bathroom. My hero. Who just so happens to be best friends with my mortal enemy.

"I hate Tala."

"…"

"I really, really, really hate that asshole."

"…"

"Tell me, is it possible to hate someone more than lima beans? 'Cause that's how much I hate him."

"…"

"What are you thinking about?"

Kai, who has been stewing over who knows what all this time, frowns.

"I have to attend a meeting in town."

I wrap my arms and legs around him, pulling off a pretty darn good impression of a boa constrictor. I feel blessed to be the only person on earth who can do this to Kai No-Touchy Hiwatari and not require spinal surgery afterwards.

"Don't go?" I beg, er, ask.

"I have to." He'd rather get a root canal, but he's a stickler when it comes to responsibilities.

"Can I come? Take me!" Hm, I was planning to save that last line for Valentines Day, but my first priority right now is, oh, _living_. "I promise I won't mess around with the elevators or nose through top secret files or stick gum beneath any of the desks this time!"

"You what?"

…Oops. I forgot: I never told him about that.

"How do you—"

"Don't change the subject," I interrupt. "I'll just wait in the sitting room. Where do you have to be?"

"Corpus Inc."

Yikes. Anyone vaguely familiar with Latin knows that 'corpus' means body. As in, the medical industry that does the scientific research on dead people. As in, the scary black building with the blinding fluorescent lights and steel furniture. As in, the claustrophobia-inducing sitting room with its creepy displays of things that rightfully belong, intact and unlabelled, in the human body, dead or alive. As in, no way in freakin' hell am I going back there!

"Why do you do business with those people?" I ask, trying to stall until I come up with an ingenious plan.

"Because it's business," Kai replies and begins to extract himself from my interlocking limbs. I now have less than eight seconds: either he will free himself by then or he'll decide that it isn't worth the effort and just pinch me.

Seven seconds left, and counting.

"I can wait in the car."

Six. And he's managed to unhook one of my legs.

"It'll take too long."

Five. There goes my grip on his waist.

"Why don't you reschedule the meeting for, say, next year when things here have cooled down?"

Four. Hah! He cannot open my fist-of-death on his shirt.

"There will be international partners there; the meeting cannot be postpone."

Three. Ouch! Okay, so he _can_ open my fist-of-death on his shirt.

"I think I'm coming down with something."

Two. Our bodies are no longer in full contact.

"I will send for the doctor."

One. He's free. Initiate ingenious plan:

"Kaaaaaaaiiiii!"

"Just stay put," he says, rubbing his wrist. I feel somewhat smug that I managed to bruise him. "Bryan knows that under no circumstance he's allowed in this room. The meeting will be three hours, the most. I'll be back before dinner."

Growling, I get to my knees amidst the ruffled blankets and sheets and pillows. Kai's already in the walk-in closet, being in need of more formal, and less wrinkled, clothes. I sulkily walk over to him, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"And I had planned so many fun things for Valentine."

"Ray, this is getting ridiculous."

"You're right…Let's call the army and have them take care of him!"

"I was only kidding about the will. Bryan's not going to kill you."

"Oh yeah?" I challenge. "Give me one good reason why he won't."

Kai pins me against the coat rack, steals my breath with a kiss deeper than space and finally decides on an all black outfit. Gasping for air, I follow him out.

"Okay, so that's one reason…"

"That's the only reason he needs," Kai says, pulling off the shirt he's been wearing for two days, since I refused to let him so much as get off the bed to change since yesterday. "You belong to me and he knows that I do not like him damaging what is mine."

Being referred to as an object should be insulting, but I practically swoon at the thought of belonging solely to Kai. I still cannot get over the fact that Kai is a rather rabid possessor. If he says something is his, it's _his_. Not his-but-he's-willing-to-share, or his-but-he-doesn't-mind-others-using-it, but his-so-shut-up-and-accept-it. Tyson, as always, found that out the hard way when he ate the tub of ice cream in the freezer that Kai had specifically forbidden any of us to even look at. At first Tyson had only been worried about getting a brain freeze by the time he was through with the one gallon of chocolate ice cream; when Kai was through with him he kept begging us to let him get a lobotomy to forget the pain.

So, all in all, I should have more faith in Kai. He won't be gone for long…and this room is safe…and he is the master of the house. I shouldn't be worried…Except for one nagging detail…

"But Bryan hasn't had sex for almost a day!"

Kai's apathetic look is very annoying.

"He's probably lost all sense of sanity by now!"

"When has he ever had any?"

"The point is," I say through clenched teeth, "if things stay the way they are he's going to snap and not give a damn about your authority and then what? You can't hang around and protect me bodily for the next few months until Tala gets over it."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Well, maybe not that long—"

"Tala's not going to get over this. Period."

"Now I'm _never_ letting you leave this room." I bar the door, digging my nails into the woodwork. "Have your people ship my parents back to China, escort Tiger into this room with a tank and build us a dumbwaiter for our meals because we are not stepping one foot out of this door."

Fifteen seconds later I'm right back on the bed where I started, fuming as Kai gives me an almost understanding look from the open door. Almost.

"Just stay put. Three hours," he promises.

I blink my eyes, trying to squeeze out as many tears as possible, almost rupturing a retina.

"Puppy-dog eyes routine won't work this time."

Wiping my eyes, I turn my back to him and sink into depressive oblivion.

"See you."

I grunt, carelessly waving an uncommitted goodbye. The door closes and locks behind him as he leaves. I don't move for a moment before I give in and fall back into the mountain of pillows with a groan.

This was not what I had envisioned my new life as! When I left the dojo in the cab with Kai, floating in my bubble of euphoria, I did not factor in the possibility of having to deal with my psycho family and Kai's psycho friends. Up until yesterday my main concern had been choosing the right whip cream for Valentine. Man, I miss those days! On the plus side, with my family locked beneath the house Kai and I could still have our perfect Valentine…

Then again, the knowledge of a blood-thirsty, sex-starved, knife-wielding satyriasis lurking somewhere in this very house isn't very arousing. Shit. Think, Ray, think! There's got to be a way to sort this all out!

I could ask Kai to go over there and talk to Tala…Nah. Tala's made being a royal pain an art form, one that he's the master in. Chances of Kai getting through to him right now are less likely than Bryan hugging me.

Maybe if we, I mean Kai, send Bryan to talk to him…On second thought, I'm in no mood to organize a funeral.

Maybe I could stage some sort of accident…Like have something really heavy fall on Bryan, like a television, and then frantically call for medics who will rush him to the hospital in need of some serious first aid! And then, when Kai calls Tala to tell him the horrible news, Tala will be so upset that he'll rush over to the hospital and be so happy that Bryan's still alive (though how or why I haven't figured out yet) that he'll forgive him and take him home and let him do whatever Bryan wants to do to him! And then maybe they'll even forgive me and open up to me and finally let me in to their little Russian posse!

…But what if they find out I dropped the television on Bryan? Damn, that'd be too risky. What a shame; it was such a nice plan too.

How about…

"Ray, are you in there?"

Heh, funny. Thought I just heard Nana's croaky voice. Where was I? Oh yeah, I could…

"If you can hear me, Ray, then be at peace."

…Damn imagination of mine. This is what happens when I go for more than a day without a make-out session. So where would I…

"I only came by to reassure you. The beast's reign of terror will end today!"

…I did not hear that. Nope, I did not, and cannot, and _will not_, hear that. I don't care if I can smell the burning of essences or hear the rattling of beads. It's all in my head. I'm just really tired right now and am hallucinating. I think I'll go take a nap. Kai will be back by the time I wake up. Hey, maybe I'm asleep right now and this is all just a really bad dream! Wicked!

"Fear not, my beloved grandson! I have in my hands the weapon of all weapons! Hahahahaaaaaa!! Eeeeevviiiiiiilll!! And I will do away with the demon once and for all! DEMON, SHOW YOURSELF OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN!…VERY WELL! HERE I COME!!"

Good thing this is just a dream. If it weren't than I'd…have…to…Oh shit.

"Nana! Wait!"

Throwing the door open, I pray to find her standing right there but the hall is empty. Aren't old people supposed to be slow and arthritic? Just my luck my Nana is the most athletic senior citizen; years of prowling around has done wonders to prevent stiff joints and creaky hips.

"Nana? Nana!" I whisper as loud as I dare, now fully aware of just how quiet the whole house is and how easily the stillness can transmit the slightest of sound. "Nana! Come back here! I have a better plan; let's discuss it in this room, with the door _locked_!"

No reply. She's already on the move.

Fine. If she's convinced she can take on Bryan, than by all means, let her. She's lived a long and prosperous life. She's got to learn sometime that her antics cannot go unpunished. If age and experience hasn't taught her anything than who am I, with my puny 16 years of existence, to attempt to teach her some common sense? It's not like I'm her keeper. And it's not like I asked her to challenge Fate, and death, so brashly. She's doing this on her own. She's doing this because she thinks it's the right thing to do. She's doing this because she…truly does…love me…and…

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

If I don't inherit that golden vase she keeps in her room back home I'll…

Tip-toeing on socked feet, it takes me five minutes to reach the end of the hall. It takes another three minutes to gather the courage to peep around the corner. A quick prayer to Buddha, and a cross-sign and some chanting, just in case, I leave the safety of our domain. There's only one place I know Nana will go to: back into the belly of the beast. The room where this whole nightmare began. I encounter no one underway, which only makes the empty house and my vulnerability more imposing. Is it because the servants have been sent home (for their safety), because Kai's not here, because Bryan is here (alone), or because places are always the scariest when you least wanted them to be?

Knowing my luck, probably the last.

The door to the demonic duo's bedroom is, once again, open. I hesitate, wondering if I'm about to walk in on a carnage; is Bryan currently making a necklace out of Nana's vertebrae? Or wearing her head as a hat? What has become of the daft senior?

"One…two…three…" I whisper to myself and push the door further open, ready to scream my lungs out at the horror I felt sure awaited me.

Nothing. The room is deserted. So is the bathroom.

Nana must have checked here already and moved on. And if Bryan isn't in this room than he isn't in the entire house. Has he gone to seek Tala out of desperation? Oh, wait, what do I care? He's gone! Just in case, though, I should use this chance to find my endearing bedlamite and return her to the bomb shelter, or , preferably, an asylum. See Ray? Things will work out, for now.

"Came back for more, pussy cat?" a voice snarls right in my ear.

…no fair. No, _no_ fair.

"Bryan!"

There I go again, stating the obvious.

He's holding something in one hand behind his back but he makes a good effort to grab me with the other. Nimbly leaping over the bed, I go into a defensive crouch, ready to battle my way to that door. If I have to die then I will do so fighting! Bryan's intent on making the encounter brief.

"Feeling rather brave, walking around without Kai here to protect you," he sneers, eyes bloodshot and pupils mere dots: the poster child of partner-deprivation.

"I don't need Kai to protect me." Which, in any other case, is true. Now I'm just bluffing. "It's not my fault your boyfriend is such a drama queen."

With Tala not around I expected to not see any flying objects for some time, but my built in reflexes just barely enable me to duck the fire poker, which has been minding its own business in the roaring fireplace, that is hurled at me like a glowing javelin. It embeds itself in the wall, burning a hole into the wallpaper.

"I know why you did it, Kon."

Really? Thank goodness! He actually listened to what I said. Maybe we can settle things and—

"You're trying to break me and Tala up!"

What?! I am not!

"What?! I am not!"

"You couldn't stand us always getting the upper hand so you decided to split us up!"

"Bryan, be reasonable—"

"Oh, I've got something to reason with."

He holds up the thing he's been hiding behind his back. Tied up like one of those tortured calves at those rodeo shows Max's always going on about is Tiger! A make-shift muzzle encases his little snout but those big eyes blink at me pitifully.

"You jerk! Let him go!" I demand, storming around the bed. "That's just low, even for you!"

He easily holds my pet out of my reach, being much taller than me. When I'm close enough he grabs me by the shirt and pulls me towards him, almost making us head butt.

"Kai won't be back for another two hours; I can twist this little rat's head off in two seconds."

Alright, bitch, the gloves are off. No one, _no one_, threatens Tiger! I knock his hand away with a solid punch and prepare to go Mortal Kombat on his ass.

"Violence won't help you, Kon."

I almost laugh in his face. Mr I-Beat-The-Paper-Boy-Into-A-Bloody-Puddle-Because-He-Gave-Tala-A-Compliment is lecturing me on violence?

"Then you'd better give me a good alternative and quick," I growl, cracking my knuckles.

"Bring back Tala and I'll give you this back."

I straighten, waiting for him to crack up and tell me he's joking. Me? Go to Tala? That's like telling a convicted murderer to walk himself to the electric chair.

"This cat will be dead before you even manage to land your first punch. Get Tala back and I'll hand you the fur ball. I'll even untie it myself."

"How generous of you. Bryan, and I know I am asking too much here, use your head! Tala doesn't listen to me on his best of days!"

Bryan is not impressed and holds Tiger upside down, making him meow at the feeling.

"Stop that!"

"Bring him back."

"Bryan!"

"If you're not back here with him before Kai gets home the cat will get it."

"But…"

"MEOW!" Tiger manages when Bryan pretends to drop him, only to catch him just before he hits the floor.

"Alright! Alright. I'll try."

"Not good enough."

"It's all I can do, isn't it? You aren't leaving me with that many choices."

He looks at me, judging whether or not he's made it clear that he's fully capable of offing a kitten. Tiger still in his clutches, he sits down on the bed, folding his legs Indian-style and placing my immobile pet in his lap. Then he crosses his arms and waits. Message clear: Time to get a move on.

"You are going to regret this," I hiss, pupils slit.

He only nods at the clock. Kai's been gone for half an hour.

"Tick…tock…"

Biting back a scream, I spin and sprint from the room. Good thing we have two drivers; I should be at Tala and Bryan's apartment in ten minutes. Tala better be moping and cursing at home because I'm in no mood, and have no time, to go looking for him in the streets of Moscow.

My only priority right now is getting Tiger back.

* * *

"This is it, sir. Do you—"

"Just wait for me!" I snap, slamming the door shut before the driver even manages to get out of the car to open it for me. "If I'm not back in an hour, call Kai, then the police."

"Y-Yes, sir."

I almost dent the elevator doors in when they take too long. A few minutes since later I'm prowling down the lit corridor, eyeing the numbers on the door until I find 66. I tell you, I've been tempted many, many times to take a permanent marker and add a third six on there. Raising a fist, I pound on the door several times.

"Tala! Open up!"

There's no answer. I try the handle. It's locked.

"I'm in no mood for this bullshit right now so open this damn door!"

The door _behind_ me opens. While the neighbours are used to hearing Tala and Bryan screaming, at each other, my voice is a new nuisance. One this guy stupidly thinks he can silence.

"Do you mind?" he says in poor English. "I am sleeping."

If Nana saw me now she'd scream bloody murder and douse me with scalding holy water. I turn and the guy's face pales.

"Then go back to sleep," I suggest, fangs gleaming.

He fumbles with the door handle, tearfully, and slams the door shut. I hear many locks and chains and bolts before what sounds like a very heavy piece of furniture is pushed up against the door.

"Tala!" I turn my attention back to the door, which is still shut. "Either I stay out here and make a scene or I smash this door right off its hinges and come in there after you! Either way, you're not getting rid of me yet!"

Silence. I picture Tiger's big green eyes and his awkwardly bound body. Without even thinking my actions through, I deliver one of my most charged kicks, hitting my target dead on. Something, most likely the lock, gives way and the door slams against the wall behind it. Breathing hard, I glare into the apartment, expecting to see Tala standing right there, having been there all this time. He isn't. I enter and kick the door shut behind me. The force wedges it into the frame.

"Tala!" I shout, not yet realizing that I might be arrested for breaking and entering. "Where are you?"

"You'd better pay for that."

My rage sags when Tala, wearing only a damp pair of pants, appears around the corner. His hair is still wet, dripping down his shoulders and back. He looks like he just pulled himself out of a swimming pool. Or stepped out of the shower…Aah. Oops.

"Does Kai usually allow you to run about and break people's doors in?"

Why do they always bring up Kai? I'm fully capable of being a public menace on my own.

"And how dare you come here?" Tala adds, remembering the current reason why he hates me.

A blunder like this normally leaves me feeling a bit embarrassed, but high on desperation I just march right up to him and grab him by an arm and start dragging him back to the busted front door he's so pissed off about.

"You're coming back to the mansion and you're going to make it up with Bryan. Kai had to send almost all the servants home for their own safety and we had to chain my family in the bomb shelter for their own safety and we had armed guards brought in for Tiger for his own safety and that bastard Bryan still managed to get to him and he's now holding Tiger hostage and he'll snap his neck like a toothpick if you don't forgive him and let him shag you!"

Tala digs his heels in and the sudden halt almost topples me over.

"No."

Okay, so maybe I could have formulate my request better. Still…

"Didn't you hear me? Tiger's life is in danger!"

"I missed the part where that's my problem," he replies and heads into the kitchen.

I'm right behind him, not about to give him a moment's peace. I don't know why he hasn't tried to at least hit me with something; maybe he's just not in the mood. Then again, unlike Bryan, he's always aware of the fact that Kai would not appreciate it if he dealt with me in the same way he deals with others. Just one of the many perks of being with Kai.

"Tala, Bryan had nothing to do with what you saw in the bathroom! It was my stupid slip up. You know how Bryan feels about me; you know how he feels about you; for him it isn't a difficult choice. You're just doing this to get back at me!"

He considers this as he fills a glass of water. I'm the one doing most of the talking, and I can feel my throat going dry, but I'd bet Nana that he won't offer me something to drink, unless he throws it at me. He takes a sip, still pondering.

"Yes, I suppose I am. Poor you."

So many sharp knives laying about…Calling me…

"Listen, Tala, I was willing to live the rest of my life in our bedroom. I am not about to let Tiger, Kai's Christmas present to me and an innocent creature, die because of your little game of revenge. I won't let that happen!"

"You won't. I will."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. My frustration is slowly giving way to bemusement.

"Do you really hate me that much, Tala? I'll admit that I'm not overly fond of you, or Bryan, and that at times I wish that I never met either of you, but I'd never, ever do something that I know would hurt you. I don't expect much from Bryan, but you I at least thought possessed _some_ traits of humanity."

"Kon," he says, sounding bored and tired with the conversation and with me. "In the abbey our targeting skills were perfected by aiming at stray animals during blade launches; one dead cat isn't going to make me all weak and guilty."

The admission tightens the knot in my stomach. Though the abbey is solely to blame for such atrocities, Tala's indifference concerning it is even more disturbing. If I don't think fast then Tiger's fate's as good as sealed.

"Fine," I say after taking a deep breath to calm myself. "I can't force you to care for me or Tiger, but you can't convince me that you don't care for Bryan."

"I am getting sick of you right now, Kon," he waves off and begins to push me out, still holding his glass of water. "What I do in my personal life is none of your business."

I evade his bossy hand, ducking to the side. I know he's trying to blame his coldness on me while clearly steering clear of the current subject.

"If you cared anything for Bryan then you wouldn't be putting him through this over something so lame! Or do you truly don't give a damn about him?"

I can actually hear something snapping within him. The blue eyes harden.

"You don't know anything!" he says forcefully. "You don't know how I feel!"

"Please! I can't believe I'm about to say this out loud but Bryan has feelings, okay? He's cold blooded, cruel, psychotic, sadistic, terrifying, insufferable but a devoted partner! The guys has more flaws than Tyson has secret candy stashes and he borders on the brink between human and predator yet somehow he finds it within him to be completely taken up with you, for reasons only his insane mind find justifiable! Him threatening the life of my pet is sick, but it also proves just how far he's willing to go for you; all of us, including him, know the consequences his actions will bring upon him. If I don't kill him then Kai certainly will. Still, he's doing this for you!"

Tala, King of the Ice and Lord of Chilliness and Duke of Frost, just stands there, still completely damp, still holding the glass and expression still stubbornly blank. I know I got him somewhere; the bastard just won't reveal where. And it makes me wonder: Has he and Kai ever had a major fight? Bryan's thrown in the towel first, due to primal needs and, unbelievably, love. Kai, on the other hand, isn't handicapped by those needs and can match Tala as far as pigheadedness is concerned (but I still love him; finally, something me and Bryan can relate on).

"What were you planning on doing?" I ask, not giving up. "Live the rest of your life holed up in here? When were you planning to forgive Bryan for his "crime"? Were you going to deliver some devastating blow? Even the odds? Cheat on him too?"

The glass shatters as it hits the ground, sending shards everywhere. Tala's hand remains limp until he balls it into a fist. He isn't meeting my stunned stare. He swallows with much difficulty and shivers for the first time.

What the hell…?

"Tala?" I approach slowly, not wanting to believe what I'm making of it all. "Don't tell me…It's not…You didn't cheat on Bryan…did you?"

"I suppose you've learned your lesson now. I'll meet you in the car," he mumbles, suddenly and inexplicably obliging. Ignoring the sharp glass fragments he tried to leave the scene.

Tiger's life momentarily takes backseat as I block the redhead's escape route.

"Kon, move," he says, once more composed and not unlike his usual impatient self. The ruse is too late.

"Why did you react like that just now?"

"Do you _want _to bury that precious hairball of yours?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

"You're in my way, that's what!" He's beginning to lose face again.

"Who was it?"

The slap is so sudden and so vicious it almost knocks me off my feet and a few teeth down my throat. My head hits the door frame, hard, and my vision explodes with stars and bright squiggly things. Through the agony, and the marvel of Tala's hidden strength, I am shocked to recognize the look on Tala's face. He's trying to mask it with outrage but I can see it: it's the injured, helpless look. The one I only saw once before. During Voltaire's visit.

"I don't know what you take me for," Tala just barely manages to get out, his voice laced with animosity and strain, "but keep your allegations to yourself. Now let me get dressed and I will go talk to Bryan."

"…Hurry," is all I can say, moving to the side to allow him passage. He roughly brushes past me and I hear the bedroom door slam, rattling the windows.

My face is burning and my jaws makes strange cricking noise when I open and close it. Bracing myself, I force it back into place, grateful that the strike didn't fully dislocate it. The world is still spinning and my head feels like it's about to explode. What feels like a major headache is beginning to brew and I ponder how I'm going to explain the inevitable mark to Kai. And my family. Shit, mom's going to freak out. I'm going to have to chain myself to the very foundation of the house to stop her from dragging me back onto the plane, back to China. Or I could just chain her up. And dad. Nana…Well, if she managed to escape from the airtight, security controlled bomb shelter then there's little I can do to make her stay put, unless I can convince her that a very stationary object, like the earth, is possessed and needs rescuing; that'd keep her busy and chanting for days.

Pushing myself off the wall, I begin to make the dizzying trip back to the car. My vision is a bit blurry but, from what I can make from the clock as I pass it by, I still have 45 minutes before Kai returns. Meaning that Tiger's safe; Bryan will probably toss him to me once Tala's at his side again. I'm not sure whether or not to tell Kai about the whole escapade. It's been dealt with…but the mark on my face won't be easy to explain away. Going against my sense of honour, I suppose I'm going to have to squeal. I did handle it on my own; I just don't want to keep anything from Kai.

Because if there's one thing this ordeal has taught me, other than to listen to Kai when he tells me to "Stay put", it's that keeping things from your partner only makes things harder.

"Tala…What are you hiding?" I ask myself.

And wasn't the reason why I left the room in the first place to save Nana?

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: Again, more dramatic than funny. Still, hope it was worth the wait.

Next chapter: Tala and Bryan reunited? An uninvited guest shows up on the doorstep? And what is Nana up to_ this_ time?

Read & Review, please.


	7. Dark Relations

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Warnings: see chapter one

Summary: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used by any other. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: Took a while, this one. I was on a roll, typing up a storm, and had reached around nine pages before rereading it and realizing that it was **way** too dark. Of course, I am an angst lover and (most of) my fics have angst in them, but it didn't fit in with the rest of this story so I had to erase **everything** and start all over again.

* * *

"I did it." 

"Don't get cocky."

"I did it _all by myself_."

"No, I think Tala helped you with this one," Kai argues, poking the dark bruise on my cheek.

"Ow!"

"And that one," Kai adds, tapping the bruise on my shoulder.

"Kai!"

"And that…Oh wait, I gave you that one," Kai boasts, kissing the bruise on my neck.

I push him away. I'm not going to let him rain on my parade. Sitting up in our bed, with Tiger purring at my side, I am a monument of pride and accomplishment, blinding Kai with my recently-discovered, as-yet-to-be-perfected counseling skills. I may be bruised, sore and seeing doubles, but I am one independent kitty. No, a tiger! No, no, even better: a saber-tooth tiger! Rowrrrrr! No, wait. Rooaaarrr! No, how about—

"OW!"

Kai thinks that the most effective way to nurse a person back to health is to make the healing process as uncomfortable as possible. That way the body will speed up its recovery, if only to end the suffering. So rather than gently laying that ice pack on my cheek, he's practically smacking me with it, calling it 'exact medicine'. I have a couple of things to call _him_…

"Don't kick a victorious warrior when he's down."

"How can he be victorious if he's down?"

"The point is that I, Ray Kon, dealt not only with Bryan Kuznetsov but Tala Ivanov as well. On the same day! Without you!"

"You've achieved very little in your life, haven't you?"

I let Kai's words run off me like water off a duckling's back. He's not going to take this away from me. I'll cherish it for ever and ever and ever, and a long time after that, plus a few extra millennia.

"I bonded with Tala, Kai. Something happened between us."

"That would have been his fist striking you. I've warned you about confronting Tala under any circumstances unless you're unbreakable, like Bryan or…Just don't do that again."

"And lose my newly acquired skill? To hell with that! I'm on to something. In fact…" I pull him closer, make sure no one is listening (We're alone in the bedroom, but hey, you never know). "Kai, and before you tell me to keep my ever nosey nose out of other's people business, and that I clearly don't have a life, and that there are a million better things I could be doing instead of caring for your friends, like flossing or building a snowman one snowflake at a time, I think Tala's hiding something. Something big. And he doesn't want _anyone_ to know."

"Really? That's strange. He's always so open and trusting." No one can lay on the sarcasm like Kai. "Ray, Tala's has issues that _he_ doesn't even want to deal with; that he doesn't want Bryan to know; and that he'd rather sacrifice two ribs, his spleen, a leg and Wolborg than tell you, of all people."

"So you agree that Tala _does_ have issues." Seeing as persuasion is needed, I scoot over until I am draped over his lap. "You know me, Kai. You know that, as much as I wish I could sometimes call those men in white coats to come and roundup their star patient, I am cursed with a damned heart. He's cracking already. Sooner or later something's gonna give and you're going to regret not intervening sooner."

"He's kept it together for three years. He's learned to live with it."

"Three years? Shit. I wish I could keep a secret that long."

"You still haven't told me why he hit you. Tala isn't Bryan. He doesn't usually resort to extreme physical violence, unless it's Bryan. You must have said something really serious. What did you tell him?"

Um…maybe I can talk my way out of answering that. Wrestling my ponytail from Tiger, who's using it as a chew toy, I plaster an innocent expression on my guilty face.

"He denied it. Anyway, how about catching a movie and—"

Uh-oh, that was a bad idea. Now Kai knows I'm hiding something and he knows that when I'm hiding something it's because he knows that I know that he won't be happy about it once he knows, I just know it.

"What. Did. You. Tell. Him?"

Would this be a good time to seduce him…?

"It's like this…It's kinda funny, really…Well, not really, but we'll look back on this in a few…centuries and laugh. Seriously, there's a good action flick everyone's raving about.'

Cripes. Kai's not saying anything_ and_ his eyes have narrowed. To spare him from injuries should things get rough between us, I place Tiger on the floor. Happily oblivious of it all, he tackles his favourite toy mouse and carries it beneath the bed.

"Fine, fine. He was being stubborn and we started shouting at each other. I might have gotten bit too carried away and I kinda blurted it out and he just…freaked, you can say. I might have pushed him too far and he punched me. He was upset but that's all that happen—OW!!"

Grabbing the ice pack away and flinging it to the farthest corner of the room, I try to push him off me. He won't budge, sitting on me and pinning me to the bed. This feels familiar (in an erotic sort of way), only Kai's glaring at me. A sly remark forms in my mind but by the time it reaches the tip of my tongue I've lost all courage to actually say it out loud. Kai is _not _in the mood.

"What did you say?" His hands clench my wrists painfully. His eyes are dark. "What did you say to Tala?"

"Kai—"

"Tell. Me."

Shit. I don't like this. Kai's never spoken to me like this. He's never…He's angry.

"Kai, chill out. I…"

A lot of things (read: everything) _annoys_ Kai. Nothing new about that. Worry really begins to set in when something _angers_ Kai. Angering him takes a lot of effort. Not even Tyson has ever gotten a real wrathful response out of Kai. I never thought I'd be one of the few to draw one out of him. The tips of my fingers are getting cold and numb.

"Kai…?" I whisper, trembling. This time I cannot hide the fact that I am now genuinely terrified of him, my own boyfriend.

He blinks, looks into my wide eyes and quickly lets me go. I don't even have to chance to sigh in relief. He pulls me to him. He's shaking, mumbling Russian curses to himself.

"I'm sorry…I can't believe I did that." He rubs my bruised wrists with one hand while he holds my head against his chest with the other. I think he's even more scared of his behaviour than I was. "I swear to you, it won't happen again."

"What happened to you? It was like you were a complete stranger to me."

He's taking deep breaths. He's about to say something about himself, or his past. Talking about himself is torture for Kai. Talking about himself means that he has to admit feelings and weaknesses. I don't have a problem with admitting to my flaws. Kai, on the other hand, feels that doing so makes him a lesser person. Ironic. Every time he tells me more about himself my admiration only _grows_. How different we are…

"I've know Tala, Bryan, Spencer and Ian for years. The five of us know that, no matter what we say to each other, we will always back each other up. Bryan and Tala fight all the time; they call each other names and will resort to punches and beybattles and there have been some serious injuries in the past but I know, we all know, that it's trivial and that they'll get back together sooner or later.

"But whenever anyone else, a stranger, an outsider, says or does anything to one of us, the rest will retaliate. It's always been like that. I've always been like that. I'd get into fights often in the Abbey. The kids there were harsh and there was always jealousy and bullying. Spencer, Bryan and I could fend for ourselves, but Tala and Ian couldn't. Spencer and Ian go way back so Ian always had Spencer to look out for him, but Bryan had still to develop any sense of empathy at the time so I was the one who had to stand up for Tala."

"And you never managed to shake the habit," I conclude, a bit happy to hear him talk about his past, which I know next to nothing of.

"I don't want to. Tala's a strong person physically. He's a tough blader and anyone who can do some damage on Bryan is more than an able fighter, but mentally…Like I said, he's got issues. And seeing as he and Bryan spend so much time apart due to their arguments I'm the one who has to watch over him all the time. For years Tala was the only one I cared for and I couldn't care less who I'd hurt, as long as he was alright.

"But…you're here now. You're an outsider to our group. You've called them names, and I can't blame you. Anyone who calls Tala an asshole in my presence will lose their teeth, but I know that you have a "damned heart" and that you don't mean it vindictively. However, when you say something about Tala, something to his face that affects him, that hurts him…"

As much as I appreciate his opening up to me, I can't stop hearing that hated word repeating itself over and over again in my ears.

"I'm…an outsider…?"

"Don't look at me like that, Ray."

"I've tried, Kai. You've seen me make a fool out of myself, put my pride and life on the line to fit in with you guys. Why am I still just an outsider?"

"I'm not saying that you haven't made an effort._ I_ don't see you as a stranger. Fact is you didn't grow up in that Abbey. You don't have their trust and respect. You don't fit in with our group. They don't hate you; you're just someone they have yet to get used to. Now you're here as a big part in my life, so inevitably, you're now a part of their lives. They don't know how to deal with another person being around all the time. I care about you, Ray. And it confuses me because at times I don't know…You or my friends…I…"

He cannot really explain what he feels. I understand, all the same. It is never easy choosing between lovers and friends. It's a choice that doesn't need to be made at all. I believe that one person can love many. You love your parents in a different way than you'd love a best friend, who again does not get the same type of love a partner gets. Kai just doesn't know that this is possible. He thinks that he_ has_ to choose. I've tried explaining it to him with little success. He just has to come around and see it for himself.

"I'm still sorry for scaring you," he says, resting his head on mine.

"I'm sorry for upsetting both you and Tala. You're right. I was prying. I just barged in there, the only thing on my mind was rescuing Tiger."

Hearing his name, Tiger jumps back on the bed, toy mouse still in his mouth. Picking his way over tousled sheets, he deposits the toy on Kai's knee and hops into my lap.

"Bryan wouldn't have killed him," Kai says, flicking the toy away. He doesn't buy the idea that cats give their owners gifts. Not since the Dead-Rat-On-Pillow, anyway.

"You didn't see the look on his face. I dare to say that that's the most deranged I've ever seen him. Humanity would be eradicated if Tala ever dumped him. Those two are so weird. They love each other, they hate each other, they love to hate each other, they hate to loved each other, and they generally don't get along."

"Aren't you going to ask?"

"Ask what?"

"You're dying to say _something_, Ray. Spill it. I can't guarantee that I'll answer, but spill it all the same and get it out of your system."

I'm afraid to bring back Dark Kai…but he's right. If I don't get this out of the way I won't be getting any sleep for weeks.

"…It's about what I told Tala…"

Kai's quiet, but not tense. I'll risk another sentence.

"It was accidental…I was telling him off for treating Bryan so unfairly and asked him why he was doing it and what he was going to do about it."

So far so good. Just to be on the safe side, though, I lightly push Tiger off the bed again, much to his indignation. Unlike certain maniacs, Kai wouldn't purposefully harm Tiger. But if he lunges at me again Tiger might get caught between us.

"I didn't really mean it…it was more of a random option…I asked him if he would cheat on Bryan just to get back at him."

A quick intake of breath. Oh shit... Kai, however, remains otherwise calm. I quickly say the last lingering sentences.

"He reacted shocked. And violently. He had this look on his face just like the one he had after Voltaire said something to him a couple days ago. Has he really done it, Kai? Has he cheated on Bryan?"

"I told you that I wouldn't comment on this," he says, rising from the bed. I'm just glad he isn't reaching for something heavy to clobber me with. Crap, I've got to stop thinking like this. It was a one-off mistake. Dark Kai won't come back… "And, I will beg if I have to, I want you to keep that to yourself. Understood?"

"Yeah."

Of course, that reaction has only tripled my curiosity. I still want to deny my own presumptions, but with Kai not meeting my eyes and his vague reply still echoing in my ears, I am being forced to believe that, yes, Tala has had an affair. Worst of all, he's had one behind Bryan's back and the falcon doesn't even know. The only ones who know are Kai, myself and Voltaire…Now how the hell would Voltaire know about it? I can't picture Kai confiding anything to his grandfather, especially not his best friend's personal affairs.

Kai's getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" I ask, lying back on the bed, still pondering the secret behind Voltaire's annoying (and enviable) knowledge.

"A couple of errands around town. Coming?"

Like I'm going to parade around with a purple imprint of Tala's fist on my cheek. I shake my head.

"I haven't seen much of my family today. Haven't heard much of them either." Which is the main reason why I want to check up on them. They're only this quiet when they're up to something. Nana hasn't even belted out a chant all day and no new windows or appliances have been broken.

"I ran into your father on my way up," Kai informs me, pulling on his shoes. "He's lying in ambush under the stairs, behind the potted plants."

"…Why?"

"Hunting."

"How did I ever learn to open a door?" I groan. "Wait. _What_ is he hunting?"

"Deer. I'd leave him if I were you. He won't be going anywhere for a while."

What I want to know was why he was hunting anything in the first place. Isn't he supposed to be defending mom and Nana from the "evil" forces in this house as they set forth in their as-yet-to-be-implemented quest to de-gay me. Unless Nana asked him to find a deer for some ritual she's cooking up. Sigh. I'd better get a move on before they hurt themselves.

"I'm really sorry," I tell Kai, hugging him from behind and planting a kiss on his shoulder.

He turns and hugs me back.

"Me too. Try to stay out of trouble, okay?"

"I'll try, but I can't promise," is my cheeky reply. He pinches my bruised cheek. "OW!!"

"At least Bryan and Tala won't get in your way. They've gone out."

"Really?"

The ride home had been in total silence, with Tala staring out the window and me half unconscious. He'd left the driver to help me into the house while he went straight up the stairs to Bryan's desperately waiting arms. A lunatic of his words, Tiger promptly returned to me in the bedroom, having been released by Brian after Tala's reappearance.

"Have they gone home?" I hope.

"No. They took the jeep, which means they'll be back."

"Maybe a make-up dinner or movie."

We scoff at the idea. Bryan isn't that patient as to make up over anything. Tala's back, so wherever he's carted the redhead off to isn't a public place. I _pray_ it isn't. Chances are they haven't even gotten out of the car yet. Hey, whatever makes them happy that doesn't include me suffering.

I see Kai off, giving him a couple more hugs and kisses, trying to erase every memory of Dark Kai with every touch and soft spoken word of his. Watching the limo as it pulls away, its tinted glass covered with frost, I lean in the doorway, pretending to not hear Excuse-Me-Sir as he mumbles about me letting in the cold. Kai's not mad at me. It was all a big mistake. He'll never be mad at me again. I certainly don't want to give him reason to be. We're good. We're okay.

…But I _have_ to know what Tala's secret is!

Shit! Damn this nosey nature of mine!

I don't want to know. I can't. I'll only make a bigger mess. And risk hurting Tala. And risk getting Kai angry. And I certainly don't want to get Bryan on my case again. No. Stop it, Ray. It's not your business. It's not your business what Tala's been up to…who he's been with…what he's hiding…

I _have_ to find out!

I just have to do this in a devious, sneaky way. Look, the main obstacle is Tala's feelings. If those are hurt then Kai will get angry and Bryan will…do something really bad to me, not to forget that Tala might retaliate as well. But, if I can discover what this is all about without any of them knowing then it's okay, right? They don't have to know that I know what they don't want me to know.

A sneaky plan. A stealthy one, pulled off flawlessly. An ingenious, masterful, brilliant plan.

I wouldn't know the first step to coming up with such a plan, but a certain someone in Japan who is successfully dating another certain someone (who owns a certain It) in secret must have a few tips for me. Time to call ol' Hiro.

"Darling!"

But first I have to let my mother choke the living daylight out of me. That's one less person I have to seek out. Unfortunately, that leaves the most problematic family member still unaccounted for.

"What happened to your face? Oh, my beautiful boy! Did you fall?"

"Actually, what happened was…" Bad idea. "Yeah, I fell."

"Poor thing."

She just stands there, looking at me.

"…Is something wrong, mom?"

She burst into tears! What did I say?

"You are so handsome!" she sobs, falling to her knees and grabbing me around the waist. "I am so blessed to have you for a son. All the other mothers in our village were so jealous when you were born! Those who had daughters immediately began discussing future marriages. A glorious baby, that's what you were. The moment I looked at you I knew I didn't want another child. I knew that I'd never be able to love any other child I might bear! You learned to walk so fast, and when you first called me mama you said it with such a clear ring, and you were such a diligent student. Every day you'd go out and I'd stand by the window, beaming as I watched you walk away. Oh, Ray, how utterly blessed your father and I are! We are not worthy of you!"

This…is new.

"I was talking to the slaves—"

"Servants, mom."

"—and they were telling me about Kai. How independent a child he was growing up. How strong he is. How responsible he is. He is held in such high regards by his teachers. They told me that even the adults he trades with—"

"Does business with."

"—are humbled when in his presence. His is a fine lineage that goes back hundreds of centuries. A purebred, that is what one of the slaves—"

I don't bother to correct her.

"—called him. They even say that he will be a more powerful man that his grandfather, who sounds to be a mighty figure himself. Such a bright young man with such a bright future. He too was blessed by the gods, just like you. He too is above the rest of us mortals."

Are you as confused as I am?

"And look at this," she says, pulling what looks like a thin book out of her sleeves. "I was looking at these images of Kai as a baby—"

"How did you get his baby album?!" I've been trying to find that thing for _weeks_! I was beginning to think that he didn't have one, but here's mom, unaware that in her hands is an item that up until now has been more legendary than Atlantis.

"I found it in the chest in that underground room we were in," she says simply, flipping it open. "Nana believes that burning these images will do away with the curse but I can't allow her to do that. They're just too precious."

I pull her to me and give her a big kiss on her cheek. Never have I been this proud of my mother. Sitting next to her on the floor in the entrance hall, I hungrily peer in the album. There are only a dozen photos spread over too many pages. I'd suspected as much; his childhood was spent mostly in the Abbey. That there are any baby pictures of Kai at all is a stunning miracle.

"A gem of a baby," mom says, very proud for someone who's not even said baby's mother, relative or even friendly acquaintance. "I don't know what these strange symbols are on the bottom, though."

"Russian writing," I identify, not giving them a single glance. Baby Kai is grinning at me with only one tooth! Hahahaha! What Tyson would do for even one of these…

Kai in his stroller… Kai watching his animal-mobile hanging over his crib… Kai messily eating porridge… Kai taking his first step… Kai's first glare (Guess he never threw tantrums even as a kid)… Kai on a swing… Kai…and Tala and Bryan! Shit! I wish they were kids again so I could adopt them!

Sitting on a park bench, Tala in the middle with Bryan sitting on the arm rest and Kai on the other side, they look unbelievably serene. Kai looks to be five, meaning that Tala is too and Bryan's around seven or eight. Bryan's serenity is due to him having headphones on and his eyes closed, unaware of his surroundings. Kai looks out of it, like he's really sleepy. Tala's looking right at the camera with big blue eyes. This picture has its own page at the very end of the album. Something written underneath it and telling by the handwriting I know that it's something Kai's added to the general Russian description.

"…not to mention being an excellent fighter."

Mom's been talking all this time and closes the album, snapping me back to our surroundings.

"You sound very impressed," I say. "Does this mean that you approve of Kai?"

"Who can't approve of him? He's got such great potentials, just like you, and I love you. I never would have thought this, but I feel myself drawn to Kai. You will always be my beloved son, but I feel…Kai's such a magnificent young man…I feel as if…he's the other son I've never had. And it makes me feel blessed, that I can know such fine people. Yes, Kai's not like those friends of his. Kai's like you."

"Do you mean that?"

"I do, without a doubt. He is someone who I would like to take under my maternal wing."

"Whoa," I say, impressed by her revelation. She approves of Kai so greatly…and she keeps comparing him to me. Maybe she finally sees that we belong together somehow.

"This is such a glorious discover," she says, holding the album to her chest. "It has opened my eyes and cleared my visions. I came here to save you from what I thought was a sinful, heartless person, but I was wrong."

She's said it! Holy cow, she's actually said it! She's seen the light!

"I now see that I must save you _both_!"

Lights out. Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, I am _never_ going to believe a word you say, woman.

"I am positive now. You and he are blessings to this world. You both need to pass on your great gifts to your children. You both need to put an end to this…tryst and find yourselves good, strong women to bear you sons and daughters! It cannot end here!"

I watch her with my head resting in one hand, too depleted and exasperated to comment, as she gets to her feet, cradling the album. Kai's not going to get that thing back, unless he's willing to wrestle her for it, or swordfight my dad, should he object to the treatment of his wife.

"So from now on, Nana and I have agreed to divide the tasks! She will focus curing you, and I will help dear Kai."

"And dad?" I'm just going along right now.

"He will guard us from the true demons."

Basically, he'll be stalking Bryan and Tala. Great. Between prying mom off Kai, keeping Nana tied up and distracting dad, and keeping the demonic duo oblivious to it all, I'll have no time coming up with a way to uncover Tala's deep, dark and maddening secret. With all three Russians out, and my family still putting their plan together, I might as well get some rest. I'm going to need all my strength soon enough.

"Oh, have you seen Kai, dear?" mom asks.

"He's gone out," I answer, stretching my spine as I stand.

"But what about his visitor?"

"What visitor?"

"The reason why I came to find you in the first place. There's someone here to see him. He's waiting in the…there," she points somewhere behind her. "I don't think the slaves know he's here. Apparently, he let himself in and was just going to wait until someone saw him, which I did. He says that he doesn't mind waiting, so he'll be here for a while then. Maybe you should go talk to him."

"Who is he?"

"He didn't say." She covers her mouth and giggles. "Silly me. I should have asked, shouldn't I?"

Thank goodness we don't have burglars in the village. She'd serve them tea rather than sound the alarm.

Let himself in...? Crap!

"Voltaire…" I hiss.

"What was that, dear?"

"N-Nothing," I say, pushing her to get her going. "Why don't you go check up on Nana? I'll deal with the guest."

"Such manners," she swoons. "Maybe I'll join you two a bit later. He seems like such a rational gentleman."

In Kai's own words: Hn.

My palms are sweaty as I walk, peeking in every room until I find the bane of Kai's and my life. I keep rubbing them on my pants. What am I doing? I can't confront Voltaire on my own. But I don't want to look like some coward, either, hiding from the man whose grandson I am living with. This is my house too! Which also makes me the designated host, since Kai's not present. I have all rights to meet/confront those who've rudely invited themselves into my home.

"I'm going to give you a piece of my mind too. I'm not going to let you push me aside. I'm far more important to Kai than you'll ever be. I won't let you get between us. I won't let you hurt Kai anymore. I won't let you hurt Tala again," I swear softly.

And I will find out what it is he knows about Tala! That doesn't sound as selfless and admirable as the rest, but I am _dying_ here.

Passing a room, I come to a sudden halt. This is the sitting room where the normal guests (business associates) are usually brought to by the servants. Voltaire would never come here because he's convinced that this house is as much his as it is Kai's, but there he is, standing before the fireplace, a tall, black silhouette before the flames. I step inside, ready to tell him my intentions. He isn't caught off guard and turns to meet me right in the eyes…

And it isn't Voltaire.

A handsome man wearing sunglasses and casual (but expensive) clothes. I've never seen him before. The little moral that I have managed to gather for myself seeps away as he calmly walks over. He's tall and well built, which is how I managed to confuse him for Voltaire. His short ponytail reminds me of Hiro. Everything else about him reminds me of…Oh…Shit…

"Ray Kon, I presume," he says, standing before me.

Too lost for words, I bow in greeting. He laughs, sending a shiver through me. Fear. I fear him more than anything I've ever feared in my life. More than Bryan. More than Voltaire. Even more than Dark Kai, whose origins I now know…

"So formal," he smirks, taking my chin and forcing me to look at him as he removes his sunglasses, revealing eyes redder than rubies and harder than diamonds. "You're shaking. Is it because your nervous of meeting me, or because you can tell that, unlike my father, I will not stop at mere words to get you away from my son?"

Tbc…

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A/N: And you guys thought Voltaire was evil…? Mwuahahahahahaha!! 

Well, not as angsty as the first draft, but I'm going to have to find some way to bring humor back in the next chapter. That is, if Ray survives this encounter… MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

P.S. Please read my profile page's notes.

Read & Review, please.


	8. Hard Reality

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable character belong solely to me and are not to be used without my permission. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: This strangely quick update (for me, anyways) is dedicated to Bestat for the gorgeous Tala&Bryan fan art she graciously drew for this fic. Since she'd put so much effort into it I had to do something in return, so I sat my ass down and wrote chapter 8. You lucky, lucky people :P

Kai's father's name (in the manga) is Susumu Hiwatari, seeing as the manga emphasizes Kai's Japanese heritage. I like to make him out to be more Russian, so I changed his dad's name to something more Russian-y :P

Again, I had to limit the humour in this chapter. Man, I'm just incapable of writing a purely humorous fic! I'm too freaking angsty!

* * *

"Mr Hiwatari," I say, pulling away to bow again, which is really an excuse to avoid meeting his eyes.

"Too formal," he insists, grabbing my chin again, harder this time, aware of my evasive tactics. His thumb presses hard against the bruise. "Then again, Kai probably hasn't said much about me. I'm just going to have to introduce myself then." He holds out a hand. "Konstantin Hiwatari."

"P-Pleasure to meet you, sir." As pleasurable as getting a root canal without anaesthetics or watching Tyson eat a jelly donut.

"I assume the woman wielding my son's baby album is your mother."

"She is, sir."

He stares at me. One of those calculating stares that makes you feel naked, fat and ugly, and painfully guilty of it. The only good thing to come out of all this is that, being already so alike, Kai will age to a new level of hotness once he hits his dad's age. Small wonders. You know, I never thought I'd encounter someone who could so thoroughly dissect you with just their eyes. I now know what is meant when you are "visually violated". Kai's come close to "visually assaulting" people before, and Bryan cannot look at Tala without "visually disrobing" him, and Tala has dealt out his share of "visual slaughter", but this guy takes the cake. I feel an insatiable need to call a victim hot line.

"You have her eyes," he finally says just when I'm about to scream rape.

"…Um, thank you."

His eyes lower to my middle.

"And her hips."

Oy! My mother has a nice figure, but it's still an insult. My pupils dilate as I bite my lip. It's way too soon to confront this man. I don't know what he's capable of dishing out. Twice as unreadable as Kai and five times as suspicious as Voltaire, not to mention his casual expression makes Dark Kai look huggable, he's not someone who you should prod and wait for a reaction.

"Kai had to step out for a few hours," I say, pushing the his comment aside, not even sure if it had been a deliberate barb or just him being frank: it sounded like something Kai would have said too. "He won't be back until late."

His smile tells me that I shouldn't have said that.

"I missed him? Shame. That boy has such a busy life. No matter, though. This will be a good chance to get to know you. My father told me much, but of course his account is clouded with his old school opinions. I decided to come here and see for myself who my only child has been keeping himself preoccupied with."

"What did you mean with what you said earlier? Your intentions can't be that different from Voltaire. You both want to break us up."

"My father _wants_ to do away with you. I _will_. But first, I am curious. You're not an average human, are you? Tell me more about yourself."

"No."

Lesson #1 in Dealing with Demon Dad: _never_ tell him no.

"Ray, Ray, Ray," he sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder and gently squeezing it before slamming me against the wall. Something falls, crashing to the ground while I reel at the speed and force. "I said, tell me a little about yourself."

"W-Why do you want…to know?" I mutter, unable to focus on any of the five of him standing before me. "What does it matter to you who I am?"

Lesson #2 in Dealing with Demon Dad: _never_ make him repeat himself.

I wince when his nails dig into my skin.

"Do not question me, Ray. You're with my son. It matters the world to me. Granted, you won't matter for long, but since Kai doesn't let on much I have to settle with understanding him through the things he does show interest in, meaning that, for now, you will bring me up to date."

"Can I…sit down?" I ask, squirming.

"Of course." He let's me go without hesitation. "We can sit by the fire."

I make sure to put him between me and the fire, lest he try to shove me into the open hearth. Sitting on the couch like a demure schoolgirl trying to stop the naughty playground boys from peeking up her skirt, my hands in my lap and my legs clenched together, head bowed and shoulder slumped, I try ever so hard my best to teleport myself out of the room. You can imagine it doesn't work.

"This much I do know," Konstantin says, watching me with folded arms, one leg slung over the other, totally relaxed while I'm near shaking my balls off, "Kai does not go for the shy type. What is with this little act of yours?"

"With all due respect, sir, you just snuck into my home, announced your plans to get rid of me and smashed me against the wall. I don't really have to _pretend_ to be uneasy."

"Only because of that? You're too delicate. How you've survived this long with Kai in one piece is…" He laughs, making me jump. Sweet lord, he's going to pull out a chainsaw and slice and dice me, I just know it!...Phew, he calms down, chuckling softly as he looks at me. "He hasn't done you yet, has he?"

My face lights up like a stoplight.

"That isn't something I want to talk about, sir."

Lesson 3# in Dealing with Demon Dad: never assume that you have the right to control the conversation.

"You're in for a rude awakening. Kai and I share many things and a liking for rough sex is one of them, according to a certain source."

Good grief! I can't make him stop and I don't know what he'll do if I was to be so rude as to run out of the room screaming my head off and stabbing my ears out with the stoker. Why is he telling me this? On one hand, it is only making me more determined to get my red hot monkey sex come valentines. On the other hand, it is just _so_ wrong!

"Sir, I don't think that it's appropriate for you to be talking about this…with me."

"He moved the bookcase," Konstantin notes absentmindedly, looking around the room. "But as I was saying, you have been with someone else before, right?"

"I…" An answer doesn't get more virginal than that.

"How unfortunate for you then. Kai's not the best choice for a first time lover. You won't be able to sit down for days if you're not careful."

This would have been thrilling news for me, if the person informing me hadn't sired my lover. Can you imagine my father discussing the best sexual position with me? Or mom sitting at our bedside on the 14th, interrupting us every two minute to ask if we need more lube? Or Nana…

"Sir," I jump to my feet before I am turned off from sex forever, "I couldn't help noticing that, for all your questions and disapproval, unlike Voltaire, you don't really seem to care that Kai's gay."

He looks up with those piercing red eyes. How does he keep that look for so long? Kai can look that intense, but only when the situation calls upon it, and not for more than ten minutes. Konstantin leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. I thought it was clever of me, having picked up on his casualness concerning Kai's sexuality, but he knocks me down a few rungs with a smirk that indicates that he'd been doing so purposefully, and his raised brow indicates that I'd actually been slow in realizing it. Talk about an attack on one's self worth.

"Pay attention, Ray. As I said before, my father is old school. No," he sighs, standing, making himself even more intimidating. I quickly sit back down. "Kai's sexuality is not the issue here. That it aggravates my father so much is a nice little bonus, really. And it also has little to do with who you are. I am just very protective of my son; I hold a very special place in my son's life."

And if you believe that I have a few bridges to sell you.

"I'm glad to hear that you're cool with Kai's preference, sir. So far you're the only one here who doesn't have a problem with it. And you don't have to worry, sir," I say, thinking that maybe some common ground could be reached. "I swear to you, on my dear grandfather's grave, that I will never do anything to hurt Kai."

Me and my smile shrink back when he looms over me, putting his hands on the back of the couch and staring me right in the face, his grey bangs tickling my nose. Okay, he looks good _and_ smells good. How many men his age can pull that off?

"Not good enough, Ray. Not good enough at all. When I say protective, when I say I hold a very special place in my son's life, I mean I won't tolerate there being anyone else in it."

"From what I heard you were hardly in Kai's life."

Lesson #4 in Dealing with Demon Dad: it's better to just not talk at all.

"Ray—" I hate how he keeps repeating my name "—I am being very patient here. Unlike my father, who lets his emotions get the best of him, I have my own way of doing things, like dealing with stubborn people, and those who are in the way. You don't want that on your conscience, do you, Ray?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he smirks, bringing his lips to my ear. I turn my head away but he grabs me by the chin and forces me to face forward and whispers, "Oh, and believe me, you'd _really_ be interested in it. It has something to do with a secret I know you've been dying to find out…"

Is he talking about Tala?

"How do you—"

"Know? Like I said, I have my ways. Still interested?"

I don't want to play into his hands, but…I'm weak. I nod.

"Want to know more about it?"

I nod again, unconsciously scooting to the edge of the couch when he pulls back.

"I'm thirsty. I'll go get myself something to drink. Do you want anything?"

"What? But…No, thank you." The manipulative sneak…

"You'll have a glass of wine," he decides. "Wait here. I will be right back."

Run for help? Scream for help? Run for help screaming?

I stand and begin to pace, as I am wont to do whenever I'm troubled. No, I'm beyond troubled now. Downright freaked. Borderline paranoid. What else? What else could possibly go wrong? There was a time when I couldn't wait to wake up every morning as it brought me one day closer to valentines. Slowly the euphoria has diminished and if it weren't for me having to make sure my family doesn't knock life inside the manor back a couple centuries I'd just stay in bed all day.

And now, after I'd dragged my way over the finish line of the last battlefield, with bruises to prove my valour, I've found a new enemy. That brings my list up to four enemies: Tala, Bryan, Voltaire, Konstantin. And my family can't be taken serious enough to be considered enemies. They're just inconvenient hazards. I must be even more devoted to Kai than I can ever imagine; how else can I explain why I put up with his psycho people?

"Kai will solve this…Once he's home he'll deal with this and Konstantin will leave and I can go back to finding Nana…"

"Hey, Kon! Got someone I want you to meet."

Tala, using his appearing-out-of-nowhere trick that has already taken off at least twenty years of my life, sashays into the room like he's the greatest thing that's ever happened. His steps aren't as light and smooth as usual since he's carrying a gaping maw full of teeth with a dog attached to it.

"What is _that_?!" I shriek, grabbing the stoker next to the fireplace.

"My new puppy, Chernobog. Chernie for short," he says, one big pile of runny affection as he hugs his latest anti-neko-jin weapon. It sits docilely in his arms, blood red tongue dangling out over enough teeth to supply an entire river of crocodiles for eons. Its orange eyes are clear evidence of former and prolongued nuclear exposure. Puppy? _That_? Puppy, my virgin ass! "Isn't he beautiful? He's part wolf."

"What's the other part? Rhinoceros? Which deep pit in hell did you drag it from?"

"Bryan bought him as a gift for me."

Why doesn't that surprise me. Only Bryan would take a horror movie reject and pass it off as a gift when we all know this mouth on legs is here for one thing: me.

"Say hello to Kon," Tala says. He puts Demon Dog down and it loses...a _half_inch in height! We could put a saddle on it and ride it to town. Getting a good whiff of me from across the room, Chernie barks and the fire behind me flickers at the force. "Good boy. He can do whatever I say."

"Take it outside. _Now_."

Tala looks up from cuddling the gargantuan head.

"What?" he asks, voice dropping from sugary to minus 100 faster than Tyson's table manners.

"There's no way that thing is staying in my house! Take it back to your place."

"This isn't your house, Kon. Besides, we're not allowed to keep pets where we live. So we'll be leaving it with you and Kai. Don't worry," he adds at the sight of my horrorified face, "we'll come to visit him everyday, to make sure he doesn't get bored."

Oh, isn't _that_a relief? I'll get to see more of them now. Yipdee-fucking-doo.

"It won't be a problem, right, Kon?" asks the bane of my existence (as if that narrows it down) as he walks up behind Tala, a paper bag in one hand, looking mighty smug, the reason for which can either be because he'd banged the redhead into next year or because he has given me yet another reason to throw myself in front of a train. "This place is pet-friendly. And since you already have a cat…"

"They can play together," Tala finishes with gleeful anticipation. Chernie (and by the way, giving it a nickname isn't going to make it any less horrendous) yawns wide; I can't even see the back of it's throat. "Just make sure to keep a close eye on them. We won't want him to accidentally maim, rip apart and devour your cat. The previous owner says that he might have some issues with smaller animals…and people."

"Kai is not going to let that thing into his house. It's enough he lets _you two_ in. And if that thing so much as drools on Tiger…"

"You can't interfere with nature," Tala responds, cradling nature's latest freak. "If he does kill Tiger than there's nothing we can do about it without breaking nature's laws. Dogs chase cats; that's a fact."

"Dogs can be mortally injured by common household objects; that's also a fact," I snarl, holding up the stoker.

"Pussy cats can be mortally injured by falcons; that's the only fact you need to be well versed in," Bryan said, stepping forward, face set. Behind him Tala's talking sweet nothings to his frothing pet. "Come over and say hello, Kon."

"I could spare Chernie the trouble and just hack myself to pieces now."

Bryan shrugs and opens the paper bag he's holding…and pulls out a bound and gagged Tiger! This is getting_ really_ old! Since when is this bleeding lunatic an expert cat tracker? Oh, that's right, since he's had me to practice on.

"Fine, then kitty here will have to be the one to officially welcome him."

"Bryan!"

"You two still around?"

Tala freezes. Bryan swings around, not bothering to hide his surprise. I stand there, not really sure what to do. On one hand, I'm stuck with most of my worst nightmares in one room. On the other, better, hand, they are too distracted with each other to serve me my ass on a platter.

"Why don't you just move in?" Konstantin asks, holding two wine glasses. "Spares you the trouble of having to travel all the time."

Bryan makes a quick recovery and smirks. Tala is not as amused, still keeping his back to the man.

"Look what the world tossed back," Bryan says, Tiger still in his claws. "Here to drill Kon?"

"Amongst others," Konstantin tells Bryan, more interested in the redhead behind him. "Cute dog. New 'measure of comfort', Ivanov?"

"A gift." This time he isn't being uncharacteristically lovey-dovey about it. He says it forcefully, in a voice that would not be questioned…had he been talking to someone else.

"Is it? You don't look the considerate type, Bryan."

Bryan's back is turned to Tala as he answers but I can see Tala's eyes narrowing. I know that look. I should, having had it thrown my way whenever things weren't going Tala's way. Eyes narrowed, shoulders squared, hands (hidden under all that fur) undoubtedly fisted. Tala wants to wound someone badly. It ain't me (…I hope) and Bryan hasn't done anything to provoke him (though Bryan can make a right bastard of himself without uttering a single syllable or moving a finger). Chernie is destined to be pampered as badly as Her Royal It and is not a likely candidate for receiving a sound whoop ass from the redhead. So my boyfriend's best friend wants to beat up my boyfriend's dad. Why do these things always happen when Kai's not around? Why do they always happen when _I _am?

"I take it that you've all grown close," Konstantin says, motioning to the three of us. We each make derisive sounds. He walks past the demonic duo (Tala takes a step back when he passes him) and retakes his seat on the couch. "No? That must make life difficult. Ray seems like a pleasant person, so you're the troublemaker, aren't you, Tala?"

Man, this is my favourite shirt too, and now it's about to be splattered with Konstantin Hiwatari's blood. Have I ever mentioned how bad an idea it is to accuse Tala of anything? I once asked (_ASKED!_) him if he'd seen Drigger and he almost ripped my eyes out. After that I was stupid enough to wonder in his presence if there was a thief in the house because my stuff kept disappearing (turned out I was just unorganized) and Tala proceeded to demonstrate just how painful a well aimed playing card can be. In short: blaming Tala outright is an excellent way to lose your balls.

"I just like to get things my way, sir."

…Heh, funny. I thought I just heard Tala give a low key, subdued answer…Wait a minute, I did! Holy testicle Tuesdays, what's this strange power Kai's elders have over Tala, and where can I get some?

"We can't always have what we want, can we?" the man replies plainly, patting the space on the couch next to him, looking at both me and Tala. "You should consider others before sating your own needs…"

I stay standing. Tala sits down. Well, far be it from me to suddenly take over his rude manners, so I sit too. Bryan, with Tiger hanging from the crook of his arm, perches himself on the arm of the couch. Konstantin then certifies himself as the ultimate badass by glancing disinterestedly over at Bryan and asking:

"I take it that this means that the latest bedlam has turned down your application form?"

Tala's hand on his thigh is the only thing stopping Bryan from lunging, having already taken offence when the man had dissed his boyfriend. A hand isn't going to be enough if Konstantin continues with his remarks. Oooooh shiiiitt…I squirm, trying to find an escape route, but Bryan still has Tiger, who I can't abandon, and I'd have to leap over Konstantin to get to the only exit. Kai, now would be a good time to show up and…

"Why are there twenty bags of dog food on the porch?" Kai demands to know, his coat still on and his keys still in his hand as he marches in like my own private super hero, which, when I think about it, he is. I rock! "I told you that Ray is afraid of…"

"You moved the bookcase," Konstantin says, sitting back from where he'd been leaning towards a shifty Tala. "You know I liked it better in here."

He's got Tala sitting on his left like he's parked himself on a pile of needles, a furry rhino at his feet, drooling all over the carpet; Bryan standing next to Tala, Tiger clinging to him out of fear of Chernie; me, who he so generously lavished with details about his own son's sex life, looking like I'm about to piss myself; his son, who has returned home only to find his estranged dad antagonizing his friends; and what's the first thing he says? _You moved the bookcase._ People, this here is Kai, who can get as vicious as a starving wolverine, and who, when you piss off, you must grovel before and beg forgiveness, not make stark comments on missing furniture.

But no, Konstantin thinks he's in charge. I am looking forward to this. He might be tough to each of them, but together they can easily hang, draw and quarter him in less than a minute. Kai's hackles have risen and he's about to snap… He shoots a glance at Tala so quickly I could have well imagined it. Tala is staring down at his lap and keeping perfectly still, face blank.

"Sorry, father. I will have it returned immediately."

I am shocked! Appalled! Turned on (I love that coat of his)! Confused! Betrayed! Out of expressions!

"It'd better be. And on the subject, what have I told you about animals in the house?"

There he goes again, taking a stab at Tala and Bryan. Oh wait, he means Tiger and Heck Hound over there.

"I didn't know about the dog, father, and the cat stays in the bedroom most of the time."

"Make sure they remain out of sight or I'll have them removed permanently."

"Who are you—" I begin, jumping to my feet. Tala gives me a withering look, willing me to drop dead and shut up, but it's Kai who silences me.

"Whatever you wish, father."

Houston, we have a problem: me, about to go bitch mode on both their asses. With Tala and Kai acting so screwy my only clue to what is taking place here is the last normal (which is a stretch, even when speaking relatively) person. Judging by Bryan's lack of stupor at his friends' behaviour it is to be understood that Konstantin always has this much power over them, but the weirdness of the situation isn't lost to the falcon either. Tiger has given up trying to escape and is just dangling there.

"I will be staying for the rest of the week," Konstantin says. "I've already had my luggage moved to the master bedroom. Don't bother yourself; I've given the order to move your possessions to another room. That will include the cat, of course."

"Whoa! WHOA!" This is going too far! He's taking our bedroom? My private sanctuary and heaven where I've spent the best hours of my life with Kai? "You can't just move my things like that! Not to mention—"

"Stay as long as you like," Kai interrupts me again. He isn't unfazed, but he's holding back, looking between his father and Tala, who only has eyes for his fuzzy hellraiser.

"A week should be long enough. I wanted to talk a while longer with Ray but it's getting late," Konstantin says, checking his watch. "I think it's time you boys went to bed."

"It's only eight o'clock," I argue.

"Yes, father," Kai says anyway.

A landmark moment occurs as I turn to the only reasonable person (again, considering…) left and Bryan returns my puzzled look. We have an actual bonding moment before Tala takes Tiger from Bryan, shoves him into my arms, grabs Bryan by the hand and drags him out, Chernie loyally trotting behind his masters. Bryan doesn't really protest; going to bed is one of his favourite things to do, and he's got a lot of catching up to do, and he's got Tala to do, but that he's being _told_ to do so irks him a tad.

It downright pisses me off, especially since, unlike Bryan, I don't have sex to distract me afterwards.

"You can't be serious!" I say disbelievingly, looking between Kai and his father, who is now sipping at the second glass of wine that was meant to be mine but which I'd rather be using right now to bash some sense into Kai. "Are you going to take that from him?"

"Goodnight, father."

I am hauled out of the room, sputtering indignantly, Tiger in one arm while Kai has hold of the other. I can see the superior look on Konstantin's face and I swear that I will personally bring that son of a bitch down, or at least throw him out of our home. Undoing the ropes, I set Tiger down and pull my arm free.

"That's it!"

"Ray," Kai turns to me, ready for anything I throw at him, even my fists, "I hardly ever ask you any favours, so just do what I say this one time."

"I don't mind doing what you say. It's your father's commands I refuse to follow!"

"This is not the time or place to talk about this," he says, looking around. "Just go with it for now and trust me."

"You can't let him tell you what to do, Kai. I don't believe for one second that he's doing this because he loves you. I'm sorry, but I don't! He's playing you for a fool, tugging at your strings. Why are you letting him do this?"

"Ray, it isn't that big a deal."

I can't believe I'm hearing this! The great Kai Hiwatari, Mr Fuck-Rules-And-Authority, is going to let his scheming old man walk all over him? Without putting up a fight? On his own accord? I'm not buying it."

"Believe me, you don't want to mess with him. It's for the best if we just let him to his devices until he leaves. He probably won't even stay the full week."

"That's it," I growl, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and shoving him against the wall. "Kai Hiwatari, as the person who loves you more than anything on this godforsaken world I will not sit back and watch you let your father belittle you like that! You don't owe that man anything! He wasn't there for you growing up and he has no saying in what you do. Wake up already! Can't you see what he's doing?"

"I know what he's doing! You're the one who is blind to it all and for your sake you must accept that. Stop talking as if you know what's going on."

"Then tell me, dammit! You just asked me to trust you, but how can we call what we have a relationship if you don't trust me enough to tell me when something is wrong? I want to help you and I can't do that from the sidelines so let me in!"

"Forget it." He's eyes are getting dark but I am not backing down. Not this time. I just spent the last couple of hours in his father's presence; Dark Kai is going to have to do amp himself up if he wants to scare me. He realizes this. "Let it go, Ray. He'll hang around for a few days and then lose interest and move on. That's how he operates. All we have to do is wait him out."

"The Kai I know does not wait anything out. The Kai I know takes control and sets things right. The Kai I know does not go to bed because his father says so! Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous the situation is? This isn't you, Kai. This isn't you at all…This…Shit man…Why is this happening? This is the second time in one day that I feel like I don't know you. And the feeling is only getting stronger!"

"What?"

"I don't know you at all, Kai," I say, taking a step back, eyes wide. "You have your secrets and I was cool with that, but there's a lot more, isn't there? You're keeping a lot of secrets from me. Secrets that somehow involve me. How…How do I know what's real anymore. What if our—"

"What we've got is real," he insists, grabbing my shoulders and switching our positions so that I'm now against the wall. His eyes are guarded as he says, "You…You are what matters the most."

"You have a strange way of showing care for my best interest, letting him take our room like that and threatening to toss poor Tiger out? And what is Tala's problem? The one time his bitchiness would have been appreciated and he turns into Johnny Goodboy."

"Ray, not now," Kai warns, the situation getting to him more than he'll ever let on.

"What is it? He's got something on you both, doesn't he? I know blackmail when I see it. He's your dad so I understand that he might know a thing or two about you, but what sort of leverage could he have on Tala that gives him so much power? Cripes, that guy has so many secrets! First he cheated on Bryan with someone and then…he…"

An imaginary battering ram with "Well, DUH!" written on it smashes into my forehead and the light that goes off almost short circuits my entire body. Kai manages to keep me upright. He never panics openly but his eyes widen along with mine.

"Don't go into this, Ray," he warns but it's too late.

"Hell no…Not…Not that…No way…Was…Was it your father? Did Tala sleep with your dad?!"

"Keep your voice down."

"Did he?"

Kai pinches the bridge of his nose…and nods. He knows that, though I can be ditzy at times, I'm not dumb. There's no way he can deny it anymore. But it's still too easy a defeat on his part. He's given up that vital secret too soon…He's hiding something else. Something he _really_ doesn't want me to know.

"Just tell me everything already, Kai! Tell me now! There's more to it than that. There has to be. He's got you both at his beck and call. Tala I know understand, but why you? What's he got on you? Why did he…"

Kai's looking at me with resigned eyes. Here it is, the truth. He'd kept it from me all this time but he's giving me enough credit to confirm my straying thoughts. He's telling me something…and when I finally decipher it my fingers slip from his chest as my arms fall to my sides. My mind, which had just managed to restart itself after the first shocker, shuts down again.

"Y-Y-Y…" I swallow and take a deep breath. "You…and Tala…?"

"Ray…"

"…Behind Bryan's back…I don't understand…How could you two do that to Bryan? And he doesn't know, does he? That's what your father's dangling over your heads…I…Holy cow, Kai! Even your grandfather knows! What were you two thinking at the time? You said Tala had this secret for three years, didn't you? Was it just that one time? At least tell me it was in the beginning, before Tala and Bryan got serious…At least then it's excusable…" I glare at him. "Tell me the truth this time, Kai. It was just a one-night stand, right?"

"…No."

Bloody. Hell. That's what this place would look like if Bryan ever finds out that his two best friends had an affair. For how long? Had they ended it after Kai returned to the Bladebreakers? Or maybe before Kai rejoined them in last year's championship? Or maybe…Or maybe…they…never…

"…Kai?"

Look at me, Kai. Tell me that I'm making too big a deal out of it. Tell me that I'm taking this too far. Give me one of those looks that tell me that everything's going to be okay. Wake me up and tell me it's all been a really bad dream. Tell me something, anything!

…He won't even look at me.

This isn't happening. Not now…Not after all we've been through…Kai wouldn't have done such a thing. Not to me…Not to Bryan…They wouldn't have…

"Kai…when? When was the last time you and Tala slept together?"

"Ray, we..."

"Kai...tell me the truth."

I am grateful that my eyes are too teary to see the look on his face when he finally says it.

"…Last week."

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: GET DOWN!

**_Nuclear explosion!_**

WOOOOOOOOOT!! Direct hit! Triple whammy!

I figured if I was going to make it scandalous I might as well really let ya'll have it! So, we've got two affairs of questionable lengths, three participants, two victims and a Chernie! I wanted to drag the secret on for a while longer, but it's about time the story started getting _somewhere_.

What now, Ray? Better question: what now, _Kai_?

And yes, things are only going to get worse. Can ya believe it?! Damn, I love myself sometimes!

Read & Review, please.


	9. Beam me up, Scotty!

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used without my consent. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/M: Between my laptop pulling off a good impression of a worthless piece of junk, four university exams (one including a bitch of an essay on Wuthering Heights) and random occurrences that make my life the unbelievable drama that it is, it took me a while to get this one done.

Is it terribly wrong that, considering the rather serious turn of events in this story, I wrote this entire chapter while my computer continuously played The Lion King's "Hakuna Matata"?…Yeah…Don't ask. Just don't ask…

**_cries_** Noooo!! I've lost one of my slaves, er, readers! My deepest apologies, Shin Rigel, for not meeting your expectations (and no, I'm not being sarcastic '). I knew from chapter one that this fic wasn't going to be as light-hearted as Our First Noel, so I should have warned you all in advance. I just tend to aim for realistic plots and, let's face it, life's a bitch. One moment everything's honky-dory and the next thing you know everything and everyone's trying to screw you over. Well, let's see if I can salvage these poor souls…

* * *

"…Last week." 

I stare at him, confused. This isn't making any sense. I don't feel anything. I think I should be. I think I should be doing something really outrageous and dangerous right now. To Kai, naturally. I can hear his voice and his confessions, but it's doing nothing for me. The longer I stare, however, the more strain his words place on the ever-handy-but-not-right-now barrier of denial. They get heavier and heavier until I hear a sharp crack.

"Last…week?" I repeat, dazed. "You and…last week…"

The cracks are spreading loudly but other than that everything' quiet around us. Nothing around me is computing. I don't know where I am. Okay, so I do; we're in the hall, but I can't make out any furniture or even wall. At least the floor's still here; I am standing on something, in any case. Still, I can't see anything. My eyes are wet and I'm still not sure why. Is this real? I am crying for a reason, but…is this the reason? Did Kai really just say…?

With one last crack the barrier shatters and I am crushed by the weight of his words.

I've just been told by the love of my life, the meaning of my life, hell, my life in general (the better, no, honestly, the best part of it), that he's been screwing around with his best friend, one of my two greatest fears in life, behind his other best friend's, who happens to be his first best friend's boyfriend, and who, coincidentally, is the other greatest fear in my life's, back. I've just had my whole world ripped down around me, my pillar of support pulled down, the ground beneath me shattered to bits (though the floor still there). For the second time in almost just as many months, I've been dealt a blow that has drastically shortened my life, probably even wiped out three of the nine lives everyone assume we nekojin have. I am overwhelmed. Betrayed. Hurt. Crying like I'm in the cheesiest soap opera ever, and the real waterworks haven't even started yet. Shock still has its grubby mitts on me.

And then, because this is just the tip of the iceberg, Kai, apparently determined to prove himself the biggest S.O.B. I know, and believe me, I know a lot, says:

"Ray, it's no big deal."

This time I don't take forever to react. If I had I might have reconsidered, which is why I'm glad instincts kicked in. My fist slams into his jaw and I want to follow up with a slash of my claws. They aren't really claws, but my nails can slice through paper and cardboard; flesh doesn't stand a chance. But after the first strike I feel drained. It's probably all mentally but for now I feel the tiniest bit satisfied watching Kai wiping away the blood from the side of his mouth.

"No. Big. Deal?"

"Calm down," he says, testing with his tongue to make sure I haven't knocked any teeth loose. Had I thought of it I would have aimed directly at his mouth. Seeing him walking around with two missing front teeth would have been the best chicken soup for my soul. He could be telling us both to calm down; his eyes are gleaming as Dark Kai is trying to claw his way towards me.

"Don't hold back, _love_," I sneer.

"I'm not going to fight you," Kai says firmly, shaking his head and returning to his usual state, albeit with a swelling lower lip with a nice bruise as accessory to match his hair. "Stop acting like this, Ray."

"Like what? Like someone who's just found out his boyfriend's been sleeping around with…"

Oh yeah, that reminds me.

"What are you…No!"

Kai guesses my intent but before he can grab me I'm off, sprinting down the hall, resisting the urge to bellow as I race at dangerous speed, unfortunate victims on my path to revenge be damned.

"Ray!" Kai shouts, chasing after me. His reflexes are usually faster than mine (which is why I'm surprised that I landed that blow) but I'm the faster runner. With the adrenaline and wrath coursing through me there's no way he will be able to catch me. "Ray, don't do it!"

I skid around the corner, damn near ripping the carpet from the floor with my nails as I steady myself. Now I'm crying, waterworks turned till the max. I won't deny it. My breathing is choked and tears are whipping across my face. I want to stop, just to punch Kai again, but the way my one-way mind works I first have to deal with the other cause of my distress.

Kai's given up calling me but I can still hear him, though that only makes me speed up. Kai will catch up eventually, but by then the damage will have been done. By me. I have to get this out of system first. Once sated, I'll be able to deal with whatever cockamamie excuse Kai thinks he can get away with.

Last week…Last week…Last week…Last week…Last week…

Why? Why would he do it? _How_ could he do it?

I've done nothing but love him. I've been nothing but there for him. Only a couple of months, but I've given our relationship and him my all. I've given up everything for him. How…How could it have meant so little to him? Those night we lay in bed, me cuddled against him, purring while he stroked my hair as I told him my thoughts, my expectations, my fears; he'd answer with his usual Hn's and one syllable words, half asleep and completely relaxed. Had he been thinking of someone other than me then? Those small smiles on his face when with me, smiles that I had proudly assumed I had brought on, had they ever been meant for me?

Damn you, Kai!

Damn you…

"Tala!" I shout, throwing the door to the bedroom open, not caring if I'm interrupting his and Bryan's Happy Hour (which can be _every_ hour, 24 hours a day).

Blue eyes look up from the book he's reading, his face one of total confusion, indignation having yet to rear its dangerous head. Sitting alone in the bed, wearing only his boxers, ready to turn in for the night, as ordered by Demon Dad, Tala narrows his eyes, unimpressed. The shower's running behind the closed bathroom door. He doesn't even have time to put down his book before I'm on him, pinning him down.

"Kon, I am going to hurt you really badly," he growls with his remaining calm and I can feel his body tensing beneath me as he prepares to twist me into a human pretzel.

"Oh yeah!? What else can you possibly do to me, Tala? WHAT ELSE?!"

He shrinks back at my raised voice. I can tell the second he realizes what this is all about. Tala's smart, and perceptive, and we all know that I would never dare do this unless I had nothing else to live for, which I don't, thanks to him. He hides his true feelings, but he's shaken by the thought that the secret's out.

"Ray, stop it!" Kai commands, coming up from behind me and grabbing me by the waist, trying to pry me off his friend/lover/co-conspirator. Hm, he must have been training behind my back; I didn't expect him to reach us so soon.

I cling to the redhead, burying my nails into his skin, making him hiss. Kai has no choice but to let go of me. It's either that or I rip Tala's flesh right off his bones. Not a hard choice if you ask me. I can hear Chernie barking in his own room through the closed door, wound up by all the screaming.

"Do you hate me that much?!" I ask, glaring through wet eyes down at my captive, who's keeping perfectly still, aware of how close my nails are to his arteries. "Huh?! Do you hate me so much that you'd do this to me?! If you wanted to hurt me deeply, Tala, then congratulations, you asshole! I will never forgive you for this, do you hear me?! NEVER!"

"Kon!" Bryan has emerged, dripping wet and in nothing more but a towel. "What the hell!? Get off him! Kai, if you aren't going to do something then I will!"

Kai's caught between a rock and a hard place, with me glaring daggers down on him.

"Ray, let's go," he insists, placing both hands on my shoulders. I shrug them off violently and Tala winces as blood begins to drip down his pale wrists. "You're hurting him, Ray!"

…I'm hurting…!

I'm discovering new levels of wrath I never knew I had.

"Well call the friggin' ambulance!" I yell, glaring over my shoulder at him. "We don't want to hurt poor, innocent Tala, do we?! I mean, what's it matter if I'm the one who's hurting here? I already know where I stand, Kai; you don't have to rub in the salt that much!"

"Get off," Bryan says, moving from point A to point B(ed) in the blink of an eye and yanking me off his two-timing boyfriend, who will have something to say about his handling of the situation, and the suicidal-looking slashes now decorating his wrists. I hope he bleeds to death. Bryan shoves me towards Kai, who holds out his hands to catch me but I evade him. Grabbing Tala's wrists and examining them carefully, Bryan clenches his teeth. "Forget what I said: I'm going to kill you anyway! What the fuck is this all about?"

"Damn, I knew you were mental, Bry," I laugh dryly. Obviously, I'm beginning to lose more than my restraints, 'but I didn't know you were this dumb! Man, if only you knew what's been going on all this time…Then again, why shouldn't you?"

"Don't do it," Kai hisses behind me. "Ray, don't screw this up even more than it already is."

My one-way train of thought jumps tracks, shifts into reverse and barrels on at top speed. Forget Tala, even if I'm not done with him; Kai's constant orders, and inconsiderate disregard of just how much deeper his plunging that proverbial knife, has just earned him a world of pain. I hope he's got a good dental plan…Actually, I don't.

Hands grab me and spin me around to meet startled blue eyes. At what point did Tala get here? Bryan's still on the bed, meaning that Tala must have ordered him not to disembowel me. How the heck do they do it? Yet another Russian secret? Mutant powers, maybe? Whatever he's planning to do it's going to take more than freaky tricks to bring me down. After such a blow, I'm feeling indestructible. My heart is breaking into tiny pieces, but until it disintegrates and leaves a hollow cavern in my chest (and me dead) I am going to make these two pay! And if Tala's that eager to get into a fisticuff as to confront me like this then all I can say is: Bring it on, bitch!

"Ray…please…" Tala whispers, distressed.

Firstly, he's just called me by my real name, without sarcasm or threat. Secondly, he's just begged me. What in crap's name…?

I smirk. The Almighty Tala Ivanov, begging me, stupid little Ray? Not so tough now, are you? When everything was going your way, when you could screw around with my boyfriend when I wasn't looking, then you were all big and bad and untouchable. Now, though, now that your dirty little secret is out you play a whole different tune.

"You beg so cutely," I say in a soft voice that only he can hear, knocking his hands away. "Is that how you get your way?"

"Keep your mouth shut," he insists forcefully, keeping it between the two of us. It's not easy to spot but he's shaking, ignoring the blood dripping down his hands and fingers.

"Why should I? Why should I let you get away with wrecking my life? Why should I suffer alone? I didn't do anything!"

"And neither did Bryan," he hisses back. His eyes are gleaming…No, they're glistening…with tears. Dirty cheater. "Ray, if you want me to beg on my knees I will. Please, don't tell him. I don't care what you do to me, but don't…Don't hurt him. Don't do this to him."

"Give me one good reason why I should care about any of you. All you've ever done is heckle me and push me around like I'm scum. I think it's time you get acquainted with that feeling, Tala. That feeling of helplessness, of disapproval."

"Stop it, Kon!" Bryan barks, noticing Tala's distress, still unaware of the real reason behind it.

Tala stays him with a shake of his head, then turns back to face me slowly, as if any sudden moves will make me panic and blurt it out into the open. Kai's tense, I can feel it. They're both waiting for me to do something. I refuse to look at Kai. Seeing Tala's flushed face creates unwanted images in my mind of him begging Kai for more, rocking beneath my lover and making Kai want him even more. I grip at my hair, shaking my head and just barely staying on my knees.

Why should I care…? Why? They deserve it! They are the ones at fault here! To have kept this from me for so long…A joke? Had they laugh at my expense when they'd lain entangled in sweaty sheets? Kai…how…? The worst. This is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like I want to die. Life seems to meaningless now. I hate this feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy…not even on…

Wrapping his arms around Tala from behind, Bryan pulls the redhead back against him, away from me and my murderous intent. His hold both strong and tender, he glares at me. Tala leans against him but his eyes are downcast, guilt eating away at him as he welcomes his clueless boyfriend's support. Bryan, demented blader and solid, living proof that there is unspeakable evil in this world, is openly comforting the only person he'll never deny loving.

And this is where my damned heart tells my logics to shove it: I…cannot do it. I cannot tell Bryan. Of all the things he's done to me (including the slice-and-dice number he did on me during the World Championships that landed me in the hospital covered in bandages and, even more agonizing, subjected to Mariah and her bedside manners) none of them could ever justify me slamming him with this.

"Your lucky, Bryan," I say with a defeated smirk.

"…What?"

"Ignorance is bliss, right?" I whisper, staring at Tala with as much hatred as my defeat will allow, refusing to wipe my tears. I look Kai in the eyes. Let him see what he's done. Let them both see. "Forget this. What's done is done. Nothing will ever change that. Things will never be the way they were, so why try…Never…"

Tala wants to say something but I brush him off. Leaving his "friends" behind, Kai closes the door behind us. I don't say a word to him. I don't want to be around him right now. Maybe…I never want to see him again. It's too soon to tell, but for now I definitely want him out of my sight.

"…That was big of you, Ray, not telling Bryan…Ray?"

I march on without looking back.

"Ray, say something."

"Leave me alone."

"Not that. We have to talk."

"What more can you possibly have to say? "

"Ray, just trust me—"

Heh, funny how energy comes and goes: his head snaps back as I land another solid punch, dead centre. He slumps against the wall, cupping his bleeding nose. In any other situation, any at all, I would have been impressed and proud that I'd managed to hit him twice in one day…Wait, no, I _am _proud; too bad a little thing like "collapsed relationship" is keeping me too down to cheer myself.

"Trust you? _Trust you?!_ What the hell do you know about trust, Kai Hiwatari?! I've done nothing but trust you from the very beginning and look where it's brought me! I trusted you when I came with you! I trusted you when you told me that you wanted me! I trusted you…I'm done trusting you, Kai. Your words…your promises…your confessions…your smiles…your—no, Kai, I can't trust you. Just…go away."

"Why won't you just listen?" he demands, standing up, still wiping at the flowing blood. "Would it kill you to hear what I have to say?"

"You don't get it, do you? Didn't you hear me before? _Nothing_ you say will change anything, Kai."

"Would it—"

"Darling!" Mom sails over (as if inexplicably knowing your son's exact location at all times is a healthy habit) with a handful of potpourri she has stolen from one of the glass bowls in the parlor. "Look, I've found rare herbs! There has been talk of a furry beast infiltrating this city of stone and mother has concocted the perfect barrier spell. Come, we need you as the fourth and final wall to complete it."

For a second I instinctively search for an excuse. I've learned that the key to living with and loving my family the key is to avoid them as much as possible. I'm never a willing participant in their spell casting but…I nod. Who knows, maybe Nana _does_ have some powers and accidentally turns me into a mushroom. That would be nice. No love to lose. No heart to break. No mind to curse the heart for breaking over a lost love.

"Yeah, sure."

"Kai, you're bleeding!" mom notices, undoing something from her outfit that isn't needed to keep it together and hands it to him to wipe away the blood. She holds out the potpourri. "Healing herbs?" she generously offers, not asking _why_ he's hurt in the first place.

"No thank you," he says after a long pause, shaking his head and wincing when pain flares across his sore face. "But Ray and I were just talking and—"

I spit at his feet, grab my mom by the hand and leave the bloody scene. If Kai's to collapse from a burst artery in his brain in that hall then let his secret lover deal with the body. And if I'm not mentioned in his will…

"Tears, Ray? Oh, are you sad because Kai's hurt? You're so sweet, dear," mom says, using her large sleeve to dry my face, not commenting on me dragging her along like a child. "It's like your father said: war is never pretty. People get hurt and there's hardly ever any true winners. But whatever the outcome, you must always try your hardest. Just look at you. Such a determined fighter…Don't worry. Mother has been working hard on bringing down the demons. You'll be free of their spell and this city soon. And, if we have enough time and bats' eyes left, we may be able to free Kai as well, since he's also a victim in this dark city."

I clench my eyes. Heh, Kai a victim? But I won't tell her a thing. If I tell them what has happened they'll declare all-out, no-holds-bar war on this mansion and we'll be stuck here for weeks. My heart is burning, but not with hate. Just…sadness. Crushing sadness. Because of the lies. Because of the fights. Because of the humiliation. Because…because…a part of me, a part that just keeps growing and growing, feels that Nana won't be needing a spell to get me out of here.

That part of me wants…to leave.

I want to leave.

And the more I think about it, the more appealing it becomes.

* * *

"_Ray, perhaps if you looked at it from another angle…"_

I snort loudly into the phone. Lying on the couch in the entertainment room, my new best friend, Scotty (that's my nickname for him; his full name is Scotch whisky), standing on the floor beneath me, I tangle the cord of the phone around my finger, then remember that this is a cordless phone.

"You taking his side, Brooklyn? What would you have done if Hiro told you he was sleeping with someone else?"

"_I'd disintegrate the planet and hurl him into space,"_ he says offhandedly, despite it being the catastrophic truth; he wouldn't really destroy the planet, because that would hurt the innocent animals, but Hiro would be Mars-bound on the Milky Way Express into oblivion if he tried to pull of something like that. Why is it that Brooklyn got all the cool powers? _"But you're not like that. Everyone knows it. You're a level headed, understanding person, Ray. If anyone can work this out, you can."_

"I don't want to! That's why this shit is always happening to me. I'm too nice. Do you know what happens to nice people? They let others walk all over them and in the end people just point at them and laugh and say 'Look at the…stupid…nice….people!'." Not me at my best. Scotty has a bad influence on me. "Whatcha doing?"

"_Cleaning up a bit. Hiro's gone out to do some shopping,"_ Brooklyn says. _"He has a lot of food to buy; we're cooking for seven people, sixty if you take into account Tyson's appetite. Then we're off to the movies tonight with Tyson, Daichi, Hillary, Kenny and Garland."_

"Sounds fun," I say kindly, then take a mouthful of Scotty. "I am _so_ happy that to hear that you having the time of your lives there." Spot the sarcasm.

"_Ray, I'm sorry that this has happened, but don't let yourself go like this. Isn't your family worried?"_

"They don't know. I'm not telling them."

"_But how long has it been since Kai's confession?"_

"Um…" I count my fingers…Oops, lost count. Again… "Yesterday."

"_And they don't find it odd that things are a bit…tense there? Not to mention that you're drinking."_

"I'm not drinking!...I just made a new friend."

"…_Your friend is a bottle, Ray."_

"Oi, don't judge him by his looks."

"_It's what's on the inside that worries me. And your family?"_ he says, too polite to sound exasperated but it's hard to believe that he isn't.

"Putting the finishing touches on their Grand Plan. It somehow includes potpourri, tea coasters, gravel, a clock, a live squirrel, a handful of dog food pellets and a neon slinky. And it requires dad to stand on one leg for twelve hours. I stopped asking a while back."

"_Ray, why won't you just talk to Kai? He's made attempts to talk to you, right?"_

"Kai's pulled a Kai on me."

"_A what?"_

"He's disappeared, like he always did on us during tournaments. See? Signs! I should have seen this coming. Even then we couldn't trust him."

"_That's not true. You were the one who always told the others that he'd be there, and he always was."_

"Probably because he got bored on his own. Tala's also missing. I bet they're together somewhere, consoling each other. Nah, it doesn't bother me. With Scotty here, I'm alright."

"_If you're not careful you could develop a serious drinking habit."_

"I told you," I roll my eyes, "I'm just making new friends. In fact, I think I'm going to invite some of Scotty's pals over tonight. Brandy and Ginny could do with some new scenery other than the inside of that cupboard…"

Silence, then…

"_Ray?"_

Whoa, neat trick, Brook. He kinda sounds like Hiro…Oh.

"Hiya," I grin, though he can't see it.

_One_ word, that's all I said, and already Hiro's sighing.

"_Ray, you're drunk."_

"Am not! I'm not slurring or anything…am I, Scotty?" I ask my drink(ing buddy). "Man, now I'm gonna have to tell ya everything I just told Brook. Get a load of this…"

I tell him what happened, from Demon Dad to Demon Dog, from Kai finally coming clean to our big blow-out.

"_Definitely drunk,"_ is all he says when I finish. _"Why the hell did you wait this long to call us?"_

"Couldn't find the phone."

"_I'm surprised you can still talk. Ray, I need you to put down the bottle."_

"I can't abandon Scotty!"

"_I'm sure he won't be too upset. Are you going to drink your way to an early death over this?"_

"Um…" Was that a trick question? "Yeah?"

"_No."_

"No?" Well, okay…if you say so.

"_No, you're not."_

"So should I go ahead with my first plan and throw myself down the stairs?"

"_How about hanging around in the living world for a while?"_

"Hanging? I could make a noose…"

"_Can't you take this serious?"_

I don't get these rules. Well, 'yeah' was the wrong answer last time so the right one must be:

"…No?"

"_Yes,"_ Hiro corrects me. Damn it, I hate this game. Losing sucks. Thinking isn't any better either; Scotty wants me to stop doing it all together_. "Come on, Ray, you called us for help, didn't you? Then listen to me and get a grip. If you kill yourself neither Brooklyn or I will attend your funeral."_

"That's mean," I pout. Scotty has nothing more to say; he's empty. "It's gonna be a nice one too. Lot's of flowers…Will you look after Tiger, at least?"

"_That's it. This cannot go on. If you're not going to do something about it then I will."_

"No, seriously, I always wanted lots of flowers. And I wanna be cremated. Urgh, I can't stomach the idea of my body being eaten away by bugs. Isn't it weird how those things get into coffins? I mean, what do they do, eat through the wood? Not me. Nuh-uh. I wanna be set on fire and my ashes scattered over…er…my beyblade! No, I want Drigger cremated with me…Can they cremate a beyblade? Man, I hope Drigger doesn't have supernatural powers I don't know of; wouldn't it be weird if he brought me back to life? That would suck. I'd have to go through the whole dying part all over again…Hey, I'd be like that kid on South Park!"

Meanwhile, Hiro hung up before I even started my little rambling, and I was aware of this, but it's an interesting topic so I just went along. Putting down the phone I make several grabs at the back of the couch, succeeding around my twentieth try, and pull myself up. Whoa! I hate it when the world spins too fast. Doesn't it know it's making me dizzy? See, everything's against me! I'm going to go find Gin and…the other one and tell them my issues…and…Where am I?

"What a sorry sight for sore eyes."

Someone sits down next to me on the couch where I'm cradling my aching head. Prying an eye open, I almost sucker punch the person when I mistake the red eyes for Kai's. Well, look who it is.

"Go away."

So. That's me being courteous.

"How rude," Konstantin chuckles, looking handsome and victorious. "You're a real glutton for punishment, aren't you?"

"I'm not drunk!"

"Firstly, you are. Secondly, I was referring to you still being here after finding out. I would admire your resilience, if you were doing it to prove yourself in someway. But you are completely clueless. You haven't left because you are a wreck and cannot even pull enough of your self-respect together to leave."

"Can it."

I hate him. Hate him, hate him, hate him. If it weren't for him, Kai wouldn't have been born and I wouldn't have fallen like a soggy leaf for him and I wouldn't be in this state. If it weren't for him I would have never found out about Kai and Tala. If it weren't for him having…

"You slept with Tala."

"Indeed."

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't talk about other peoples' business. You could learn a thing or two from me. It saves the heartache."

"You're just loving this. You said you would ruin us, and you have. Congratulations."

"Thank you. Should we celebrate with a toast, although…" He picks up Scotty. "It looks like you've already gone and thrown yourself a party in your own honour."

"Yeah, that's me. Selfish Ray."

"A shame that this had to happen now, just days before valentines. Any plans?" Suggestiveness, thy name is Konstantin.

"Unlike Tala," I sneer, glowering at him through my uncombed bangs, "I don't whore myself to older men."

"That was uncalled for…" he argues smoothly, a smug grin on his face. "I didn't pay him, so technically it wasn't whoring. And he was the one who came to me so don't assume that I am the guilty party in this. And who was I to not offer a sympathetic shoulder…and bed? Who in their right mind would turn such an offer down?"

A sudden pain lances through my skull and I sink back, burying my face in a cushion, hoping that I will loose all strength and smother myself in the end.

"I was going to ask you if you've seen Kai, but you obviously haven't seen anything but doubles for a while. I'll look elsewhere." He stands, flicking his ponytail behind him, red eyes closed as he stretches. "And I asked about your possible plans for the 13th because I'm inviting you to a dinner party that day. Since it's so rare for me to be home around holidays or special events I'm holding one for my family and…acquaintances. You and your family are invited, along with Kai, Tala, Bryan, my father and Yelena."

"Bearing in mind that my family will be preoccupied, that I'd rather attend the rest of you bastards' funerals and that I have no idea who Yelena is, no thanks."

"The invitation stands. And Yelena is my ex-wife and Kai's mother."

"Oh gee, now I can't _wait_ to meet her! Yeah, like I really want to meet another member of your dysfunctional family."

"Then you're lucky you'll never have to meet my dear late mother. She was an…analytic person."

"She was homophobic," I cut to the chase.

"Through and through. Worst than father."

"Then no offence, but yeah, I'm glad she isn't around."

"I'm ecstatic. The irritable bitch," he sighs. She must have been a real bad ass; she continues to annoy him from beyond the grave. Somehow, that makes me like her more than I like the rest of the lot. "Kai hated her…So did father…I'm not sure why it took him that long to kill her."

"_WHAT?!_" I shrieked and tumble from the couch where I'd been attempting to stand.

"Just kidding," he laughs, as if murder is ever a funny matter. "All he did was kick her out of the house and left her to fend for herself on the streets, where she lived as a homeless in the dead of winter for two months before being struck and killed by a garbage truck. My father would never lay a hand on a woman; he is a gentleman."

Not that I know much about protocol, but I have serious doubts that there's such a chapter in etiquette books titled How To Gallantly Slay Your Wife. I've got to get out of here! Grab my folks (who are starting to look more and more sane compared to the Russians) and run all the way to the airport.

"Kuznetsov, did you get my invitation?" Konstantin asks the gangly teen who's just stomped into the room, the massive chain that he uses for a leash in one hand, at the end of which is the walking jaw, carrying a bone it must have been stolen from a dinosaur exhibit somewhere. Of course, the greeting extended to us is a primitive growl…and Chernie snarls as well.

"Fuck off," says Brian as he brushes off specks of snow from his jacket, because, ya know, he's the ultimate evil and so has nothing to fear. I wish I could say the same to them both, and banish Chernie back to the endless abyss of doggie hell.

"Excellent. I'm looking forward to it."

Exit Demon Dad, leaving me with Demon Dog and Master Demon. Am I already in hell? I don't remember dying…maybe I drunk myself to death…Never expected hell to have such comfy couches. Heh, I can get used to this "endless suffering", as long as I avoid the other denizens of doom. Shit, but this means that I'll soon have to spend eternity running from Mariah when the cow kicks the bucket. Now _that_ is hell.

"Kon!"

Sheesh, can't a guy settle in to his doomed faith in peace?

"What?!" I snap. Oh, I know exactly who I'm talking to, but here's the beauty: I'm already dead and in hell! What else can he possibly do to me? Wonder what type of cable we get down here. Maybe now I can finally get pay-per-view without the "pay" part.

While Chernie has already reduced his dinosaur femur to half its size, Bryan is sitting on the other end of the couch, studying me with amused suspicion.

"Kon, are you drunk?" he asks, growing more and more amused until he's near hysterical, though he keeps his laugher to himself. "Shit, you stink of booze. Doesn't the little pussy cat know his limits?"

Wait…it's not hot enough to be hell. Damn. Still alive then.

"Don't you have tiny woodland creatures you need to catch and skin with your teeth?"

And still drunk, though the world spinning has nothing to do with that. Bryan, in a typical Bryan reaction, grabs me by the front of my shirt and shoves me down. He isn't so much insulted at my words as he's using any excuse to beat the alcohol (and daylight) out of me.

"You said something to him last night. He's been gone all day and I can't find him anywhere. If anything happens to him, Kon, it's your head on the line."

"Um…let's see…Oh yeah: I don't give a rat's ass what happens to him," I respond. "Slap his picture on milk cartons if you're that worried."

"I knew this would happen," Bryan says and it's clear he's in one of his rare talking bouts. "I told Kai that you'd only mess things up. But dragging Tala into your retarded fights is going to far, Kon. Tala was crying. Tala's scared, you bastard! I don't like it when he's scared. So before I beat the features off your face, you are going to tell me what is going on. Tell. Me. Now."

There's a monologue that you won't be hearing in any romance movie or play anytime soon, but anyone who knows Bryan knows that that's his way of openly admitting his devotion to Tala.

I sigh and close my eyes.

Why, Tala? For fuck's sakes, why? Why Kai when you have someone? Bryan isn't perfect, I give you that. The guy's a mental wreck…Scratch that: to be a wreck something had to have been whole and functional at some point: Bryan's lack of…normalcy is at a stage that could have only been attained with born skills and a lifetime learning to perfect; so he's more or less a form of perfected lunacy. Your fights alone could have kept Jerry Springer on the air for the next fifty years, but isn't it obvious that he's crazy about you? Why Kai? It couldn't have been only sex. For crying out loud, if it weren't for you willingness Bryan would be a classified serial rapist! It couldn't have been just to get to me, because you two have been doing this for years. Is it…actual feelings? Do you just love Kai…and does he love you…?

"It's not fair," I whisper, opening watery eyes. "Why did this have to happen?"

Bryan has never seen me cry. The few times he'd manage to inflict physical harm on me behind Kai's back had never given him more than the satisfaction of watching me squirm and curse. He pulls back now, and I assume that, somewhere in that head, he considers that he doesn't know the whole story and that I am not only to blame here. If only he knew…

"Fucking Konstantin," he spits, sitting back. He's frustrated and lost, crossing his arms and glaring. Chernie, having licked up the remaining powder that had once been a bone, comes over and rests its head on his knee, still dragging the chain that is normally used to anchor small ships to harbours. "He's behind this. I know he's got something to do with it."

Unhooking Chernie "leash", he digs into his pocket and tosses what looks like the body of a small creature (though I could be mistaken) to Heck Hound, who snaps it up and happily trots out the room with its prize. I've been forgotten as the falcon rests his head in his hands, thinking, trying to come up with a way to terrorize someone (who won't freak him out by bursting into tears) into telling him what he wants to know.

"Bryan…It's for the best if you don't know," I say after five minutes when he still hasn't come up with anything. "Right now I'm wishing that I never knew. It's…It's not something anyone would want to find out."

"I don't care what it does to me. If I know what it is I can help Tala." He lets out a deep breath, brow now resting on his fists.

"Tala isn't really the victim here…"

I expected the second lunge, though I had inadvertently said that out loud. Convincing myself that Bryan isn't in the right state of mind (not that he's ever in the _right state of mind_) to do anything to me, I just stare up at him. Remnants of ol' Scotty are swirling around in my brain and if I tilt my head slightly to the right Bryan kinda looks like that guy in that movie where…OW! What the…? Oh, right, Bryan's pissed at me. Bad time to be zoning out.

"Kon, I don't need much reason to hurt you," he reminds me, looking at my throat, caught between strangling me and just snapping my neck.

No, seriously, he does look like that guy. Especially with his haircut. What's him name again? The handsome one…Scotty's telling me that he's dead gorgeous…and reminding me how sad I am…and…and…that I should do something about it.

Scotty decides that what I do next is perfectly logical and my body agrees heartily. I grab a handful of hair and yank Bryan down, smashing our mouths together so hard I almost slice my lips on his teeth! Wrapping another arm around his waist, I pull our bodies together, rocking against him as I desperately kiss and lick at his lips.

The hands on my shoulders tighten to bruising point and push me back down, slamming me back against the cushions as Bryan pulls himself away.

"What the hell?!"

"How long has it been, Bryan?" I pant, completely out of it. Scotty's shouting friendly words of encouragement in my mind. He's even got an entire cheer going on in there. "A whole day without a good lay? Who knows when Tala's coming back. Do you want to wait that long? Can you wait that long?"

"You're fucking drunk," he determines. Scotty points out to me that the falcon hasn't gotten off me yet, though. "Get a grip, you freak. Or get Kai to deal with you."

I snort, imagining Kai and Tala together right now, consoling each other and planning their next move while they lay in a bed somewhere. The image spurs my own plan and I give the teen above me The Look. Not Kai's The Look®, but my own brand that could get Kai to drop whatever he's doing in a heartbeat: the You Know You Want To Ravage Me Look™.

Bryan's eyes widen and he gets to his knees, ready to stand…then curses in Russian and pulls us together, meeting my lips halfway, one hand already working the buttons of my shirt, and making quick work of them. We're both shirtless in the time it takes me to purr as his nips at my neck. Our hands are all over each other, touching and tugging. He's silent, only his breathing growing heavier and heavier. I'm gasping and mewling, Scotty hooting and whistling in my mind like the good, supporting friend he is.

"Bryan…Hurry…" I gasp, pulling away from the intense kiss that has done knocked my I.Q. back to a one digit number.

My hands slide down Bryan's flat abs to hook in the waist of his cargo pants. I can feel him doing the same for me and mewl, encouraging him to keep going. Funny enough, he pauses to undo my hair, running rough fingers through it, before continuing to disrobe me. Kai loved to do that too…

I'm trying not to, but despite him being right on me, despite his heavy breathing so unfamiliar, I can only picture the one person I'd ever wished would be the one doing this to me. I deepen the kiss, tears dripping out of the corner of my eyes as I manage to undo his pants just seconds before he begins tugging mine off.

Kai…This should have been you…

"No."

I gasp for air when Bryan suddenly pulls away, holding himself off me with his arms. His face his flush and I can feel his eagerness through his pants, but he shakes his head.

"I won't," he mutters, climbing off me, his mind having a hard time getting his body to obey but obey it does in the end. He sneers at me and stands, doing up his pants. He runs both hands through his hair. "Fuck whatever's wrong with you, Kon, but I won't sleep around. I won't do that to Tala."

Still dying to finish what we've started, I sit up, fighting the urge to be The Bitch in this scenario by blurting out just how undeserving Tala is of his loyalty. I want to really wreck their relationship the same way mine has been. I want to see Bryan coldly push Tala away upon learning the truth. I…I can't…

I'm ashamed.

With newly burning cheeks, I lie back down and turn my back to him. Scotty's trying to say something but my lazy conscience finally steps in and beats his bad influential ass into the next millennium and I'm left with no one to blame but myself. What shames me the most isn't that I almost made out with a guy who hates me even more than I hate him; what shames is that I'd almost done so only to get back at Kai and Tala. Not only had I been prepared to stoop to such a low level, but I had been willing to drag Bryan along with me.

"Bryan?"

"…What?" he asks, dressing himself silently.

"Thank you. We would have done something really stupid if you didn't stop."

"Whatever."

"I won't tell Tala," I offer.

He snorts. "I will."

I turn, surprised. He's looking away.

"I don't keep secrets from him."

"Everyone keeps secrets."

"Not me," he says, picking up the tow chain he uses to walk Chernie.

"But…what if Tala does keep them?"

The thought isn't new to him.

"Then he does."

"And would you be angry if you found out what they were, those secrets?"

His eyes narrow in consideration, but then he sighs, almost resigned, and turns to me.

"Depends, so what? I'm never going to leave him. The idiot can say or do anything, but he's never done it to purposefully piss me off. If he doesn't tell me things it's because he…"

"Cares about you?" I supply, since Bryan is incapable of expressing such sentiments.

"He's messed up that way, but yeah."

We fall silent. Me thinking over what he's just revealed, him thinking over how he can kill me off after having admitted such feelings to me of all people.

"I'm an idiot," I say, sitting up and resting my elbows on my knees.

"Good for you. I'm going to find Tala."

I'm not sure what's changed, but I find it in me to get back at him for that. "By the way, you're a good kisser."

His scowl is undermined by his blush. Score one for me! That brings the tally to Ray: 1, Bryan: 105. I have a lot of catching up to do, I know, but it's a start. He stomps out. My smugness is only heightened when, just before he exits, he, with a thick coat of grudge, says:

"So are you."

Ray: 2, Bryan: 105.

Kicking away Scotty's empty bottle, I get to my feet and the world finally takes me into consideration and only turns slowly.

First, I need a bath and a good comb to rid myself of a day of drunken neglect. Second, I need to write an entry in my journal otherwise I'll never believe myself in the future when I think back on the day I'd kissed Bryan Kuznetsov. Third, I have to sort out my life. Fourth, I need to find out why Nana just tiptoed past carrying a rabid cat.

…Maybe I should switched my priorities around a bit.

"Uh…Nana…?"

Whoosh, she's off and running. Yep, definitely up to no good.

At least things are never boring around here.

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: Okay, I lied: I didn't write this whole chapter while listening to Hakuna Matata…The last part was written to the ditty beat of Final Fantasy VII's Chocobo theme. Yeah, WTF?! Gotta admit, though, the Chocobo theme is addictive. 

Well, I never _planned _to have a Ray/Bryan moment at any point in this fic, but so many people wanted/asked for it so don't blame me for whoring Ray out a bit :P Besides, I felt that Bryan needed an admirable moment. Wow, he actually has self-control? What's next? I'm going to abstain from chocolate?...Hahahahahahahahahaha!! Not.

And yes, I was dying to give Ray a reason to punch Kai. It just felt good.

Kai and Tala will be back in the next chapter, along with our favourite neko-jin family, our favourite Demon Dad and...say...who did Demon Dad say were coming to the dinner? Uh-oh.

Read & Review, please.


	10. Friends4Ever?

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used without my consent. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

* * *

I kissed Bryan Kuznetsov… 

I _kissed_ Bryan Kuznetsov…

_I_ kissed Bryan Kuznetsov…

I kissed _Bryan Kuznetsov_…

Wait, I shouldn't be so smug about it. It was a stupid, one-off mistake. If anything, I should be dealing with my indiscretion in a mature, responsible way…

_I_ totally _made out_ with _Bryan Kuznetsov_!

Okay, now that that's out of my system I can go back to feeling like scum for having flown straight through all the bases to almost score a home run with someone who, by this time tomorrow—Hell, _now_, if he's up to it, will have no qualms trying to rip my tonsils out through my nostrils, bearing in mind that I had my tonsils removed when I was five, and _that_ was a whole story on its own: me, Nana, a dark room and a dung beetle; try and make sense of that! I'm still not sure what happened there, but to this day, sometimes, when I gargle, I'm positive I can receive at least two Ukrainian radio channels in my right ear and the latest Venezuelan lottery results in me left, if it's a rainy day in June.

_But as I was saying_, I've heard of flirting with danger, but how many people can say that they actually tongue wrestled Death?

Shut up, Ray! You're not proud of what you did!

…Well, a little?

No! Bad, Ray!

…Then again, why should I feel guilty? At least I didn't_ sleep_ with the guy!

…Okay, maybe I would have if Bryan hadn't picked the most inopportune time to grow a conscience.

…But I should be grateful he did, therefore saving both our dignities.

…But I don't care for dignity anymore.

…But maybe I should.

…But why am I going on about dignity when I'm not the one who cheated on his boyfriend with his best friend??

…But I did semi-cheat on my cheating boyfriend with my worst enemy, whose cheating boyfriend is cheating on him with my cheating boyfriend.

…Well, this sucks!

It's times like these that I miss the guys back in Japan. I miss the good old days when the only dilemma in my life had been trying to find a safe place to stash my chocolate to keep Tyson from inhaling them. (I eventually did find the perfect spot: the bookcase. Tyson _never_ goes there. I'm not even sure he knows what the purpose of bookcases, or books, is). I miss being the one who always knew the answer to tricky situation, when our 'fearless leader', who knew every answer to every question before we'd even ask, was in a let-them-hurt-themselves-trying-to-worm-their-way-out-of-this-one mood.

Signs! See, Ray?! Why can't you ever learn to read the signs?!

No, seriously, I'm still not sure what half the traffic signs out there mean. Not that I drive. I still cannot get the VCR to tape a half hour show without it chopping off the first ten minutes and the last fifteen minutes. Ever tried following a series five minutes at a time? No? Well don't try it.

I wonder what the other's would have to say if I told them all that's been happening…

Then again, discussing romantic relationships with Tyson, Max, Daichi, Kenny or Hillary would be like asking a manic depressed to tell you about the happiest moment in their life: useless and pretty cruel. None of them have ever been in a relationship, and Kenny most likely will never be in a relationship, unless he loses the tie, his glasses and his tendency to out-squeal piglets whenever someone says "malware".

My safest bet would be Hiro, but he hasn't been answering my calls, and despite having spent twenty minutes on the phone listening to Papa G, I still have no idea where the former ninja's gone. I did get to hear all the fascinating details about Papa G's recent prostate exam; I'm sure that somehow counts as inappropriate sexual conduct with a minor, but that's Papa G for you. Remember that little leotard number he wore in front of the whole gang last December?

Holy random object! What if he's really some creepy old pervert _pretending_ to be a grandfather _pretending_ to be man half his age _pretending_ to be cool?! Maybe Bruce isn't even his son! Or what if Bruce is in on it? Maybe Hiro and Tyson aren't even Bruce's sons! Or maybe they're in on it?! Yeah, Tyson lures in unsuspecting prey with his me-your-fwiend! mumbo jumbo, Hiro makes us only think we can at least trust that the family isn't completely insane, Papa G preys on the witless victims, and Bruce buries the bodies at his dig sites!

It's a fool-proof plan! All it relies on his Tyson's renown abilities to be cunning, deceptive and a great actor…On second thought, never mind. I was just getting carried away.

Man, what am I still doing here? I don't even have friends to talk to! Never realized how very few people are left in my life. Let me rephrase that: never realized how very few _sane_ people are left in my life. And sadly, I'm not counted amongst the sane ones. I'm a menace onto myself. A hazard, I should say. Me and Pink should hook up and record a song together.

Until I find a way to stalk Pink from the comfort of my lazy ass, however, I have found two new friends who come in one package, and who, though silent, bring me some joy in my life. Scotty was a hoot, but he left me with a sick feeling that I plan to avoid for the rest of my life. No more drinking buddies for me.

Say hello to Ben and Jerry's! No, not Tom and Jerry. I hate that show. Nothing could be closer to the truth and yet still miss the mark entirely: as if a _mouse_ could evade a _cat _so easily, and for so long! Puh-huh-lease!

…Puh-huh-lease…? Heh.

Ben and Jerry's, on the other hand, are in perfect harmony. With my stomach, anyway, though if I'm not careful they might be treacherous to my waistline. The best thing is that they adapt to my every mood; they come in, like, a gazillion different flavours!

When I first sulked into the kitchen 1 hour, 23 minutes and 10…11…12…13…(never mind) seconds ago, I was in a chocolaty, caramel-y, strawberry-y, butterscotch-y, vanilla-y, so-sweet-it-makes-your-teeth-itch-y mood. Upon opening the freezer I had only to push the Double Trouble Tripple Dipple Lotsa Lotsa Chocolate Fudge Delight and there was my craving, packaged and sealed in a carton, waiting on me to enjoy: Chocolate Caramel Butterscotch Vanilla and Strawberry Swirl Bonanza! Who needs actual food when you've got friends like these? It's like the ice cream makers can read my mind or something!

So instead of drowning myself in sorrow and booze, I'm stuffing my emotions, and my face. It's only eleven in the morning and I haven't had any breakfast yet, but like they say: breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and, coincidentally, ice cream is the most important food group for my soul; in conclusion: ice cream for breakfast is twice as important as eggs and bacon.

Hear me rambling, as if I have nothing else to think about. Au contraire, I do have something on my mind. A big, nagging, hard-to-ignore something: a date. Not a date where you go out with someone who tells you all about the neat stuff they've got planned for the night when you both know you'll just park under a bridge somewhere and try to become the first to commit oral manslaughter. I'm thinking of a calendar date. As logics would have it, I'm thinking about today's date: February 13.

In all truth, there's nothing special about February 13. It's one of those useless days when nothing happens and nothing is celebrated, unless its your birthday, or some anniversary, or the day you win something _other_ than a day trip to an amusement park that closed down two years ago, or the day that really annoying neighbour that no one really likes is finally evicted. If none of those apply, then February 13 is not really a day on its own, is it? I like to think of it as a pre-day (a "pray"?) that sorta introduces an actual meaningful day. Its like the deep breath before the plunge, the calm before the storm, the _BANG_ before the "Ow, I slammed my finger in the door again!". It is so, with a calm state of mind, holding our breaths while we hold our crushed fingers, that we leave behind the February the 13th and look February the 14th right in its lovesick face.

I can't believe I just spent a whole five minutes thinking about how useless it is to think about Friday the 13th. Having realized that, why _am_ I thinking about February the 13th?

Oh yeah. This is the day that will go down in my journal (if I kept one anyway; keeping a journal is a commitment greater than marriage) as the day February the 13th finally got a meaning in my life. This will be the big day when I put my foot down, grabbed my faithful desert spoon, which can chop through the toughest of ice creams, and made the biggest, most serious decision of my life.

…Alright, so I've made one of those before, when I swore to never, ever, no-matter-how-much-anyone-insisted-that-nothing-could-go-wrong, try to wear high heels again! Don't freak out; I wasn't having a gender crisis. I was having a stupid-team-mates-and-their-stupid-bets crisis, which ended with everything that could go wrong, going _really _wrong. And I still don't know where Max got those high heels from. He claims they're his mom's, but is it just coincident that they were bright orange, a colour Judy wouldn't be caught dead in but that just so happens to be Max's favourite colour? I think not.

Then this is the second time I'm calling upon my inner tiger to make a serious decision. And what decision is that?

I'm leaving.

Leaving Russia.

Leaving…You-Know-Who.

No, not Lord Voldemort!

…Kai.

My plane ticket is booked and everything. My flight leaves tomorrow at ten p.m.. It's the earliest flight out of here I could get. My bags are half packed and I had Excuse-me-sir order some sleeping pills to keep Tiger half-drugged for the flight back. I might even take a few…or the whole bottle. I'll see how I'm feeling by then.

I've called Mr Dickenson and convinced him to arrange my family's departure back to China as well, seeing as they're work here is done; that's what I'm going to tell them, anyway. I hate to give them the impression that they were right, because then it'll be impossible to ever talk them out of future bad ideas: _"Oh, but Ray, remember last time, when we saved you from the village of stone in the land of ice? You believed that we didn't know what we were doing and in the end we did save you. Remember that one, hmmmmm??"_

"_Eeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiiiiiiilllll…"_

Just thought I'd add Nana's input as well.

No, I can't tell them that. I need to think really hard on this one and…

Empty carton! Warning! Warning! All systems shutting down!

Putting down the empty container, I rip open another, carve out a chunk of sugary cream, cram it into my mouth and revel in the hair curling (yes, it's that intense) brain freeze as the cold treat slides down my throat.

Systems stabilized. Proceed with caution.

Drastic? No, my plan isn't drastic. It's what I should have done days ago, instead of hanging around here. I'm going back to Japan and crash at Tyson's place; I still have to call him to tell him I'm coming but my stay is practically guaranteed since Tyson will never turn his back on a friend. He probably won't let me out of his sight, actually; he'll hound me like I'm a French pastry with extra pudding filling, trying to get some dirt on what it's been like living with Kai. I'm in serious need of a therapist and since I can't afford one I'll happily settle for Hiro, or even Brooklyn, unless he's in a Hug-A-Tree-Kiss-A-Squirrel mood.

But, Ray, why this sudden drastic decision? What made you finally decide to get off your ass and call the travel agency?

Kai.

Oh, Ray…DUH!

No. I mean, Kai's done something _else_ that has finally convinced me that it's time to leave this village of stone. Great, I'm beginning to sound like my family. More accurately, Kai hasn't done something. For the prudish people out there who just bit a hole in their tongues at my poor use of grammar: Kai hasn't done anything. Happy now? Can we get back to feeling sorry for me?

Kai hasn't done anything…to try and make amends.

It's been days and I haven't seen or even heard from him. I overheard Excuse-me-sir asking one of the maids to bring Kai his lunch in his office, meaning that he is in the village of—_the mansion_, but other than that you'd think he'd died or something. And I'm in a sour enough mood to wish that to be the case. And I hope it was a long and painful death. And if he isn't dead yet, I hope he does die, and that it'll be even longer and more painful than having to listen to Papa G explaining the exact physiques behind a prostate exam.

Note to self: run out into the backyard and scream really loud at the mental image that keeps popping up in my head.

Quick! Eat two spoonfuls of tooth decay!

…Aaaah.

I wouldn't take Kai back if he came to me on his knees, oh no. Mainly because that will never happen; Kai's knees are repelled by ground. But…it kinda says it all, him just going on with his life like nothing happened, apparently not missing having me in it enough to even try to at least pass me in the halls. Is this what he wanted? Had he secretly been growing tired of me and more interested in pursuing a relationship with Tala?

I pour extra chocolate syrup onto my Chocolate Caramel Butterscotch Vanilla and Strawberry Swirl Bonanza and stab a frozen strawberry. I think I could carve someone's face right off with this desert spoon; it's that hardcore.

"Why?" I wonder, licking my fingers. What? I'm a messy eater, especially when I'm angry.

It doesn't add up, which is weird since Kai, the two-timing, devious, no-good lying bastard he is and all, never does anything on a whim. He thinks everything all the way through, so far ahead you'd think he can predict the future. In the past, when he'd say things like "Tyson, if you don't shut up I'll duct tape your lips shut", or "Tyson, that dog will bite you if you keep playing with its tail", or "Tyson, don't put living things with pincers in your mouth", he was always right, and Tyson always ended up in the emergency room. If Kai hadn't immediately intervened after saying "Tyson, don't try to light your own farts", the dojo would have been nothing but a nuclear wasteland right now.

So why hadn't he used this gift of his to predict what he'd have to give up by going into a relationship with me? If he was involved with Tala even back then…then why bother bringing me along? Why bother at all? He couldn't have done it with the intent to hurt me…could he?

Something inside is nagging me, telling me that there has to be something more to this than meets the eye…

No! No more waiting around. I'm leaving tomorrow and that's final. Kai can stay here and shag his best friend into the floor and…and…and I hope Bryan catches them and gives them a good reason to finally make use of those handicap parking spaces where I've never seen a single handicapped person park! I've seen people badly pretending to have a broken something-or-the-other, like a sense of righteousness, in order to park closer to the store, while those who actually have a valid reason for using the parking spaces defiantly park on the other side of the parking lot.

I guess they want to prove that they don't need special treatment to live with their physical conditions. I respect that. It's their mental conditions that have me worried; no one in their right mind purposefully spends more time in a parking lot than necessary, unless you're a serial killer or kidnapper or salesperson, in which case I repeat: no one in their right mind purposefully spends more time in a parking lot than necessary.

Parking lots are hell on earth; especially the ones that are so huge you need to memorize whether you parked your car in sector A8; the Blue lane; aisle Wednesday; the Dopey row; or the Cheese level.

I hope Bryan cripples those two, and then, while they're limping across a hot and simmering parking lot, he attacks them, along with the other serial killers and kidnappers and salesmen and drags them off into the darkness…despite it being hot and sunny. Yeah, that'll work.

And speaking of a low life, mucous dwelling, cold hearted bastards (which I wasn't speaking of but am now and if you're going to make a big deal out of this then I'll gladly take you on with my desert spoon), guess who just walked into the kitchen?

Tala.

And guess who walks in after him?

Bryan.

And guess who walks in after them?

…No one. 2 out of 3 will have to do.

Bryan's unfazed, meaning he must have already come clean to Tala. Tala's looking twice as uncomfortable as the last time we'd met, which was when I'd been trying to discreetly severe his hands from the rest of him, meaning he's still smothered in guilty filth.

I glare at him while I angrily lick caramel from the spoon.

You know what would be neat? If I'd casually mention the little make-out session on the couch. Yes, he knows about it, but who likes hearing all about their lover's secret exploit? Personally, I don't. How satisfying would it be to watch Tala fighting the urge to snap back as I reminisced how much I'd actually enjoyed his boyfriend pinning me down? We all remembered how he'd near disembowelled me when he'd found Bryan and I in that awkward position in the bathtub. I wish I'd been there when Bryan told him about our position on the couch. Basically the same, only with a bit more clothes and a lot more steam.

I could call him a whole bunch of nasty things, like he's done to me over the past few months. I could walk over to him and push him around and he'd even tell Bryan not to rip my arms off and beat me with them. I could bully him into doing my every whim. I could humiliate him in front of everyone and maybe even order him to streak through Moscow and take a dive into the Moskva river and to stay submerged for an hour!

To have control over Tala Ivanov equals having control over the entire world! Maybe the universe, though I don't want to rule over Pluto. Stupid thing's too far away. I'd definitely want to colonize the moon and Mars, and Jupiter's the biggest so that's a must, and Saturn's just plain cool. All nagging women I'd banish back to Venus. Mariah? The sun.

So then, which do I do first…?

Bryan's ignoring me, more intent on food. From his messy hair and both their half-dressed state, and his search for fuel, it's obvious what—let me rephrase that, _who_ he's been doing. Brushing past his lover, he begins searching the cabinets and cupboards and fridges and anywhere anything edible can be hiding. The only hint that our little tryst is still fresh in his mind is that he's choosing to ignore me, instead of, say, playing Pin The Carving Knife On The Fleeing Neko-jin.

Heeeeeeeeeeyyyy, you know what I've always wanted to do to Tala?! This is genius! I've always…wanted to…um…

Aw dammit!

Curse you and your angelic features, Ivanov!

Still standing in the doorway, Tala isn't going out of his way to look helpless. Heck, he's just standing there, eyes down and arms crossed. The problem with Tala is that when he isn't looking pissed or annoyed or deadly or sinisterly amused or bored, which is 90 percent of the time, he looks as pure and innocent as freshly fallen snow (I don't understand how snow can be innocent either, but that's what everyone says; its just an expression. Go with it).

Those blue eyes of his, no longer gleaming or glowing or leering or doing other freaky things that human eyes shouldn't be capable of doing, are staring at the floor, flickering from one tile to the next, because tiles have suddenly become fascinating. He doesn't appear to be plotting anything. Instead, he looks like he's read my mind and has already resigned himself to my every whim.

No fair!

I can't possibly enjoy mocking him when he's like this! I _do_ have a heart, you know. One that I feel like ripping out right now. Are there classes I can take where I can learn to be cruel and vindictive? After all he's done to me, I cannot summon up enough hatred to even force him to put on make-up and parade around in a dress and high heels?!

Urgh! I disgust myself. Weak, Ray. Totally weal.

_Sigh_

But what's it matter? I'll soon be back in Japan, around normal, friendly people; people who won't give me any reason to blackmail them into oblivion, or a skirt. No need to change my entire being for these jerks.

I empty the rest of the once brand new bottle of chocolate syrup into the half-eaten carton and ignore them both. I feel Tala's eyes on me a few seconds later. I despise him enough to shoot him my best You've-Ruined-My-Life-I-Hope-You're-Happy glare. Normally, that would be answered with a glare of his own, and some creative corporal punishment, but Tala just takes a deep breath and leaves without having scrounged up anything for himself.

Yeah, you run, punk! Because if I weren't such a nice guy you'd be on the road to becoming Russia's next top drag queen!

ACK! What the heck…?!

Something huge, raw and bloody has just been slapped down on the bar I'm sitting at. Bryan's staring down at me, a plate with what looks like an edible, scaled down version of Mt. Fuji in his hand. Normally I'd grab the sharpest or heaviest thing I can get my hands on, but all I do now is chew on a chocolate chunk, staring at the slab of cow next to me with distaste.

"Ready for Round 2?" I ask him dryly.

"You are such a heartless prick."

The sweet chunk lodges midway down my throat and I thump my chest, heaving loudly, like a cat with a very stubborn hairball. A hard slap on my back does the trick (and will be leaving a sizable bruise there too) and a brown projectile rockets across the room and smashes a wine glass clean off a shelf. Wishing that Kai steps on the broken shards before someone cleans it up, I gasp for air.

"Talk about the psychotic pot calling the kettle black!" I cough.

"This is who I am."

"…That's your excuse for being sadistic?"

"Yes. What's yours?" He leans in. "Why are you doing this to Tala? And to Kai?"

"I…Look, those two have done something really mean to me, alright? I'm entitled to be angry!"

"Whatever this retarded thing is between you, Kai and Tala, at least _you_ had it in you to think better of others once upon a time."

"Yeah, I'm sooo lucky," I roll my eyes.

Bryan studies me for a moment…and licks a smudge off chocolate from the corner of my mouth! I want to jump back, but there isn't much jumping room on a bar stool, unless you don't mind a decent drop to the floor. Believe me, _I mind_.

"I was being sarcastic about the Round 2 thing, you nympho!"

Though my reaction brings some humour in his dark heart, Bryan shakes his head, says something in Russian that probably isn't in any children's book and picks up the bleeding rhinoceros on the counter.

"Lucky…Yeah, you are. You're just too conceited to see why."

And then he grabs _my_ ice cream, _my_ new friends, and walks out, leaving me with only the spoon, the sweet taste of frozen treat on my tongue and the bitter taste of just having been owned in the back of my throat.

What the hell was that all about? What did he mean? Since when does Bryan make any sense, let alone insightful observations that do not involve the best way to bring great suffering onto others? Is he just messing with me? No, he was messing with me when he licked me…Yeah…I remember that tongue…

"Darling, slamming your head on hard surfaces might cause infertility," mom says as she sweeps into the room, wearing what I can best describe as Cupid's love tent but what she probably believes is an appropriate choice for tomorrow's meal. No, I haven't told them that we won't be hanging around for that yet.

Rubbing my forehead, and the corner of my mouth until it's red, I blink at her. Which one's my mom…?

"What do you think, Ray?" the six moms ask, twirling around and almost knocking everything off the counter tops; she must have at least thirty yards of cloth on her.

"Nice. Listen, mom—"

"Your father and I have agreed that tomorrow's feast will be an excellent time to try and negotiate with your captors. Konstantin appears to be a reasonable man—"

That's what Hannibal Lecter's patients/victims thought and look what happened to _them_.

"—and he has offered to help us set you free. Wasn't that selfless of him?"

"He's a saint," I grumble, spinning my spoon on the surface of the bar. Thank goodness, there's only one left. "Mom?"

"Yes, dear?" she asks, admiring her reflection in the fridge.

"What was it like when you first met dad?"

"Cold."

"Cold?"

"It was the dead of winter and I was on my way back home from the storage huts. You know, the ones outside the village walls?"

Yeah, the ones where the villagers store all their food, _outside_ the village in order to dissuade the greedy and lazy from so readily stealing extra rations. Of course, there's _no way_ outsiders (other villages and forest animals alike) might be taking advantage of this unintentional hospitality, but, somehow, our village has managed to survive this long. Darwin would have had a field day trying to figure us out. I think we would have made him extinct.

Mom comes over and needs help getting up on the high bar stool but once seated she latches on to me like always, resting my head on her shoulder as she continues to speak.

"I was struggling with a heavy basket of grain. Everyone else was inside, sheltering from the snow, not knowing of my plight. My fingers and toes were numb and I was having considerable difficulty carrying the basket. Just when I was about to give up, strong hands caught me and took the basket from me."

"Hero to the rescue?" I smile.

"Not…exactly. I was squinting against the blowing snow so I couldn't see who he was straight away and I thought that he were trying to steal my food away from me. Grabbing a nearby log, I struck him in the head, knocking him out."

I pull away, eyes wide.

"You whacked dad?!"

"Oh, Ray, of course not! After he'd fallen I recognized him as one of the villagers. I immediately screamed for help and the first person who came to our aid was your father. Watching him stem the blood flowing from the gaping wound, his eyes so intent on saving the man's life, I knew at once that he was my soul mate!"

And parents wonder why their kids don't like talking to them…

"What happened to the other guy?"

"He died the next day," she says, still in her dreamy world of first love.

"…O-kay…"

"Your father and I married that spring."

Good to hear that love can overcome anything, including manslaughter.

"And we conceived you that very night! Your father had prepared our wedding bed with petals and there was a bowl of freshly cut fruit and as he took off my dress he dripped their juices all over my…"

Eeeeeewww!

Parents, wake up! Your kids NEVER want to hear when, where or how many times you had sex! I don't care that I'm a product of your love making; as far as I'm concerned, you don't have a sex life! Your mom and dad, who just live together in order to pamper me and cater to my every need.

"But," I interrupt her before she tells me how dad had basically ravaged her (Yuck!), "you felt a connection with him? Er, I mean…_before_ your wedding night; when you first met him, what…did you feel?"

"It was as if I was struck by a lightning bolt. Oh, sorry, honey!" she quickly apologized when I winced, images of a cooked cat falling from a tree flashing before my eyes. Poor, poor Tiger (the 1st). "Still, I couldn't imagine, even back then, living on without him."

"And…have you ever felt like maybe you made the wrong choice, with dad?"

"That's the beauty of love," she said, placing a hand over my heart as she put one of mine over hers.

Here's another fact of life: after a certain age (like once we can drink just fine from cups) guys do _not_ like touching their mother's breasts! But she's too into her story to notice me blushing every imaginable shade of red as I pull away.

"Love is never wrong, Ray. Love comes from the heart; doubt comes from the mind. I loved you before I even saw you, dear. I'd sit and rub my tummy with you inside and I knew that you'd be the most precious thing I'd ever achieved in my life. I was afraid, and in doubt, because I was worried that I might not be able to take care of you; all first-time mothers have that doubt in them, but that only made me more determined to prove my mind wrong."

"But what if dad was to do something, though? What if he…had an affair?"

"Has he?" she asked and all warmth has evaporated from her voice. Funny how some people can influence the weather. If my mom was another foot or so taller she'd have enough power to bring on another Ice Age.

"No! I'm not saying he has! Just, hypothetically speaking, what if he did? Would you forgive him?"

She pouts, thinking deeply.

"I would hate him," she finally says. "I would cry and wish him dead. I would curse him, for having betrayed me so. I'd tie him to a tree in the middle of the woods and have the wild crows peck at his eyes and the squirrels eat away his privates!"

Methinks I should remind dad to never cheat on mom.

"But…" She smiles sweetly, as if she just finished telling me my favourite bedtime story. "But, I'd never enjoy it. While he's being eaten to near death, I'd be in our house, crying and wishing that he'd never done something so careless. And…if he survived the ordeal, I'd take him home and nurse him back to health. I know this must sound strange to you, dear, but that's just the strongest and weakest point of love."

"What's that?"

"If you love someone so much to be hurt so badly by their deeds; if you feel like the end of the world has come because your beloved has wronged you, then, to me, it means that that they are the only one for you. To cry, to mourn, is to love."

"But that doesn't mean that your beloved feels just as strongly for you."

"No one is perfect, Ray. We must all learn that the hard way. You must never judge someone on the things they do wrong; judge them on the things they do to make it right."

"And if they don't even try to make things right?"

"Then, indeed, perhaps they don't care enough." She hugs me. "Look at you, so sad. Don't worry for your father and me, Ray. Our relationship is as solid as stone. And one day, when you find your first love, you will be too. I know you, dear: you always make the right choices."

"Yeah," I agree around a weary sigh, thinking of tomorrow's flight. "I always do…"

"I have to go put together your father's outfit. I'll see you later, love."

She's gone before I can tell her my plans, but I'm not alone for long. The kitchen is kinda the cross-road of the mansion. You'll find every person of every rank and walk-of-life at least twice a day in here. Now Excuse-me-sir walks in, pensively looking at a clipboard he's carrying. Seeing me, _still_ gripping my faithful spoon, he immediately straightens his back.

"Master Ray, I help you?" he asks. He only started speaking English when I got here and already he's way ahead of me and my Russian; so much for young minds learning faster than older ones.

"Nah. I just…ran out of ice cream."

Or rather, my ice cream ran out on me, clutched in the strong but talented hands of…I'm never going to pull through this, am I?

"I order new ice cream for you? They then here in one hour."

Bless this man, whatever his name is. I'm not even sure why I started calling him Excuse-me-sir in the first place. He flips open his mobile and before I can say 'Thank you' he's order what sounds like the entire stock at the nearest supermarket.

"Whatcha doing?" I ask, nodding at the clipboard he's placed on the bar. He frowns in disgust at the now sticky smear of blood I've been neglecting all this time and quickly gets a washcloth and strong anti-bacterial spray and cleans it up. Only when the surface is spotless does he answer.

"Making plan where guests will…" He makes a vague hand gesture, finishing his sentence in Russian, a bit flustered as to how to explain it to me. He holds out the paper on the clipboard instead. It's a simple diaphragm of what could be a table and chairs.

"You're working out the seating arrangement," I supply.

He nods, pleased that I'd guessed right. I study it a bit longer, just out of curiosity, but stare all I want I'm left in the dark: it's all in Russian, and I don't need to remind how advance my Russian is…but I will: I suck at it.

"Where will I be sitting?" I ask, trying to find anything that looks remotely like 'Ray' and failing.

"Here," he says. "Next to Master Kai."

"Yippee."

He doesn't seem to hear me and continues to point out the names around the table.

"Next you Lady Ling and Master Gou and Lady Cho."

Yes, Cho's Nana's actual name. Such a pretty name for such a…unique woman.

"Here Master Tala and Master Bryan. Here Lord Voltaire and Master Konstantin and Lady Yelena."

Yelena…? Oh right, Kai's mom. A woman who married Konstantin is a woman who must be even more bat-shit crazy than Nana. Glad I won't be meeting her.

"And Lord Vladimir and Lady Duscha."

Oooooh, yeah! Remember them?...Me neither.

"Who? I thought this was a family-only dinner."

"It is. Lord Voltaire parents always come to big dinners."

Well that explains…Voltaire's parents?! How old are these people?! Voltaire's well into is late sixties. That should make his parents…mummies! I almost got seriously involved with The Adams Family! I wonder if I can change my flight for _tonight_ after all, before even more of them show up and suck my pretty red blood out of me.

"These come for cat." Excuse-me-sir hands me the sleeping pills for Tiger. "Ice cream be here soon. I must work more."

"Thanks."

But I don't wait around for the ice cream. I'll happily buy some for four times the original selling price in the airport, as long as I get there in time. Hopping off the barstool, I hurry to my room, trying think up as many excuses as possible to sell to the travel agency to convince them that I cannot wait another day. I have to leave. Now! I'm pretty sure I can fake a convincing later stage of some exotic disease that requires me to return to a warmer climate immediately.

Running towards the stairs, I see Nana standing before the front door, body tense, but I ignore her…

"Bad idea," I remind myself and regretfully walk over to her.

She isn't moving a muscle. Did she pull something, or break something, or throw out something; old people have so many ways in which to hurt themselves. Nana doesn't look to be in any pain. She's just crouching there, like an aged tiger stalking an arthritic deer.

"Now what are you doing?" I groan.

Lately she's been nothing but an even bigger truckload of trouble than usual. Thanks to her we now have two cats. Well, a cat (Tiger) and something with fangs, fur and froth, which, once she'd remembered wasn't needed for whatever spell she'd concocted, she'd set free somewhere upstairs. That spitting demon-cat-thing now lives in my closet, which is why I'm only _half_ packed.

"Something approaches," Nana whispers.

She's got a glazed look in her tiny eyes. Great, now I _have_ to stay with her to make sure make sure she doesn't hurt herself, or, more importantly, others.

"What's approaching?" I ask, playing along with about as much enthusiasm as a little brother who's been bullied into playing dress-up with his evil older sister and her giggling school friends.

"A darkness…So deep…So intense…Doom…Doom…is on your doorstep…"

"Nana, it's been a very rough day for me so can you please—"

_Ding-dong_

I jumped back. Nana grins triumphantly, but more to herself than to mock me. Muttering about supernatural senior citizens and the need for special homes, I start to answer the door but Nana stops me.

"Wait, Ray," she says, pulling out every single strand of prayer beads on her before dragging over two buckets of water she'd hidden behind the drapes for this very reason. "Very well. Let it come. I shall do away with it!"

"Just tell it all about your hysterectomy and it'll banish itself," I mutter, starting to feel too worn out to care anymore. "It's probably just the ice cream the butler ordered."

The door opens…and Nana lets out her inner freak with a wail to end all wails behind me; the beads clack together loudly and she begins mumbling hexes and spells and the ingredients to mouse pie. I need a lot longer to react, staring dumbly for a moment before I'm able to fully figure out who I'm looking at, seeing as it's one of the last things I'd expected to see.

"Oh man…" I sigh, shaking my head.

"You expected me to just sit back and do nothing, Ray?" Hiro Granger grins down at me, peering over the top of his sunglasses, a suitcase at his feet. "I'm a man of action."

Next to him, Brooklyn rolls his eyes. Good old memories of fun and terror surface when I spy what he's holding; round and furry and wearing a pink knitted sweater, pink earmuffs and tiny pink booties, it's Her Royal Duchess Isabella Teresa. Are those…goggles?

"A man of action, Hiro? Not always," Brooklyn teases suggestively, earning himself a jab in the ribs. Her Royal It is munching on the handful of finely sliced carrots Brooklyn is holding up for her. I think this is the first time I've ever seen her eating.

"What…When…What…"

"Invite us in and I'll tell you," Hiro says, rubbing his gloved hands together. "I forgot how cold Russia can get."

Too bad for them, I forgot how treacherous this house has become. I step to the side to let them in…and a bucket load of cold water hits them like a tidal wave! Hiro, ninja reflexes kept sharp by having to compete with Tyson on who could leave the dinner table first to avoid being assigned dishwashing duties, jumps in front of Brooklyn and takes the full surge head on, but both are soaked pretty well. Her Royal It deflates before my very eyes. She's a lot smaller under all that fur.

"Eeeeeevviiiiiiiiiiiiill!"

"Oh, yeah…um…Guys, this is my grandma," I say stupidly, grabbing the second bucket she's trying to chuck at them. Nana relinquishes it, but is swinging her prayer beads about like Ninja Nana.

"…Charmed," Hiro says, wiping wet bangs out of his eyes while Brooklyn's blinks like a confused owl. "Is that how she greets everyone?"

"Only the ones she thinks are—"

"Eeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiiiiiiiiiilllll."

"That."

Nana, armed with her miles of beads, circles poor Brooklyn, who, being his polite self, tries to hold out a hand to say hello, but she tries to stab his hand with a letter opener, muttering something about breaking a seal and carving holy words into his flesh. Clueless, Brooklyn turns to me with those innocent eyes of his that make a new born baby look like a 20 dollar whore. After seeing a look like that I'm about ready to move an entire mountain for the guy, but right now he'd rather have me deal with the dingbat.

"Nana, since he's already infiltrated the stone village, why don't you go seal off the rooms before he spreads his darkness even further?" I ask her, trying to sound as seriously concerned as I would have been if I were half the lunatic she is.

"True…Prevent it from spreading, then exterminate it…Yessss…"

"I'll stay back to keep it distracted," I even offer.

"Perfect! But be discrete; it mustn't know of our plans!" she hisses loudly, as if Brooklyn isn't standing _right next_ to her. "In the name of myself, we will have victory!"

Exit manic, corridor right, just before Excuse-me-sir appears, looking like he's run through half the mansion to get here. Dedicated, that man. I've resolved to ask him his name before I go. He's relieved to see that the guests hadn't been waiting outside all this time. I wave to him that I've got it under control, which he justifiably looks doubtful of. After all, said guests are dripping wet and by now every staff member in the manor knows that if it's unexplainable, unsuitable and uncomfortable, my family are up to something. Still, he bows and leaves me to deal with my soggy friends.

…Whoa, that sounds very wrong for some reason. Anywho…

Hiro is rubbing his temple, his mastermind already working overtime just to process all this. Brooklyn, coming out of his stupor, tries to dry off Her Shaken (And Insulted) Royal It.

"Nana's not that bad," I assure them, lest they think I'm being menaced by my four foot grandma all the time. "She wouldn't hurt a fly…Well, she tried to castrate Bryan…But that all worked out good in the end…kinda…Not really…So hey, what are you doing here?"

"Making sure you don't drink yourself into a luxurious grave."

"You came all this way just for that? No need. I've already got it all worked out."

Hiro frowns, folding his arms. He would have looked his usual imposing self if he weren't still blinking away rivulets of water dripping down his face, his hair plastered over his eyes. His hair is a bit longer than the last time I saw him, and he's wearing it loose, to help keep his neck warm.

"Oh really? I'd _love_ to hear all about it."

But before he does that, he's got to meet the three biggest Russian bastards to ever grace this century. Down the stairs come, in this order, Konstantin, Kai and Tala, all decked out for a fun day out on the town. All wearing identical coats and boots, they are one swastika and a couple goosesteps away from a displaced Nazi party.

Kai's the first to notice us; Konstantin's talking on his cell phone and Tala's fiddling with his cell phone in one hand while his other is holding Chernie's mooring chain of a leash. That dog looks ravenous, still hungry even after that piece of behemoth dead-thing that could have fed our entire village. Is it just me, or has Chernie doubled in size over the past few days? Tala could seriously ride to town on that animal now.

Kai doesn't know who to stare at in controlled surprise, but decides that Hiro and Brooklyn definitely shouldn't be here.

Brooklyn, who made that stirring speech to Kai during Christmas dinner, looks like he's about to go apocalyptic on their asses. You'd think that a soggy guy can't look threatening (even Hiro can't quite pull it off), but this is a teen who can be whispering sweet nothings to a ladybug while crumbling buildings and screaming people swirl around him in a vortex of eternal destruction. But you can't really stay mad at the guy.

Hiro is doing that thing that made him Kai's least favourite person from Day 1: staring. I couldn't look that serious if I tried, but Hiro makes being smart and perspective look really easy. If he weren't such a good friend, I'd hate his guts for being so perfect.

Hm, this would make a hilarious postcard, if the occasion would allow it. Here we are, three top bladers (Kai, Tala and Brooklyn), one pretty wicked blader (me; hey, I'm a humble guy) and one of the greatest beyblade coaches ever (Hiro); only we certainly don't look it. Kai's sporting two dark bruises on one side of his face; Tala's almost unrecognizable when not glaring; Brooklyn and Hiro are soaked to the bone; and I'm caught in the middle, pulling off an awesome I-have-lost-all-control-of-the-situation look.

The only one who's his usual (arrogant) self is Konstantin. He closes his phone with a snap, cutting off the conversation even though the other person is still talking. His smile is more amused than interested, but more sardonic than jovial.

"My, my, my. This place keeps getting more and more crowded," he muses out loud.

Behind him Tala finally wakes up when his lovable man-eater barks. Looking between Hiro and Brooklyn, he finds nothing he likes so goes back to punching numbers on his phone. Tala never looks very pleased to see anyone, but it's not like these two live down the road. But that's Tala for ya: an uncaring, man-stealing sneak. Chernie is sharing a hungry look with It. Actually, Chernie staring with a hungry look at Her Royal It, and don't think Brooklyn hasn't noticed.

When the guy who smiled and petted a baby crocodile who'd sunk its teeth into his hand at the zoo _glares_ at a dog you'd better start running for the hills, and once there, run even faster. Finally! Absolute proof that Chernie is not of the natural world.

Back to the _other_ stand-off…

The similarities between Konstantin and Kai are well familiar to me by now, but my first thought of Demon Dad and Hiro looking alike isn't that farfetched as he sizes the other man up with his eyes. Wouldn't it be weird if Hiro was actually his long lost son? The way this guy goes about with sex, I wouldn't be surprised if that were true. And they hate each other already; just like every other member of the Hiwatari clan.

Done with studying Hiro, Konstantin turns his attention on Brooklyn. Great. How much you wanna bet he's going to hit on Brooklyn in front of the guy's boyfriend?

"And you two are?" Konstantin asks flatly, not giving Brooklyn a second glance as he turns back to Hiro, opting to address the older newcomer.

Damn, so _this_ is why I always lose at bets.

While Hiro goes on to answer him in an equally plain way I stop myself from scratching my head. Brooklyn's cute. Heck, he's better looking than me! Dammit, both Brooklyn and Hiro are attractive, so why isn't Demon Dad even blinking? He's slept with Tala, put the moves on me and one never knows (and doesn't really want to know) if he's ever slipped Bryan a few sly comments when no one was listening, but now…nada. Talk about being inconsistent. So this is where Kai learned it from.

"Friends of Ray, huh?" Konstantin says. He turns to Kai, eyes narrowed. "I didn't know we were going to be having extra company."

"They came without invite," Kai answers.

"Whoa…" Brooklyn actually says softly.

Hey, hearing the great Kai Hiwatari answering questions like a schoolboy before the principle is a sound none of us ever thought we'd hear.

"Rude, to say the least," Konstantin says. "And I suppose you'll be staying here as well?"

"They are," I step in. I level all three Russians with a steady glare as I lie through my teeth. "_I _invited them. After all, this is my home too and I have as much saying in it as any of you."

Kai can't refute that; Tala is doing a good job pretending he's not here; Konstantin grins.

"This will be interesting," he chuckles.

Kai, for some random reason only he thinks is the right thing to do at this exact moment, steps forward.

"Ray, a moment…"

"I've got—Hey!" I shout when he roughly grabs me and drags me away from the others. Hiro's about to follow but Konstantin says something to Brooklyn that makes the eldest Granger brother forget all about me. Nice friends I got. Come all the way to Russia and then just forget me!

And speaking of 'forgetting', looks like Kai needs a quick reminder why pushing my patience is not a good idea.

But without the boiling rage to feed my adrenaline and reflexes my punch comes slower than last time and he catches it easily. He blocks the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eight, ninth, tenth _and_ eleventh one too. What are the odds? Talk about luck! Frustrated, I consider kneeing him, but he guesses my next move and pushes me away. The back of my legs hit the couch and a tumble back.

"Enjoy breathing with your ribs intact," I growl at him.

He jumps me! Half-tackling me back down, he sits on me and pins my hands down. The sudden rush catches us both off guard and we're dead quiet for a long moment, just staring at each other with wide eyes. I remember us like this before…

I remember me and Bryan like this before.

That ruins the moment for me. I wriggle, trying to twist free.

Kai blinks out of it and pushes down harder.

And yes, ow.

"You can't leave."

"No shit; you're heavier than me."

Blowing his bangs out of his face, Kai shakes his head. Was that…a flicker of adoration in his eyes? A flicker of adoration? Where do I come up with this stuff? Besides, he can look all he wants; he's still an ass.

"You can't leave Russia."

"Oh, well, I guess_ that_ settles it."

"No, literally: you can't leave. I've cancelled your plane ticket."

"…You what?!"

"And I've notified every airline that they are not allowed to let you fly. And I've contacted every other form of transportation out of Russia and told them to turn you away if you show up. And there isn't a single hotel in this entire country that will give you room to stay."

"How did you find out? Were you stalking me, you…you…you person I really hate!"

"You walk out that door, Ray, and you'll have nowhere to stay but the streets of Moscow, and the police have been given the order to bring you back here, with force if necessary. You are not going to go anywhere until we've sorted this out."

If I turn this way ever so slightly, and aim carefully…

"I hope you're not too fond of your family jewels, Kai, because if you think you're going to keep me here against my will I swear to whatever-higher-being-I-have-yet-to-believe-in I will reduce their value by more than half!"

"One day."

"It'd take a lot longer to recover."

"No, stay for one more day."

"And meet the your mother and your thousand year old grandparents? No thanks."

"One day…please."

"…Give me one good reason why."

"I can't tell you. Just…"

"Trust you? Oh yeah, _that_ has done me a world of good, hasn't it?"

"Do you want me to get on my knees and beg?"

"And risk dirtying your designer pants?"

Kai's grip tightens a bit, then he lets me go…and kneels next to the couch!

"Please stay. If by the end of the meal you still want to leave then I'll lift all restrictions and you can go wherever you want."

He isn't kidding about the travel and lodging bans, and I'm not stupid enough to give up my soft, warm bed for a piece of stiff cardboard in a cold alley, which I wouldn't be able to keep anyway as I'd have two burly police officers, one of them bound to have been a former KGB spy, I bet, dragging me back here in no time.

"Midnight," I state my stipulations. "Come twelve I want a cab waiting outside. Promise me that."

"I promise."

"And don't think you'll be able to trick me because I—!"

Soft lips plant a quick kiss on my cheek and I automatically turn, my body beating my mind's sensibility. Our mouths brush and we both pulled back, a bit surprised. I retreat further, refusing to enjoy the thrill in my chest at the contact. I forcibly fold my arms, otherwise they might betray me too and reach out for Kai on their own accord, and this time they wouldn't be trying to take a swat at him.

"Soon, we'll be free," Kai whispers, getting to his feet.

"What?"

But he's already walking away, to where Konstantin is standing in the doorway with a strange look on his face, which turns into his I'm-so-much-better-than-you smirk to me as both he and Kai leave. I hear Chernie bark excitedly and the front door opens and shuts.

"Frankly, I'm surprised your grandmother hasn't burnt the entire manor down," Hiro's voice drifts over me. "If she's out to rid the world of evil…"

Looking up from where I'm squeezing the stuffing out of a throw pillow, I find Hiro and Brooklyn. I slowly get to my feet and walk over, pretending to be straightening my clothes when I'm really trying to hide what I think is a light blush; my face feels like it's on fire. You'd think I'd never been kissed by Kai Hiwatari before! Damn him and his—No! I'm not falling for it. A moment of weakness, that's all. One that won't happen again if I have at least four little Ben & Jerry's at my beck and call.

"What's this about a dinner party Konstantin's invited us to attend tonight?" Hiro asks, giving his scarf, the ends of which are still dry, to Brooklyn to wrap a still damp It in.

"A freak show consisting of cheaters, homophobes, bitches, psychos and two mummies."

"Mummies?"

I sigh and motion for them to follow me.

"I'll tell you guys all about it after you put on some dry clothes, before you catch pneumonia. Unlike my mom, I have a thing against voluntary manslaughter. And if you see something hiding in the shadows under the staircases or in any given corner, don't run: my dad's still hunting."

Brooklyn gives Hiro a worried look, which Hiro relays to me.

"Believe me," I laugh dryly, "things only get weirder from this point on. And Brooklyn, do not let It out of your sight. The only animal Nana hasn't tried to boil into a sleeping draught is a rabbit, and she's always eager to try new things."

"Well…at least you're not alone in this place anymore."

I stop, and smile genuinely, looking over them both, damp but determined.

"I'm glad you're here," I tell them. "You must be getting tired, coming to my rescue every time."

"Which is funny, since you didn't need us to rescue you last time," Hiro says. "You got through it on your own."

Hn, you'd think defeating Lee and Mariah would have made me invincible…

"Things are different now."

"But you're still Ray, and that's all you had to be last time." Brooklyn puts an arm around my shoulder, giving me a smile that would send a jacked up Mike Tyson into a state of Zen. "Things might work out after all."

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell us about?" Hiro asks, carrying Brooklyn's bag for him since the redhead's still fussing over Her Royal Duchess, who's starting to look like she's just licked the wrong end of a battery; her hair sticking every which way. "Anything else we should know about before delving into your…complex relationship?"

"Nothing else as 'exciting' as that. Except maybe…" I can't stop myself from grinning as I turn on the unsuspecting redhead. "Say, Brooklyn, ever wanted to adopt a rabid cat...?"

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: Well, duh, I had to bring Hiro and Brooklyn in! Poor Ray can't take much more of this on his own, can he? 

Next chapter: the dreaded dinner party! Introducing: Kai's mom and great-grandparents! No, we can never get enough of terrifying relatives, can we? And what was Kai talking about...?

Read & Review, please.


	11. The Gathering

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used without my consent. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: Happy 2008!!

Been a while, hasn't it? 8 freakin' months. Don't know about you guys, but the time just seemed to fly by for me. Well, back on the band wagon!

* * *

"So, I take it this will be a formal dinner?" Hiro asked, lying comfortably on my bed, reading a thick slab of papers he calls a book. On his back, the Battle of the Royals is in full effect as Tiger and It go at it.

Tiger's got teeth and claws, but It's fur is impenetrable. He's also got speed and agility, but they aren't doing him much good as It is just sitting on him. She's not putting much effort in keeping him down. She's probably forgotten he's even there. She's just looking about, ignoring his escape attempts. Hiro is well aware of my pet's dilemma. Tiger's trying to _claw_ his way out from under It, and Hiro isn't appreciating his free acupuncture session. He's itching to shake them off, I can tell, but with Brooklyn present that would be a risky decision: the guy would rather let mosquitoes feast on him and contract malaria than crush the little bitches.

We're in my new room, which is about a square inch smaller than the one I used to share with Kai. I haven't bothered to make myself too comfortable in here. Most of my things are still in the cardboard boxes I dumped them in a couple of days ago. The only things I bothered to arrange properly were my clothes, and only because there would have otherwise been too many boxes, increasing the chances of me stubbing my toe against one of them in the dark. And so what if I like having lots of clothes? It doesn't make me fashionable, just weak, and cheap. If there's a sale, I'm there, grabbing whatever I can. Never wear them, but they're mine. I get a little power-money-loopy in shopping centres.

"Formal dinner…" I snort, going through my closet with a vengeance, looking for the ugliest combination I can find. "'Formal dinner' is Russian for 'Getting-your-balls-chewed-off'."

"It is not."

"Is too."

"I'm not going to argue about this with you, Ray. We're grownups here. Children games are below us."

"…Are not."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that Kai might have a reasonable explanation?" Brooklyn asks, sitting in the large armchair before the window, calmly petting the purring bundle in his lap.

Said purring bundle ripped five of my shirts and ate one of my shoes, and shed a truckload of hair everywhere else. And said purring bundle, once a hissing, rabid bundle, is now as docile as a fawn on Valium, lying on its back while Brooklyn rubs its full tummy.

How, I ask you, _how_ does Brooklyn do it?

"Guys, this is about me being hurt and you being here to make me feel better. I don't want to hear anything positive about Kai from either of you."

"You're so stubborn."

"Am not."

"Ray," Hiro says patiently. Getting up onto his elbows, and hiding a wince as Tiger digs in even deeper, he closes the book. "I thought you loved him."

"Call it 'a serious lapse of judgment'."

"Well if you never loved him, why are you so upset?"

"Because he promised me a second chance, after having indirectly ruined my first shot at life. I trusted him to be on my side and what happens? He was getting a little something on the side! And with Tala! _Tala!_ He snuck around behind my back and snogged Tala! More than once, as recent as last week. That's fraternizing with the enemy."

"Consider the factors here. Tala's his childhood friend," Hiro says. He's trying to discreetly rid himself of the fuzzy nuisances on his back without alerting Brooklyn. He's managed to tilt It a bit, but she seems to have sprouted roots and will just not roll off accordingly.

"Tala's my lifelong enemy."

"You've only known the guy for three years and the two of you only started interacting a few months ago. That's not exactly a lifelong enemy."

"Since when does him trying to rip my tongue out and me trying to strangle him count as interacting? I've tried getting along with him and Bryan and they always throw it back in my face. And then, as if he hadn't humiliated me enough, he and Kai…I need ice cream."

"Making an attempt is never a bad thing. You never know, those you consider your enemies can turn into your strongest allies. They start to grow on you after a while."

"_Fungus_ grows on things. When was the last time you hugged your athlete's foot?" I snap, tossing my eye ulcer of an outfit on the bed and heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Hiro asks, finally succeeding in toppling both It and Tiger off him. Brooklyn looks up with sharp eyes and Hiro puts on an award-winning performance of looking as surprised as he is that our pets are now on the bed, miffed. Hiro, in his best parental voice, tells them, "That's what happens when you roughhouse."

That cover-up deserves a standing ovation, but I refrain myself from clapping: Brooklyn has accepted the explanation and switches off his Dark Side, still under the impression that his boyfriend is a tree-hugging, nature-loving loon like him. And there's no one other than Brooklyn who can be described as such and still be tolerable.

"If I don't get a gallon of chocolate swirl in me soon I'm going to set something on fire, then make you both eat it," I say, yanking the door open and lifting a foot to step out.

Hands clamp down on me and I am hauled back and thrown onto the bed. With Brooklyn standing over me, petting Nana's freak-find like a vegetarian Bond villain, Hiro looks down at me with pitying eyes. Sitting next to my head is It, making a meal out of my quilt. Brooklyn has taken to pinning its fur out of its face and the sight reminds me why I hate pigtails so much.

"Ray Xeong Wung Chi Ling Zhu Zeong Yu Tai Kim Ying Chui Tam Ming Kon, the 4th—"

It sounds even worse coming from Hiro. And where did he learn my name? It took me months to remember the whole thing myself.

"—you are going to get dressed, you are going to go downstairs, you are going to sit at that table and you are going to listen to what Kai has to say."

Waaaaaaiiiiit one pickling minute…

"You know something."

It's very satisfying to succeed in reading the mind of Hiro "Human Berlin Wall" Granger. He sits back, not the least bit guilty or ashamed. The smug know-it-all has the gall to pick up his sunglasses from the nightstand, put them on, pull them down to the tip of his nose and look over the rim.

"And why is that surprising?"

"What is it?" I demand, getting up and trying to cheat a confession out of him by imposing my temporary height advantage. It's about as effective as trying to intimidate Tyson into giving up the last glazed doughnut (Satan himself couldn't strike enough fear in Tyson to make him sacrifice food).

"Can't tell you," says our world champion/Dunkin Donut addict's big brother, outsmarting my height tactics simply by standing himself. "Now get dressed, un-crank your face, go downstairs and be a good host."

"What good are you two, anyway? All you've done so far is take Kai's side, berate me for being insensitive, and It just ate a tassel off my pillow!"

"Brooklyn did catch that cat for you."

"Actually, Ray did me a favour giving me this beautiful creature," says Brooklyn, rubbing heads with the shoe-eater.

Sometimes I'm not sure who has the biggest problems: me or Brooklyn. At least Brooklyn is happy with his.

"Is the world coming to an end?" I wonder out loud, pushing back the curtains to search the skies for flying pigs.

"Ray…" Hiro finally realizes that all that stands between me and a three storey drop is a single pane of glass, "remember the last world championships?"

"If you're referring to the one where you bailed out on your own brother to coach the rival team, then yeah, I do. Bad example there, Hiro. You might want to rethink your strategy."

"I left the team because I knew it would be for Tyson's own good if I went out and found him a worthy opponent. He'd been through rough times and he was growing unsure of himself and capabilities."

"Wha…Tyson's dopey face was plastered all over Japan! If the guy had gotten any cockier he'd have been a walking testicle."

"Tyson is my little brother, and I love him, and I will do anything and everything in the world to make him happy, even if that means sacrificing the important things in my life…" He looks over to Brooklyn, who is introducing his new pet to It, who has just eaten my entire pillow.

"You mean…you knew that Brooklyn would lose it?"

"It was for both their sakes," Hiro admits, leaning back against the wall, eyes fixed on our oblivious object of conversation with a warm light. "Brooklyn had been harbouring those feelings, that darkness in him and I knew that if I didn't find a way to make him release his inner fears they would have eaten away at his sanity until only his body would be left. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I didn't want to be the one to set him up against his personal demons, nor did I want to put Tyson in harm's way, but deep down I knew that, because I loved them both, I had to be strong and do what was for the best."

"Hiro, that's great and all but…Kai's a cheating bastard."

Ah. There goes a chip of the Human Wall. Rolling his eyes, Hiro straightens, marches me back into my closet and begins assembling a proper outfit for me as I sit moping on a pile of shoeboxes.

"I don't know everything there is to know, Ray. You know that Kai would sooner trust my grandfather with a flame-thrower and a family of ducks than he'd trust me with any of his business. But since I don't have a close relationship with him like you do, I can consider his actions more clearly, and if there is one thing I know for certain it's that Kai Hiwatari is not a cheater, neither in nor out of the stadium. I'm just as confused as you are as to what he's up to, but there's something, call it a gut-feeling, that it's not all his doing, and I doubt he's enjoying this anymore than you are. Do you want to lose him?"

I don't answer. If I say no, then I'll somehow be condoning what Kai did to me. If I say yes, then I've lost my mind. No matter how I answer, I'll still be an idiot. Story of my life.

Hiro takes my silence for what it is (me being unable to decide, leaving him to do my thinking for me) and walks over to their suitcases and pulls something out of one of the bags and returns, waving his find in my face: ID-cards.

"We got here with one of the BBA's private jets, courtesy of Mr Dickenson. No tickets and airfare involved: all you need to board is one of these. Attend the dinner tonight, listen to whatever it is Kai has to say, then make a choice. If you decide to leave we can be on that plane, on our way back to Japan, by midnight. You can stay with us for as long as you like. God knows how thrilled Tyson and the others will be to have you back."

Not that I don't miss them too, but I'm worried I might do something very unfriendly if they start asking questions. Especially Tyson. Is Daichi still living with them? Double agony. Maybe I can stay with Brooklyn at his place. I can get along with Garland, as long as he doesn't start thumping him Book O' Honour and preaching.

"Why do I have to choose?" I sigh, examining the ID card. Nice picture of me, though I don't remember having ever taken it. I'd be a bit creeped out by that, but really, it's a nice photo of me.

"Do you want things to stay the way they are?" Hiro asks.

"I want things to be like they were before fate wiped her ass with my life."

"Then maybe, instead of wallowing in self-pity, you should try to clean it up."

"What if I can't?"

Hiro grips my shoulder comfortingly.

"Then there's little any of us can do about it. Just make sure you give it your best shot."

"It will work out," Brooklyn insists, pulling me into a hug and almost squashing It the rabbit and That the cat between us. "There is an explanation. There has to be. Hurting you; driving you away would be stupid. Kai isn't stupid. He wants you to attend the dinner. He doesn't want to lose you. He's desperate to work things out, and so are you."

"…Fine," I finally concede, brushing bunny and cat hair off my chest when Brooklyn lets me go. "But I'll need your help. It's basically going to be me vs. Russia in there."

"Your family will be there," Hiro reminds, but I don't even have to answer that with a tired look: he knows that's not much of a comfort. "Then again, it would be for the best if they just kept to themselves during dinner."

"Keep to themselves? I'd need a restraining order to keep mom off me, and if dad doesn't decide to make a war speech before the main course I'll snuggle Tala's hellhound. As for Nana…let's just hope she doesn't try to cleanse the food the way she tried to cleanse you two."

"We'll just have to wait and see and hope for the best. Now get dressed and we'll meet you downstairs," Hiro says. "Good thing we packed some formal clothes, though to be honest we only did so in case there was a funeral."

"Whose?"

"I feared yours: you sounded completely wasted on the phone. Brooklyn, after insisting that there wouldn't be one, hypothetically predicted that we'd be burying Kai." Hiro smirks, pushing up his sunglasses to hide his eyes. "We were relieved to see you alive and well when you opened the door. If it hadn't been for Nana dousing us with icy water right afterwards I would have hugged you in relief."

"See you downstairs," Brooklyn says, looping an arm around Hiro's waist as they walk out the door, leaving me behind with a furry wardrobe, one eaten pillow, half a quilt and Tiger.

"Why me?" I ask my pet, angrily grabbing up what Hiro has selected. Ugh, how irritating is this guy? He's good looking, has a sweetheart for a boyfriend and impeccable good taste. The bastard. If I didn't like him so much I'd really hate him. "It's not like I asked for fame or eternal life or anything! Valentine's Day with the person I loved: that's all I wanted, and still, somehow, I've been screwed out of that!"

Tiger, tuckered out from his fight with It, curls into a ball and falls asleep. Not even he's interested in hearing what I have to say. Shunned, I get dressed in silence, and spend another half hour on my hair. If I'm going to make a grand exit I might as well look my best. Hm, what about my family? It would be cruel to both my family and Russia if I just ran off and left them here.

…Revenge, you are almost as sweet as chocolate.

There's not much I'm taking back with me. Too much work, and I'm not a industrious person on my best of days, never mind on my worst. Stuffing the few last minute odds and ends into my already bulging suitcase, I take a moment to just sit on the edge of my bed. Tiger comes over and rubs his head against my arm. I pick him up and just stare at him as he cranes his head back, fascinated with something on the ceiling.

I smile, albeit one with not much joy. I think back on the first time I saw Tiger, fast asleep in his gift-wrapped box, snuggled in a yellow blanket. I'd almost wet myself when, after dreading the possibility of having Bryan for my Secret Santa, Kai had stood from his place against the wall and carried the box over. He had approached me afterwards, hadn't he? Yeah, to apologize, though now that I think about it, I'm not really sure why he had. I'd been the one getting ahead of myself in the hot springs; I had been imagining a happy ever after when really it was just some heavy petting. And the next day, when I had so stupidly run out into the road after Mariah had stupidly thrown out It. I wouldn't be here if Kai hadn't come to my rescue, getting a nasty wound in the process.

And still, after getting me the best present ever, he'd approached me and apologized. He had gone out of his way, against his character, to apologize for hurting my feelings.

"I don't want to hate him," I tell Tiger, who watches me with loving eyes. "Heaven knows I don't want to, but how can he ever explain what he and Tala did? After all we'd been through back then, he came back for me on Christmas day and made me feel as if I was the most important person in his life. He came back for me, Tiger. He came back to take me with him, because he didn't want me to suffer through it all on my own. So why this? Why him and Tala when he had me?"

"Meow?" Tiger advises. I wish we neko-jin could understand feline language. Nana claims she can. Then again, Nana thinks that owls have built a shrine for her somewhere in Mongolia. Yeah, I don't understand her either.

"Well, it's not like I have anything else to do tonight. Kai's got me on the KGB Most Wanted list; if I step foot outside now they'll probably chop it off. Think I'll go down, enjoy the food, ignore the company, and throw something sharp at Kai before hitting the road."

Heh, sounds like this might actually be fun. One last check to make sure I look great and that Kai will feel even dumber for screwing our relationship up, and I head out the door.

"See you in a couple of hours, Tiger."

"Meow."

At first I don't want to go downstairs and risk Hiro and Brooklyn not being there, but I don't want to walk in on them when logic tells me that, despite their understanding for my situation, they are also making good use of this time spent together, away from prying eyes. Hopefully everyone else is already in the dining room. I though I heard a random servant mention that Voltaire's already here. That old coot must be loving this. If he so much as smirks at me I'll sic Dark Brooklyn on him: the man wears a heavy fur coat that I know will make Brooklyn see red if he ever found out.

Almost dragging my feet, I shuffle downstairs. I hear voices, one of which I don't recognize. It's a woman's. Two people come into view as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

Standing not ten feet away, Excuse-Me-Sir's talking to a tall, shapely lady with deep blue hair and grey eyes in a silky black dress. I can't help staring at her as I descend. I might not be interested in the female of the species, but her beauty is out of this world. She's elegant. She's well-dressed. She's practically a goddess among mortals. She's—

"Nyet!!"

Pissed. Elegant and well-dressed, like the Devil's dominating wife, she is not having any of what poor Excuse-Me-Sir is trying to say. Whatever she's saying, it's putting Tala's Level 3 vocabulary to shame, and this coming from a Russian-illiterate like myself. I stare at her, only now it's out of marvel at the capacity of her lungs rather than her looks. Attitude-wise, she's unlike anyone I've ever met, but you'd have to be blind, brain dead and about 100 million light years away to not see in her a familiar authority, lineage and danger.

"Ah, Master Ray," Excuse-Me-Sir says, elated, as he catches sight of me, forcing me to acknowledge them by coming closer. He says something to the lady in Russian, likely introducing me, then says to me in turn, "Master Ray, Yelena Hiwatari."

I'd politely ask why she decided to keep her ex-husband's name, but I'm afraid she'll unhinge her jaw and eat me, so I hold out a hand, not sure if this is the proper way to greet someone of her position but seeing how I don't have a human sacrifice at hand I'm hoping she'll accept this as a sign of peace.

"Nice to meet you," I smile.

Head cocked to one side in a very Kai-like way, she closes in, ignoring my hand to study me. She's wearing some pricy perfume, and even pricier earrings. The diamond boulder on her finger has me seeing colourful dots before my eyes as she reaches out to tug at the tip of my ear. I'd protest, but really, she scares me. Just imagine Dark Kai, going through eternal PMS. Yeah, chilling thought, isn't it?

She asks Excuse-Me-Sir something, which he vigorously denies. He tries to intervene, but she talks over him as she addresses me in a posh English accent. Didn't see that coming. I can almost picture the English queen, in a risqué little black number. It's like a still from a bad horror movie.

"Are you a mutant?" she asks.

"Uh…no."

"Then what are these?" She pinches my ear with her diamond studded nails.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but the tips of my ears are very sensitive, so…

"YEOWCH! MOTHERF—!!"

"Yes, dear?"

Now I'm nursing a sore ear, burning retinas and a growing headache. Yes, my family has arrived, dressed for the occasion. No, not a formal dinner occasion. A ritualistic-sacrifice-of-a-virgin occasion (and look at this: here I am!). Mom is right next to me, but the rest of her gown is still coming down the stairs. Her beehive hair is so high she's almost taller than dad. Dad's in full battle regalia, complete with two (that's _two_) swords, a shield and a feathered staff that looks like he pulled a Fabio and bludgeoned a bird as it was flying past. What's it for? I don't know. I don't _want_ to know. This is why I've avoided learning much about my village's history.

And speaking of historic(al) oddities…

"Meh!"

Don't worry, that wasn't Nana. That's the _goat _that Nana's riding, and she has a chicken that thinks it's a parrot on her shoulder.

Suddenly, I'm feeling the urge to tongue Bryan right in front of Tala. Please, make this stop…

"Oh, darling, you look so handsome!" mom says, paying no attention to my red, aching ear. "If Mariah saw you she'd beg you to let her bear your children!"

If ever one needs a good enough reason to consider castration, that would be it.

"What are those?" Yelena asks Excuse-Me-Sir, rather excited to see them

Excited? Not disgusted? Weird. What could she possibly find attractive in this bunch of—Wait a…is she…she is! To quote the master of exclamations (Kenny): Great trout in a gym sock!

Yelena Hiwatari is scoping out my dad!

Who do I have to screw to put an end to this madness?!

"Out of my way, Kon," Tala snaps, shoving past me.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Bryan passes me and I step back, keeping my distance from him. Of course, this makes him grin. Only Bryan would find sexual harassment amusing. I don't want to think that he actually looks sexy when he grins like that, or that his unbuttoned, tie-less suit and tousled hair is a really nice look, but I've seen him naked and we made out: of course this guy affects me. Tala, always the most elegant of the two, looks sleek (and slippery, like an eel. A boyfriend stealing eel!), his hair pulled back in a smooth ponytail and glasses (huh?) balanced intellectually on his nose, all of which compliments Bryan's more casual, scruffy look. Damn it, I hate people who looked so much better than me.

Neither are intimidated nor impressed by their best friend's mother.

"Ivanov. Kuznetsov," Yelena sniffs as if she'd just smelled something rank through the gallons of perfume she doused herself in before coming here. I think she should best avoid open flames tonight…

"You," Tala retorts. Pretty cocky for a guy who slept with this woman's (ex?)husband. Bryan doesn't answer. Remember, my dad has two deadly swords. Sharp blades distracted falcon.

"It's been a while," Yelena says.

"Three years."

"So long? You still look like a child. Not a year older than the last time I saw you," she says, sugaring her words with pleasantness. Oh, she knows what happened between Tala and her husband. And it pisses her off. She's not disgusted. She's jealous. Jealous that Tala managed to get Konstantin's attention. Jealous that she hadn't been able win him back after his tumble with the redhead.

How do I know all this? I'm gay. Women problems are like an open book to me. Mariah was just a bad copy.

"I wish I could say the same of you," Tala returns with his nicest smile.

I still hate him, but HA! Owned!

Yelena turns her attention back to my father, who is equally spellbound. Just peachy. As if my love life isn't hanging by a thread, now my parents' marriage might be in jeopardy. Good thing I can rely on Nana to never change.

"There is something amiss afoot," she says.

You're telling me, woman? You brought livestock into the manor and I'm beginning to suspect that that parrot on your shoulder is dead and is only staying in place because it's been glued there. By the way, gaydar doesn't work on Nana either. She doesn't have woman problems. She just has _problems_. Serious problems. She's wearing a dead parrot as an accessory, for godsakes.

Blip-Blip-Blip. I am detecting an incoming bitch fight. Mom isn't liking the way Yelena is slinking her way towards dad. She loops her arm through his possessively, trying to look haughty, despite being almost two foot shorter than Yelena. Perhaps it's because I'm a guy…No wait, that's not why. Perhaps it's because the man's my father (yeah, that's it), but I fail to see what's drawing Yelena to him. Sorry, dad. She was married to Konstantin: you'd think she has a more sophisticate taste in men. Dad's wearing a furry helmet and carrying what essentially looks like a pole with a bird rammed on its tip. Not exactly high brow material.

Nana canters off on her goat. Well, good, I guess.

Tala and Bryan join me to stare at the impending showdown between the two women. Not good. Has Tala forgotten that I want to run him over with a steamroller? Bryan's standing between the two of us, which isn't that much of a deterrent. Either he is planning something, or he's severely underestimated my mood. No time to glare at him now, though, because it's about to get between my mom and Kai's. With dad looking flustered that he has to women fighting over him, and Excuse-Me-Sir having made himself scarce, and Tala and Bryan enjoying the sight of blood and torn limbs, I'm left to try and diffuse the situation.

"Why don't we all go on into the dining room? I'm sure it's time to eat."

Neither women pay me any attention. Wow, I not a ladies' man, but being ignored does hurt.

"Have all the guests arrive?" I try again.

Yelena boldly holds her hand out for my father to kiss it.

"I…er…I…I love you, mom!" I exclaim, pulling her into a hug, away from Yelena, who uses the opportunity to sidle up next to dad. My hug turns into a retrain as mom tries to pull free without being too obvious that she wants to scratch Yelena's eyes out and rip off her full lips. I repeat: without being _too_ obvious. "You know, Valentine's Day is all about love. It's a day for loving, not hating!"

"You're absolutely right," says a cheery voice coming down the stairs.

I can kiss someone right now. Really. Anyone will do. One look at Brooklyn's ain't-I-the-nicest-person-ever smile and mom (who's meeting him for the first time), goes all motherly. Yelena smiles back at him too as he approaches, but then her smile turns predatory when she sees who's with him. Uh-oh.

"Um, Brooklyn, Hiro, these are my parents, Ling and Gou Kon. And this is—"

"Yelena Fairbanks. _Single_," she says, offering her hand to Hiro.

He's got her figured out in two seconds, and looks suspicious. I would have gone for horrified, but Hiro knows how to keep a level head. He kisses her hand like a proper gentleman, then passes it on to Brooklyn. When she sees how proper and sweet Brooklyn is she begins eyeing them both coyly. The woman's insatiable! The only way it can get any worse is if she…starts eyeing my dad again as well…On second thought, maybe I should cut Kai some slack. Look who he's got for parents: a dad who sleeps around with his best friend and a mom with a fetish for orgies!

No! No. I'm not going to try to rationalize Kai's actions by placing the blame on his parents. He did what he did on his own accord, not because he's genetically predisposed to chase after anything on two legs.

Tala and Bryan are gone, but Nana is back. Great and not so great. Maybe she finally succeeded in banishing them. Hopping off the goat, she shuffles over to my parents. Dad is trying to explain his momentary lapse of doting and devoted husband to mom, who, with all that fabric bunched around her tiny frame, looks like an ill-tempered cobra sitting in an ugly basket.

"How are things going?" Hiro asks, having manage to slip past Yelena while Brooklyn distracted her with more I'm-too-cute-and-wholesome-for-you-to-sleep-with-but-we-can-still-be-friends-ness. "This sure is an interesting…gathering."

"Advice?"

"Ignore the rest. Just focus on Kai."

"Behold, a goddess of generosity and peace and light is amongst us!" Nana suddenly praises. Three guesses who she's referring to. One guess how mom takes that.

"Mother!" mom snaps, betrayed, her beehive do quivering.

"Are you any good with _all_ your swords," Yelena asks dad, who sputters a few words and is trying his best not to look really flattered by the attention, which tells me something about my parents' sex life, which I _never_, _ever_ asked to know.

"Ray!" Hiro shouts after me as I head for the front door. The adults are too engaged to notice and Brooklyn, the selfless martyr that he is, stays behind to try and spread his message of love and peace. If that doesn't work he'll open a portal straight to hell. Hiro catches up with me at the door. "I said ignore them, not run away."

"I will ignore them…when I'm a thousand miles away from here."

"You're a coward."

Alright, so maybe it isn't very brave of me to run from a room screaming because a spider the size of my fingernail is minding its own business in the corner. And okay, maybe I'm a little bit fearful of people who have had more plastic surgeries than I have clothes. And I grant you, I spent three years pining for Kai because I didn't have the guts to just say it to his face. But I'm not a coward! I'm Ray Kon, martial artist and defeater of the Big Evil (a.k.a. Bryan) during my first ever world beyblade championship. Yes, I haven't been living my best days lately, and I am still wallowing in self-pity, but I was not afraid to physically confront Kai and Tala. And I dared to initiate a face-sucking session with Bryan Kuznetsov: you don't get any braver than that.

"That's more like it," Hiro beams, recognizing the determination on my face. "Don't run. Think of them as your opponents in a beystadium. Overcome them, defeat them, one by one and you will emerge victorious."

"Even my family?"

"_Especially_ your family. Show them that, while you love them very much, they have to acknowledge that you are old enough to make your own decisions. They can't hold on to you forever. They need to learn to let go."

Tough for mom, especially as she's now being more clingy than ever, gripping dad's arm aggressively while Nana bows before Yelena, who is enjoying the attention while she keeps a firm hold around Brooklyn's waist.

"Doesn't that bother you?" I ask Hiro, nodding towards his captive boyfriend.

Flicking his ponytail back over his shoulder, he shrugs.

"Women aren't a threat. Out of everyone here there is only one person I'll be keeping an eye on."

If you guessed that Konstantin arrives on the scene before Hiro even finishes his sentence than give yourself a cookie, a pat on the back and a well-earned trip to the Bahamas.

"Yelena," is his greeting.

"Calvin," is hers.

Hiro and I exchange funny looks. _Calvin_? I'm hoping that that's just a cruel nickname. I take that back. I hope its on his birth certificate and driver's licence and that every time his business associates read it on paper they have a good laugh over it behind his back.

Brooklyn slips out of Yelena's grasp unnoticed and joins us at the front door. Hiro would love to grab him and pull him closer in a gesture of ownership, but they are supposed to be "just friends" so he can only get a reassuring smile from Brooklyn while they keep their hands to themselves.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Brooklyn asks as the tension meter threatens to burst under the pressure of so much hate in the hall. "There shouldn't be so much malcontent on Valentines."

Any choice I wouldn't have made is interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Seeing as I'm the closest, and Excuse-Me-Sir has apparently taken a permanent leave of absence, I answer it. Two people, a man and a woman in white, look down at me and greet me in brusque Russian.

"English, please."

"Vee are heer vor dee partee," the woman says, her English alright but her accent thicker than Tyson's skull.

Here for the party? To put a stop to it, no doubt.

"Sure," I have no choice but to say. No one can just invite themselves onto Hiwatari territory without being electrocuted, mauled by attack dogs, or, in extreme cases, shot. If you make it to the front door then you have to be an invited and/or familiar visitor. They must be a couple of last minute dinner guests. I turn to Hiro and Brooklyn and whisper sarcastically, "This will liven up the party, for sure."

…Hooooooold on a second. How did Hiro and Brooklyn survive the trip up the driveway when they'd shown up uninvited…?

They don't laugh at my little joke. Both are still staring out at the newcomers. Brooklyn places a hand over his mouth to hide an impolite jaw-drop and Hiro actually removes his sunglasses, trying to determine whether he's seeing things.

"What?" I ask, turning back to the door. "What's wrong with—ACK!!!"

Dead Alive right on our doormat! Who left the doors to the crypt open?!

"Ah, Lord Vladimir and Lady Duscha," says Excuse-Me-Sir, back from his holiday. He shoos us away to make room. "Such a pleasure to see you again."

Yes, that's what we need to see every so often: two dried up old corpses propped up in wheelchairs that need to be pushed around by their own private caretakers. These two shouldn't be alive! There's something very amoral here. This goes against everything I believe in, and I don't even know what to believe in. It's _that_ bad!

"Are they dead?" I whisper to Brooklyn. As ex-Lord of Darkness he should still have some connection with the netherworld. "They weren't taken from graveyard recently, were they?"

"Their hearts are still beating…now and then."

"Which is which?"

"The one with the oxygen mask is a woman. The other one, with the catheters, is a man."

"…You sure they're alive?"

"You two mind yourselves," Hiro scolds us under his breath.

"Can _you_ tell whether they're alive?" I hiss, turning my back to the newcomers.

"Just show some respect for the elderly."

"He has absolutely no idea," Brooklyn translates.

The caretakers push their wealthy patients inside. Once the coats come off all that's left are bones in fancy dress. Neither have much hair left. Duscha's necklace weighs twice as much as she does and Vladimir's shirt collar is trying to smother him. It's not like they're wrinkled beyond belief. There's not enough skin to even wrinkle. I'm staring at skulls covered with tight leather.

"They're dead!" I insist in as soft a high voice as I can to my advisors. "What if they're the main course?"

Hiro punches me discretely but Brooklyn takes my concerns a bit more seriously. No, he doesn't really. But he's supportive enough to nod along.

"Grandpapa! Grandma!" Konstantin says warmly, almost sending me through the ceiling when he just pops up next to us. He kneels before the bald one and takes both their little stick hands in his. I hear bones snapping and disintegrating from the gentle touch. He talks to them in Russian. One of them makes a sound as if they finally died.

Argument in favour of euthanasia? Hear, hear. Voltaire must be keeping his ancestors—I mean, parents alive with the best life serum billions of dollars can buy.

"Bring them to the dining room," Konstantin tells the caretakers, who obey rigidly.

Clinging to both Hiro and Brooklyn as the eldest of the Hiwatari clan (and the world) are wheeled past, my throat goes dry just looking at their dehydrated figures. Hiro isn't wrong in demanding respect for the elderly…but I believe, with all due respect, that those two had front row seats for the extinction of the dinosaurs. And while her eyes are pasty white with cataracts, Duscha manages to turn her head as she goes by and looks at me. Not us. _Me_. I've been branded to die within the next 24 hours, I'm sure.

"Delightful, aren't they?" Konstantin asks us from behind.

GAH! Weren't you way over there a second ago?

"They're…two of a kind," Hiro replies.

The last of their kind, you mean.

Konstantin, who's looking more and more like an older, crueller Hiro, smirks and buries his hands in his pockets. And yes, the insufferable bastard looks suave and downright screwable in his suit. Why is Evil always more attractive than Good?

"Not really," he tells Hiro, who is discretely blocking Brooklyn from Konstantin's line of sight, "we're all just waiting for them to die, and they know it. Both vowed that they'd outlive my father so it's just a waiting game to see who will bite the dust first."

Not even Hiro can immediately respond to that. I was going to take a crack at them being Russia's answer to The Addams Family, but at least that family, as macabre and weird as they were, loved each other.

"I can't do this," I hiss to Hiro, pulling him aside. He pulls Brooklyn along, away from Konstantin, who shrugs regally and returns to where Yelena is _still _trying to get into my dad's armour. "How am I suppose to concentrate on anything with Skeletor's room mates at the table?!"

"You don't suppose they're liches, do you?" Brooklyn asks.

Big cause for concern here. Brooklyn's sounding scared. Those two old crows have got Mr Walk-Over-And-Pet-Saltwater-Crocodile's-Head-In-Waist-Deep-Water spooked.

"Leeches?" I gag. "You think?"

"_Liches_," he corrects me, though I still don't hear the difference. "As in an undead entity whose soul is forever bound to its body, no matter how decomposed the body is."

"That's, like, black magic."

"Can you think of a logical explanation then as to how they're still alive?"

"Will you two snap out of it?" Hiro interrupts our little freak out, slapping _me_ upside the head and leaving Brooklyn unharmed. "You two are beginning to sound worse than Tyson. Stop letting your imaginations get the best of you."

"I did not _imagine_ a leech—""

"A _lich_."

"—stare right at me as she was pushed by. Screw whatever the seating arrangements are, I'm sticking with you guys."

"Boys," Konstantin calls out to us from further in, "I think it's about time we joined the rest in the dining room, don't you agree?"

He's alone. Why is he alone? Where's everyone else? What did those two crypt creeps do to my family?!

"Where are my parents?" I ask, already high strung. "What did you do to Nana?"

Hiro sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"About that whole ignoring your surroundings…" he says. "Your mother dragged your father off. Yelena followed them closely. Your grandmother, still worshipping Yelena, led the goat into the dining room as well. That's what happens when you waste time spinning horror tales."

"…Either of you have a cross or some garlic on you?" I ask them as we follow Konstantin at a distance.

Hiro is about to hit me, again, but stops when he notices someone coming up from behind us. Brooklyn turns as well but I can guess who it is so I try to keep walking. Up ahead Konstantin is already at the tall doors of the dining room, smirking back at me, knowing I can't avoid this confrontation.

"Ray."

The simple utterance of my name makes me stop mid-step. Brooklyn hesitates but Hiro pulls him along, leaving me behind, but not without giving the person behind us a glare that reaffirms that he's been on my side the whole time. Great guy, that Hiro. As my friends pass him Konstantin gives me a peculiar look before following them inside, closing the door behind him. Now it's just me in the hall. Me and…

"I half-expected you to already be gone," the voice says after a moment's hesitation.

"And have you're little assassin network hunt me down? No thanks," I answer coldly, hearing the footsteps on the tiles.

Kai steps into view. Against my will, my eyes are drawn to him. Of course, he looks impeccable in suit and tie, hair combed but still tousled in its usual Devil-may-care fashion, light bangs sweeping his forehead and before his dark eyes, which are look me up and down. I don't know what kind of freakish experiments Boris performed on his bladers in that abbey, but Kai's a fast healer. His face is almost fully healed, with only a slight discolouration on his left cheekbone.

"You look good," he compliments.

Yeah, eat your heart out.

"Not as good as Tala, I bet."

He doesn't respond to that. Digging into his pocket, he pulls out something. A small box, wrapped in silver paper. He holds it out to me. I stubbornly fold my arms, refusing to take it, whatever it is. When I look away to better get my point across he grabs a hand and presses the present into it. He doesn't let go, holding my hands in his and daring to step closer. I know he's watching me, but I refuse to return the interest.

"Don't you get it?" I ask him softly, not pulling my hand away. His hands are cool, like mine. I don't think our hands were ever this cold to the touch. A sign that…? "It's over, Kai. Accept it."

"I'm not giving you up," he says so heatedly I turn to him, taken aback by his tone. "…I can't."

"You already did, whether you meant to or not."

He cannot hold back any longer and pushes me against the wall in a kiss I dare believe is the most passionate he's ever given me. I'm talking hair-raising, toe-curling lip lock. Bryan doesn't even come close. One hand clutching the mystery present, my other grabs the back of Kai's head. Common sense is screaming at me, telling me that I'm a pathetic idiot for letting him kiss me, but I don't listen to that voice (which sounds like Mariah's. Ew). I don't think of anything. Nothing at all. All I can do is feel his hungry lips against mine.

By the time Kai pulls back to allow us both air my head is seriously spinning. We're both panting, foreheads resting against each other as we both stare down at the floor. Don't know when Kai's arms got around me, but now they let go and I feel a security I hadn't noticed before leave me. Luckily, as oxygen returns to my brain, I come to my senses.

"Do that again and I'll knock every last tooth out of your mouth," I threaten, still out of breath.

"I couldn't help it," he says, hands now planted on either side of my head, caging me in.

"What is this?" I ask after a moment, holding up the silvery present. "A Valentine's present? Something romantic and mushy, like the tiny place I once held in your heart?"

"Keep it. Hold on to it. If you give it back to me by the end of the night then…"

I know what he's saying, but I don't finish the sentence for him. It's too hard, even for me.

"Yeah, fine. Whatever." I pocket it, knowing I'll be tossing it back at him before dinner's even over. "…Think you can step back now?"

When he does so I feel a teeny bit disappointed, as if I'd wanted him to refuse. Everything's just so confusing. My mind is made up, but everything else is still unsure. And hopeful, against all logic. Watching him walk away, part of me wants to call out to him, only to remember that nothing either of us can say will change that he'd been unfaithful. Nothing he can ever say or do will get the painful images of him and Tala out of my head. Worst of all is knowing that, while I'll come out of this betrayed, humiliated and hurt, both of them will be getting away relatively unpunished.

Because that's me. Good Guy Ray. Anyone else would have shouted it out to the world. A smarter person would have gone straight to Bryan and let him know that his close friend and his boyfriend had been stringing him along all this time; that he was nothing more than a little something on the side for Tala when Kai was unavailable. But I'm not like that. I'm so moronically sympathetic that I won't get back at those two at the price of Bryan's (of all people!) happiness. As usual, I'll just put up with it and suffer silently, just so that those around me can go on with their lives.

"Putting others before me," I berate myself, wiping my eyes, just in case. "Story of my life. Story of my fucking life…"

It's time I close this chapter. Just a couple more hours, a couple more pages, and it'll be over. Who would have ever thought that I'd ever consider leaving Kai, our home, as the most promising moment in my life…?

Tbc…

* * *

A/N: …Did I forget to mention at the beginning of this chapter that it wasn't the last chapter? Oopsie. My bad. In any case, there's still one more to go. Yup, I'm saving that one for February 14. I figured, what the heck? Might as well post it on an actual Valentine's Day. Warning, there's no promise that there will be a happy ending. I'm sure you guys won't mind waiting a few more days…

**Special A/N: I have posted the first two chapters of my book on my LiveJournal page! I've also started reviewing (read: castrating) bad movies and the first one is also up. Visit my bio-page for more info. I would love to hear your opinions, but please don't "review" the book chapter in the review sections of my fics. Either leave a comment or email your thoughts. This site is strictly for my fics.**

Read & Review, please.


	12. Sweet Valentine's

Title: 1000 Miles In 10 Seconds

Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine

Rating: T

Summary: see chapter one

Warnings: see chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used without my consent. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.

A/N: Missed the deadline. Big surprise. Had the chapter ready but when I went over it one last time on the 13th I decided that I HATED it so I ended up deleting most of it and I had to rewrite the whole thing. Plus I ended up being ill on Valentine's Day (and the entire weekend, and Monday and Tuesday), which meant that I was very nauseous, which meant that I was unable to enjoy any of the chocolates I'd bought myself and received on Valentine's, which meant that I was in the worst mood imaginable. Then I got a visit from writer's block and couldn't get rid of it until today.

So now, having overcome my cold, eaten all the chocolates and immediately regretted doing so, and finished off this one troublesome chapter. All I have to say now is…

YESSSS!!! Sweet mother of bagpipes, it's…the final chapter!! Two chapters shorter than Our First Noel, but it's done!! Two years after starting it, it's done. THANK GOD!!

…_ahem._

Sorry about that. Believe me, I was getting frustrated with this story's slow progress myself. Love this storyline, but all good things must come to an end, for the author's sanity's sake.

And now, the grand finale!

* * *

Heart of the tiger. Will of the tiger. Balls of the tiger. 

Remember that one? Seems like ages ago since I first came up with that one. Back then I'd been angsting (which some might argue is not a word) over chocolates and Kai. Boy, those were the good old days. Now I've got to survive dinner and the House of 1000 Corpses.

I turn the wrapped gift over and over in my hands. Naturally, I'm curious as to what it is. The size of the box would hint at a ring, but I know Kai and that's not his style, using such blatant symbols of love. Whatever it is, it's heavy enough to leave a nice bruise, if my aim is just right. Clutching it, I clear my mind, focus on the fact that it'll soon be over and push open the doors, walking my sorry ass right into the lion's den.

Well, at least my last night here will be a stylish one. You'd think we were hosting a party for the V8. Or is it G8? One of them has to do with international governments and the other is a drink, which I now realize I could do with because my throat is parched. Either way, this dining room has been decked out with every shiny piece of…stuff that belongs in a dining room. All that silver, crystal, floral (not shiny), porcelain, velvet and satin could generate enough money to feed a third world country for a better part of a century, but in the world of Hiwatari this is just another night around the table, except for the red slings of satin and red glass hearts that someone with a shrewd sense of humour has peppered about. Love? In this place? Ha!

Everyone's already seated, though hardly anyone is talking to one another. You can cut the tension with a sneeze. Don't know if that's possible but go with it. Apparently, I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be here, which merits the question as to why we're all gathered in this room filled with sharp and shiny silverware.

Let's see…

Voltaire's at one end of the table. On his right are the living (hardly) fossils and their caretakers, who stand behind their appointed corpse's wheelchair like the English Queen's Guards. On his left are Konstantin and Yelena, and if I were Konstantin I'd be keeping my eye on that fondue fork next to her hand. But she's not paying him much attention. Not when she's sitting next to dad, whereas mom is on the other side of the table, between Nana and Bryan, brewing a little dark rain cloud over her head as she watches the blonde goddess flirt openly with my flabbergasted dad. Dad knows his life is in peril so he's trying to mediate between Yelena on his right and Brooklyn and Hiro on his left. With Nana as mom's own distraction I'm hoping that between these their fellow diners and the strength of my parents' marriage this dinner will be relatively bloodless.

Or not. I've just noticed _my_ seating.

Of course, Kai's at the other end of the table, way across from Voltaire, so those two can spend all the time in the world glaring at each other. The only available chair (mine) is on Kai's right. And on his left, opposite me, is Tala. Pretty, desirable Tala, with his stupid sense of good fashion and his stupid glasses and his stupid…self. Just great. If I don't tackle him with the silver and gold corkscrew by the time the main course is served I'd better be awarded a medal, or given a truckload of cash.

Ignoring all eyes (and mom taking time out from wishing evil on Yelena to applaud(??) me as I pass her), I stiffly take my appointed seat and purposefully place the silver-wrapped box on the table between me and Kai, closer to his plate. I don't look to see his reaction, instead turning my back to him to face Hiro, but out of the corner of my eyes I see Tala shake his head. My fingers inch towards my steak knife but it's already gone, confiscated by Hiro, who also takes every other knife and fork from around my plate.

"Settle for soup," he tells me when I try to get them back. "Don't want you doing anything stupid."

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but again it sounds as if Hiro knows more than he's telling me. Why can't _I _ever know anything? There must be some secret information counter that everyone on this planet is hiding from me. Or maybe a website. Or maybe Hiro's part of some grand conspiracy. Or maybe it's all in my head. Let's just say it is because I can't take any more truths right now.

Well, at least Nana seems to be enjoying herself. She's ignorant of the zombie right next to her, which says much about her actual knowledge of spiritual powers, and I'm not sure what she did with the goat (parrot's still there, and it looks no more alive than the Hiwatari seniors), but she's carving the likeliness of Yelena into bread rolls and humming songs of praise as she works. It must be so nice, being stark raving mad in this world but so happy in one's own little mind space.

In come the servants and I'm betting they don't want to be here either, especially the two who have to serve Lord Vladimir and Lady Duscha, or as I'll call them from now on, Lord Ghastly Attired Hermit (or just Lord GAH) and Lady Enzyme Eye Killer (Lady EEK). The food is laid out at the most experienced and hurried speed, the wines are poured, the compulsory well wishes are made by the servants and then it's to hell with us as they hurry back out. I guess this means there won't be any desert after all. This night couldn't get any worse if the Almighty Above himself commanded it.

At least the food serves as another distraction to keep us from glowering at each other. Mom's cutting her meat a bit too ferociously for dad's sake but at least she has a knife. I look down at my admittedly delicious-looking plate but with Hiro—no Brooklyn safeguarding my knives and forks I can either eat with my hands, try and cut a three inch thick steak with a teaspoon, or just settle on soup after all. I hate Kai. No, I hate Tala more. Neither has anything to do with me being denied a fine meal, but I want to believe otherwise and who are you to deny me that?

A knife inches its way towards me. Living utensils? Did I inherit more from Nana than I already fear?

Thank goodness, no. Kai's simply offered me one of his knives, seeing how dejectedly I'm staring at my juicy steak. And it's still out of Hiro's reach so if I take it I can enjoy at least one thing about tonight…

Accepting it, I look at the blade (ooooh, so sharp and tempting)…and pass it to Hiro, who looks surprised as to where I could have possibly gotten it from but takes it and adds it to the little shining pile at Brooklyn's elbow. There. Now I can hate Kai twice as much for reasons that don't necessarily relate to him in this case. I'm going to eat this soup and no enjoy it at all and Kai will be even more sorry then.

Slowly, conversation begins to pop up around the table as the food mellows out everyone's mood but mine. Voltaire and Konstantin are plotting; Yelena and dad are flirting/trying desperately to sound like he's only being polite; Nana is filling mom in on some kind of structure she's building between her plate and her glass; Tala (hate him) and Bryan are whispering to each other; Brooklyn and Hiro are whispering to each other; Lord GAH and Lady EEK are speaking to each other from beyond the graves. I'm feeling left out here. So is a certain someone else.

"Ray," Kai calls to me softly.

"How's it going?" I ask Hiro, for once glad that I am not the master of subtlety. "What do you think of Russia so far?"

Hiro doesn't fall for it (Nana'sdead_ parrot_ wouldn't have fallen for it) but he allows me to join him and Brooklyn's little chat, though the attention is now on me.

"Silent treatment?" Hiro guesses, keeping the volume just audible between the three of us.

"Either I ignore him or I ram a chair leg up his—"

"Silent treatment it is then," he cuts me off.

Why does Brooklyn have all those knives? The guy isn't even eating steak! Or chicken! Or fish! He's got a salad, bread and something that I'm hoping is tofu. And yet he has enough knives to outfit a small army of guerrilla environmentalists. And I've just remembered that I do not even like soup that much.

"…What's he doing now?" I ask, fishing all kinds of unidentifiable floating bits out of my bowl. Did that stringy thing just _move_?

I think I'm trying Hiro's patience now. Good. Let him know what frustration feels like, for once. Relying heavily on his cool-headed nature, he humours me and looks over my shoulder. He shrugs.

"He's crying."

"What?!"

I twist in my seat. Kai looks up from his food. He's not in a jolly mood but he sure as hell isn't crying. Now he's probably thinking that I can't keep my eyes off him. I jab Hiro in the ribs with my spoon. It's blunt, but with enough force it can still hurt. He just smirks innocently, and he's the only person I know who can pull off such a paradox.

"He isn't?" he asks, surprised. "Well, good thing you checked."

How I wish I could make them_ all_ disappear. I stab my soup. It works better when that which is being stabbed is a bit more solid and that which is stabbing is a bit sharper, but if I look any angrier Hiro might take away my napkin ring as well.

Swirling my spoon in my soup (can't think of much else to do with it), I focus on the end of dinner, planning my ingenious exit. Stand before everyone else, give Kai a nasty look, march out of the room, grab my bags and Tiger, meet Hiro and Brooklyn outside, drive off into the night, forget everything else. A good, solid plan. That's all I need to know from now on. Nothing else matters. Just me and my plan. My plan and me…or my plan and I? Either way, it's just the two of us. No one else. Nothing at all.

…WHAT IS HIRO HIDING?! Dammit, he knows something and I'd slaughters lambs to find out what. It's driving me insane!

Calm down, Ray. If you can't focus on your plan you can distract myself by seeing what everyone else is up to.

Nana has built a cute little fortress around her plate that includes a shrine for Yelena and a 'tall' wall of breadsticks with anti-demon symbols scratched into them, meant to keep out the dark lord Bryan, I suppose. He's unaware of Nana's little Alamo, too occupied sharing soft words with Tala, who I hate more than ever (it keeps building, you see) because he makes wearing glasses look very stylish whereas I'd look like the kid everyone loves to shove in lockers if I ever slapped on a pair. Is Yelena still talking sultry to dad, who is still shell-shocked and scared of mom, who is still seeing red? Take a guess.

As we travel further down the table (and back in time) we encounter the world's first caveman and the prehistoric bags of bones he discovered. Lady EEK is being fed by her carer, but I don't think she's even aware of the mushy food that's being pried between her lips. Lord GAH's carer has it easy, seeing how his client/patient/experiment is 'enjoying' his liquid meal through a tube in his neck. Tasty. You know what, I think I _do_ want to die young.

It's around this time I notice that the three more prominent members of this demonic dynasty are the least pompous at the table. Voltaire is eating with a purpose other than to get his daily nutrients; he's in a hurry to get somewhere. Konstantin isn't smirking or leering or sneering at anyone, not touching his food in favour of sipping from his tenth glass of wine. And he's as sober as I'm pissed, natch. Kai is so deep in thought you'd need an oil drill to get to the bottom of it.

I can't help thinking that there's something not right here, besides Lord GAH and Lady EEK. Something's gotta give…

"Ray, are you sure about this?" Brooklyn asks me as most of the diners are finishing their plates. My soup bowl is still pretty full.

I'm still simmering because you've got my knives and are so unaffected by the fact that you can't enjoy delicious steak, whereas I'm considering stealing pieces from Hiro's table, but the last thing I need right now is to alienate you or your boyfriend because you're my ticket out of this hell hole. All in all, yes, I think I will answer your question.

"What time is it?"

"Twenty to eleven," Hiro says, checking his watch, which reminds me: That the Cat ate _my_ watch and Brooklyn owes me $500 for it. That feral feline has got expensive taste.

"When does the plane leave?"

"Whenever we want it to, actually."

"But only if you're sure," Brooklyn says, gnawing on his bottom lip. Yes, he looks adorable when he does that and yes, I'm convinced he knows more than I do. "You haven't even tried really talking to him."

"There's not much left to say."

"Maybe because you weren't listening."

"I've heard enough, _thanks_," I snap and steal a chunk of Hiro's steak, balancing it precariously on my spoon. I toss a dirty look at Kai, but he has the nerves to be talking to Tala, who has been rather low key so far. I turn back to Hiro and Brooklyn. "See? He's got all he needs right there. I'm going back with you guys and that is final."

Hiro goes for a final attempt but is interrupted when a voice is cleared at the other far end of the table. Oh goody. There's going to be a speech as well, because that's the perfect chicken soup for my soul right now. Chicken soup? Ironic: that's what I've been neglecting all this time in my bowl. The person who said that was an idiot anyway; everyone knows that chocolate is the only scientifically proven soul healer. And by "scientifically proven" I mean of course my years of experience in finding answers in the form of a dozen bonbons.

But hush, let's all sit up straight, shoulders back, and listen to what this jack-off as to say.

"Esteemed family and friends," Voltaire starts, standing because that will allow him to look down on the rest of us. "It is a pleasure to dine with you all on such a special night."

I don't know why he's willingly speaking English, or whether this is his idea of an opening joke, but let's assume that this is the kindest thing he'll have to say to any of us.

"It has come to my attention that tomorrow happens to be the 14th, St Valentine's Day."

'It has come to his attention'? How bothersome, having your busy schedule interrupted by a pesky holiday.

"Valentine's Day, a day of celebrating the beauty of love in all its _purity_," he continues, and you can guess who it is he looks at when he stresses that last word. "This love, this celebrated union, which has _produced _generations. At this table are four generations that owe their existence to the _healthy_ union between a great _man_ and _woman_."

The only ones who are buying into any of this are my parents. Maybe Nana too, but she's not really listening, too occupied with building a tiny statue of Yelena out of toothpicks and an olive. Dad is just glad that this gives him some reprieve from both Yelena and mom. I don't love the way mom's looking at Voltaire. No, she's not eyeing him up. If she were I'd gouge my eyes out with my own spoon and pour my lukewarm soup in my ears. But she's smiling as he speaks. She's beaming. If she glows any brighter shepherds and three Wise Men will soon find their way into the manor. Not that I don't like seeing my mother happy, but it's highly suspicious that the one bringing her such joy is Voltaire. The man wouldn't know happiness if it came in big fat checks worth billions.

Still, Voltaire practically steals mom's heart away when he continues.

"But I cannot forget our guests. The honourable Kons, another shining example of family values. You've done well," he tells mom, who puffs up her chest proudly. Odd, I now think, that she and dad aren't sitting together; Yelena sure works fast. But back to Voltaire, because we're all dying to hear more from him. "And I do believe you have some good news to share with the rest of us that relates to these romantic times, so I will pass the word over to you."

Mom stands, not very tall but beautiful, even in her hideous dress, and raises a glass. When dad doesn't do the same (hard to focus when Yelena's breasts are still pressed against his shoulder), mom clears her throat sharply and he stands, almost tripping over his swords. Can't he at least take off that helmet? I'd be so embarrassed right now if half the table didn't know that I'm a virgin and my boyfriend and his best friend have been going at it behind my back like rabbits. It's going to take something catastrophic to ever outshine that gem of humiliation. I'm talking Ashlee Simpson's SNL-level shame.

"We have been treated with nothing but respect and kindness ever since we got here," mom says, blissfully unaware that they'd been on Bryan's hit list a couple of days ago and that Voltaire thinks of us as being lower than slug slime. "We were ever so grateful when we got your message, King Voltaire, and that you so generously helped us to locate our child."

"He did _what_?!" I sit up and Hiro moves the lit candles out of my reach. "No, that was Mr Dickinson's doing! He flew you over here, remember?"

"Oh, Ray, don't shout; we're right here," mom giggles, then whispers to everyone present, as if I can't hear her, "He can get so excitable sometimes. You know how young boys are."

"Yes, sometimes they only need a bit of…training," Voltaire agrees, shooting a glare past me at his grandson. "But do continue. Your news may help tame him."

I'll tame you with frying pan in a second, you old… And who died and made him King? Someone please get me a medical update on Lord GAH because I'm counting on him to drag out his miserable existence long enough to keep Voltaire in line.

"Right. So then, when King Voltaire graciously invited us to come here he couldn't have picked a better time. And tonight, on the eve of this wonderful day I have never heard of before, I have some fittingly romantic news." She takes a deep breath, to heighten the tension I think, but is too excited and just blurts it out. "Ray,Mariahhasagreedtomarryyou!!"

What, did she just cast a spell on me or something? I have no idea what she just said, but those around me are apparently fluent in gibberish. Hiro's breath catches and Brooklyn's mouth falls open. I'm still hoping that whatever she said it's good news, but when Bryan (haven't heard from him in a while, for which I should have been more grateful) chuckles I fear the worst. And now that I replay her statement, I can make out a name that can only mean my death.

"M-Mariah…?"

"—has agreed to marry you!" she repeats, fanning her flushed face.

"…No. Please tell me you're joking."

"I would never get your hopes up for nothing," she misinterprets my plea. "I have been corresponding with the village these past few days, informing them through a wonderful invention called a 'telegram' the progress we've been making and just this afternoon Mariah's parents sent their consent! And I heard that you are willing to leave as soon as tonight so I gave them the go-ahead to begin preparations back in the village! Your wedding will take place the moment we return! And Lee has offered to be your best man! Isn't this all wonderful, Ray?! It's what you always wanted!"

If I got what I'd always wanted none of you would be here, Kai would still be all mine and I would be getting his approval of my long-awaited red hot monkey sex right about now. Nowhere does Mariah figure into that dream. Nightmares, on the other hand…

Voltaire's clapping approvingly, with everyone else joining in with varying degrees of confidence. Even the leeches' caretakers are looking at mom as if she just fell out of a flying saucer, and they don't even know us! I'm so shocked I actually look at every other person, because maybe I'm just hearing things, or misinterpreting something. Bryan's shoulders are still shaking; Tala (hate him) has clenched hand before his mouth, eyes askew as he stares off to his right at… I'm jarred enough to stare Kai right in the face, and I'm getting nothing. His elbows on the table, fingers laced, those damn bangs of his obscuring his eyes, he has let the news wash over and past him, apparently. Easy for him.

"Mom, I did not agree to any of this," I say patiently as Hiro hands Brooklyn the cup of toothpicks he'd missed earlier.

"That's the beauty of fate!" she coos, rocking from side to side, hands clasped together. "And wait until you see your wedding clothes! And the decorations! And the float! Oh, wait here and we'll get them right now! Would you mind, King Voltaire, if we presented them to you all? I do value your opinion."

"I'd be honoured," he says with a humble nod of his head, secretly sending a victorious grin my way.

"Avast, I will fetch the mystical moo-cow!" Nana offers, hopping off her chair, abandoning the fort.

"Enough with the livestock! And I'm not going to marry—Listen to me, I won't—!!" I shout after them, but they are too excited to listen. My head hurts. Sinking back in my chair, I'm grateful for Hiro fanning me with a napkin but I need an undertaker right now. "…Why can't I ignore them?" I ask him pitifully, rubbing the sides of my head. "Why won't they just go away and leave me alone? I just can't get rid of them!"

Meanwhile, mom's so giddy she doesn't even glare at Yelena; she just pulls dad out of his seat and drags him out to help her and Nana with whatever monstrosity they managed to smuggle into the manor. If they put half an ounce of creativity into their skills they could be the world's most successful drug smugglers: look at all the shit they've already brought into the country unnoticed! And I'm afraid to find out what exactly a mystical moo-cow is.

"While we await their return, I have a small announcement of my own to make," Voltaire says, because that bitch fate doesn't think that I've suffered enough. "As I mentioned before, it has long been the custom of the Hiwatari bloodline to strengthen itself through strong unions between worthy partners. My dear father and mother, myself and my dearly departed wife, my son and his lovely soul mate: we have all found happiness and success at each other's side."

Let's recap for a moment: Voltaire's parents hate him so much they'd rather rot alive than give him the pleasure of burying them; Voltaire threw his homophobic wife out of the house and left her to die a miserable death on the icy winter streets of Russia; Konstantin and Yelena are divorced and hate each other, and Konstantin screwed Tala, and if she has her way Yelena will do the same to dad; and Kai is a flaming whore. But yeah, I'm sure I'm just nitpicking.

"And so, it is with great pride that I announce to all of you present that there will be another marriage: the holy union between my grandson, Kai Hiwatari, and my oldest business partner's wholesome daughter, Nikita Lefort, which is set to take place tomorrow, on Valentine's Day!"

Pardon my language, but…

"BULLSHIT!!"

…Erm, yeah, that was me. Having given everyone present a heart attack (and maybe even stopped Lady EEK's heart altogether), I stare between Voltaire and Kai as Hiro wisely relieves me of my only remaining utensil. And my soup bowl. The table before me is completely barren now.

What's with the outburst? I shouldn't care. It's not like Kai and I are a couple anymore. Let it go, Ray, let it go! I've got bigger things to worry about, like _my_ wedding. Am I going to have to make a run for it, and keep running for the rest of my life to avoid my family? Looks like it. I should try to come up with a way to alert Hiro and Brooklyn of my plans. So deep breaths, Ray. That wedding isn't going to happen. I'll escape. Think ahead. Think about leaving. Don't care what happens here. Just think about…

"Congratulations are in order then?" Hiro speaks up, looking past my stunned face at Kai.

"Indeed," Voltaire answers, picking up his glass. "Let us toast on it!"

Glasses are raised, except mine. I couldn't raise it even if my mind was working because Hiro has taken my glass. I'd wonder why he isn't as gobsmacked as I am, but then again, I'm too gobsmacked to care.

"…I owe it to you, grandfather," Kai finally says, nodding emotionlessly as he holds up his glass.

Is this one of those dreams where you're invisible and all you can do is stand and watch everyone else have a really good time and the more you shout at them the farther away they get? My planned wedding to Mariah brightened Bryan's day, but Kai's announced nuptials wiped that smile clean off the falcon's face. Right now he's the only other person at the table who seems to understand how ridiculous things are becoming. He turns to Tala, but is silenced by a sharp hand gesture. Stupefied, he looks over at me and we have a shared moment of "WTF?!"

"To these future grooms!" Voltaire says proudly, grinning his wrinkled grin. "To their successful recovery! To their victory over their disease! To their bright and healthy future!"

How…What…Who…

I laugh.

It starts off as a snort, builds up to a high giggle, then just descends into uncontrollable laugher. Burying my face in my hands as I rest my elbows on the table, I gasp for air as tears streak down my face. I mean, it's so obvious, isn't it? I've gone mad! We've all gone stark-raving psycho! This isn't a mansion: this is a loony house and we've been in here all this time, thinking we were living our lives when really we are being contained for the sake of the public. Everything makes so much sense now!

"Ray?" Hiro asks carefully, taking me by the shoulder and pulling me back in my chair. "Ray, are you feeling alright?"

"Haha…of…course…I…haha…I'm fine! Everything's…okay now! Hahaha! I was getting so worked—hahaha—up over—haha—nothing! I'm nuts, Hiro!" I point out, feeling a burden lift off my shoulders. "Hahahahaha! Can you believe it? Hey, I bet you're not even here! Am I? I'm not, right, Kai?"

Kai puts down his glass loudly, plants his palms on the table and stands with a Russian curse.

"Let's go, Ray," he says, reaching out towards me.

"Perhaps it is for the best to let his friends look after him, Kai," Voltaire says, sitting once more, watching with stony eyes. "I think it's time you realized that he is no longer our burden."

Kai angrily replies in Russian, his eyes darkening dangerously. Voltaire answers, his voice raising as well. It doesn't take long before a shouting match is underway. Man, these hallucinations sure is loud.

"Where's the volume button, eh?" I laugh to Hiro, whose face is grim as he stares at me. Next to him Brooklyn looks dismayed, almost to the verge of tears. What's their problem? No need to look so sad. I'm in heaven!

"That's enough," Hiro says over the shouting Russians, getting to his feet and pulling me up with him. Brooklyn takes my other arm, whispering soothing words as if I'm some rabid animal. "You need to lie down, Ray."

"But I feel fiiiiiiiiiine! Better than ever! None of this is my fault: I'm just fucking insane!!"

"It's over. We're getting you out of here."

"Wait, no fair! I want to make a toast too!"

"You're not well," Hiro argues. "It's gone too far."

"It's about time! Get that street urchin off my property!" Voltaire shouts to them in English, noticing our slow exit. "Get that _fag_ away from my family!"

That. Word.

With a sharp CLICK my sanity suddenly switches itself back on and the reality that hits me only serves to piss me off even more. I wrench myself free and grab up my dad's abandoned wine glass. I hold it up in a mock toast, sneering at everyone save for Hiro and Brooklyn.

I've been throwing the word 'hate' around rather loosely lately, but I've never really hated anyone like this before. Not even Mariah. She is extremely irritating and I'd rather tongue Lord GAH than marry her, but hate is such an extreme emotion that I never even considered. But now…now I know how it feels to hate someone. I know how it feels to want to scream at them till they're deaf and I'm hoarse; to try and convey even a portion of how much I hate just looking at them. It's frustrating, which only makes me hate them more and more. And it's different from the hate I've been feeling towards Kai and Tala; that is a mixture of hate, sorrow, self-pity and helplessness. But this. This is the real thing. This is pure and utter _hate_. And the most of it is focused on one man.

"Before I go I'd like to make a toast to the most pompous, most sadistic, most selfish bastards to have ever disgraced this world," I announce, challenging Voltaire with my most contemptuous glare ever. "Is this what you wanted, hm? Is this what you wanted to see, me losing my fucking mind?! Well guess what: you win! I've had it! I don't give a crap about how much money you have, or how much land you own, or how much companies you've bought, or how many employees you've traumatized into early retirements! I don't give a fuck who you parents are, or who your kids are! Your lineage's pedigree is nothing but purebred delusion!!"

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Voltaire rages, face turning purple.

"How dare I? How dare _you_?! How dare you stomp your way into my life and tell me that I'm not good enough?! Yes, I'm not perfect! None of us is perfect! Not you! Not your son! Not your grandson! My parents aren't perfect, and Nana can't even be considered a serious candidate for normalcy! But you know what, at least I accept my faults! At least I'm man enough to admit that I have them, while you're such a coward you deny yours!" I take a mouthful of wine and throw the glass aside. It shatters against the wall, splattering wine onto the expensive drapes. I can hear my boiling blood rushing in my ears. I'm just sick of them. Sick of everything. "A wedding…'curing' this so-called disease… Toasting your family…your success…What a load of shit! Who are you trying to kid?! You think if you repeat it long enough it might actually be true?!"

"What I do with my family is none of your business, boy," he hisses, putting down his glass hard enough to break its spindly stem. He sizes me up, being broader and much taller. "This has nothing to do with you. It never had anything to do with you. You were never meant to be here in the first place. But I'm an honest man so I will admit my gratitude that you have made Kai see the error of his ways by showing him your true fickle nature."

"Me?! You are blaming me for what happened?!"

"You're not very bright, are you? Don't they teach you anything in that mud puddle of a village? I'm not blaming you: I am thanking you. You have taught Kai the lesson I have been trying to instil in him for years. _You_ cured him of his disease. He will marry a woman, as nature intended, not waste his life on _your_ kind!"

I think I'm losing it again.

"AT LEAST I AM NOT THE ONE WHO SLEPT WITH HIS BEST FRIEND!!"

Yeah, I've definitely snapped, but whoa, didn't expect that to have such an effect on everyone. The silence that follows that bellow is suffocating. Why the horrified looks? Everyone in here knows that Kai and…Tala…and…um…well, shit.

"Bryan!" Tala shouts, just a fraction too slow as he tries to grab the falcon, who has already leapt out of his seat and onto the table.

I unwillingly gasp loudly when he lunges at Kai, going for his throat. Kai, as unprepared for the attack as he was for me blabbing their secret, is roughly thrown from his chair and the back of his head hits the floor with a sickening thud. Already disoriented, he can just barely fend off the punches Bryan's raining down on him. Bryan's hits are only growing faster, more determined, whereas Kai won't be able to keep up his defence for much longer. Hiro rushes to try and help Tala get Bryan off. Even Konstantin strides past me to assist them, but the three of them cannot calm or restrain Bryan. Konstantin even calls over the burly caretakers but Bryan shakes them all off, shouting down at Kai, tears actually gleaming in his eyes as he continues to wail on the person he'd once consider his closest friend.

My breath catches stubbornly in my throat when I spot red drops on the once clean floor.

Blood.

Kai's bleeding from the mouth. And there's something else I notice that makes my stomach twist: he isn't fighting back. While he's deflecting the worst of the punches, he isn't making an attempt to hit Bryan, to try and stun him before he kills him.

I squeeze the hand holding mine, unaware that it is Brooklyn's or that he's even next to me. I just stare at the chaos. Again, I feel detached. Everything's moving slowly. Bryan's angry curses and the others' attempts to break through to him by shouting sound like distant thunder. Among the moving bodies, I can only stare at the almost motionless figure on the floor.

"…Kai…" I whisper.

No one, not even Brooklyn, could have heard it, but at that exact moment Kai turns his head towards me. He has to be in a world of pain, but you wouldn't be able to tell looking into his eyes. They are blank, until, for a moment, they brighten. …Relief? His bloody lips part and he wordlessly issues a simple order: "Go."

Why is he letting this happen?

"K-Kai?" I stutter, fear beginning to brew in my chest, wrapping itself around my heart. I am not being romantic here: the pain in my chest is reaching crushing levels.

The moment is broken when Bryan manages to yank his arm free from Konstantin's grip and brings it down with such a force that Kai's ribs don't stand a chance. The force expels a fountain of blood from his mouth and I hear Yelena, who's been sitting by uncertainly, scream as she gets to her feet. Even with his almost super-human strength and high threshold for pain, Kai cannot shrug the impact off and his eyes clamp shut as he curls in on himself. For the most terrifying moment in my life, I think that that killed him.

"Kai!" I yell, running over and ready to dig Bryan's eyes out with my thumbs. "KAI!!"

Yelena screams again as a gale of wind suddenly rips through the room, knocking me right off my feet. Above us the chandelier explodes, sending glassy shards and hot wax flying everywhere. The drapes flap loudly in the strong winds and with a horrible clatter everything is blown right off the table, before the entire table itself is upturned.

Have I just gone Carrie on everyone?!

No, I feel a brooding presence standing over me and finally realize that it's not I who has developed supernatural powers, but the Lord of Darkness himself has had enough. Brooklyn's eyes are giving off sparks of energy as he uses his control over the gale from hell to forcibly separate the struggling group, sending everyone flying back in opposite directions. Not even Bryan can fight it off as he's thrown back against the wall, more roughly than anyone else.

With a final howl, the gales die down as suddenly as they'd started up, leaving behind destruction but also peace. It looks like ten tornadoes had a hoedown in here.

Brooklyn lowers his arms.

"Violence never solves anything," he scolds us, channelling the master of the Underworld. With a slow blink his eyes return to their teal blue colour and he starts, as if waking up from a bad dream. He looks at everyone's shocked faces and sheepishly rubs the back of his head with a shy smile. "Ah, sorry about that. Perhaps I overreacted just a little…"

Bryan scowls and is already on his feet but this time Tala gets to him before he can try for another attack. I spare a pang of sympathy when I see that tears are still running down Bryan's face as he stares at his boyfriend, looking as hurt as I'd been when I had learned about them. But Tala refuses to let him go. Throwing his arms around Bryan's waist, he speaks in urgent Russian into the taller teen's ear, raising a hand to softly wipe the tears away. Whatever he's saying it's getting through to Bryan, who allows Tala to coax him out of the room, away from Kai.

Also vacating the room are the living fossils, wheeled out quickly by their shaken caretakers. If either of them even noticed the local change in the weather I'll give up chocolate forever.

While Hiro comes over to check on Brooklyn, I run past him to where Konstantin is kneeling next to Kai, who has managed to push himself up on his elbows. Blood is dripping from his lips, but there are no cuts: he's busted up inside. Only my enhanced vision allows me to see this much because Brooklyn blew out most of the light sources in the room. But even if it were too dark to see I can still hear Kai's painful breaths. Getting to my knees, I don't know what to do, what to say, or why I feel the need to do or say anything.

"Get away from him," Voltaire, whose chair was overturned unceremoniously and whose hair is now soaked with the wine from his own glass, says gruffly as he marches over. "Nothing but a nuisance, that's what you are! Leave him alone! You have done enough!"

Yelena, more serious than I've ever seen her, comes to stand next to Konstantin. She looks down at Kai, wringing her dainty hands. She's worried, but possessing absolutely no motherly instinct she doesn't know what to do help her only child. Finding herself to be useless here, she says something to Konstantin and hurries out, her heals clicking and crunching on floor and broken glass. I think she's going to call an ambulance.

Konstantin is watching his father's every move like a predator watching his prey as he kneels in an almost protective manner over Kai. Hiro and Brooklyn flank me as well, forming human shields between me and Voltaire, who is more agitated than ever, though not because Kai's hurt.

"I knew this would happen!" he shouts, waving his hands about as he paces. "I knew you were a danger! A risk to my grandson's health! Not only did you try to harm him mentally but now because of you his life might be at risk!"

"It's not that serious," Konstantin butts in, hand on Kai's lower back, refusing to let him get up any further before he does any more damage to his body.

"I didn't…" I stammer, blinking through the tears. Not this. I had wanted to hurt him back, to get my revenge on him, but not this. "…It was an accident…"

"_You_ are the accident!" Voltaire barks. "That sinful liaison you forced onto my grandson was a sinful accident! You think he did what he did because of a lapse in judgement?! He never loved you! You mean NOTHING to him!!"

Kai stirs at that. He swallows with great difficulty, coughs and opens his mouth but has yet to find his voice. Unable to speak, he looks up at me with hazy eyes. Hazy, but focussed. Hazy, but there's something in them that is beginning to clear the hazardous feelings of anger, distress and confusion in my mind…

"Ray wouldn't have done this on purpose," Hiro speaks up for me, standing in Voltaire's path. "You were the one who planned for this to happen! You pushed him too far!"

"He let himself get pushed because he is a pathetic weakling! Kai is strong," Voltaire says, getting in Hiro's face. "Kai was able to overcome his sins. Kon, on the other hand, is a lost cause. You will forever give in to your sick faults, boy, but one would think that at least you had enough self-respect to not stay with one who cares nothing for you. Why do you think it happened? Anyone, _anything_ is better than you and Kai knows this! You mean nothing to him. You are not worth our time!"

Kai's eyes are screaming at me. Something in them, something that has been trying to get my attention from the very beginning, is begging me to listen… To know… He couldn't tell me then, and he can't tell me now, but deep down I should have known…

"It was never meant to be!" Voltaire goes on, walking around Hiro to loom over me and Kai. "Now get the hell away from my grandson, my family before I drag you out myself!"

After being told what had happened, after shouting and fighting and crying and almost drinking myself to death, after all my anger and vengefulness began to wear itself out, after days, I'm still here… Why? Why does part of me refuse to give up? Why…because…

"FACE THE TRUTH!" Voltaire bellows.

Because…deep down…I always knew. Deep down, buried beneath my emotions before it had ever had a chance to make itself know, a part of me _knew_…

"That wasn't the truth," I point out, saying it out loud for no one else but myself. Hearing my own voice say it only reinforces it.

"What?" Voltaire steps forward, face twisting.

Kai remains silent, not giving anything away but now I finally see what he'd been trying to say from the very beginning. All this time, he had been telling me the one thing that mattered, only I wouldn't listen.

"Kai does love me. I do matter to him. He loves me so much he'd never do something like that to me."

"Stop your disillusioned rambling!" Voltaire commands, a small pitch of concern in his voice.

I don't pay him any mind. I stare at Kai.

"You weren't coming clean to me that day. Instead of telling me the truth you were telling me a lie."

"Are you now calling him a liar?!" Voltaire accuses.

"Yes, I am," I say, growing more and more confident. "Because there never was an affair. "

Kai closes his eyes, shoulders sagging, finally unburdened. One little action and I know, definitely, that I'm right. Lowering myself onto the floor, I gently brush away his bangs, my heart beating faster and faster as it all begins to catch up with me.

Kai never betrayed me.

Kai has been faithful to me all this time.

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF—!!" Voltaire's eyes bulge but he's cut off by Konstantin, who rises and gives him a firm shove back.

"My, my. What a surprise, isn't it?," Konstantin says, smirking jubilantly in Voltaire's face. "He passed. You lost. A deal is a deal."

"NEVER!! I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!! I WON'T HAVE IT!!"

"Just walk away," his son replies, smirk giving way to a cold look. "Walk away when you still have some dignity intact. You've been proven wrong. Again. If you go back on your end of the deal than Kai and I will do the same and you will lose everything and end up on the streets, just like mother. Is that what you want?"

Voltaire's bravado chips, then slowly begins to crumble. His fists are clenched so tight blood seeps from between his fingers as he digs his nail into his palms. His cheeks puff with every outraged breath as he glares from Konstantin down to me and Kai. His hair is almost standing on end.

"You cannot do this to me," he snarls between clenched teeth. "I AM YOUR FATHER! YOUR SUPERIOR!!"

"Grandpapa and grandmas should already be in the office with the lawyer. We will be along shortly to sign the documents. Leave now and I'll let you at least keep those insignificant illusions of superiority," Konstantin retorts, now matching his old man's anger, though in a more controlled manner. "This is but a legal scrap of paper, but I can do much worse and you know it. I am trouble enough for you as your son: you don't want me as an enemy, _father_."

Something brushes my hand and I grasp it, holding onto Kai's weak fingers as if they're my only lifeline. Touching him like this, so softly, something we used to do while lying in bed together, or on the couch. Just a touch. Just for contact. Staring down at him, I don't even know that I'm crying until I see him blink as a tear drop lands near his eye. I place my forehead against his.

"Why…?" I ask him, summing up all my thoughts in one word.

"…I…promised…you…" is all he can say.

Voltaire, with nothing else to say and no one left to threaten, having been stripped of some amount of his control, curses loudly in Russian but when Konstantin remains unmoved he stomps out, followed by a string of intelligible language and the slamming of a door.

"We have to get you to the hospital," I immediately say.

"No," Kai dismisses, finally finding a steady voice. "Nothing's…broken."

"Can you walk?" Konstantin asks, looking over a shoulder at Kai, who pushes himself up onto both knees and tests his strength before nodding. "The doctor should be here any minute. A quick look-over to make sure you'll live and then we'll go to the office to put our signatures on those documents, before Voltaire finds a loophole."

I have no idea what this is all about, and I don't care. I'm clueless, and it doesn't bother me, because the only thing I need to know I do and that's good enough for me. I help Kai into a sitting position. He's holding one side but otherwise he's managing surprisingly well.

"I swear, Kai, if you don't have a damn good explanation…" I threaten him softly, dying to hug him. "Because if there isn't one I think I might finish what Bryan started."

Wiping the last traces of blood from his mouth, he pauses in his actions and gives me…The Look #1 (my threat has been acknowledge but he doesn't give it much credit)! I used to hate getting that particular brand of The Look from him but seeing something so very Kai-like makes me want to hug and kiss him.

"So then…" I ask for confirmation, "you're _not_ going to get married tomorrow?"

The Look #1, again.

"You two," Konstantin says, waving at Hiro and Brooklyn, "I think Kon is going to need some help moving all his rubbish back into the master bedroom. We might as well clear out of here to let the servants clean up this mess."

"Really sorry about that," Brooklyn insists. "I will pay you back for the damage."

Slowly the world returns to normal as Konstantin takes him delicately by the chin.

"I might be willing to negotiate…"

Bruised ribs and bloodied throat and all, Kai snorts as I roll my eyes. Hiro is a bit more openly about his thoughts on Konstantin's proposal. He intervenes, stepping between his boyfriend and the older man.

"Cash or check?" he asks bluntly.

"We'll see," Konstantin replies. He turns to Kai, who has already risen to one foot with my help. Konstantin takes over, not too gently pulling Kai up the rest of the way. At least he's able to stand. It's really impossible to tell whether Konstantin is doing this as a father or as the victor of this strange game they've been playing. "By the way, Kai I'm still waiting to see the bookcase back in the lounge. I want it back there before I leave tomorrow."

"Yes, father," Kai says after a grimace.

Once we establish that he's not going to wake up dead tomorrow. Or maybe not. Konstantin is still pretty much a mystery. Well, the world is still pretty much a loopy place.

Aaaaaaaand…cue my family.

"Everyone ready?" mom asks, breezing in dressed in what looks like a giant Venus flytrap that's trying to eat her head. "My, I didn't know we took so long preparing everything. Is dinner already over?"

Yes it is over. Over there…and there…and there…and there…basically it's all over the place.

Oh, this is reminds me: _I_'m still engaged to be married. And I'm 99.9 per cent sure that my folks were not in on whatever was happening here these past few days. I know because my mom is wearing her rabbit feet necklace, which she only brings out on really important occasions. Dang, and things were going so well.

I don't want to leave Kai but the good doctor will probably kick us out anyway when he shows up and this is as good a time as any to take on my folks. And I need to take Hiro and Brooklyn with me because although he's now physically supporting Kai Konstantin is still flirting with Brooklyn and there's a lot of broken glass around, any piece of which might be beckoning Hiro to bury it into Konstantin's throat. It's nice to see Hiro Granger losing his cool every now and then, but I don't want any more confrontations tonight.

"Gotta get rid of them," I tell Kai, tossing my head towards mom, who doesn't fully grasp the concept that a typhoon hit the dining room, being more concerned with whether they'll manage to fit something I'm sure is hideous through the doors. Cupping his face, I place a gentle kiss, and am delighted when, in typical Kai fashion, he deepens it. I trace his cheek with my fingertips, still not quite sure what has happened. "I missed you so much."

He kisses me again. Good answer.

"Ray, you're going to have to come out here to see the float!" mom informs, too busy relegating whatever dad and Nana are doing outside to notice that her plans are about to be brought to an abrupt halt.

Konstantin decides that he doesn't want to be bothered with my family's antics so he leads Kai out through a side door. Only because I have my pride (cough) do I not blow kisses after him. Not even the ominous mooing of Nana's moo-cow can weigh down the small spring in my steps as I'm accompanied by a relieved Hiro and a confused Brooklyn to the hall. I keep looking behind me until Hiro takes me by the shoulders and pushes me along.

"You two lovebirds will soon have all the time in the world," he sighs. "Told you waiting around for just a bit longer was a good idea."

"Were you in on it?"

"Kai called me yesterday and ordered me to come here because you were in dire need of some support." Which explains how they made it to the front door unharmed. "He didn't go into details but apparently he and Konstantin had wagered a bet with Voltaire: if he won, Kai would end your relationship and never contact you again, and marry a partner of Voltaire's choice; if they won Voltaire had to keep his nose out of your relationship for good and let Kai live with the partner of his choice."

"Why would Voltaire agree to that if he could just bully us into breaking up?"

"Like I said, Kai didn't go into details. At first it was only between him and his grandfather, but then Konstantin got himself involved as well and things got even more complicated."

"I think Kai's father is a caring man," Brooklyn shares, trying to rub a stain out of his shirt.

Hiro and I exchange unconvinced looks. I think it's high time Brooklyn stepped away from nature and took some lessons in understanding human nature. But now would be a bad time because even Hiro can not make sense of what awaits us outside the dining room.

A blue and pink cow with three—that's _three_—horns; a goat with bells on its horns; a giant…thing decked out with feathers, pelts and rocks—this is ridiculous: how did they get that thing in here?? Mom is standing proud in her English garden-inspired horror. Dad has exchanged his furry helmet for a bigger one with horns and a live squirrel (no, I'm not joking. I wish I were, but I'm not). Nana has painted her teeth black.

"How…interesting?" Brooklyn puts it nicely.

"Isn't it beautiful?" mom beams, wrapping her vine entwined arms around my torso. "Can you imagine how you and Mariah will look on top of that as you are paraded through the village?"

Like idiots. Do know that this is not in any way part of our village's wedding ceremonies: this creation came strictly from my family's mind. I have no idea where mom came up with this or why Nana went through the trouble of painting the _goat_'s teeth black, but it's time to put a stop to this, before they break out drunken chickens, which _are _part of our village's wedding tradition. With the encouraging looks of Hiro and Brooklyn, I dare to pop mom's bubble of pride and step forward.

"Mom…dad…Nana…For once I really need you to listen—"

"Such a shame, then, that it will never happen," mom sighs.

"—to me. I am not going to…Wha?"

Wiping her wet eyes, mom takes both my hands and smiles up at me. Dad comes over to place a hand on her shoulder and mine. Nana has fallen asleep on top of the moo-cow.

"Oh be reasonable, Ray," mom tells me, lips quivering around her smile. "Your father and I aren't _that _thick. We did come here determined to bring you back with us, but it has become apparent to us that you are happy here. The happiest I've ever seen you."

This…is good. Too good to be true.

"Did Kai let you in on the bet too?"

"Bet?" mom blinks owlishly and looks to dad, who shrugs, just as clueless.

"What made you change your mind then?"

"I had an unexpected run-in with your friend."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil," Nana crones in her sleep.

"You talked…to _Bryan_? What did I tell you about staying away from him?"

"One must befriend an enemy if one wishes to catch it off guard," dad says.

…Ooookay. Thanks for the update.

"It was by accident that I walked into him while performing some spiritual cleansing upstairs and I was going to call Nana to perform an exorcism," mom continues, "but then I had a revelation!"

You realized that even though Nana has labelled him as an empty shell filled with demonic spirits he is in fact a person who is capable of caring for someone. And that if he is capable of love than so is Kai. And you finally understood that even though it isn't conventional it's still love and that's what finally got through to you?

"Because no being can generate so much darkness within them, your friend must have absorbed any and all wickedness in this stone village, leaving nothing but goodness behind. Therefore, there can't be anything wrong with you being in love with Kai before this village has been cleansed of all that is sinful!"

I would have been genuinely surprised if my presumptions had been correct.

"The signs were too overwhelming to deny any longer," mom continues, tears clinging to her lashes. "I asked Nana for a second opinion and she agreed and has even given you both her blessing! She spent all of last night performing the sacred binding ritual to protect the both of you, which is why she's so tired now. A part of me had hoped that you'd be thrilled with the news of marriage but your devotion to Kai is something that is set in the stars and it is not our place to go against such high wishes."

"Then what's all this?" I ask, motioning to the fright festival in the hall.

"Oh, these we'd brought with us when we first arrived."

How…? Ray, don't ask. Think of how much easier it'll be that way.

"So…what are you going to do now?" Brooklyn asks, petting the mystical holy moo-cow.

"There's nothing left for us to do here," mom says. "Gou is going to go outside and try to contact Mr Dickenson through smoke signals for him to send us another iron bird to carry us back home."

"I'm pretty sure that Mr Dickenson might have some troubles reading your signals," Hiro tells dad. "But if you like we just so happen to have three boarding passes for another iron bird. And I can call Mr Dickenson and ask him to arrange for further transport once you reach China."

"Hmm. A generous offer, young one," dad nods. "Then we'd best prepare to depart before the stars go out, else it will be difficult to navigate our way back."

"Dad, that's why planes come equipped with modern…" Hold on. Am I insane? I can get rid of them as early as tonight! "Yeah, you'd better hurry. Planes need to take off at night in order to orientate themselves."

Mom smiles at me. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with enough oxygen before she crushes me in one of her embraces. She becomes supernaturally strong when she gets emotional.

"I love you, Ray," she tells me, sniffling. "We may not always agree on things, but you do know that I love you with every fibre of my body and every essence of my soul?"

"I know," I say, actually shedding a small tear. Family: can't live with them, can't live without them. But I'll try. Still, I think I might actually miss their hijinks. Especially Nana's. I lost ten pounds just chasing her around the place. With her gone I'll have to start hitting the gym again. "And…I want you to come visit us again, okay? Or maybe we can meet up somewhere during the summer."

Unable to speak, mom nods, her face buried in my shoulder.

Fifteen minutes later dad manages to gently pry mom off of me. The front of my shirt is soaked with her tears and I have tiny holes in my back where her nails had embedded themselves into my skin, but she is beginning to pull herself together. While dad begins to lead the holy moo-cow (with Nana still fast asleep on it) away mom looks between both Hiro and Brooklyn.

"Would either of you be interested in marrying a lovely young woman?"

"I'm afraid we're both already taken," Hiro saves the day.

"Are you sure?"

Yeah, because people make that mistake all the time.

"Why don't we help you pack your things?" Hiro offers, changing tactics. When Brooklyn clears his throat and nods towards me Hiro looks at him pointedly. "Well, seeing as Ray isn't going anywhere, and, for now, neither are we, we have more than enough time to move his things. Right now I'm thinking that Ray's family are eager to go back to their home."

No more than I'm eager to send them away, something Hiro has picked up on. I have to suffer through another extreme mom hug, only this time my dad joins in and I'm terrified because that squirrel looks like it wants to bite me.

"My boy. My beautiful, beautiful boy," mom croons, rocking me back and forth. "I will miss you so much."

"Not if you don't leave," I say pleasantly, keeping one eye on the squirrel and the other on the dagger in dad's belt that is dangerously close to my kidney. "And tell Lee and Mariah that Kai and I said hi."

"I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that."

Yeah, that'll make their day…

"And you two are okay, right?" I ask. They blink owlishly. "It's just, what with how Yelena was kinda flirting with dad and I was worried that you were upset, mom."

"That woman might be a bit loose," mom says, "but your father is faithful. Aren't you, dear?"

Did two horns and a forked tail just sprout from mom when she asked that?

"I would never consider sharing my life with anyone but you, my love," dad replies quickly.

I shouldn't worry: dad would never dare leave my mom.

Hiro's already on his cell phone while Brooklyn uses his gosh-darn cute charm to make mom almost forget all about me as they lead them back up the stairs. Watching them go, I'm surprisingly sad. They're old fashion, gullible, frustrating, humiliating and not all that bright, but they are my family. And…it feels really good, knowing that I have their blessing, even though their reasoning isn't all that accurate. Yes, I think that I will actually meet up with them again soon. Maybe not here, because I don't think the manor can survive another Kon family visit. We could come together in a more neutral environment, like a desert.

I slump against the wall, but this time it's not in defeat. I'm just tired…of WINNING!

I did it. I overcame everything and everyone. It took about 30 years off of my life, but at least I have finally earned control of my own life! I'm exhausted, but I can be whatever I want now and no one can say anything about it. The thought alone gives me strength and I push myself away from the wall and begin walking towards the stairs, mind set on one thing.

True to form, my attention span trails off as I pass the doorway a few halls down, just before reaching the staircase. I stop and take a few steps back and carefully peak inside.

Before the open hearth, curled together on the black couch, are Bryan and Tala. Tala's fast asleep, glasses askew on his nose, one arm around Bryan's chest while the other dangles over the couch, his hand clutching a dark red rose whose petals are stirred by the rumbling exhales of Chernie, who's also sleeping, a lumpy mat of muscle and fur on the floor. Bryan, chewing on a toothpick and twirling his own rose idly as he stares contently into the flames, cranes his head back when he picks up on my presence. On any other day this would have been where I hightailed it out of here, even as he sits up and carefully detangles himself from Tala, who's so deep in sleep he only turns in his sleep. I step back out of the room as Bryan approaches.

"Why didn't they tell you?" I ask him as he leans in the doorway.

He rolls the toothpick to the other side of his mouth and shrugs.

"The less people who knew about it, the better."

"So you really thought that Kai and Tala…You really cried."

The violet eyes narrow.

"What about it?" he sneers.

Again, I would have been ten miles away by now but now I return the shrug.

"Nothing at all. I'm just sorry you got hurt, if only for a couple of minutes. Didn't mean for that to happen at all."

"Which is why you didn't tell me when you found out about the 'fling'," Bryan puts together. He scoffs, almost grinning at the thought. "Aw. The little kitty was worried about my feelings."

"Wow. You sure make it so easy for me to not like you."

"Get lost, Kon."

"Hey, Bryan," I call after him softly as he returns to the couch. He looks back. "Happy Valentines."

"I hate Valentines."

He tosses the toothpick into the fire and pulls Tala back into his lap. In his sleep Tala turns his head in silent command and Bryan obligingly kisses the expectant mouth. Sighing, Tala returns to deeper slumber. Ignoring me, Bryan soon follows after him. I tiptoe away, up the stairs, longing to share a tender moment of my own with my long-lost lover.

Quietly opening the door to the master bedroom, I am disappointed to find it empty. It looks a lot bigger, seeing how most of the clutter that's usually in here is my junk, which is now elsewhere. Walking over to the bed, I sit down, feeling lonely but thrilled to be back in here. Hiwatari business is probably still being conducted somewhere.

"Meow?"

"Used that sixth sense of yours?" I smile as Tiger, who'd been sleeping under the bed, jumps up next to me. "You knew everything was going to be alright, didn't you?"

Yawning, he pads over to the pillows and plops down. Not a bad idea. Crawling over, I lie down next to my pet, some of that earlier exhaustion returning. Oooh, have I missed this bed! This heavenly, stupidly comfortable bed. I don't have my pillows but there are still around twenty of them on here.

"Everything's going to be alright," I repeat as I watch Tiger's round belly rise and fall with every breath. "We're going to be alright…"

The night's excitement, heartache and shock finally catches up with me and despite my best efforts my eyes drift shut as Tiger purrs contently.

* * *

Blinking awake, I'm immediately aware that I'm not alone, mostly because there are a pair of arms around me and something warm pressed tight against my back. By the time I've managed to turn around with breaking the embrace Kai is already wide awake, staring at me like he's about to kill anything that tries to get between us. Except Tiger, but he's now sleeping in the window. 

"…Hi…" I whisper, thinking that I might still be asleep and that this is all a cruel dream again. "Are you okay?"

"Nothing serious and painkillers are a blessing," he says, tracing my side with light fingers.

"Where have you been?"

He gives me a bemused look as I try to drag out the conversation.

"Does it matter?" he asks.

"No," I answer and pull him on top of me, allowing him to smother me. I'll probably get permanent brain damage from lack of oxygen, but I don't use my brain that much anyway so I'm willing to take the risk. His doctor must be a miracle worker because Kai is showing no signs of pain as he pins me down with his legs. Even his bruises aren't as bad as they should be.

This was who I had been ready to leave?! Did I seriously considered walking out on Kai, the greatest thing that had ever happened to me? Did I almost give up these lips against mine, this body, this scent and this hair? I wouldn't have lasted for more than a month. No matter how much I would have believed that he had wronged me, I would have thrown myself in front of something large and mobile after a few weeks alone.

"Why did you do it?" I ask when we've finally appeased our most carnal of urges (for now). "Why even bother with a stupid bet?"

Sighing, he pushes himself up onto his elbows, keeping me pinned beneath him. I run my fingers through his bangs, because gosh did I miss doing this. I don't think I'll ever let him out of my sight. From now on, wherever he goes, I go. I'll even give myself hypothermia all over again next year during Epiphany, so long as he's with me.

"I would have never been able to get rid of Voltaire otherwise. He threatened to have you taken away that day he came for lunch. I had to come up with something or you would have been kidnapped at night and shot somewhere deep in the woods."

Er. That killed the moment. I knew the man hated my guts, but I didn't know he hated me that much he wanted to hire assassins to put me down! Gently pushing Kai back a bit, I study him nervously.

"And now? He's going to stay away now because of a little bet? Why do I get the feeling that he's the type who does what he wants, no matter what the arrangement?"

"He can't go back on his word now," Kai says, more interested in undoing my dress shirt. "If he did I'd sell my entire inheritance back to my father. Voltaire would rather lick a public toilet than see my father get his hands on the family fortune. There's a reason why he disowned my father and wrote him entirely out of his will: my father jumped ship years ago and is now business partners with Voltaire's biggest cooperate rival. My grandfather has never forgiven him for that."

"Why did Konstantin do that?"

"To piss my grandfather off," Kai says, growing restless with just talking. "Those two hate each other more than I do them both combined. That's the only reason why my father sided with me on this: anything to get to Voltaire. Had my grandfather accepted you then my father would have been out to get you, just to get under Voltaire's skin. I didn't want to get my father involved, because he's not someone I like having around at all, and it was his idea to come up with the entire affair between Tala and me to test you, but if it weren't for him who knows what Voltaire would have done…"

We kiss again, seeing how the temperature keeps rising between us and every second we resist the hotter it gets. Still…

"What about the others?" I pry my lips off his, still not fully convinced that all our problems have been solved. "Why were your great-grandparents here? And your mom?"

Kai isn't liking these interruptions any more than I am. He blows his bangs out of his face and glares down at me.

"Legal matters. They had to sign the contract as well to ensure that Voltaire didn't try to weasel his way out of it by turning to them for help. That's the plus side to having a disorganized family: we can always count on each other to be on the look-out for our best interest. My great-grandparents don't want my father to get the inheritance either and my mother just hates them all so she took my side."

"Ah."

More kissing while Kai continues to disrobe me. I don't care what he does with me, just so long as he doesn't stop kissing…

"And another thing," I suddenly say, actually earning an annoyed groan as Kai is forced to sit back as I sit up. I smile and give him a teasing kiss on the tip of his nose. Just to be fair, I begin undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Hey, you owe me a lot of answers. What did Voltaire say to Tala that day after lunch?"

"You pretty much guessed it yourself," Kai says as he loosens my hair. "He's been holding what Tala and my father did over Tala's head for years. He threatened to finally spill the beans, but he lost his chance, luckily. Now he's no longer to tell anyone, including Bryan, under the same stipulations as those that prevent him from laying so much as a finger on you"

"Sad that you can only negotiate things in your family through politics and treaties," I point out, pulling his shirt off and tossing it somewhere to my left. "And no offence, but I am terrified of your great-grandparents. Brooklyn, Ex-Lord of Darkness, is afraid of them!"

"So is Bryan," Kai confides in me as he kisses my shoulder.

"No way. Bryan would groin the Grim Reaper if he had the chance."

"The Grim Reaper is dead. We're not always sure with my great-grandparents and that makes Bryan very uncomfortable."

Hee-hee. So the falcon is afraid of a couple old crows? This would be excellent blackmail/teasing material if I weren't an even bigger scaredy cat. On the matter of Bryan…

"I've gotta be honest with you," I say after a loud groan as Kai forces me back down on the bed to despoil me some more. This might not be the most ideal time, but I wanted to get this off my chest now, while we're coming clean. "Just remember that I was drunk and depressed and desperate: I almost slept with Bryan."

Kai stops and looks at me and I kinda regret saying it, until he scoffs and returns to kissing the sensitive skin of my neck. I can feel his body shaking, though. Now that's downright rude.

"It's not supposed to be funny! I'm not joking!"

"I know," he chuckles, spreading my legs and resting himself between them. "But it's still funny. You and Bryan? I'd sooner expect my grandfather to make a pass at you."

"GROSS!" I recoil, pushing him off me. "Aw man, Kai! Now I'm going to get nightmares of it!!" Seeing how my distress is only making him laugh more I cross my arms. "Well, if me making out with Bryan doesn't bother you at all you wouldn't mind if, by chance, in the future, we do end up sleeping together?"

"One: Bryan would never let it get that far. Two: if he did I'd kill him. I understand what happened between the two of you was a mistake, for which I am to blame, but if it ever happens again I won't be so forgiving."

Others would worry about how dead serious he's being, but I'm just feeling loopy that Kai's willing to kill someone over me. I'm like the friggin' centre of his universe! His life revolves around me! I don't think I even need to find a new religion: in Kai's world I am a god!

Look! He's even gotten me gifts of worship! Well, one gift.

"You forgot this," he says, reaching back to pick something off the nightstand. It's the little, silver-wrapped box. "I had hoped that you'd open it at the table and kinda get an idea what was going on but perhaps now's a better time."

I know we were just totally making out a while ago, but I'll take a time out of Armageddon to receive presents. Kinda shallow, but who doesn't like getting gifts? Okay, so I wasn't that thrilled earlier. What do you want from me? The universe I had built around me had almost collapsed from my point of view. Now that everything's back where it should be I will grab any gift within my gravitational field.

Fancy wrapping paper, probably worth more than my entire village. Pretty. But enough of that. I rip into it, tearing it to shreds and sending ribbons flying everywhere. Kai has a few Russian words for my appreciation of wrapping paper but I now have a box in my hand that is in dire need of opening. There's no mistake: this is a ring box. I still doubt that there's an actual ring in there. Kai has his sense of pride, after all. Besides, my sensitive nose picks up something that smells much more appealing than a ring. Popping it open, I cover my mouth.

"Just thought you needed a little reminder," Kai says, leaning back against the headrest next to me as I take out the single Swiss bonbon. "You never got to eat the ones I bought you back in December so I had this one made specially for you with a surprise filling."

I will kill you for this guy. You're probably a nice person who doesn't deserve it, but I will hunt you down and skin you alive if Kai ever asks it of me. It's not worth a billion dollars, and I can't drive it, or sail it, or even wear it, but this is…Had I opened this earlier I think I would have forgiven Kai all the same, but opening now makes it all the more special.

"Happy Valentines, Ray," Kai whispers, kissing me on the side of my head.

Throwing my arms around him, I hug him fiercely. He might still be sore and is just keeping up a brave face for me, but if he wants to act the tough guy then let him: I never want to let him go. Not for the next century or so. I haven't eaten anything all evening, though. And this chocolate looks like it is the best damn thing ever made since Kai. It's a present, and a token of our relationship, but its edible and its chocolate: Kai doesn't actually expect me not to eat it, does he?

…Oh. My. God. This thing is heaven in bite-size form! I don't even bother chewing it properly and swallow it in one gulp. That hit the spot.

Kai sits back and looks at my empty hands.

"Did you just swallow it whole?" he asks in disbelief.

"Erm…yeah?"

His body jerks as he tries to hold in a snort but he can't hold it in and he starts laughing. I'm elated to hear that rare laugh once more, but being laughed at is never a nice thing.

"What?"

"You…just ate…your…ring!" he says between breaths.

"My…ring?! You actually bought me a ring?!"

"It was hidden in the chocolate: that's why I had to have it specially made," he sniggers as he opens a drawer and produces a second ring box and out of it he pulls a simple silver band with white-gold Russian writing on the inside. Still shaking his head, he hands it to me. "This is mine. I had our names engraved in each ring. Mine in Russian and yours in Chinese."

"You actually bought us matching rings?! I thought you hated sappy things."

"Can't hate them that much seeing how much you love them," he says, just unable to stop chuckling as he takes it back and puts it out of reach of my mouth.

"That's beautiful and—Oh no…I ate mine!" I gasp, grabbing my stomach as if I could feel it through skin and flesh and intestines.

"Yes, you did. Try to keep up with the conversation, Ray."

I throw myself back into the pillows. Kai got me the sappiest, loviest-doviest present ever, and I ate it! He got me two great gifts in one and I just swallowed them without thought!

"I'll get you another one," Kai simply says, leaning over my shoulder for a kiss. "And this time I'll just give it to you outright. Should have kept in mind that you inhale chocolate on sight."

I mumble into the pillow.

"What?" he asks.

"I didn't get you anything," I repeat, turning my head to watch him out of the corner of my eye. "I never even got you those presents I owed you for Christmas! And I just ate my Valentine's present. I have absolutely nothing to give you and no way to make up for ingesting the ring."

"Actually…" Kai smirks, fingers trailing down my back to the waist of my pants, "the ring and chocolate were just the first half…"

"Two presents? Great. Now I feel even worse," I say, too preoccupied with feeling stingy to realize the implication he's going for here. "I swear, I'm going out tomorrow and getting you the best present ever! And then I—HELLO!" I jump when he cups me tightly to get my attention. "What was that for?!"

"Just reminding you of the one thing I want from you."

…Three…Two…One…

"Red hot monkey sex?!"

If he thinks I'm going to repay him for those presents by letting him do whatever he wants to with my body then move over Julia Roberts: there's a new whore on the block and at least my man doesn't look twice my age!

"Only if you stop calling it that," Kai says, yanking my pants off with a roguish grin. "Deal?"

Right now I don't care what it's called, just as long as I get it. Kai turns me over onto my back and cups my face. His pants are lying in a crumpled heap somewhere. Naked, we stare into each other's eyes, our chests touching with every deep breath.

"Remember that night at Tyson's house, outside in the snow?" I ask, tucking a sweaty lock of blue hair behind his ears. "You said you weren't that sure about us then? What about now?"

My eyelids flutter as he touches his lips against mine, deep red eyes boring into mine as his wet bangs tickle my face.

"What do you think?" he asks, sliding between my legs once more.

Feeling a thrill deep in my stomach, I smile as he rests his brow against mine.

"I think…we're going to be just fine. I mean, I know we would but this has really proven it, hasn't it. Your grandfather is out of our lives; my family should be on their way back home; Bryan and Tala don't seem as determined to bury me alive anymore. You know—"

"Ray?" Kai sighs, peering down at me from behind his long bangs.

"Yeah?"

"You want your red hot monkey sex or not?"

Happy Valentine's to me, indeed.

* * *

THE END

* * *

A/N: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! TOUCH DOWN!!!!! 

Oh, yeah, as if I'd actually end this story on a sad note! I'm not_ that_ sadistic. And no, I was never planning to actually include the red hot monkey sex. Sorry to those who had been looking forward to one. Hey, be creative and use your imaginations!

I discovered the perfect theme song for Ray and Kai while writing this chapter: "Before It's Too Late", by Goo Goo Dolls (from the Transformers movie). It really captures what they went through in this fic. Such a sweet song. I highly recommend it. Hell, I'm not a romantic, but this song actually makes me wish I had a boyfriend and that we were going through a rough patch in our relationship, just so that I could sit in the dark and listen to this song while crying my eyes out. Yeah, it's that sweet.

Well, that was it. No more multi-chapter stories in this universe for now, but I have plans for a few cute one shots. After all, Hiro and Brooklyn are still in Russia and they didn't get enough attention in this fic as I would have liked, so a few side-stories will hopefully make up for that.

People, readers, my eternal gratitude for your support and my deepest apologies for all those missed deadlines. Don't think I never tried to make them: I would stay up late at night trying to desperately finish a new chapter, typing until I went cross-eyed, but me and writer's block are unwilling BFF's. It came to the point where I was afraid to read my reviews because I was expecting a few flames for failing to keep my promise. I really did deserve them, but no one left any. Bless you, kind, kind souls.

Thank you and until the next one-shot, I bid you all happiness, success and bucket loads of chocolate!

Namarie,

Ladya C. Maxine


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